Title: Through the Dark

Author: Dreamerfrvrp3

Rating: M

Warnings: Language and sexual situations

Characters/Pairings: Logan/Veronica

Spoilers: Takes place before 'An Echolls Family Christmas' but possibly all of season 1.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of Veronica Mars or it's characters they belong to Rob Thomas. I also don't own any of the songs I use in this story, credit to KT Tunstall for the song 'Through the Dark'.

Summary: On the first anniversary of Veronica's rape she lets the one person she shouldn't trust in.

Author's Note: Sorry for any mistakes they are all mine. Important to know that in this fic I've decided that Logan didn't give Duncan GHB at Shelley's party just because I'm not a huge Duncan fan and Logan already has quite a few strikes against him.

Through the Dark

December 6th 2004

As I walk away
I look over my shoulder
To see what I'm leaving behind
Pieces of puzzles
And wishes on eyelashes fail

"Hey, Lill…It's been a few months since I last stopped by. But I brought you the finest Asiatic lilies that Manny's Flower Hut carries to make up for the absence." Veronica sat in front of Lilly's grave. "Lucky for you that you're my best friend because it was either lilies or these new boots I've been eyeing."

She arranged the bouquet next to the other assortment of flowers. Pulling her jacket tighter around her body, Veronica shivered slightly. December was unusually chilly, the sky dark and overcast. It reflected her mood on this anniversary. "You're not missing much here in Neptune. Well, besides the fact that I finally know why Duncan broke up with me which I'm sure you knew too. I wish you would have told me yourself though so I wouldn't spend a year wondering what I did wrong… I always thought of you as a sister. It never really occurred to me that it was actually a possibility."

Oh, how do I show
All the love inside my heart?
For this is all new
And I'm feeling my way through the dark

"Finding out that my Mom and your Dad used to be high school sweethearts was a bit of a shock too," Veronica added bitterly while she absently shredded a piece of grass in her hands. "I'm sorry for ranting at you…I guess I needed to tell someone. It's lonely without you here. Some days I don't even want to get out of bed because I know you're still gone.

"It's been a year since that night. You're the only person who knows about what happened at Shelley's party last year," she murmured, tears falling down her face. "I just wish I could remember…It's true what they say…You never forget your first..."

"Veronica Mars not a virgin? I'm shocked." A man feigned a gasp behind her.

Veronica jumped up at the sound of Logan's voice. She folded her arms over her chest, "Fuck off, Logan. I'm really not in the mood for you today."

"I just love it when you talk dirty," Logan sneered. His face fell when he saw the tears streaming down her face. If there was one thing that Logan hated more than anything it was seeing Veronica upset. He's seen her cry many times before, when they were still friends. He was always there to wipe away her tears, but this Veronica the Badass Chick was always wearing a mask, never letting emotion seep through. "Hey. What's wrong?"

I used to talk
With honest conviction
Of how I predicted my world
I'm gonna leave it to stargazers
Tell me what your telescope says

She saw the concern in his eyes and there was old Logan, her best friend. But that was before and this was now. She snapped, "It's none of your business." She tried to be strong but the memory of her waking up alone and realizing she wasn't wearing panties resurfaced and made her cry harder. That was when she fell apart right in front of Logan.

"Veronica," he whispered. She jerked away at his touch. She wished her legs hadn't given out or she would run. He wrapped his arms around her tightly as she squirmed. He rubbed her back soothingly and made quite shushing noises. They sat on the cold, hard ground of the cemetery, and in that minute in time they were in the before.

Oh, what is in store for me now?
It's coming apart
I know that its true
Cause I'm feeling my way through the dark

Moments later, Veronica pulled away from Logan's arms. She stood up and whispered a quiet thanks before walking towards her car. He jogged after her and grabbed her arm, "Are you not going to tell me what happened back there?"

She sighed warily. She was done fighting, "If I don't tell will you let it go?"

He stared at her, "No."

"That's what I thought," she responded. For the first time in a long time Veronica was at a loss. She craved having someone to confine in who knew her before. Because sometimes the new Veronica missed being the happy, trusting girl that was old Veronica who could always count on Logan. She opened her car door and got in the driver's seat. She stopped thinking and let the words come out. "Follow me back to my place?"

He nodded and got in to his own car. Veronica wasn't going to run this time.

Trying to find a light on somewhere
Trying to find a light on somewhere
I'm finding I'm falling
in love with the dark over here

Veronica opened the door to her and her father's small apartment. Logan asked, "Where's your dad?"

"Chasing a bail jumper," she replied dully. Thank God for criminals because she didn't want to have to explain her puffy eyes or Logan Echolls' presence to her father.

"So this is where you live?" he asked awkwardly. The uncomfortable silence was overwhelming.

"Well we couldn't afford to live in our old house after what happened…So this became home sweet home," she explained. She watched Logan scratch behind Backup's ears. "I'm kind of a mess so I'm going to wash off my face. Do you mind?" He shook his head and continued to pet Backup.

