Disclaimer: I don't own Rin-ne/Kyokai no Rinne. It belongs to Rumiko Takahashi and Viz Media.

Note: This story takes place several years after Rin-ne. Sakura Mamiya is in University now.

Realization

Part 1

She never realized it…

Sakura Mamiya lived life just like any other girl off to college or University. She got up, brushed her teeth, brushed her hair, got dressed, ate breakfast and grabbed her bag. She took the morning bus and went to her morning classes, then ate lunch in the middle of the city square by the fountain—even if it rained—by herself and walked back to campus. She studied with Tsubasa for an hour, went window-shopping with her friends, went home, made dinner, went for night classes, stayed up, did her work, and went to sleep.

That was it.

The same thing every day.

"Sakura-chan, want to go see a movie later?" Rika called, running over to Sakura as they finished their morning classes.

Smiling dimly, Sakura nodded, "Sure. Why not?"

Something was wrong.

And yet nothing was wrong.

How could there be anything wrong with the perfect life? A life where she was never in danger? A life where she could live happily with her friends and potential boyfriend? A life where she never had to worry about life-and-death situations again?

What was wrong with that?

Everything.

She never realized it…

"Mamiya-san? Did you hear anything that I said?"

"Huh?"

Reality returned quickly. Before Sakura knew it, she was back in the library… studying… again. Tsubasa was sitting across from her, a worried expression on his face. Normally he was bright and chipper—as always. Always happy. Always chipper.

Always.

Her heart clenched, as she looked at Tsubasa's black orbs, looking for a trace of colour that just wasn't there…

Tsubasa sighed and leaned forward, putting a hand on her forehead. He was always like that, open, easy to make casual (yet hoping for more) touches. But she never said anything, never encouraged it, never berated it. She was at a stand still with him.

"… I'm worried about you lately, Mamiya-san… You haven't been yourself lately…," Tsubasa muttered slowly.

She was still in a daze, looking at his black locks… wishing she could see a line of red, anywhere… somewhere…

There had to be red, somewhere in this monochromatic, empty, black-and-white life… there had to be some colour again… anywhere in this cruel mundane world…

Mechanically, Sakura gave her near-perfect sweet smile. She recited the words that she was so used to saying, every day, every week, day in and day out in this clockwork of a lifestyle where everything was always the same…

"Yes. I'm sorry. I'm just tired from studying. But I'm fine. I appreciate you helping me with my work," she responded according to the script—the script that had been written from the first day.

Because everything was always the same.

The same words. The same responses.

And as predicted, Tsubasa gave her the same smile, and gave the same proposals, "How about a date next weekend?"

Her heart cringed, at the proposal and at the generated response. "Sure. But as friends, still."

The same monochrome.

No red in sight.

Sometimes she would still look for it… a flash of red. Anything. As long as it held that same shade of red, her heart skipped a beat, and she couldn't help but hope…

But why?

She never realized it…

Again, Tsubasa had her arm and he was busy steering her through the bolstering crowd full of life. However, for Sakura Mamiya, this crowd felt like a film that she was watching on the screen. None of it felt real to her, she wasn't really there.

She was the person watching the screen.

And then… just then… she saw a familiar flash of red.

Sakura's breath quickened, unknown to her, adrenaline began pumping into her blood and she was pulling away from Tsubasa's arm before she knew it and swimming through the crowd. She ran, she breathed, she was living again and grinning, like she never grinned before, full of life from cheek to cheek because she thought that she saw him again and—

When Sakura grabbed the person's shoulder, it turned out to be a wig worn by the fair clown. Disappointment clouded her face right then, as she dropped her hands, muttered monotonous and cheerful (false) apologies before running back into the crowd to join Tsubasa once again…

But when she looked at him again, she couldn't.

She started to cry, right there, in the middle of the bolstering crowd.

And Tsubasa, frozen at the sight of her tears, did not move any closer to her.

Sometimes… she would see abandoned cats on the streets. It didn't matter if they were black or white or brown… she took them in and fed them.

But they always left her house in the end.

And she could never stop herself from aching whenever the black kittens left her.

She never realized it…

That night, Sakura visited her old high school. Her steps immediately took her to the site of the abandoned school building, a site that had been demolished three years ago and had had a new tennis court built in its place.

Her steps traced back the steps where she remembered his room would have been. Her feet recalled where Rinne used to sleep perfectly, and then Sakura just stood there, silently… reminiscing.

The cold wind blew past her contemplative face, brushing her long braids from her shoulders.

She stood…

And she stood…

And she stood…

And soon it was night.

