Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al. So ... I don't know if you've heard this little ballad from Simon & Garfunkel. But if you have, I think you can appreciate my wanting to make something from it. Many people listen to this song with "Old Friends", but I personally think it's perfect as it was written, as a stand alone. Anyway, I heard a snippet of it, if at all possible, on New Year's morning ... and this is what came out tonight. Enjoy.
Lyrics for Simon & Garfunkel's "Bookends":
Time it was, and what a time it was, it was
A time of innocence, a time of confidences
Long ago, it must be, I have a photograph
Preserve your memories, they're all that's left you.
Bookends
It had been just over forty days – forty days since 'hit-by-the-bus-guy' turned out to be George – forty days since their 'post-it wedding'. Forty days.
A lot could happen in forty days and a lot could not happen. And that's what happened – as far as Derek Shepherd was concerned – a whole lot of nothing.
Sure people were moving on, people were surgeons and jackasses and lesbians and alcoholics and Mama Bears and angry brooding messes and cancer survivors. The people around them were playing the roles they were destined to – the roles of their lifetimes, the ones that would make or break them – and what were they doing?
Having all but given his trailer away to the Stevens-Karev duo … he and Meredith were acting like the quintessential newlyweds – lots of privacy, lots of sex, lots of love – lots of them, the power of them, the way they were destined to be for all time … except that he wanted more.
He knew that now, having just watched the solid shell of Miranda Bailey's confidence crack in the elevator – having just stood idly by and watch her put herself back together – he definitely wanted more, there was more to be had … he wanted the extraordinary.
He knew that now as he made his way to find Meredith and their post-it note – he knew that now as his heart began to beat to the theme of a new melody – to the theme of their future, moments they hadn't yet made theirs … wishful … fractional … images … of what could be. His hopes and dreams for them.
Of course, he'd always known it, that he'd wanted more – and Meredith was right, if they didn't make time, they would never have more – and he wanted more … the traditionalist in him wanted to slip a wedding band on Meredith Grey's finger. The traditionalist in him wanted to be her husband … legally, for now and for all time. The traditionalist in him wanted her name on the deed for his land – the very land that would come to be their homestead – the land in which she left the imprint of her 'candle-print-house'.
Exiting the stairwell, Derek turned down the hallway en-route to the Resident's Lounge where he promptly pulled on the door, hoping he could catch Meredith – right there where they signed the post-it – right at the scene … so they could finish where they left off and make plans to go to City Hall and make it official … because he wanted more and because she did too.
And there he found her … his woman, his would-be wife … the love of his life … shaking, her confidence … quivering now, despite her gorgeous eyes and the natural way her hair fell on her face and the even more beautiful way her magenta sweater made her cheeks pop just as they did when they left for work that morning.
Rushing to her side, Derek enveloped what was left of her resolve in his arms – pressing his lips to her head, breathing her in, making sure of her – he rocked her, back and forth, trying his best to absorb her pain and sorrow and unfulfilled dreams of times she would have with her friend George O'Malley … a hero for all time … for that's what the tears were about – a photograph of her friends sitting all crammed together on the gurneys in the tunnels – told him as much.
"I'm here," Derek soothed, gathering her in his arms, holding on even tighter.
"He's not," Meredith cried, trembling like a leaf on a vine. "They needed space," she sighed, looking up. Derek searched her watery eyes … sorrow-laden, still refusing to believe the unfathomable. "I told them I would do it … but I don't know if I can," she muttered. "I tried … but then I found this," she stifled a sob.
Derek took the photo from Meredith and scrutinized it more closely, he smiled – God knows when it was taken – probably about five months ago, given the length of Meredith's hair. He moved his arm around her and there they stayed, just staring at the image … no one particularly happy or sad – they were just them – Karev sitting between Stevens and Meredith, George's arm around her, Yang on the other side of him.
They were them – they were innocent – no worse for the wear, tattered and torn around the edges from their internship, poised for the future … half-smiles, tired eyes, slumped shoulders … they were them, a pack, a unit … a family … bookends … bookends.
"Here, I'll help you," Derek soothed. He stood and swiped the medium sized box from the floor near Meredith's feet.
"Thanks," Meredith sighed, standing to join him, her green eyes flicked to his, holding him inside their moment for a long beat. She smiled weakly; he wondered what she was thinking.
And as he wondered, they stood there still – 'husband and wife', bookends to each other – taking care of their business. Moving George's things – small flash cards with acronyms, notes, books, one stethoscope, then another, scrub caps … that meant something to him, preserved memories – item after item after item until all that was left was an empty space, mahogany wood, a simple open space for someone else to move in to … while they moved on, together. Derek folded George's lab coat and rested it on the top of the box.
"Meredith," he breathed, his eyes transfixed, watching now as her fingertips glided over the embroidery of George's name on the breast pocket of his lab coat ... his heart raced.
"Hmm …," she smiled weakly, a small tear slipped free … and then another and another.
"Will you marry me tomorrow?" he asked softly, he pressed his lips together. "I don't want to spend another day not being your husband," he whispered, reaching out for her.
She closed the space between them, walking straight into his arms. "I thought you'd never ask," she smiled; and the beautiful twinkle in her eyes finally … finally overrode her tears as he leaned down and kissed her sweet lips on the promise of the beginning of their future.
Because he wanted more and so did she … … and because they needed hope … … and because they needed something good. Because they needed something beyond the surgeons and jackasses and lesbians and alcoholics and Mama Bears and angry brooding messes and cancer survivors – because all they really needed was each other and the power of them. Because they needed and deserved the extraordinary – and starting tomorrow they would move on and away from all the pain – and they would grow into the legend they were destined to become … together. Bookends to each other … for all time.
-END-