Veronica turned the water on full blast and stared at her reflection. Yikes no wonder Logan didn't leave me she thought. Her face was red and covered in tear tracks. Her mascara was smeared and running down her face. She took a few deep breaths and washed her face off. She stripped out of her dirty clothes and pulled on some sweats and a sweatshirt. When she returned to the living room Logan was sitting on the couch. She took a seat next to him, "So before I tell you about what happened, you have to swear that it will never leave this room. I don't want to go to school on Monday and find everyone talking about it. I won't be able to handle that."

He looked down guiltily and declared, "I swear Veronica that this will stay between us."

Veronica bit down on her lip, "What do you remember about Shelley's party last year?"

"Well, I left the party early with some hot chick," Logan smirked. And there was Jackass Logan. "It was a great night and the things she could do with-."

Veronica interrupted before the story turned graphic, "I'm glad your night was great, but what I meant to say was what do you remember about me being at the party?"

"Oh." He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"That was a bad 'oh' wasn't it?" Veronica muttered. Logan was still staring down at his hands. "Please, just tell me."

"I may have encouraged a few guys to do body shots off of you," he mumbled.

Veronica's eyes widened, "And um was I responsive at all to the body shots?"

"You were pretty out of it," Logan spoke honestly. She swallowed the rest of the tears. "The Great Duncan came to your rescue though and he took you away, I guess. I left shortly after that…Will you tell me why you are bringing this entire thing up?"

"I don't remember much of Shelly's party…All I remember is arriving and everyone staring at me. Grabbing a drink was the last thing I remembered," she answered calmly. "I was roofied. And I woke up the next morning alone in a bed and I was no longer a virgin."

He stood up quickly, his eyes widened in shock, "Fuck…Someone raped you?"

She nodded mutely and watched him pace across the room. She thought about what he said and the dirty feeling she felt that morning. The bile rose in her throat and she ran towards the bathroom, emptying the contents of her stomach. Logan was behind her in a second and held her hair back. She looked back at him and smiled weakly, "Thanks."

She washed out her mouth and brushed her teeth. Logan watched her from the doorway. How could this happen? He wondered to himself. No wonder she's like this. He ran a hand through his hair, "Ronnie…Uh there's something else I should tell you."

She sat crossed legged on her bed and motioned for him to continue. "Luke, Sean, and I all had GHB that night."

"What?" she asked incredulously, and her face turned white. She stood up and looked at Logan. "So is that your guys' idea of fun? Drug some unsuspecting girl and have your way with her? Make her wonder what happened to her? Why she woke up to find her panties on the ground? Why she has bruises on her thighs or hickeys on her throat? Or make us wonder who gave us those hickeys? Did you guys even think about the effect it would have? I can't remember what happened and it makes me sick. I lost my virginity and I can't fucking remember who took it!"

Logan recoiled, "Do you really think I would do something like that? C'mon we were friends for years…Do I seem like that person?"

"I don't know you anymore, Logan," she whispered. "I used to know you…But then again people can change…I didn't think you would be the one to terrorize someone that did nothing wrong. You took a crowbar to my car! You encouraged people to call me a slut! So I'm not really sure where your morals lie."

"Nothing wrong? You turned your back on us. I needed you and you left me."

"Left you? You guys gave me no choice! What the hell was I suppose to do? He's my father. Of course I sided with him. I would do it again in a heart beat. I had no one to comfort me. You lost your girlfriend, but I lost my best friend," she sobbed. "I was the one who had to scrub the word slut off my locker every other day. Or how about all those times where my clothes ended up in the toilet after gym? My tires slashed? I was alienated and you did nothing, but egg them on!"

His face softened and he whispered again, "I needed you."

"Yeah and I needed you too," she cried. He tried to wrap his arms around her but she pushed him away. "You should go."

"I'm not leaving you here alone," he told her. She was already heading towards the door.

Frowning, she said… "I'll be fine. Just go please. We have school tomorrow and I need to be alone to process things."

He sighed dejectedly and headed out the door before turning around, "For what it's worth I'm sorry…for everything."

She closed the door and crumpled to the ground, crying.

Oh, what do I know, I don't care
Where I start
For my troubles are few
As I'm feeling my way through the dark
Through the dark
I'm feeling my way through the dark

Veronica was not having a good morning. She got little to no sleep due to the fact that every time she closed her eyes she had visions of Logan and other '09ers doing body shots on her. Then the hot water was still not working in the shower and she ran out of coffee grounds. And if that wasn't enough, she couldn't find her notes for history so she had no time to stop and get coffee. She pulled the LeBaron into an empty space a few spots away from where Logan and his friends were leaning against his bright yellow X-Terra. Well there goes my plan to avoid him she thought sarcastically. She kept her head down and tried to walk quickly past Logan.

"Slut," Dick coughed. She wasn't taking this today.

She turned around and stood in front of Dick. "What did you say?" she asked sweetly.

"Come on Ronnie, I think you heard me but I'll say it again slowly," he grinned. Logan was worried. Veronica never really confronted them. She liked revenge in the form of pranks. "I called you a slut."

