Happy New Year everyone!! Here's a short piece I decided to type up. Last fic of 2009!!

Disclaimer: I do not own DC.

Remembrance

He hates her.

Before, he wouldn't have believed that he could loathe someone this much.

His room was poorly lit, the glow of his computer's screen reflecting softly off the walls, casting eerie shadows all round. He had been sitting there since morning, and didn't bother to leave his chair to turn the lights on even after the sun has set.

How could she… who is she to just waltz into his life, uninvited, unwelcomed, after confessing that she was the one who all but ruined his life?

The glare of the screen made his eyes weary, and he blinked, but still refused to put the laptop away. He was slightly aware, due to fact that the heat generating from the CPU is scalding even through two layers of very thick blankets, that unless he gave it a rest soon, his laptop is in danger of overheating. Ignoring this for the time being though, he reached for a note pad and jotted down a phone number.

She was always so cold. Mocking. How the hell did she manage to wear down his mistrust? She was always distant, no matter how close they got as time went by, she was always a distance away. A mystery. It was as if she knew that, as a detective, he could only investigate.

He calculated the time difference between Tokyo and Los Angeles. It would be too late to call. He sighed in frustration and ran his hand messily through his tangled dark hair.

As time passed, he saw her under a different light. He saw that there was more to the cold appearance she put on, locking everyone else out. He saw the surprise in her eyes when she finds herself accepted so easily by the Shonen Tantei. She became a friend, a nakama.

He remembered once, on a case, a woman killed her husband because he abuses their child.

"What makes me different?" she'd asked him, after the woman was led away by the police.

"What do you mean?"

"You treat me like a friend. What separates me from the killers you detest? You didn't hesitate to uncover the fact that your biggest idol murdered someone, but with me you acted differently."

"I… you had no choice. You needed to save your sister."

"She had no choice either. She was protecting her child. Yet you declare her a cold blooded killer."

"I…" he had no answer to that. True, her sister's life was threatened, but her drugs took away the life of many others. What makes her different? What justifies what she had done in the past, trading the lives of many for the life of her sister? He knew that had he not known her personally, he would have said that her sister was an excuse. But how can he say that she was a cold-blooded murderer when he'd seen for himself who she was inside? Kudo Shinichi would have felt little or no pity for her. Kudo Shinichi might even detest her.

He stood up and stretched for the first time in hours. He could hear his joints crack stiffly in protest. Then in a sudden movement he switched on all the lights. His eyes narrowed, unused to the sudden brightness. He didn't care, only blinked them a few times. The dark reminded him too much of her and her lab.

Before, it was always clear. Either you're the culprit, or you're innocent. After he met her, the line in-between blurred. No longer black or white, he saw shades of gray. He wasn't sure of anything anymore. The morals he valued and believed in was no longer as solid as they were in the past. He was gradually becoming another person, more Edogawa Conan than Kudo Shinichi, more thoughtful, more compassionate, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that change.

There was a knock on his door.

"Oi, Kudo."

"Hattori." He greeted.

The dark skinned detective nodded in response. "You're still looking for her?"

"Have you found anything?"

Heiji ignored the inquiry. "What's the point? She obviously doesn't wish to be found. What will you do even if you find her? You're hurting yourself and everyone around you. I just talked to Ran and she's worried about you!"

"Did you find anything?" Shinichi repeated.

"Kudo—"

"I KNOW!!" He roared suddenly, slamming his notes down. He didn't want to hear this. He knew his actions are hurting Ran, he knew that this is not a healthy way to go on, he knew…

But he can't let her go. She was fixed in his thoughts. He couldn't forget her smirk, her sarcasm, the way she pretended not to care when she really wanted someone to care for her. He couldn't get over her smile, the hesitant curve tugging the edge of her lips like she had forgotten how to smile, and the first time her smile truly reached her azure eyes. It drove him crazy, that after she was gone, he seemed to see her everywhere, a swirl of strawberry blonde, a laugh just like hers…

God, he hated her. How can she come into his life, change it so completely, let him see a glimpse of her world, and then just leave, as suddenly as she had entered his life, with no more than a hurried call of farewell from the airport?

Heiji sighed. "I called a few research facilities in Europe, asking if any new researchers had been hired recently, but I found nothing."

Shinichi nodded. He expected as much. He looked down at the number in his hand. It was the number to a lead researcher in a lab in LA. It was the last place he was able to find that had hired someone new in the past year. He was afraid to call, afraid that, like the countless times he had called a place after a long search, the answer would still be no, it wasn't who he was searching for.

"I love you." She had said before she hung up, so softly he wasn't sure if he heard right.

Damn it, Ai. Why do you always do this? Why wouldn't you give me a chance to reply? Did you think I would reject you? Why do you always have to assume that people won't accept you? Why did you make up your mind to leave? Why couldn't you let us have a say?

Why couldn't you give me a chance to say I love you too?

He didn't care anymore. To hell with the time difference, if it really were her, than she would be up. She never knew to take care of herself. And if it wasn't her, then so what, he'd just piss off some random person whom he'll probably never meet.

"One last call, and if I still can't find her, I'll give up." He promised.

It had to end, one way or another.

"It won't solve your problems, even if you do find her." Heiji said, exasperated, but he made no other objection.

The phone rang for a long time. His heart pounding, he thought about hanging up. It is late, after all. He could call another day, there's no need to find out now—

And then, with a soft click, a soft, weary voice answered.

Such a familiar voice…

END