Title: Distance.

Beta-reader: liquidity. Thank you, for more than a thousand times.

Rating: M. For later chapters.

Pairing: HikaKao. Minor KyoTama.

Warning: Yaoi. OOCness.

Disclaimer: Yes, I wish I owned Ouran High School Host Club as well.

Because I, too, am sorry about everything.

Chapter I

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They called him Kaoru Hitachiin.

He heard the name whispered into his ears as his father stroked his hair and his mother pulled him into a tight hug. The same awkwardness when he first saw her tears overwhelmed him again, partly because his own name sounded so unfamiliar to him, and partly because he didn't know how to respond to their gestures. He hated that his arms went limp at his sides and hated that he couldn't embrace his parents the way he should.

He hated the fact that the one they were searching for wasn't him.

He felt lost. He wanted something he could cling to. And as if it was instinct, his eyes darted around to seek Hikaru's warm golden orbs.

And he knew, from the moment their gazes met, that he had broken more than just a few things.

He wasn't really aware of how much time had passed.

It took a while for the examinations on his physical and mental stability to proceed, and by the time his dark-haired brother waved a goodbye to his friends, night had already plastered against the windows. He tilted his head in silence as he observed them gathering up at the doorstep of his room, catching a few words of 'thank you' escaping Hikaru's lips. The violet-eyed boy replied with something he couldn't quite hear, before the dark-haired teen shook his head while a smile slowly formed on his face.

He couldn't help thinking that fake smiles really didn't suit Hikaru.

"Kao-chan, Kao-chan, Usa-chan forgot to say goodbye."

Kaoru Hitachiin disconnected himself from his stream of thought and blinked at the pink rabbit. A small blond with brown eyes hesitantly held it up in front of him, and he had the feeling that the other was silently waiting for him to return the words, or at least say something in response. He smiled slightly, before patting the stuffed toy on the head. "Goodbye to you too, Usa-chan."

It brought a wide grin to the boy's face and his chestnut eyes shone with some kind of childish contentment. "Thanks, Kao-chan," he whispered, hugging the bunny to his chest before reaching out a hand to tug at the copper-haired teen's sleeve. "Please get well soon. We miss you, and Hika-chan does, too."

Kaoru stiffened.

He didn't know how exactly he should reply to those sincere words. He wanted to lie and promise the blond that he would someday regain his memories and return to who he used to be, but he couldn't. He didn't know how to tell the small boy that he didn't even remember who they were.

He didn't remember who Hikaru was.

And he knew it hurt. Kaoru might not have caught the pain inside his older brother's amber orbs when he had asked the dark-haired teen's name, but he could sense it from the way the boy's lips smiled when his eyes didn't.

Fake smiles really didn't suit Hikaru.

"Kao-chan will know what to do." The child-like voice filled his ears once more, and the little boy grinned his ridiculously huge grin. "Because you understand. No matter what, Kao-chan is Kao-chan, right?"

Hug. Smile. Before the brown-eyed teen cheerfully hopped his way back to where his friends were waiting, stumbling into the arms of a tall, quiet raven-haired boy.

No matter what…

…Kao-chan is Kao-chan, right?

The hands of time moved steadily to midnight when they finally left behind the white walls of the hospital. Kaoru wondered why he didn't like the sound of that. He had already spent so many midnights in his long sleep, and had forgotten so many things that he shouldn't have remembered what it felt like. But as the bell of a far-away church tolled and tore its way through the velvety darkness, he unconsciously pulled his cloak more tightly to himself.

"You cold, honey?" his mother asked, and it was a fairly good excuse to cling to because even though the air was still, it was below the average temperature to keep a person warm enough. So he didn't know why he shook his head and curved his lips slightly at her, which earned him a small smile in return.

It wasn't a poor attempt of a smile. Nevertheless, somewhere along the way, he caught the brief moment when Yuzuha's cheerful facade faltered.

She quickly turned away, hiding whatever she didn't want him to see by throwing the bag of his clothes at Hikaru's face. "Carry it to the car, young man," was all she said, accompanied by a smirk and a look in her eyes that dared the dark-haired boy to disobey. His older brother grumbled, but did nothing more than stand there and glare at the short-haired woman as she clung to her husband's arm and hurried towards the limousine.

"Women…" he muttered.

