Paring: Renji/Ichigo (OMG!!)
Warning: Ya, know, the usual; smex, drugs, angst, non-con....all that shit.
Other: Thanks to Hopelesslover23 for being my awesome beta. oh, and this is rather short...but it works, right? if not, complain dammit, I won't cnock on your door or something (but that would be rather funny, wouldn't it? xD)

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Miles Away, Inches Apart

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"Renji?"

"Yeah Ichigo, it's me, it's just me so don't freak out... don't kill me."

"I'm not feelin' very well Renji. My body- it's burning." Does he have any idea of hot he sounds? Does he know that my cock twitch every time he arch his back a little or clench that six pack?

"Yeah, I'm sorry." My heart beats so fast. I want to scream out in agony. "I drugged you, it's nothing dangerous; it's just making you relaxed and aroused." This is so wrong but- I don't want to stop-I don't think I can stop.

My fingers tremble as I run them up his side. His erect cock is pressed up against my stomach as I'm lying between his legs.

"W-hy?" he says and my nails scratch his ribs, making him arch and let out a gasp.

"'Cause I want you." He was so oblivious, I couldn't take it anymore. I move up a bit, scrap my teeth against his heaving chest, my damp breath moistening his neck, my lips sucking one of his ear lobes.

"Renji?" My cold fingers ghost the inside of his thigh, and he twitches in response, making me bite down on my lip. I push a weak hand against the warm skin, making him spread his legs a bit more, and I reach for the lube that's laying on the mattress beside him.

"Renji?" He's taking deep breaths as I press my body against his and I can feel his rapidly beating heart slam against my chest. My fingers circle his entrance and he sucks in a breath. I press a finger into him and- and he's so beautiful that I can't even look at him. "Please stop. This isn't funny anymore, stop."

I stare into the pillow, one hand at the back of his neck, finger's twined into his messy hair, the other hand between his legs, fingers working against warm clenching walls. He's moaning into my ear, he's arching, pressing up against me, grinding his cock against mine.

His hand slam down on my back as I find his prostrate - fingers digging into my shoulder blades as I massage the point before pulling out. "Ren- Renji, you shouldn't do this." he moans into my ear. He doesn't have to tell me - I know.

I lift myself up, still not able to look him in the eye, so I stare onto his glistering heaving chest instead as I lube myself up.

"I love you Ichi." It's cruel of me to say those words; it's cruel of me to try to consulate him in any way when it's me that brings him the pain.

I enter him slowly, he's clenching down around me. Lube is collecting in big drops when it gets pushed out of the way only to drip down on the white sheet beneath. It's amazing that he still can find the muscles in him to do so but, then again, he's always been amazing. Star material, born to shine, the man who defeated the God that stood in the heavens.

His legs run against the mattress and I push myself in further, and he moans so deeply. My hand goes over his chest, trembling fingers gracing over a perky nipple before going lower to dip in the hollows between ribs and muscles. I grab his hip and thrust in the last part, fully sealing myself up inside of him.

He's tight, I can't move. I grab his cock, feeling him pulse around me with anticipation and I start to pump him steadily, hearing his shaky breath right above my head. I still can't look, but I want to see him.

So I look, and I wish I hadn't. His eyes are shut tightly, his jaws are clenched together and his frown is deep.

"This isn't good Renji." Yeah, I know Ichi. And I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for bringing so much misery into your life.

I pull out half way, only to push myself back in again, feeling waves of heat wash over me, seeing him writhe in pleasure beneath me, and I do it again. I start to move steadily, long, deep thrusts as I continue to stroke his cock. He lets out deep groans and small whines.

"You're beautiful Ichi, so beautiful." I feel his cock twitch in my hand and I drive myself just a little bit faster, feeling the edge closing in.

"R-Renji, you have to- you have to stop." I know, and believe me, I want to. It hurts-it hurts so much, with every heartbeat. My cold fingers tremble against his body. My heavy breathing makes his skin granulate. I feel like I'm melting, I'm over heated but his skin is still burning under my hands.

This is everything that I wanted, right? To have him in my arms like this, to be consumed by him like this, to consume him like this. Still, I'm torn, still, the air I breath feels like icing cold water.

