AN: Pretty much this is all about Serena coming to terms with her memory loss etc etc. Thankyou so much to everyone who reviewed, I'm glad you enjoyed chapter 1 and I hope you enjoy chapter 2 just as much. [:

This is incredible.
Starving, insatiable,
yes, this is love for the first time.

xoxo

I thumbed slowly through the glossy pages of Blair's hand-crafted photo album, complete with dates and captions. It had been the Doctors idea to compile photos and such of my past in the hopes that it may jog my uncooperative memory and Blair had naturally risen to the challenge. So far it had been futile, but Blair persevered admirably. It wasn't until the tenth photo that a frown began to make its way upon my chapped lips, all the photo's so far had been of just me and Blair and the occasional minion posing in ridiculously cheesy manners and pouting with overly shiny lips. Where was Nate? And Chuck for that matter? I scanned the photos quickly but to no avail, there was only the scarce photo scattered amongst the rest of us together. I had always assumed that we would have remained tight knit group until we finally succumbed to old age; these photos however told a wholly different and rather poignant story. I tucked the depressing thought of us drifting apart away; shrugging it off. Perhaps Blair would have an explanation, she always did. As if my thoughts had summoned her Blair appeared, her unusually fair complexion flushed slightly from the cold.

"Hey S" Blair said in a tender undertone, her endless brown eyes sparkling with concern.

"Hi, you" I replied echoing her soft tone, unable to keep the weariness from weaving its way into my voice. I tried desperately to hide how exhausted and completely drained I felt about the whole ordeal but the persistent bags lingering under my eyes betrayed me. "Guess what? I can come home tomorrow" I had been overjoyed when the Doctor finally gave way to my pleas and had given me the all clear.

"I know Lily told me, she's so excited about having you back" I blanched at the sound of my Mothers name. I had spent my whole life teetering on the rocks with Lily and god knows how our shaky relationship had fared in the last three years.

"Well it's going to be so great to get out of here. I don't think I'll ever be able to look at pastel green the same again!" Blair's eyes flitted around the room drinking in the unsightly place that I had been sentenced too.

"You know what? I don't I think I will be able to either. And don't get me started on the fluorescent lighting because it flatters no one" I chuckled lightly, my earlier melancholy buried deep within the crevices of my mind. I casually flicked to the next page of the album and felt my heart catch carelessly. Against the glorious backdrop of glittering chandeliers and dancing figures adorned in exquisite gowns and crisp tuxes stood Blair, Nate and myself at what I could only assume was our Cotillion. Nate had his hand snaked protectively around Blair's waist and she was glowing in response to his affectionate touch. They said that a picture spoke a thousand words but this one screamed only one; love. Raw yet unyielding love. Envy once again tainted my unstable mind and I frowned uncontrollably. I knew it shouldn't affect me so greatly seeing them together with such adoration for each other but love had turned my once (semi) composed nature into a mess of volatile emotions and an array of rat unpredictable and rather eclectic reactions.

"I can't believe I won't able to remember Cotillion, the most important day of my life" I whined melodramatically trying to distract the stream of unpleasant thoughts and images rampaging through my head.

"If it's consolation I don't think anyone will ever forget you at Cotillion" Blair said coyly, a reticent smile toying with her lips.

"Spill now" I demanded, pouting. I hated being left in the dark about anything and thankfully moments like that were scarce. With Blair Waldorf as my best friend and Gossip Girl forever on the prowl the latest scandals were merely a text message or yoghurt cup away.

"Well we didn't even make it to the second song without causing a scene" Blair divulged overly casually and my suspicions aroused.

"Define scene?" I asked tentatively, unsure whether I really wanted to hear the answer or not.

"A brawl if you must know" Blair replied with a tad or reluctance before chuckling at my horrified expression. "But I can assure we still looked ten times more glamorous than any of the other people there even if you were whacking Carter Baizen with your shoe"

"Ugh Carter, I hope I left some damn good bruises on him" Blair laughed shakily and it sounded a tad to forced for my liking.

