Spinach and Feta Cheese Pizza

For ilovefetacheese, on her birthday (belated).

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts.

Chapter 1: Delivery

"INTRUDER ALERT INTRUDER ALERT INTRUDER ALERT!" a computerized male voice rang throughout the castle.

"Everybody, in your positions!!!" a blue-haired man named Saix yelled, waving a hand in the air, a most fearsome look on his face. "VIII, report!"

A tall man with menacingly spiked red hair warped immediately next to Saix, stepping out of a portal to darkness. "INTRUDER SPOTTED AT 1800 HOURS IN SECTOR -251, SIR!"

"What sector is that?!" Saix demanded, pulling up a holographic screen.

"GROUND FLOOR, SIR!"

"Vicinity?"

"CASTLE GATES!"

"Description?"

"MEDIUM-HEIGHT UNIDENTIFIED MALE OF UNKNOWN ETHNICITY. SPIKY BROWN HAIR STICKING OUT UNDERNEATH POINTY RED HAT. DRESSED IN A UNIFORM OF UNKNOWN ORIGIN, MOSTLY RED, HIGHLIGHTED BY A RED APRON-LIKE GARMENT. CARRYING SEVERAL SUSPICIOUS BOXES FROM WHICH AN UNKNOWN ODOR IS EMANATING. MAY BE TOXIC."

"You are dismissed. Report to your assigned position at once!" Saix commanded VIII, dismissing him with a wave of the hand. "VI! I need intel!"

"Yes, sir," a young man with grey hair, styled meticulously, materialized next to Saix, dressed in a long black cloak identical to the one Saix was wearing. The only difference between his outfit and Saix's was the pair of trendy eye-concealing black sunglasses he donned. "How can I assist you?"

"What is the source of the threat?" Saix ordered the boy to answer.

"An unidentified male of unknown nationality yelled a potentially threatening message outside of the castle gates, sir. We are unsure whether he is friend or enemy," VI spoke as he rifled through the black notebook in his hands, reading aloud from his carefully detailed report.

"Have you transcribed the message?"

"Yes, sir. Would you like a full report?"

"Read me the message, Zexion," Saix commanded, referring to the boy by name rather than by number.

"The message reads as follows:" Zexion stepped back and took a deep breath, "DELIVERY!"

A shocked look crossed Saix's face. "IMBECILES!" he cried, losing control over his calm façade, "Where is he now?!?"

"…" Zexion hesitated and looked at Saix, pushing his sunglasses a little farther up his nose. "…We are unsure, sir."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT SURE?!? WHAT IS GOING ON DOWN THERE? LUXORD, REPORT!" Saix yelled, jamming a button on the massive control panel in front of him. A blonde man armed with several guns appeared in hologram form, ammo strapped across his chest.

"Sir!" the man cried, hunched down behind a fallen marble column, "We need immediate backup!" A bullet whizzed within two inches of his nose, and machine gun fire could be heard from a distance.

"Report the situation, X!" Saix growled, gripping the edges of the hologram device, alarmed by the fire raging behind Luxord, also known as the number X, and the smoke clouding the air.

"An unidentified male of unknown national allegiance was spotted passing through the gummi ship hangar, sir, a strange scent wafting from his cargo!" the man glanced to his right and let loose a round of bullets, a feral snarl on his face. "DIE, #$(%#!"

"X! Your attention!"

"Oh, VII, Saix, yes. As I was saying – " he raised his gun and shot something off screen to his right. A howl was heard. " – My designated emergency battle position is within the hangar, sir, and I promptly reported here once I received an alert sent to my wristwatch by the gummi ship hangar's security system." Luxord glanced warily to his left and then his right, on the alert, "Anyways, sir, whatever was in those boxes lured millions of heartless and vagrant lower-level nobodies!" Luxord suddenly whirled around and sent two shots sailing over the ruined column which had once supported the hangar ceiling. Two inhuman sillouhettes were seen disintegrating behind him, a distance away. "We're being overrun, sir!" he gasped.