By the time it was midnight, and there was no one else on the streets, green eyes were teary without her even knowing it… and only one word had been spoken all night.

"… Rinne..." she whispered, desperately, "I should've called you Rinne one more time…"

Sometimes she would receive little things in the mail… They ranged from small coins, to paper roses. Sometimes there were words of encouragement.

She knew they were not from him because he had promised never to contact her again.

She knew that that they were from Tamako, although the woman had sworn to him that she would never contact Sakura. But she did it anyways.

Because Tamako had not given up on them.

She never realized it…

She would still have nightmares of that day. Reaching out for his hand… only to find it gone.

And then waking up, only to realize that her reality was only the same as her dream.

"Rokudo-kun… What is this?"

Sakura held up a strange vial in her hands. It looked like something from some kind of odd witch movie, a crystal vial with an angel's wing protruding from the top. Inside the vial was some sort of purple liquid.

They were sitting beneath a tree in the school yard. The sort-of shinigami's eyes were clouded. It felt odd to be seeing those red eyes so troubled and dismayed. It was as if he was in a kind of quiet despair…

She didn't know what to make of it.

He was wearing his haori, sitting cross-legged beside her. He was a quiet for a long time before he spoke out…

"Sakura Mamiya… do you trust me?"

His question had surprised her for a moment, before she smiled softly at him, giving him one of the most honest answers in her life, "Of course I do. With my life."

Again, he appeared troubled.

The silence descended on them once more, before Rinne spoke up again, slowly and deliberately… without looking at her eyes.

That should've been her first clue…

His voice was soft, almost cautious, but it willed her to trust him…

"Sakura Mamiya… I want you to drink that… It's for your own good."

Confused, Sakura said, "What is it?"

"It's something that will make you safe."

"…Are you sure I should be—"

"Please."

She had never seen him look so desperate and distressed and part of her hated that the strong Rokudo-kun that she knew so well could look so fragile and easily broken. The other part of her wanted to take him in her arms and comfort him.

Without a doubt, Sakura couldn't refuse that face. She nodded, "Alright. I trust you, Rokudo-kun."

And so she drank it.

"If I hadn't listened to you… if I hadn't trusted you… would I still be able to see you now, Rinne?" She smiled softly, staring at the ceiling over head, her back against the bed.

She couldn't sleep.

Actually, she never could… not when her dreams and reality were mixed and so disgustingly similar.

"…You have no idea how much it hurt, you know… blinking one instant later, only to realize… that I couldn't see you anymore. I couldn't see any spirits anymore," Sakura said weakly, "I sit here every day… missing and wishing I could see them again… because they made life bearable… you know… sometimes, this makes me I want to hate you, Rokudo-kun."

That same meek smile was on her face. That had never changed. It was one of the things, she never wanted to change. Because if she stopped smiling, how would she go on in her every-day monotonous life?

If she stopped smiling… she would break her promise to Rokudo-kun.

A promise, she could never break.

"Rokudo-kun…?" she blinked, when she found herself suddenly utterly alone…

He suddenly reappeared in front of her, haori off, eyes softening in relief, "It worked…"

"What worked? What's going on, Rokudo-kun?" Sakura asked him suspiciously.

At that moment, he turned his back on her and he was walking out of sight. Sakura, alarmed, ran after him, telling him to wait. But the sort-of shinigami didn't.

"I'm leaving now, Sakura Mamiya. So please... forget about me… Good bye. Promise me you'll be happy in your life."

She couldn't believe what she was hearing... And she was alarmed when she saw how he refused to meet her eyes... The sort-of shinigami was really...?

"Wait… what are you talking about? What do you mean you're leaving?"

But she blinked. There was a gust of wind, the fluttering of a haori, a faint but heavy pressure on her lips with a whispered word she couldn't quite catch and then... and then...

And then he was gone.

She was normal now. She didn't have to see them any more. Because… four years ago, he had found a so-called 'cure' for her ability to see ghosts. Some way or another, he had tricked her into taking it. And now, her life was blissfully gone of ghosts and spirits. She could live comfortably. Peacefully.

But not happily.

She was not happy. And she knew it.

She still smiled though. And maybe it wasn't for him anymore. Maybe it was to a mere reminder to herself… A reminder not to break down and cry out of emptiness and despair.

Because…

She finally realized it.

She was, and still was, absolutely in love with Rinne Rokudo.

And she realized it too late.

-Part 1 end-

AN: This story will have 6 - 10 parts. It will be from Sakura's point of view for one half, and then Rinne's point of view for the other half. Thank you.