"I can assure you your stilettos were lethal" Blair teased, but her troubled eyes didn't match her carefree voice but I didn't dwell on it. Conversation soon dwindled into an easy silence and we sat there content to savour the others company.

"How's Ya…NYU" I fumbled sloppily, cursing myself. Blair had told me of the disastrous events that had rendered her with no choice but to attend NYU. It was a huge injustice in my opinion that had led Yale into thinking that it was perfectly okay to let Blair Waldorf slip through there fingers.

"Great" Blair uttered brusquely shutting down the potential conversation.

"Oh thank goodness B, I was so worried that you wouldn't open your heart to colleges but Yale"

"Yeah I'm having a fabulous time despite the fact that hardly anyone has ever even set foot in Bendels and that headbands are apparently so passé. Oh and lets not forget that my roommate was complete and utter psycho" Her voice was icy and etched with bone chilling sarcasm. Sarcasm I had evidently missed the first time around.

"Oh" I muttered sounding stupider by the minute.I gnawed at my already ragged thumb nail, a nervous habit of mine. I stole a hesitant glance at Blair and shrivelled under her thunderous gaze. Not wanting to ignite the Blair Waldorf fire I bit my tongue and opted to lay there idiotically which was apparently a huge mistake.

"I actually have a lecture to attend too, some of us aren't fortunate enough like you to lie in bed all day. Nate said he'll be coming in half an hour anyway" She declared after a few moments before seizing her coat violently, still evidently pissed off.

"Oh okay" I said meekly, part relieved part disappointed. Blair planted a fleeting kiss on my cheek before striding out without a second glance-or a goodbye.

I slumped back into my pillows dejected; ever since the accident I had constantly been saying the wrong things and asking the worst questions. I picked up the album that had been discarded casually to the side and began to lose myself in it once more, drowning myself in image after image. I was about three quarters through when I stumbled on one with Nate and I arms linked in what I recognized in a heart beat as The Hamptons. I gave the gorgeous white dress I was wearing an approving glance before my gaze slid to the criminally good looking man next to me. It was impossible to look at anything but him, and my eyes were drawn, helplessly, like a magnet towards him. I traced his outline longingly, lapping up the way the sun made his sapphire eye's glitter and how ridiculously handsome he looked in his white suit. As I transfixed as I was with the picture the sound of clattering footsteps didn't slip past my notice and I perked up instantaneously as the flesh and blood Nate Archibald entered, the picture that lay sprawled on my lap doing him no justice.

"Natie!" I trilled, a smile tugging on the corners of my lips. All the angst over Blair evaporated as my body made room for a whole new set of emotions.

"Man you haven't called me that in years" Nate replied a smile of his own lighting up his face.

"Well then I have a lot to make up for, don't I, Natie?" I quipped playfully.

"God I've missed you so much Serena" Nate said, his voice breaking slightly. Nate's words triggered a light blush to lace my cheeks which only intensified as he sat down inches from me. "How are you feeling anyway?" He murmured tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear, his fingertips tracing the sweep of my flaxen hair.

"I've been better" I answered truthfully, praying that Nate didn't catch the slight tremble of contradiction in my voice. "I just wish I could get out of here, you know?" And Nate did know, all too well, the way I thrived on being free. He knew I couldn't stand being cooped up, confined unbearably in places such as these.

"Well, why don't you?" He paused registering my incredulous look. "C'mon I'll take you for a walk, if you're up to it that is?" I rolled my eyes at the excessive concern in his tone despite the fact that I was secretly pleased that he cared so much about me.

"Just let me grab my coat" I stumbled clumsily out of my bed, staggering slightly as I tried (and notably failed) to gain control of my wobbling feet.

"Easy there" Nate chided, reaching for me inept form. My heart began to beat furiously against my chest as Nate's sturdy hands gently slipped around my waist before guiding my back to my feet. "Will you be okay to walk?" Nate asked not looking entirely convinced as I nodded defiantly. Eventually I managed to (with Nate's help) totter my way to the door, leading to the Hospitals garden. It was amazing, as the air rushed to greet me, to finally feel the air tangle its way into my hair and to be able to breathe in the exotic scents.