Saix just stared for a moment, pausing before speaking, "Are those… gunshots I hear, X?" Just then, Luxord ducked, and five bullets flew by over his head.

"Yes SIR! WE NEED BACK UP ASAP!"

"Zexion, what do you make of the situation? I was not aware that heartless bore arms." Saix turned to VI.

"X, are those heartless and nobodies armed?" Zexion inquired calmly, pushing his sunglasses onto his forehead, watching the scene before him.

"Affirmative! I don't know what that kid had in those boxes, but - %#&$!" Luxord fired repeatedly, stopping once to throw a burning playing card behind him. " – they really want it!" He ducked and a loud BOOM could be heard, and the rumble of collapsing columns only added to the cacophony.

"I think the ceiling could collapse sir! This is it! TELL LARXENE I LOVE HER! EEEYYYYYYYYYYYYAHHHHHHHHH TAKE THAT YOU %$&& &#&& &&%***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Luxord stood and backflipped over the fallen column that had once been his shield, firing madly at the black and white shadowy figures approaching him. He did a few more flips, growing distant, until he could no longer be seen through the smoke – only his war cries could be heard by Saix and Zexion. Soon, even those faded.

"ZEXION! Determine the location and identity of the intruder! Destroy whatever he is carrying! Bring him to me, DEAD OR ALIVE!" Saix ordered harshly.

Zexion smirked and readjusted his sunglasses, placing them firmly over his eyes. "Consider it done, VII." He disappeared into a portal.

Suddenly, a loud rumble emanated from several floors below, and the ground shook beneath Saix.

"Vexen! I need a damage report, IV!" An older man with long blonde hair appeared beside him.

"Lower labs 1, 2, and 3 in the basements are completely overrun with heartless and mutinous nobodies, sir!" IV reported, distraught.

Saix banged a fist on the table. "What more?!" he cried, furious.

"Sectors 2.5, 3.14, and 6 of the gummi ship hangar have collapsed!"

"Any word from X?!" Saix demanded, pushing a button on the control panel. "Luxord, do you read me? Luxord!" The hologram flickered out.

Vexen shook his head sadly. "We lost contact with him 5.2 minutes ago, sir. We are unsure of his whereabouts."

"Where are the rest? Has our army of dusks been ordered to defend the castle?" Saix needed answers, now.

"We have lost control over the lower level nobodies, sir. They seem to have gone beserk, and we suspect the cause may be whatever the intruder was carrying." Vexen whipped out a blinking device, upon which he promptly pressed the touch-sensitive screen in several places. "It seems Xigbar is gathering the rest of our nobody forces."

"GET ME XIGBAR!"

"Number II, do you read?" Vexen spoke into his phone-like device.

"Affirmative, IV."

Vexen hit a button and his gadget projected a beam of light onto the wall, forming the image of a large man with sinister black sideburns, hundreds upon thousands of strangely-shaped grey, silver, and white beings seemingly made of a strange, ethereal matter lined up behind him, constantly shifting shape, eager for battle.

"Report, II."

"I have assembled what's left of our army, sir. We are ready to move out."

"Numbers?"

"Approximately 15,000 nobodies have reported for duty. The lowest-level nobodies, the dusks, have all gone renegade."

"How many have deserted, II?"

"…we have lost approximately 76543333323 dusks to the rampage, sir. They've all gone mad."

"76543333323?!?" Saix reeled back from the shock, dismay and rage apparent on his face. "Can you overpower them?"

"We can try, sir."

"Try isn't good enough, Xigbar. We've already lost Luxord. We can't afford to lose you too," Saix growled, "Oh, and be careful, II. These heartless and nobodies are armed."

