The next afternoon, Dawn coaxed Buffy into taking a walk with her. They went through the neighborhood, with Dawn doing most of the talking. Buffy stayed engaged with her, answering questions and asking some, and Dawn kept the conversation in the present.

When they returned to the house, the others didn't yell surprise, but the decorations caught Buffy off guard. The living room was full of balloons and streamers, and a banner hung on the banister. Buffy just stared, and Dawn had to push her inside so she could close the door. "Happy birthday."

"Thanks." Buffy took off her coat, and Dawn took it.

The others took a turn hugging her and wishing her a belated happy birthday. On the day, Willow brought home dinner from a restaurant one of her classmates recommended and gave Buffy a pair of garnet earrings. Today, there were decorations, cake, and brightly wrapped presents.

Buffy was uncomfortable, but did her best to hide it. She let them sing, and blew out the candles on the cake, although she didn't make a wish. She had no idea what to wish for, as her brain reminded her that a year ago, her mother was ill and she was fighting a hell god and being stalked by a vampire and losing her boyfriend.

They had cake and ice cream, and Buffy opened her gifts – a sweater from Xander and Anya; a framed photo of all of them, even Giles, from Dawn; and a small, braided leather bracelet with some crystals from Tara. Willow looked at her, questioning, when she saw it, and Tara nodded.

After everything was cleared away, Dawn went upstairs and brought down the Monopoly board. While she set it up, Willow went to the kitchen, and Tara followed.

"What's the bracelet?"

"Sort of a dreamcatcher. To help her sleep."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. I can make one for you," Tara offered.

"No, as long as Buffy's sleeping, so do I."

Tara nodded.

"Guess we should go and let Anya kick our butts again."

"Yeah."

Buffy was first out again. She got up and went around closing up the house, then returned to sit near Willow.

Willow turned to her. "Could you put the lasagna in the oven?"

Buffy nodded and got up again.

They set the game aside to eat, and returned after the dishes were done. One by one, Anya eliminated the other players until it was just she and Dawn. Dawn looked at the board and sighed. She gathered her few properties and handed them to Anya. "I surrender."

"Undefeated," Anya smiled hugely. "I love this game."

"Next time we'll play Trivial Pursuit. Willow will pound you," Dawn said.

"Hey," Willow protested, "don't go making promises on my behalf."

"Oh, please," Xander said, "you never lose at that. You even beat Giles, and he's like a walking trivia encyclopedia."

"On demons, yeah, but other than history, not so much," Willow answered.

"Have you talked to him?" Xander asked.

Willow felt the shift in Buffy's mood. "Not yet."

"Why?" he asked Buffy.

She shrugged. She couldn't begin to imagine what Giles would have to say. He might start with, "Glad you're back," but he would, no doubt, get around to "sacred duty" and "one girl in all the world."

"You should, you know," Xander continued.

"When we're ready," Willow answered.

"I'm, uh, I'm gonna turn in. It's been a long day," Buffy said while she stood. "Good night."

Willow followed her upstairs and closed the door. "You all right?"

Buffy shook her head, and Willow moved into the room. She wrapped her arms around Buffy from behind, and Buffy turned to face her. She leaned into Willow.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Maybe later," Buffy answered, and adjusted her hold on Willow. "What's the deal with the bracelet?"

"It's supposed to help you sleep better."

"Guess we'll see, won't we?"

"Ummm hmmm."

"They're leaving tomorrow, right?"

"I think so. Monday's not a holiday or anything."

"Good."

"Too much noise?"

"Yeah."

Willow ran her hand through Buffy's hair and kissed her head. "Do you want me to stay?"

"Yes. But you can go back downstairs if you want."

"I won't be long." Willow raised Buffy's face and kissed her.

Buffy reluctantly released her and watched Willow leave the room. She sighed, and changed into pajamas, and got in bed. There was still too much noise coming from downstairs, so she slid over to Willow's side of the bed and curled around her pillow.

Buffy was still awake when Willow returned, and watched her change into pajamas. Willow turned out all but one of the lights, and Buffy moved back to her side of the bed.

"Oooo, warm, thank you."

"Welcome." Buffy moved into Willow's arms and rested her head on Willow's shoulder. "You're not going to call Giles, are you?"

"No, and I made Xander promise not to either."

"Thank you." Buffy slid her hand under Willow's top and rested it on her belly. She always felt better when she touched skin.

Willow kissed Buffy's forehead. "Go to sleep, love. They're leaving early, and we should be up to say goodbye."

Tara's bracelet helped Buffy sleep easier, but nothing else really changed. The photo album remained untouched, and Buffy's discomfort after sunset continued. The evenings that Willow was at school, Buffy prowled the house, checking and re-checking locks, frequently with the phone held to her ear by a raised shoulder. She usually called for Dawn, knowing that she would carry the conversation. When she spoke with the others, they kept the conversation light.

As the days lengthened, Buffy found reasons to be outside. She sometimes walked Willow to her first class of the day and jogged home alone. At home, she sat in the backyard to read, and sometimes went through exercises that were still second nature.

