Note: While viewers of the show got to see who Marlene's real date was supposed to be with (a male otter named Antonio) at the end of the "Otter Things Have Happened" episode, neither Marlene nor the penguins know of his existence. This story operates under that premise – that the penguins and Marlene believe that Fred was the one the Luv-u-Lator set her up with.

Setting the scene: This story picks up where the episode left off inside of the penguin habitat.

As Marlene watched Kowalski throw away his true love-finding invention, curse the name of science, and jump into the water, she couldn't help but feel sorry for him.

"Kowalski, I don't think science let you down; I think I let you down," she called over to him. "It's not that I wanted to but, you see, I'm an otter, and I guess I'm just not as close genetically to a guinea pig as you had thought."

"Well, that's probably true," Kowalski replied as he then swam over to her, feeling a little bit better. "Thanks, Marlene."

Kowalski then pulled himself out of the water and resumed his seat next to Skipper on the platform.

"I'll tell you what, Marlene, if I ever get the Luv-u-Lator 3000 perfected, you can be my test pilot again," he offered.

Marlene smiled, but shook her head.

"I'm afraid I'm not interested," she said. "I think Fred put me off dating for a good long while."

Marlene then turned her head from talking to Kowalski, which caused her to make eye contact with Skipper in the process. Once Skipper looked up at her, Marlene folded her arms and placed two of the digits of her right paw in the center of her left elbow.

Skipper nodded slightly as he noticed Marlene's gesture, a secret signal between the two of them that Marlene wished to speak to him privately at her habitat. Marlene then knew that it was time to leave.

"Well, I have otter things to do now," she then said to the penguins as she waved goodbye and headed out. "Get it?"

Skipper smirked.

"Yes, we get it," he chuckled as Marlene walked away.

Once she was gone, Skipper stood up and stretched his flippers. He then quickly tried to think how he could get himself away from the others so he could meet with Marlene.

"Boys, you know what this relaxing afternoon needs?" he asked his unit.

"What, Skipper?" Private wondered.

"A good cup of coffee," Skipper replied.

"But, Skipper, aren't we still out of coffee?" Private inquired.

"Not to worry, young Private," Skipper responded. "I'm going to go track some down right now."

Skipper then waddled over to the edge of the platform and prepared to dive into the water below.

"Don't try to stop me, boys," he said. "I'm a penguin on a mission."

With that, Skipper left the penguin enclosure and made his way over to see Marlene; he soon arrived at her habitat.

"All right, Marlene," Skipper said as he strolled into her cave, "what's on your mind?"

"Well, I just feel really weird about everything that happened yesterday, and I was hoping that we could talk about it a little," she said. "I have some questions about what love is and isn't, and about who I am and who I'm not."

"I'm willing to listen, Marlene, but might I recommend that you talk to Private about this instead?" Skipper suggested. "It's not that I don't care, it's just that Private is more qualified when it comes to, you know, feelings and such. Love's not really my forte."

Marlene gave off a little smile.

"Private is a nice guy and he makes me smile," she said. "But, if you really don't mind, I'd prefer to talk to you because this is kind of, well, personal stuff."

"Fine by me," Skipper stated.

Marlene then walked over to a couch in the corner of the room and sat down. Skipper then sat down beside her.

"Begin whenever you're ready, Marlene," he told her. "Like I said, I'm no expert, but I'll do my best."

"Well, the first thing I need to ask you about is why did you get me involved in all this?" Marlene questioned. "I don't want to insult you, but did you really have to meddle in my social life? Do I really seem that lonely, because I'm not."

Skipper sighed; he hated to see Marlene upset.

"We did this because we thought that we could help you while also conducting our own experiment," he then replied. "None of us wanted you to be hurt in the process, and if you were, I'm sorry. And if it makes you feel any better, know that I was reluctant to even do this project anyway."

"Then if you didn't want to do it, why did you?" Marlene wondered.

"I came around to it for the same reason you did: Too much respect for Kowalski," Skipper responded. "Sure I'm in charge, but when Kowalski came to me with the idea, what was I supposed to do, reject his science? He's an important member of the team and the closest thing to a brother that I've got – I just couldn't do that."

"Well, did you really believe there to be defense applications derived from the Luv-u-Lator?" Marlene asked.

Skipper shook his head.

"Sorry, Marlene, but you're asking me to give up classified information," he replied.

"I figured as much," Marlene whispered to herself as she brought her head down.

Skipper heard what Marlene muttered, and as he then glanced down to look at her, he felt guilty for not being able to tell her what she had asked, especially because she had so much trust in him.

Marlene then focused her eyes up at Skipper, and he just couldn't resist the way she looked at him.

