Title: Gollum Woke Up Gay (1/1)
Author: Liz Huisman
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Heh. If you believe they're mine, well, you're higher than my crack monkey.
Summary: See title.
A/N: I'm sick today. So what do I do? I write this. This is sad… boy oh boy, this is sad! Anyway, this involves Gollum and his "precioussss" (no, not the ring, foo!). My thanks to rabidpandapan for the idea. ::giggles:: This one is a little more… um… sick? Could that be what I'm looking for? I dunno. You tell me. I'll just let you know, that I myself believe this to be rather frightening, but, ah well. It's humor, so it shouldn't scar you for life! ::grins::
P.S. My friend Nathan is the funny man behind the "foo" comment in my A/N, except it was more like, "Gimmie the ring, foo!" at the part where Bilbo goes all Gollum-esque. Heheh.
P.P.S. This takes place at a different time period than the rest of my 'Woke Up Gay' stories. It had too. Yes, it did!
P.P.P.S. Other Woke Up Gay stories (though, none of mine, and no Lord of the Rings stories) found at http://www.dymphna.net/wakeupgay
One oddly beautiful morning in Middle-earth, Gollum woke up gay.
He was on the trail of the Fellowship, and had just spent the night sleeping in a prickly bush. But he was nonetheless strangely… happy this morning.
Yessss…yessss…Bagginssss going to die…my precioussss…That was his first thought, but at the mention of Baggins, a funny thought came to him. My my, that Bagginssss is cute…
Gollum did not like that thought. (Neither does this author.) He tried to shake it out of his head, but to no avail. They just kept coming, more about Frodo, then about an Elf (if you need me to tell you, God bless you), a dwarf, and a really tall wizard with immaculate hair (no, stupid, NOT Gandalf!).
Gollum could see in the distance that the group had gotten up and began traveling earlier that morning. They were heading toward… Moria?
Gollum shrugged it off and slinked after them. After all, if I can ssssee more of Bagginssss, then all issss fine with me…
But then, something else popped into his mind, another thought more frightening than any he had previously thought. Bilbo Bagginssss… now there was a good one…
(The author does not like the direction that this story is going, okay? Don't yell at me, but this is GOLLUM! MADNESS! RUN AWAY!)
Gollum slinked in quietly after the Fellowship as they entered Moria. He crept into the shadows, but almost as soon as he did, the thing from the lake grabbed Frodo and the rest of the Fellowship clamored after him, trying to rescue Frodo.
Bagginssss… mmm…Soon, though, everyone was back, heading through Moria. Gollum crept along behind them, hissing, and thinking evil, wrong, lusty thoughts about several members of the Fellowship, and several not-members of the Fellowship, as well.
Especially that Bilbo Bagginssss… (Yes, Gollum, I know.)
Gollum's mood became even cheerier when he saw that several members of the Fellowship were prancing along, lead by Merry, who was merrily prancing in the front.
Hobbit butt… ooh!(Ick, Gollum!)
He crept along behind them for a while longer, though, being as gay as he had turned out to be, soon got tired of it and wished he had some daisies or something. (Saruman! Okay, maybe you don't get the ref… read 'Saruman Woke Up Gay (And Pale)'.)
Gollum felt a strange, lusty feeling come over him. He was thinking about Bilbo… (the author will not go there… blech), and…
My precioussss! It's… GONE! Shriveled! My precioussss… he wailed. (That's right. Not the ring. Yes, THAT one.)
Gollum spent the remainder of the day wailing over the loss of his precious. Well, okay, both of his. But mainly so… THAT precious.
My precioussss… my precioussss!END
(Have I freaked you out enough? Probably. That story was just wrong. Thanks a lot, rabidpandapan!)