Willow remained focused on her studies. She went to class and labs, and studied at home, content to spend the rest of her time with Buffy. She still watched Buffy carefully, alert to the start of meltdowns that still occurred without rhyme or reason that Willow could discern.

They spent Willow's spring break up north with the rest of their family. Buffy liked the area, and was able to accept being with them. Willow relaxed a little. She was relieved to have another place that Buffy felt safe. Buffy went for a run every morning, and they cleaned the kitchen together after the others left for the day. They took walks together in the morning, and in the afternoon, while Willow tackled her never-ending school work. Buffy walked with Dawn or Tara. Buffy preferred Tara's company. They talked about their mothers, and the aftereffects of the hellmouth, and bits of the future.

Buffy liked visiting, and liked being in touch with them, but she still had moments when she froze, and others where she curled in on herself from the weight of their shared history and the expectations the others had but didn't voice. She liked being up north, too, because it was one of the few places she felt absolutely safe. As the Slayer, Buffy thought for a long time that place might be a church, or synagogue, or mosque, until she fought vampires on sacred ground. Willow was her safe place now, but usually by Saturday evening, Buffy felt comfortable in the house that Xander and the others shared.

Buffy couldn't sleep on Thursday night, so she kissed Willow and dressed in the dark. She went downstairs and out onto the porch, where she found Tara. "Uh, hey."

"Hey. Going somewhere?"

"Couldn't sleep."

"Me either."

"I won't bother you," Buffy said, and turned to go back in.

"No, you won't," Tara agreed. "Sit with me." Tara watched Buffy while she thought about it, saw her tremble. "C'mon, it's ok," Tara coaxed.

After a few more seconds, Buffy sat near Tara on the steps, and like Tara, leaned back on her elbows to look up at the sky. It was clear, with what looked like a million stars. "Billions and billions," Buffy heard in her head, remembering watching Carl Sagan on TV with Willow.

"Not the best time of year for me," Tara said.

"Me either."

"I still miss my mom so much."

"Yeah." Buffy swallowed. "On the bright side, no apocalypse this year," she said, attempting to make a joke.

Tara snorted. "Good thing, too."

"Yeah. Not like I can do anything about it."

"You can," Tara reassured her. "You're still you, Buffy. Your aura's muddy, but it's all still there, just like the first time I saw you." She noticed Buffy beginning to freak out over it, and put her hand on Buffy's shoulder. "Just breathe. You're ok."

Tara's touch calmed her a bit. Not as much as Willow's, but enough that she didn't sprint back to bed. "I can't."

"All right. Just breathe."

"How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Hide what you're thinking from them?"

"What am I hiding from them?"

"Not hiding, I guess. You told them flat out that you're going back to Sun…Sunnydale," Buffy forced out.

"I am. My degree will help out a lot in the long run. Dawn's school is going to be expensive."

Buffy put her head in her hands. "I'm the worst sister ever."

"You're not. She's happy. She's safe. She understands, kind of."

"Kind of?"

"After you guys stayed with us the first time, she came and talked to me about how you looked and acted. All she was concerned about was whether she would scare you off."

"She could have. You could have."

"I wouldn't."

"I know." Buffy sighed. "You're really going back there?"

"I have to."

"I hope I never have to."

"Me, too." Tara shifted on the steps. "Don't tell them, ok? They'll try to talk me out of it."

Buffy thought it over, and finally nodded slowly. She owed Tara that much, for everything that happened between them. "Promise you'll be careful."

"I will."

"And call if you need us."

"I will."

"And"

"Buffy, it's not until fall."

"Ok." Although she hadn't noticed it, her right leg was bouncing frantically.

"Breathe," Tara encouraged her.

"Oh." Buffy froze for a second, then jumped up. She paused at the door to say good night to Tara, and went back up to bed.

The afternoon before they left, Buffy walked with Xander through the woods. He liked the quiet of it, and knowing it was safe, and was happy to let Buffy set the pace. She looked better, and acted more like herself, but he plainly saw the shadows that memory put on her face, and let her see his.

"Not what we planned, huh?"

"I never really had a plan."

"Yeah."

"I'm really sorry," she began.

"Don't. You don't have to say that, Buff, or anything. Stuff happened. We've done the best we can."

"Thanks for taking care of Dawn."

"She takes care of us, too."

"You need to let her date."

"After her birthday."

"Ok."

They walked quietly for a while longer before turning back. They were near the house when Xander said, "You know you can come up here and stay with us."

Buffy shook her head. "Willow has school. She's taking classes over the summer."

"When she finishes."

Buffy laughed. "Like that will ever happen."

"Yeah, I guess so," he agreed. "But you're always welcome here."

"Thanks."

"I think it's Monopoly night. Ready to get your butt kicked by Anya?"

"It makes her happy," he shrugged, and grinned. "Happy Anya means a happy house." He bounced up the steps and held the door open to let Buffy enter first.