Disclaimers and warnings in chapter 1.

Then a less erotic sound broke into the euphoria.

Everyone stopped what they were doing, arms, legs, heads, tentacles tangled up in each other, when the bridge was filled with a familiar, automated voice.

"Computer standing by. Incompatible. Incompatible. Computer standing by."

Spock and Uhura extricated themselves from their situations and went to their stations. "Computer standing by. Computer standing by. Incompatible with Captain Kirk. Incompatible with Lieutenant Uhura. Incompatible with Commander Spock…."

When it became clear the computer was going to be "incompatible" with a list of 1,100 crew members, Spock began working furiously at his console to get it to stop.

The voice was loud and persistent.

"Captain, I cannot trace the source of this malfunction."

Kirk stood up from the ooze of bodies, clutching his tunic like a fig leaf, and made his way to Spock's station. "I don't know, Spock." Kirk spared a glance at the naked Vulcan's semi-erect penis. "There's something funny about it."

"Captain? You believe this is not a computer malfunction?"

"Maybe not. Spock, what are the parameters for life?"

"Homeostasis, organization, growth, metabolism, adaptation, reproduction, response to - "

" - Right. Homeostasis, organization, growth, does this sound like anything familiar?"

He sneaked another glance at the Vulcan's package, which was pretty well done having fun. For now.

"Jim, are you suggesting the gas is alive?"

At that moment the computer left off its litany of incompatible crew members and simply said, "Captain Kirk. Captain Kirk report to the bridge."

"Wait a minute Spock…" Jim walked to the center of the bridge and stood by the command chair, then spoke to the air. "Captain Kirk here."

Various crew members began to rise up out of the mass of bodies and pull on clothing, most often not their own. They all began to watch Kirk with fascination.

"Captain Kirk. Incompatible."

"I am incompatible…with you?"

"Affirmative."

The science officer who previously told them they were entering the nebula - Ensign Sherlock - said, "Captain. The gas is alive. It's speaking to us through the computer."

"Working. Working. Working. Auto destruct in 1 minute."

Kirk was alarmed and spoke to the alien nebula. "Auto destruct?! Wait! We just met."

"Incompatible."

Kirk made another mental leap.

"You're affected by pheromones, too, aren't you? You are looking to…mate…but we are incompatible."

"Affirmative. Auto destruct in 1 minute. Auto. Auto. Auto. 1 minute."

Kirk said, "Auto destruct?"

"Manual release."

"Oh." It took only a second to sink in. "I think I have some experience with what you're going through."

"Function will require 10 seconds to complete. Working."

Spock spoke calmly, "Captain, I cannot access the computer. I cannot disengage auto destruct."

"Function will require 6 seconds to complete."

"It's okay, Spock, I think I know what this - thing - is doing."

'5. 4. 3. 2. 1."

There was a short, quiet moment on the bridge.

"Interface complete." The ship bucked and rocked under their feet and everyone was thrown hard to the right, landing on top of each other. No one seemed to mind. Scotty dragged himself up to lean on a railing and watched with dismay out of the aft viewscreen, where he saw the warp core, ejected, hanging in space while they drifted away from it.

Kirk looked at his first officer. "The gas is alive, Spock-o."

Spock gave him a steep eyebrow. "Jim?"

"Homeostasis, organization, adaptation…and it clearly responds to stimuli."

The computer voice spoke again, and this time it was their computer.

"Unknown airborne incursion dissipated. Commencing purification of bridge air supply. Standing down all systems."

Party's over, thought Jim and looked around for an unclaimed article of clothing. Couldn't go wandering the halls in the buff. Although if it set a precedent...

He laughed, tapped the comm panel on his chair, and spoke. "Quartermaster, this is the captain."

There was an odd delay, then, "Crewman Bowes here, sir."

"Any chance you could send up a dozen coveralls to the bridge? It got a bit messy up here and some of our uniforms have been, um, damaged."

Another pause.

"Well, sir, I'll have to replicate some more...I've been getting requests from all over the ship." Did Bowes sound...embarrassed?

Jim grinned. "You know what, Bowes? Never mind. I think we can make do. Kirk out."

He punched the close button and swung around in the chair, chuckling. So the party hadn't been confined to the bridge! And if he was not mistaken, that had been an orgasm that had shaken his ship. He patted the arm of the chair and looked out the viewscreen.

"Was it good for you?" he murmured.

~~~###~~~

A/N: That's all folks! Hope you enjoyed our maiden voyage (so to speak).