Could I ever love him?

-

I gave him a small smile when he handed me the flowers, I assume he thought they where my favorite. He talked to me for a little while before running off some where.

I watched him leave with the faintest heart ache. I felt terrible. How do you tell one that you do not love them? How do you mend the pieces of a broken heart that you, yourself, has made? These where the questions I faced every morning when I woke, every night before I fell asleep, and every time he waved at me from a distance.

I sometimes felt myself go physically ill thinking about it. My stomach would tighten sharply, my throat would dry - ache even, and my head would spin and I would see spots until I needed to rest. It was not a good thing to have a knight feel sick, for any reason, much less for a reason such as this.

I passed Sir Theodore and gave him a nod, he told me my duties for today and I walked off to start them. No doubt he would try to help me with my duties, and I would have to give him the excuse that a knight does not need help with their duties.

Of course he would just smile a bit and help when I wasn't looking even though we both know that I know he has helped. It was a bit unfair, how everyone tells us that we look lovely together. How we where meant to be.

It was cruel to my consequence.

But I couldn't, just couldn't hurt him like that. I knew him nearly my whole life. How could I stand to break his heart, hurt his emotions like the most evil person in the world, and yet look at him everyday? Every time at meals, every time we passed each other. He would grow to hate me and that I could not stand.

I walked to the stable the stable and spotted him there, just leaning against the wall. He looked a bit nervous. I had the smallest of smiles on my lips looking at him, at that moment he reminded me of when we where children. But of course we couldn't be children forever.

"I see Sir Theodore has given you your list of duties?", he asked me with my nod he continued, "Do you need a hand?" he asked.

His movements where on the jerky side, no doubt it was from the feeling of unease that radiated off of him. It was odd since he asked me so many time if he could help and yet every time he was so nervous all over again.

"You know what, I think I would like some help." I said softly. The look on his face was pure shock until it turned into the utmost joy.

Some day I might regret this. Some day I just might look bad and damn myself for even thinking I could ever get away with this choice.

But the fact was there, he loved me. But could I ever love him?

As I followed him into the stable to get started on work all I could think of was yes, yes I could end up loving him. I could save him from heart break, or I could mess this whole thing up. He could hate me for the rest of his life. Or I could love him for the rest of mine. I could grow to love him.

But I had to try first.