"Oh, Marlene, I'm so glad you're on the good side," Skipper remarked as he then smiled at her. "I'll let you in on the Luv-u-Lator's defense applications because I truly know you can be trusted. But outside of this room, this conversation never happened."

"Skipper, everything discussed here today is between us anyway," Marlene replied. "And even if it wasn't, I would never do anything that would betray our friendship or trust."

"And neither would I," Skipper declared. "Now, Marlene, the defense applications of the Luv-u-Lator are quite simple: They run on the basic premise that the more you know about an enemy, the better."

"How so?" Marlene wondered.

"Well, you, our test subject, are definitely not an enemy, but imagine for a moment that you were," Skipper said. "The Luv-u-Lator would identify your love interests, and we could then, in turn, use that information to learn more about a subject's personality and what makes them tick by seeing what type of creature they would desire as a significant other. This would all, of course, assume that we could somehow obtain a DNA sample from an enemy."

Marlene sighed and then began to look sad again.

"What's the matter, Marlene?" Skipper asked. "I just told you what the Luv-u-Lator's defense functions were, so why still the long, furry face?"

"Because with the information you learned about me from the test, you could conclude that I matched with a not-too-bright squirrel because I am also a foolish creature," she spoke sadly. "I desired what I already am."

"That's not true!" Skipper declared. "Marlene, I know you well enough that I can make only one conclusion about the test."

"And that is?" Marlene asked.

"Quite simply: The Luv-u-Lator was wrong," Skipper stated. "I know it, Marlene. That's why I was so surprised at first when the boys and I found Fred to be your match out in the park. Trust me, you are too smart for that guy, and in fact, you're the smartest mammal I know."

"And how many mammals do you know?" Marlene inquired.

"Far too many," Skipper joked with a friendly grin, though he didn't really want to push it after his last mammal joke weeks before had gone awry. "Enough to know that you're at the top of the pack; you do your class a lot of justice."

"You really mean that, don't you?" Marlene asked, although she already knew the answer.

"Yeah," Skipper replied. "If there were more mammals like you, the world would be a better place. Of course, I might be out of a job, but still a better place."

Marlene smiled at Skipper's heartfelt words, but it soon faded away when she began to doubt herself yet again.

"So the Luv-u-Lator didn't conclude that I was a fool," she said, "but that doesn't mean that I'm not already one on my own account."

"And what would ever make you think that?" Skipper questioned.

"Because I went out on a date, and that's something I just don't do; it's not me," she replied. "Fred was my first, and to make matters worse, I thought that, I thought, I really–"

"You thought that it was love?" Skipper suggested understandingly. "And you know now that it wasn't, and regret everything regarding it entirely?"

"You're good; that's exactly how I feel," Marlene responded. "That and the fact that I've forever tainted myself. You see, once you start doing things like dating, that's a major change in your life and it's hard to believe that you're truly the same once you've done it; I'm not the same Marlene, and I never will be again."

"Not the same?" Skipper wondered. "Marlene, are you still an otter?"

"Well, yeah, I'm still an otter," Marlene replied.

"And are you still my friend?" Skipper continued.

"I am," Marlene responded.

"And are you still cute and naïve?" Skipper quipped.

"Watch it!" Marlene warned playfully.

"All right, all right," Skipper said. "Now in all seriousness, a love experience that turns out not to be love or much of an experience does not mean that you're forever changed."

"And how would you know?" Marlene asked skeptically.

"Because, Marlene, I–" he said, hesitating for a moment along the way, "I've been there once, too."

"Wait, you dated?" Marlene asked as her eyes nearly popped out.

"Oh, I wish it was that simple," Skipper said as he slapped himself in the face with a flipper. "Prepare yourself for the shock of the century."

"More shocking than you dating?" Marlene wondered.

"Yeah," Skipper replied. "I married her."

Had Marlene not been sitting down, she would have collapsed.

"What?" she asked, truly in shock.

"It was back in Africa, and for some strange reason that I'll never get my flippers around, I felt that I needed someone," Skipper continued. "I realized soon after that what we had was never real love, and even though Kowalski assures me that the marriage was never legally binding, I still can't help but feel–"

"Wait," Marlene broke-in, "how can marrying an African penguin not be legally binding?"

"Well, to start with, Lola wasn't an African penguin," Skipper replied. "She was a mammal."

"A mammal?" Marlene remarked puzzledly.

"Well, to be honest, she was more of a plant, or at least she used to be before she was carved," Skipper said. "You see, Lola was a wooden hula doll with a bobbing head."

"Ah, no," Marlene commented. "Tell me what really happened."

"It's true – she was a glorified block of wood with a face!" Skipper declared. "Marlene, I hate to admit it, but that was my life just a short few years ago. And I tell you this not because I'm proud of it, but because I moved on; I didn't let this strange, whacked-out, arguably psychotic experience change my life or who I was."