"I pissed off Blair this morning" I mumbled downcast breaking the silence, chewing on my wrecked thumbnail before I could stop myself.

"What happened?" Nate asked, genuine curiosity lacing his tone.

"I mentioned the Y word"

His eyebrows scrunched for a moment or two before realization dawned him "Ohh, that word"

"Yeah…" I muttered sombrely.

"Hey" Nate began "She'll get over it; this is Blair we are talking about. By tomorrow you guys will be painting each others nails and watching Breakfast at Tiffanies like you always do"

"You're right" I sighed unable to control myself. All my pent up exhaustion began to cascade over me and I gave walking one last feeble go before retiring to a bench at Nate's request. Now that I was no longer moving the icy breeze began to play havoc on my body and I felt a shiver finger its way tenderly up my spine. But despite the fact that I was coated in goose bumps and shaking to no end, it beat being trapped in that Hospital room by legions. As silence wove its spindly thread around Nate and me, I resisted the stubborn urge to the thousand questions I had banked up in my mind, most of them involving his love life of course.

"I can't believe how cold it is, it feels like it should be summer in my head" I choked through chattering teeth, my body shivering some. It was true though; as far as my mind was concerned we should still be suffering under summer's relentless and scorching wrath.

"Come here" Nate said pulling my frail form against him, and I inhaled the soothing scent of his cologne as I rested my head against his chest infinitely glad that after three years Nate was still my leading man.

"Is Jenny your girlfriend?" The words fell out of my lips before I could contain them and I felt his body tense..

"Jenny? Of course not, what makes you say that?" Nate asked an identifiable edge to his tone.

"Oh, just the way she looks at you, that's all" I finished, snuggling closer into his chest, as winters icy embrace grappled for me once more. Nate threaded his fingers through my hair before cupping my cheek in his hand and tilting my face up to meet his. His gaze landed on mine and the intensity was almost tangible as we shared equal looks of yearning. Like silk his finger traced the outline of my lips, causing my breathing to hitch and my heart to hammer uncontrollably.

"Nate" I whispered reluctantly, countering the desire I knew was burning in my eyes. I wanted this so badly so, so badly. I wanted it so desperately it nearly made my heart explode, but there were so many questions in need of answers, three years of stories needing to be told. The Shepherd wedding…the reasons he and Blair broke up…his feelings for me and anyone else for that unthinkable matter...And what about the driver? Had someone died at my expense? We had so much to discuss it made my head spin. Was this really wise?

"I know" He breathed understanding the complex web of things we needed to unravel. His lips landed on mine anyway. Since when was anything Nate or I did wise? It was a tender kiss and the way our lips melded together made my heart melt. It conveyed every unspoken emotion that words simply could not express. I broke apart though albeit unwillingly, knowing I needed to be sensible for a change. I was shaking though, uncontrollably, the rampage of emotions sending me into overdrive. My lip began to quiver, unable to take the strain. It was all too much, my mind still hadn't grasped the fact that three years had indeed passed. It still felt like Blair and Nate were together, the golden couple, it still felt like the kiss was a stab in the back to my already fuming best friend. Silent tears streaked silently down my face each one a reminder of the three years I had lost.

"Nate" I whimpered again, I needed him to tell me that I wasn't going crazy. I needed him to tell that this haywire of emotions was okay. That I should be feeling guilty even thought I had done nothing wrong. That it was okay to be confused even though I was pretty sure I loved him. That I was okay to be upset even though I had wanted to kiss Nate since I had first woken up. He tilted my chin upwards once more, eyes ablaze, and gently wiped the tears crisscrossing my cheeks before trailing a consoling finger down my cheek.

"I know" He said, his voice barely audible. But this time, this time he didn't know. He didn't know the way that reality had just crashed down on me, causing my mind and body to crash, sizzle and burn. But I allowed him to pretend, for both our sakes.

xoxo

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