"What do you mean by armed, si - $*!!!" Bullets started raining over Xigbar's head and several of the lesser nobodies behind him disintegrated. "They're here! MOVE OUT! I REPEAT, MOVE OUT!" Xigbar looked one last time at Saix and Vexen. "I suppose this is goodbye, honorable comrades." Xigbar gave a solute towards Saix. "Give my regards to the superior when he returns. And please…" he bowed his head somberly, "Tell Larxene I love her. Xigbar, out." The camera turned to follow Xigbar as he ran towards a hoard of black and silver creatures, a warcry spilling from his throat as he whirled his lances around mightily. "EAT THIS, YOU #*$*''%$#%$#% $#%#$% $%$%!!!!!!!!!"

Saix put a hand to his forehead. "Complete your report, Vexen."

"Yes sir! The grounds surrounding the castle are currently surrounded by a swarm of heartless. The ground appears black!"

Saix looked out the window, surveying the grounds below.

"Indeed, Vexen," he put a hand to his chin, "The situation is grim. I must think of a way out of this."

"Currently no upper levels have been affected by the infestation, VII. Numbers VIII, XIII, and V are holding them at bay in the first floor hall, preventing them from entering the castle's main rooms. Numbers XII and XI are currently working to destroy the entrance to the gummi ship hangar in order to prevent the enemy from gaining access into the main castle." Vexen paused, a short silence during which a large BOOM sounded from several floors below. Vexen's gadget beeped. "…That would be them, sir."

Saix shook his head, frustrated. "And where is IX?!?" he demanded.

"…Sleeping, sir."

"SLEEPING?!?" Saix could hold his rage back no longer. "NINE. GET DOWN HERE IMMEDIATELY." He commanded, his voice threatening.

There was no response. IX failed to report.

"FOUR! PORTAL NINE HERE! I DON'T CARE IF HE'S IN HIS PAJAMAS, GET HIM HERE!" Saix ordered angrily, pointing at Vexen.

"Yes, sir!" Vexen disappeared into a mysterious black portal of darkness.

Moments later, he reappeared, holding a snoring blonde with a strange Mohawk by the collar of his pink Power Ranger pajamas. The blonde was holding a stuffed bear whose red shirt read "Pooh."

Saix stared in disgust as a string of drool descended from the mouth of the peacefully sleeping teen. "NINE!" He growled, "Awaken!"

The boy snored again, then mumbled sleepily, "Saix… I don't wanna… don't make me clean the bathrooms again… I promise I'll be a good boy… I won't bring anymore heartless home as pets and dress them up like my favorite Final Fantasy characters…" The boy ceased mumbling and started snoring again.

Saix groaned and commanded, "IV! DROP HIM!" upon which Vexen promptly released his grip on Number IX, who fell to the floor with a distinct "thud."

IX's eyes flew open and he sat up. "Owww," he moaned, rubbing his head. "Is the pizza here yet?" He blinked lazily.

"IMBECILE. WE ARE IN A STATE OF EMERGENCY AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS SLEEP?!?" Saix howled, infuriated by IX's lack of action.

"Whaa -? Emergency?" the boy innocently questioned, eyes wide with shock. The ground rumbled beneath the three men and IX put both hands on the floor to steady himself. He stood, questioning Saix: "What's going on?"

"WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING, YOU USELESS LOAFER, APPROXIMATELY 76543333323 DUSKS DESERTED OUR ARMY AND DECIDED TO INVADE THE CASTLE, ALLIED WITH A MASS OF AS-OF-YET-UNCOUNTED HEARTLESS, ALL DUE TO AN UNIDENTIFIED INTRUDER WHOSE STATE OF ORIGIN HAS YET TO BE DETERMINED," Saix yelled, scaring the poor boy to death, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

IX merely stared, unable to comprehend the situation.

"REPORT TO YOUR BATTLESTATION, BOY! Assist Axel, Roxas, and Lexaeus in holding off the swarm at the first floor hall!" The boy didn't budge. "MOVE, DEMYX!" Saix commanded IX, referring to his name, which seemed to shock Demyx out of his stupor.