She moved quickly, kneeing him in the groin and placing her boot on his chest. Then she pulled out her taser and waved it around threateningly to the guys surrounding her. She seethed, "First of all don't ever call me Ronnie. Second I've had a really shitty morning actually I think I can say I've had a pretty fucked up year so I wouldn't test me. And third I'm going to offer all of you some advice: fuck off alright 'cause I don't give a damn who your daddy is or how much money you have in the bank. I. Will. Ruin. You. Now have a nice day!"

She put away her taser and turned away from the group. She chose to ignore Dick's insulting muttering as he cradled his crotch. Wallace was waiting for her by her locker, "Girl. I just heard the craziest thing that you kneed Dick Casabalancas in the balls."

"Wow. The rumor mill is quick. That just happened a minute ago," Veronica exclaimed, pulling her things out of her locker.

"Seriously? It's true…And you even threatened a whole group of '09ers?" he asked. She nodded and continued putting things away. "V, you really need to work on your social skills."

"What? You know I keep telling my dad that I am a people person but he refuses to believe it. Those were my social skills at their best," she smiled. Then she saw Logan coming straight towards her. "Great. As if my morning could get any worse."

"Oh how you wound me," he clutched his heart. He leaned against the locker next to her and crossed his arms. "We need to talk."

"About what?" she asked innocently. She shut her locker and started towards her first period English class with Wallace and Logan in tow.

Logan rolled his eyes, "Don't play innocent with me, Veronica. You know exactly what I'm talking about. But if you want, I can elaborate right here in the middle of this busy hallway."

"Oh, lookie here. This is my class," she smiled brightly and turned towards Wallace before disappearing into her classroom. "I'll see you next period, BFF."

Veronica had almost forgotten that Dick was in her first period class when she felt his heated glare. She winked at him and blew him a kiss which made him scowl harder.

Veronica almost groaned when she entered her Journalism class. Logan wasn't in the room yet so she took a seat at one of the computers in the back of the room hoping he wouldn't see her. After all, she'd managed to evade Wallace's questioning eyes in her last class. She wasn't that lucky now though.

Logan plopped down in the seat next to her, "Is now a good time to talk?"

"You know some of us like to actually do school work at school," she narrowed her eyes still focusing on her computer. "By the way, aren't you ruining your reputation by sitting here?"

He scoffed and mumbled, "Like I care."

Neither of them heard Duncan approach, "This is weird, my ex-girlfriend and my best friend talking and punches aren't being thrown."

"I'm offended, I would never hit a girl," Logan feigned hurt. Then Veronica muttered something about only hitting headlights.

"Anyone want to know what I find weird? Both of you talking to me," Veronica threw out. She turned to face them both when she found both of them staring at her. "What? I'm having a bad day and I think that's a logical observation."

"Geesh Veronica, can't a guy be nice?" Logan asked sarcastically.

She pretended to think about the question, "I suppose a guy could be nice but no you aren't capable of being nice."

"Ok, well I was just going to make sure you two were playing nice," he trailed off and left them to their conversation.

"Why are you trying to pretend like I don't know?" he wanted to know. He was going crazy, she dropped this huge bomb on him and now it seemed like she wanted to take it back. There was no way Logan was letting this go. He hadn't slept last night knowing what he knew, knowing that someone who wasn't him hurt her.

"Why aren't you pretending like you don't know? Why all of the sudden do you care? I'm giving you an out here. You can drop this and go back to making my life hell. I don't need you anymore," she cried softly. She didn't need the pain when he leaves her again.

"What if I don't want an out? Maybe I don't want to drop this…'Cause Ronnie I think you need me and-," he ran a hand through his hair. And lowered his voice, "Believe it or not, I care."

Oh. Well I wasn't expecting that. Psychotic Jackass Logan I can handle just fine, but this Logan is unexpected. "What?" she asked blankly.

Logan barely smirked, "Veronica Mars speechless, surely it's a sight for sore eyes. Are you going to let me be there for you?"

Veronica stared, "I…" The bell signaling the end of the period and Veronica fled the room as fast as her tiny legs could take her, she has never been so excited to go to gym class in her entire life. She banged her head against her gym locker and grimaced.

"Veronica? Its just gym you know? I mean its forty-five minutes we will never get back and that we have to suffer through each day, but it could be worse," Meg raised her eyebrow at her friend. "Though I do feel like I should ask if it's safe for me to be this close to you."

"It's been a crappy and weird day," Veronica chuckled weakly and started to change into her gym clothes. "And don't worry Meg; you're my favorite '09er friend."

She rolled her eyes, "I'm the only '09er friend you have but thanks I feel much safer now…"

"Yeah well that might change apparently now I have two '09er friends," she muttered as she walked into the gym with Meg, who raised her eyebrow again. Veronica shook her head and told her it was a long story. She groaned loudly when she saw the volleyball nets were up…It was official: the big man upstairs has a personal vendetta against Veronica Mars.

Let me know what you think! Also I'm going to need a permanent beta so if you know someone or you wouldn't mind message me or email me!