His thighs press against my sides as he clench down on my cock. A hand comes up to grab my shoulder, nails digging into my skin. "Stop- Stop, I can't-" he cries and his insides pulse around me, forcing me to pull out and loose it just before he cries out. I feel his cock quiver in my hand as he shoots thick loads of come over his chest.

I feel as I've never seen something as gorgeous in my whole life.

I look at his face, how the tension in his jaws disappears first before everything else comes after. Then his filmed eyes open and try to find focus on me, as a honest and pure smile spreads over his face before he falls back against the mattress unconscious. Then I feel it, like a bomb dropping, his reiatsu goes high wire and it's like Senbokusakura is raining over me all over again.

I look up, just to see the whole room losing its form, how the walls grow wavy. Is this Ichigos doing? Shit, he's releasing to much spiritual energy, this isn't good. It could affect the whole Soul Society.

What do I do? He has to pull it back. He has to control it.

Then it appears to me, and my eyes shoot to look down on the face beneath me. Ichigo isn't the person to control his energy, he's even worse than a first grader on doing it. He's only releasing more when he's fighting, but since he's always in such a pinch at those times, I guess he's been using it all up at those moments.

Wait, hasn't this happened before? Didn't Rukia say something about the pressure of his energy scaring an enormous Gillian away?

My bedside table is melting, or transforming into steam, I can't tell which, either way it's dissolving. I don't have all the time in the world to think. What happened the last time, come on, think!

Ishida. Yeah, that's right, find a way to release his energy. If it continues like this he will destroy his own body.

I grab a hold of his shoulder, it's not hard to merge with his reiatsu when he's pouring it out like this. And I start to ramble the only kido spell that I have the least confidence in.

It shoots a big hole into the roof, and wood and pipes rain down on us in their surreal form, and I do it again. And I let them keep on coming, after a while not even caring about speaking the formula to make it keep its form, not caring if it ends up exploding in my own face.

He knew that this would happen, he even tried to warn me! How can I be so stupid? Why do I insist on hurting him like this? Of course I should have known that there was a reason for why he stayed single all this time.

His spiky reiatsu is flowing through me, sharp and cutting as it moves through my veins. It feels like my arm will come off soon. It hurts so much. But I don't stop, I fucking deserve this pain and I keep on letting the red flames come until Ichigo calms down, until the things around us take their normal form again, until his form grows relaxed beneath me, until I faint.

It's hours later that I wake up, seeing the gray morning sky through the hole in my ceiling. The sun will be up soon. I look at Ichigo, he's still sleeping, and it doesn't look like he'll wake up soon. I guess that's good for me.

He looks so peaceful, like nothing had ever happened to him, like nothing had ever hurt him. He doesn't look like someone who's been through wars, like someone who's had the world's future resting on his shoulder. He doesn't look like someone who has been deceived and raped by one of his best friends.

I hate myself.

I sit up a bit, leaning over him, holding myself up by my arm – the one I can still use, my other is completely wiped out, I'd be surprised if I could even hold a pen. His breath catches and his lips part just slightly. I can see goosebumps on his chest and I pull the cover over him after I memorise every curve and bump and dip and scar that I can see or feel.

I can feel my throat close up, a black blob settling in the back, blocking air from coming in as it should. I have to get out of here. If he opens his eyes I'm not sure that I could keep myself from doing it all over again.

I sit up correctly, my elbows landing on my pulled up knees and I run a somber hand through my hair and sigh. What the fuck did I do last night? I raped the only person in the world that was still pure. I raped the saviour of the world. Ichigo...

"I'm sorry," I mumble lightly, getting up from the mattress on the floor and pulling my clothes on.

I keep myself from looking at him until my hand lands on the door handle. That's when I turn, seeing his beautiful form, still sleeping, feet and a leg sticking out from under the cover. He'd clenched his hands into fists and the frown that was next to erased earlier is back, deeper than normal.

Even if it was his smile that made me fall for him, seeing him in pain still affects me more than it should, more that I'd want to admit.

I turn my back to him, my hand clamping down on the handle, my head hitting the door frame and I swallow the lump in my throat. "Don't ever forgive me."

I love him,

but not nearly enough.

"Goodbye."

The small gasp I hear is only in my imagination.

And I walk out on him.

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.END

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Don't hate Renji. He'll have a tough time in this story...^^'