Title: This Ain't No Self-Insertion

Author: TardisIsTheOnlyWaytoTravel

Summary: A woman finds herself in the body of a young student, in the world of Harry Potter. Unfortunately, she happens to be the Leader of the Four Horsemen, the other members of which are also in the same predicament.

Bellona ~ War

Aethon ~ Famine

Morbus ~ Pestilence

Thanatos ~ Death

PART TWO

Christmas morning Death found War snogging a fifth year boy in a cupboard. If Death read her sister's intentions aright, then she would have kissed a couple of his friends and slept with at least one other of them by the end of the day, causing an in-house war that would likely rage for several months before they worked out she'd done it on purpose, and damaging several friendships irreparably. It was War's usual destructive style. Death could at least be merciful at times. War was never merciful, and always cruel, and to her there was no such thing as honour.

Death stood outside the cupboard looking at her watch. After ten minutes she banged on the door.

"Sister!" she bellowed. "Get out here!"

The door opened and a dazed boy was pushed out. War gave him a seductive smile as she stepped demurely out, her mouth a swollen red and hair slightly ruffled. He gave her a giddy, awed grin before heading back to his own house's common rooms.

War smoothed out her hair and grinned at Death.

"Merry Christmas, Thanatos."

"Bellona," Death sighed.

"How long were you waiting outside the door?" War was still grinning.

Thanatos gave her a weary look.

"I'll say this, there's no one like you for waiting," War commented, and went skipping down the hallway.

Death trailed after her on much shorter legs.

"I wait for everyone, sister."

War just started humming 'Don't Fear the Reaper' and kept skipping.

oo o0o oo

The two of them camped out at the table in the Great Hall until lunchtime, which was only about an hour after Death first woke up. There was one large table instead of four smaller ones, and it was covered with festive decorations. Closer to lunch, people started appearing, finding seats at the table and opening their Christmas crackers.

Pestilence turned up with an interesting rash when half the seats were full, sitting down next to Death.

War eyed him.

"Nice rash."

Pestilence snarled slightly and scratched it, from which Death inferred that the rash was entirely involuntary.

"Someone has a sense of humour?" she questioned.

"Apparently," Pestilence confirmed grumpily.

Famine plopped into the seat next to War then, and eyed the turkey.

"I'm starving," he announced. This caught the others' attention.

As one his brother and sister stared at him. He looked skinner than yesterday…

"Aethon?" Pestilence said tentatively, scratching absently at his rash.

"Someone's giving Morbus rashes and making you hungry," War smirked at her brother.

Aethon stared, blinked, and turned to Thanatos.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously," Death confirmed stiffly.

War giggled madly at the expression of utter dismay on Aethon's bony face.

He glared at her.

"It's not something to laugh about, Bellona!"

Bellona just smirked at him and stuck out her tongue.

Famine hissed and shoved her. War gave a yell and leapt at him. They both went over with a crash.

The rest of the table stopped to stare as the two rolled around the floor, shouting at each other.

Pestilence glanced at Death as Famine yelled in pain as War pulled his hair.

"Miss Holler! Mister Holler!" one of the teachers called in outrage, but neither sibling paid them any heed. War's lips were pulled back in a snarling, feral grin of bloodthirsty delight, and Famine was trying to strangle her with long thin fingers.

"You'd think they were the only ones stuck in this situation," Morbus said, looking disgusted.

Thanatos sighed grimly, and stood.

She waded into the melee and grabbing each combatant by an ear, separated them.

Both War and Famine made sounds of pain as Death twisted each ear ruthlessly.

"Hey!" Famine squealed, his eyes returning from mottled-black to a more human color.

War tried to kick Death in the shins, glaring with still-fiery eyes.

"Behave!" Death said sharply, aware of how ridiculous the scene must look, an eleven year old girl forcing two people a foot taller than her into submission. It didn't help her temper any.

"Ow!" screeched War.

"Either of you so much as breathe the wrong way, and I'm sitting on you," Death warned. "Morbus will help."

"Fine!" the siblings snapped in chorus, one sulkily, the other in suppressed anger.

Thanatos let go of their ears and returned to the table, sitting next to Pestilence this time on the basis that she needed to be near someone else who was sane. She snagged War as she went past, making sure that her sister sat in the seat next to her in case she needed to kick her, or perhaps twist her ear again.

"You're rather scary, for a first year, aren't you?" asked the staring boy sitting across from her.

Death looked up, and stiffened slightly. The teenager had eyes the color of emeralds, and a shard of someone else's soul stuck to his forehead like a parasite, leeching away magic and life force. It didn't make much difference, though, as the swirling sickly-green returned as fast as it was drawn, instead of running out.

It was, by all the cosmos, one of her blasted descendants. And he somehow had a Horcrux feeding off his soul.

Death didn't want to know.

"Are you a Peverell?" she asked wearily.