Skipper then leaned over and placed a flipper around Marlene's shoulders.

"So, Marlene, if I won't allow having married a fake mammal to change my life," he said, "don't you let a dumb-as-a-sack-of-hammers real one change yours."

"You know, Skipper," Marlene then said, "as strange as that story of your past is, it helps to know that someone has gone through something even remotely similar. It helps– Hiccup! Hiccup!"

"You all right?" Skipper asked as Marlene continued to hiccup. "Do you need me to get you a glass of water or something?"

"No, I'm fine," Marlene replied, with Skipper's offer of kindness alone soon sending her hiccups away. "Thanks, but it's probably just all that salsa and chips I had for breakfast yesterday still bothering me."

Marlene then thought for a moment about exactly when she had eaten that salsa. It came to her that she had just finished eating moments before Private had come over to her habitat, saying "Close your eyes and come with me, Marlene, you're in for a real treat!"

"Skipper, I ate that salsa right before you guys tried the Luv-u-Lator on me," she stated. "Do you think that could have thrown off the results of my saliva sample?"

"If Fred was Spanish, I would probably think yes," Skipper replied. "I tend to think not, though, but there's no way of knowing for sure. Who knows who'd come up if it did affect the results, however; the Luv-u-Lator could've even paired you up with Rico."

"Yeah, right," Marlene chuckled. "Not happening."

"Or Mort," Skipper added as he chuckled alongside Marlene.

"No, neither one of those would do," she laughed before suddenly becoming serious. "Of course, Julien wouldn't do either, you know. First I find him fighting Fred over me yesterday, then he comments that I'm not enough of a prize for him anyway."

"The fool," Skipper remarked.

"Of course, maybe he was just being honest," Marlene continued.

Skipper then began to stare at Marlene.

"What?!" Marlene soon remarked playfully.

"No, not true," Skipper said as he then shook his head. "Either ring-tail's been hittin' the lychee nuts again or he'd better get his vision checked because there's nothing wrong with you."

"Aw, Skipper, that's so sweet," Marlene said, "but I can't be that pretty."

"Marlene, you're pretty enough that I almost slapped that lemur for what he said yesterday," Skipper stated. "And I still will if you want me to."

"Nah, it's not worth it," she responded as she waved a paw to dismiss the idea. "But while we're on the subject of what you would do for me, I was wondering if you could find it in your heart to forgive me."

"What for?" Skipper asked puzzledly.

"For dating," she replied. "You see, Skipper, despite our differences, I've always trusted you more than anyone else I know, especially when I don't want the whole world to know my problems. You've always been there for me and I know that you won't hurt me; I wouldn't want you to think that by dating that I've placed a greater trust in someone else."

"Wow, I'm more speechless than Rico," Skipper said as he smiled. "It feels good to know that you trust me so much, but you having dated changes nothing between us – I'd still be there for you regardless of whether you broke up with Fred or married the darn fool."

"Really?" Marlene asked, truly touched as she reached over and began to hug Skipper.

"Really," Skipper replied as he then hugged her, too. "It's what makes you happy that really matters."

Skipper's warm words were moving to Marlene, and she began to cry a little as she continued the embrace.

"And do you know what makes me happy?" Marlene asked.

"What, Marlene?" Skipper whispered.

"It's knowing that I can never be truly lonely when I have a friend like you," she answered. "It's knowing that no matter how much we disagree about something that we will never let it affect our friendship; it's knowing that we can drive each other crazy one moment and sit down and play chess together the next."

"I like that, too, Marlene," Skipper said as he smiled. "But friends or no friends, I'm not gonna let you win; if you're gonna whoop me, you've got to earn it."

"I wouldn't want it any other way," Marlene responded.

Skipper sighed.

"You know, I'm sorry again for making you go through the whole Luv-u-Lator ordeal," he apologized. "I wish I could make it up to you somehow."

"Don't worry about it, Skipper," Marlene said.

She then looked into Skipper's eyes for a moment and smiled.

"Of course, if you really feel that you still need to make it up to me, there is one thing you could do," she said.

"Name it," Skipper replied.

"I want you to learn how to play the Spanish guitar," Marlene said.

Skipper smiled.

"But, Marlene," he said, "I already can."

Final Thoughts

Skilene fans be relieved: Antonio the otter wasn't Marlene's real date after all due to the salsa she had eaten throwing off the results of her saliva test. But who was Marlene's real date, then? Well, although I lean towards the Skilene side, my personal style is to not directly bring it out in fanfics – I like to lead readers in a general direction, but ultimately leave it up to their imaginations. I always portray a strong friendship between Skipper and Marlene; you decide if it's something more.