Disclaimer: Everything you recognize belong to Sons of Anarchy creator Kurt Sutter. The rest is mine.

Author's Note: I'm completely in love with this show right now and just had the urge to write a story from Tara's point of view (I'm a very big Jax/Tara fan). I'm planning to write at least some 5 to 10 chapters, but it all depends on the inspiration, so I won't promise anything. I'll be telling the story of how Jax and Tara got together that first time. But first off, the prologue. Please let me know what you think, I love all kinds of feedback.

all that was and never should be

Prologue

2009

The house is silent. The baby's with Gemma and Tara isn't really sure where Jax is. She usually doesn't know until he tells her after walking through the front door and up until those moments she worries like hell. She never says anything though, trying to tone down the overreacting, knowing it doesn't do much good. But Tara is always relieved when she hears his shuffling in the hall, followed by a sleepy hello and the sound of a lock turning. She secretly lets out a sigh of relief before facing him.

She's doing the dishes, trying to keep occupied, trying to drown out her overwhelming thoughts, but she's getting restless and she wishes she could be back at the hospital, if only for a little while. As it is, that's out of the question, since that miserable, old hag decided to suspend her. She should be saving lives. Instead, she's stuck in a silent house.

Tara sighs and turns off the water, wondering what to do. It's ten p.m., she's wide awake and she's bored out of her mind, wishing for some company.

She considers calling Gemma, but decides not to in the end, knowing that she needs her space. She still likes the thought that she can talk to her nowadays without having to explain her motives for being in Charming or being threatened. It's nice having Gemma on your side for a change. She's definitely not somebody you want as an enemy, as she has pointed out and shown every so often.

In lack of anything else to do, Tara decides to skim through her photo albums, her memories some company at least.

She opens the one that looks the oldest (there's no date scribbled anywhere on the binder) and the first picture she lays her eyes on is no other than one of her and Jax, around the age of 17. She smiles, remembering the days when life was so much less complicated and your first love was just your first love.

Tara wonders briefly what would've happened if Jax had gone with her all those years ago, wonders if things would've been different now and if different meant good. She turns another page over, more faces of the past smiling up at her. She hates herself for thinking what if, thinks of Abel and how Jax is with him and how she loves watching Jax put his son to sleep. Her conclusion is, in the end, that if they had run away together, Jax would've probably ended up in Charming either way, things to broken to be fixed by then. He'd find a reason to leave, or better yet, she'd probably give him a reason to leave.

Her heart aches and she concentrates on the photographs. What if's are never the answer. What matters is the now. Her place in his life and his place in hers.

Tara is happy. She is happy where she is and, for once, where she's headed.

She can't imagine being anywhere else.