*I don't own Twilight.

Paul isn't just the angry, arrogant werewolf we know. There is a reason for his angry ways. There's been a lot of hurt in Paul's life. Can someone help heal his wounds or is Paul destined to be a lone wolf with secrets?

This is story has all the characters from BD. There are two packs, but they're all so close they act as one.

Rated M for child abuse and darker flashbacks that may be in the story later on. Also, talk of drugs and alcohol. Nothing too heavy, just rated for safety.

Paul's POV

The day I became a wolf was the best and worst day of my life, existence, or whatever you want to call it. I know I was a little blinded with rage and fury at the time, but I wasn't that upset about the whole ordeal. In fact, I was euphoric.

I gained a lot more than I lost when I became a grayish silver wolf, bound by the need and responsibility to protect people, my people, from the Cold Ones (filthy bloodsucking vampires). I now have a whole pack that's behind me every step of the way, I got people I can literally put my life into their hands and trust they'll keep it safe, I got a family.

I got the family I never had. My Dad is the biggest asshole on the face of the planet. The world would be better without him. He's the source of all my anger, hurt, and pain. Without him, life would be good. Hell, he was the reason I turned into a giant dog! He pissed me off that day, he gave me the genes to become a wolf, and everything bad that ever happened to me is his fault.

But, I can thank him for one opportunity, becoming a wolf. Like I said, it's probably the best thing I ever had happen to me. It let me get close to other people, instead of staying away. You get pretty close to people when their in your head every day.

That same trait is a pain in the ass for me. I won't let them see everything I've seen. Some of the guys are so careless with what they think around us, I wish I could be like that. I envy their freedom. I don't have freedom, only when I am the only one phased. Then, I have complete freedom. I'm good at thinking of other things, keeping them away from some of the harsher aspects of my life. Not even Sam knows everything. The only one who has a clue is Jared, but he's been my best friend since infancy.

Keeping everything hidden is really quite easy. I just entertain myself with thoughts of girls, or I focus my attention on everything around me, or the other guys' thoughts. I've been keeping said thoughts at bay my entire life.

Why would I want to think about the years of abuse my old man put me through? Why would I want to remember my Mom's screams to stop when my Dad was beating her? Why would I want to remember my own weakness to stand up for myself and my mother, to stand up against my Dad? Why would I want to haunt myself with those memories, they only get worse.

It's not that I don't let people in; it's me trying to protect myself from reliving my past. I avoid sleeping just to keep the nightmares away. I know I'm sleep deprived, I know I'm resentful, distrusting, and one angry son of a bitch, but I have a reason. I just let everyone else think I have anger management issues, because it's true, I do. But, saying it is just anger is so much easier than telling them all the heartache the anger is covering. It's easier to feel angry than it is to feel the pain and hurt. So I keep with my fucked up ways because it's the easiest, the safest way.

My father has been abusing me my entire life. I sit around and wait for him to change, yet it's never going to happen. I pray for the day that my Mom comes back for me and wraps me in a hug. I know it's never going to happen, she abandoned me and left me with her looser of a husband. She's probably living it up with another family now and I'm sitting here still taking all this shit. Thanks Mom, thanks a lot.

The sickly twisted thing about it is I love my Dad. I love my Mom too. They're my parents and I cared about them as much as I could, and that's the reason I didn't runaway. I could've told someone how they treated me, well mainly my Dad, but I didn't. I could've run off and lived on my own, I know I would be able to do it, but I didn't because I love them. That same love is the reason I don't move away now. It's the reason I lug my Dad's ass to bed after he passes out from drinking too much, the reason I don't phase and kill him when he throws punches at me, it is all because I love him.

My entire life, all I've wanted is a place to call safe. I wanted to care about someone as much as they cared about me. I know only one person I'll ever have that complete trust with would be my imprint, another reason to be jealous of some of the others in the pack. I trust them, but it is nothing like it is with your imprint. I want that and I'll keep phasing until I get it.

I've had to fight for a lot during my life, and I'll fight for what I want. Plus, I've been hurt enough, can't I get this one thing. I remember nights I spent sleeping on the beach, when it was warm enough. I slept out in the rain, as a kid, just to get away from the arguments.

I was so weak. I just let him hurt my Mom and she ran away and left me. I was a bad son and I hate myself for it. That's one thing I hate about being a wolf, yeah I can hide my thoughts and cover them, but I can't with my emotions. They know I have problems, they just don't know what. I feel guilty for subjecting them to my anger issues and emotional baggage.

And, I can't stand the fucking Alpha voice. I probably hear it the most, Sam is always has to order me to calm down. Which, sometimes, it is necessary to use the voice on me. God do I hate it. I can't stand being told what to do. It makes me think of my Dad. I know Sam doesn't and won't abuse his power, but it is definitely the reason we're not as close as I am to some of the others. He knows it too and I know it, I just can't help it. That voice is also the reason for my not so nice feelings about Jake.

He can have that power and he gives it up. If I had the chance to not take orders from other I would. Technically, he is the Alpha of the other pack, so he does have some authority. But, generally, he listens to Sam and doesn't like to use the voice. Also his, I'm so fucking happy, sunshine, good boy attitude annoys me to all ends. Why is he always so happy?! I guess I'm jealous of his optimistic attitude, he's lucky that he wasn't a witness of the harsher nature in others as a kid.

The others hated becoming a werewolf because they felt like they were losing they're humanity. That's a load of shit, it really is. You're not born with humanity, it's something you gain and learn. None of them are any more like monsters now than they were before they phased. Every time I'm there for someone who just phased, I always tell them that when they start feeling that way. I know Sam has taking a liking to that little speech and uses it when I'm not there.

We werewolves are more humane than my father ever was.

I'm known as the volatile werewolf who can't control himself, at least I know why. At least I'm trying to work on it. At least I keep all the others from my suffering. I haven't lost my humanity, if anything I've gained some.

So yeah, I'm Paul Hatch, and you may know me as the arrogant asshole of the pack, but there is more to the story. I'm really just pissed at the world to keep people away, I'm tired of being hurt, I'm sick of people looking down at me, and all I want is to find someone who understands. I'm not a bad guy, just a scared one.

Paul's last name, Hatch, is actually the last name of the current chairman of the Quileute Tribe, Carol Hatch. So, the name isn't from Stephenie, if she has giving Paul a last name, tell me.

Excuse typos please, I'll get a beta if enough people like this story.

Please review.