"YESSIR," IX declared, saluting Saix, "I WILL REPORT TO MY POSITION AND DEFEND THIS CASTLE UNTO MY DEATH, SIR. DEMYX, REPORTING FOR DUTY!" IX portaled out of the grey room.

"WHAT IN TARNATION IS GOIN' ON, VEXEN?" Saix screamed. Apparently Saix had a country twang that only slipped out when he was stressed and in a panic, "WHY'RE THERE GUN-TOTIN' HEARTLESS AND NOBODIES HEREBOUTS?"

Vexen just shook his head sadly, "I have no idea, sir. Have you heard from the superior? Is he aware of the situation?"

"No," Saix frowned, "His current location is unknown. He left me in charge of the castle 2.43 days ago before heading out on a 'special mission,' he said. He failed to inform me of the specifics."

"How… bizarre, VII." Vexen quirked an eyebrow, then looked quickly at his telephone-like gadget when it started buzzing. "The entire gummi ship hangar is now engulfed in flames sir, and there is still no word from Luxord. There is a security breach in Sector 28 – it seems the renegades have found a way into the air duct system, sir. Lab 5, Lab 7, the Conservatory, and the greenhouse have all been destroyed, sir. I recommend utilizing the castle's defense system and opening fire on the heartless surrounding the structure before they scale the walls, sir."

"Yes, yes, of course. Where is our defense specialist? NAMINÉ!" At his cry, a petite young girl with pale skin and long blonde hair appeared from a portal to darkness.

"SIR!" she cried, saluting Saix, "I have received a distress signal from X! It seems he is alive among the ruins of the gummi ship hangar!"

"X is alive?!" Saix exclaimed, surprised, "XIV! Report to the grey room at once!"

Another young girl appeared, dressed in a black cloak, her black hair contrasting Naminés blonde locks.

"Sir! Xion, Number XIV, reporting for duty! How may I assist you?" the girl inquired, saluting.

"XIV! I need you to embark on a rescue mission at once! Naminé will give you the details!"

Naminé turned to Xion, a pen and legal pad in hand. "14.2 minutes ago an S.O.S. signal was received from Sector 2.3 of the gummi ship hangar, sent to the defense and security center from Luxord's wristwatch. The entirety of the hangar is aflame, and could collapse at any moment. Exercise the utmost caution when carrying out this mission." Naminé looked to Saix for further commands.

"Eliminate as many heartless and dusks as possible. They are armed and will not hesitate to shoot you." Saix commented.

"Affirmative." Xion shook her head determinedly. "I will return ASAP with Luxord. I will not fail you." She stepped into a dark portal she made with a wave of her hand, disappearing.

"I must return to my battle station, VII," Vexen spoke up, "XI and XII request immediate back-up in the kitchen. Apparently the heartless have decided to try their hand at cooking, and the result is not pretty."

Saix nodded grimly, "You are dismissed, IV. Destroy them!" After Vexen disappeared, Saix turned to Naminé.

"Naminé," he began, "It is time to activate the castle defense system. I need you to bring out the big guns."

Naminé smiled. "Of course, sir. Weaponry is my specialty." Naminé walked over to the control panel and sat at the comfortable chair waiting for her. She hit a few buttons and a holographic screen popped up, showing a live view of the activity outside the castle. "Mario!" she commanded, activate program D2467 at once! Authorization code: 903459NAM. I need full control of the castle's weapons system immediately."

"Mario?" Saix inquired, confused.

"That's the name of the castle sir. The Castle That Never Was is officially named Mario." She turned to face him briefly. "Pardon me sir, but I must request that you report to your battle station. As number 0, defense specialist of this castle, I now take immediate control as specified by Xemnas's decree Part 786, Section 8.5. For verification, you can always ask Zexion." Naminé smiled sweetly. "Now, if you'll excuse me, VII, I've got some heartless to kill."