The younger Hitachiin found himself engaging in a battle of whether to snicker or not when Hikaru's lips were shaped into a visible pout. Somehow, he had a feeling that this was more like the Hikaru he used to know.

"Kaoru, stop laughing over there and hurry up."

It took a while for the copper-haired boy to realize that the older teen was waiting for him. He hastily moved forward, and as he reached Hikaru's place, his brother intertwined their fingers and shoved both their hands into the boy's pocket. Kaoru blinked, a tad confused at the sudden gesture.

"Hikaru…kun?" his voice resounded uncertainly, and the dark-haired boy flinched.

"Why are you calling me Hikaru-kun?"

A hint of irritation in the older teen's tone was enough for him to understand that he'd just said something inappropriate. "I… uhm… it slipped?" He came up with an explanation that he was sure was pretty lame, and it clumsily scrambled out of his lips as those golden eyes bored at his face.

For some reasons, his cheeks heated up faintly when Hikaru looked at him that way.

"It's okay." A murmur, before the dark-haired boy took a step forward, pulling his baby brother along.

"I… you know…" Kaoru started, perhaps just conversationally, or perhaps because of the fact that Hikaru's hand was squeezing his more roughly than before. "I really am not cold."

"But I am."

Their talk ended at that, and because it was another fairly good excuse to cling to, Kaoru didn't find it in himself to argue. But when the older Hitachiin pushed both of them inside the cozy limousine where their parents had peacefully been seated, the copper-haired boy realized something.

He realized that Hikaru still hadn't let go of his hand.

This, too, was just another example of selfishness.

Hikaru had known it even before Kaoru's slender fingers started to shift uncomfortably in his hand. The redhead had been quiet during their trip back, and was still quiet until now, yet he could taste the boy's uneasiness through the air that was cascading down his skin like disgustingly cold water. Hikaru understood and despite that, he kept his face straight as he pulled his twin along the corridor, allowing himself to feign ignorance for once.

He didn't want to release his baby brother's warm hand.

It was as simple as that, and while the dark-haired boy acknowledged that he was being a spoiled child, he also acknowledged that he had become addicted to Kaoru's warmth since time immemorial. It was a habit that he wasn't ready to give up. Now, upon the realization that he had been deprived from it for quite a long time, he figured that it was fine to be selfish for once.

If it meant that he was able to hold onto that warmth like a desperate man again, then Hikaru didn't care.

Kaoru would understand, right? Because he was Kaoru, and Kaoru would…

Kaoru would…

"Hikaru? Is something wrong?" The copper-haired teen's worried voice fell upon his ears and he snapped back to reality, blinking when he realized that they had reached the end of the corridor where the door to their bedroom silently stood.

He grinned sheepishly. "No… I was just a bit distracted. Sorry."

The older Hitachiin massaged the bridge of his nose, almost chuckling to himself. This was simply hopeless. Even after all this, a part deep inside him was still expecting his Kaoru to be there and tell him that everything would be alright.

How fucking stupid.

"This is our room." he finally said, trying to distract himself by opening the door wide and dragging his brother inside with a mock-cheerful demeanor. His eager tone sounded painfully fake and hollow to his own ears, but it would do for now.

The wind-chime chortled in a sweet melody as the chilly air danced through the window.

Hikaru had been leaving it open like that, for the tinkling sound from the metal tubes was the only thing that had kept him sane during those silent nights. It had been three months and their room hadn't changed – he had made sure that everything remained untouched – but whenever he woke up, he found the place so unfamiliar to him that it was almost terrifying. The shadows didn't seem right, the picture frame seemed to be distorted in an ugly angle, there was no sound and it was cold and he couldn't see Kaoru.

Reaching out a hand, Hikaru snapped the window shut.

"You should get some rest. Tomorrow I'll take you for a tour around the house." He turned, pointing a finger to their bathroom. "Maybe it'll be better to take a shower first. Or, are you hungry? I'll have the maid make some snacks for you. Or you can change into your pajamas now and-"

"Hikaru…"

The dark-haired boy paused in his rant as his little brother interrupted, a reluctant look tainting the boy's amber orbs. The redhead lowered his gaze to the ground, knitting his fingers together as if not knowing what to say.

"I'm sorry… but… can I sleep in another room?" He fidgeted. "I need some time before I can get used to having someone else sleep next to me."

Hikaru felt his shoulders tense for a brief moment.

And then he grinned.

"You're right. We should probably take things slowly. You sleep in this room, I'll use one of the guest rooms."

"But-"

"I'll be fine. Call me if you need anything, 'kay?" he interrupted, ruffling the boy's unruly hair playfully, before turning on his heel and making his way towards the door. But before he could move forward, long fingers reached out and grabbed his sleeve. He turned around, bewildered, only to gaze into endless pools of golden liquid. "Kaoru, what's wr-"

"I'm sorry." It took a while before his baby brother's smooth voice echoed through the stillness of the night. So softly, so quietly that he almost didn't catch the words. "I… hurt you again, didn't I?"

Kaoru's eyes widened as strong arms suddenly wrapped around him, pulling him into the comforting scent of his older brother. Hikaru buried his face into the crook of the younger boy's neck, and the redhead gasped when he felt the dark-haired teen's hot breath grazing his skin.

"Hi-Hikaru?" he stuttered.

"Sshh…" His sibling's low voice quieted him, and for a split second, he thought that Hikaru was shaking slightly. "Just a bit more… let us stay like this…"

"…Hikaru, are you cold?"

"No."

"But the floor isn't comfortable."

"I told you, I'm fine."

"But still! How about you take the bed and let me sleep on the fl-"

"Sleep, Kaoru."

The copper-haired boy ceased in his protest as he saw the shape of a throbbing vein start to form on his big brother's forehead. Silently, he lay back down on the soft mattress, suppressing a sigh while watching Hikaru's back gradually turn towards him. Letting his head sink into the pillow, Kaoru batted his eyelashes while wondering why the dark-haired boy had chosen to sleep on the floor like this, instead of settling in one of the guest rooms.

Please… at least… let me stay with you tonight.

That was what he had said, and Kaoru found himself unable to refuse the request. There had been something in Hikaru's voice that made him speechless and his chest clench painfully. He didn't want to hear the dark-haired teen sound so desperate. He didn't…

…He didn't want to see the hurt expression in Hikaru's eyes.

"I'm sorry…" the redhead whispered into the dark, knowing – or rather hoping - that his sibling wouldn't hear.

Kao-chan will know what to do. Because you understand.

He closed his eyes, snuggling further into the warm blanket.

I wish I could understand Hikaru, too. But how can I? I'm not…

…I'm not his Kaoru anymore.

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The rhythmic breathing told him that his baby brother had fallen asleep.

Gently, carefully, Hikaru ran his fingers through the boy's smooth auburn hair before leaning down and placed a soft kiss on Kaoru's forehead. The heat radiating from his twin's body was still comforting as always, and he relaxed slightly when the younger teen's sweet scent enveloped him.

The clock ticked.

Night continued drip-dropping.

Drip. Drop. Drip. Drop.

Drip.

Hey…

Drop.

Hikaru…

Drip.

I…

Drop.

…I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.

He clutched Kaoru's hand in his, his lips tenderly grazing the ivory skin.

"Is this some kind of punishment game?" He chuckled. "Idiot… you took it so far that it isn't funny anymore."

A chaste kiss and he pushed the boy away with a confused look in his golden orbs. A minute of silence. And then a smile.

It's okay. Don't worry. I'll be alright.

"You said that it'd be alright. What kind of 'alright' is this? Liar…"

The clock ticked.

Night continued drip-dropping.

Drip. Drop. Drip. Drop.

Hey, Hikaru, I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Uhm… I hope this chapter isn't too confusing? I apologize if it is, because sometimes I really can't help being an idiot… Thank you for reading and being with me till this chapter.

My special thanks to The Infamous Caichie/Tangerine-Doll, ILuvHikaruAndKaoru, Anonymous, Rayne Marie, EpicDreamer, QT Pie, RockerGirl0709, XxRuby-the-SecondxX, . –HeartBreakProductions- ., sunshine, liquidity, Stormshadow13, Catwiskers10 for their reviews on the last chapter, Karneene for the reviews on the last chapter, 'Minuscule' and 'Fragments', fallendemon1010, BrokenDreams800 for the reviews on 'Minuscule', Peachvodka for the review on 'Frustration'. You've really encouraged me a lot (glomps, hugs, and kisses).