A/N: Okay lovely readers this is the final Chapter of this story, it wasn't planned this way but it just happened like that. I have a poll on My page and I want you guys to Vote on the poll for a sequel choice for this. Well Enjoy and don't hate me too much. Love ya guys and thank you for Sticking in for so long and supporting me and making me write this story. This has been so much fun and emotional t write. ENJOY!!!
DISCLAIMER: SM OWNS TWILIGHT
Chapter 24: Decisions.
Nessie
I felt like the time was ticking, but I was saved by the bell and this time it was by the ringtone. I had a call and it was from Justin. Something major was going on since he normally texts me now. I answered the phone with a little too much urgency. I guess I was trying to get out of giving Jake an explanation knowing, I really didn't need to give him one.
"Hello?"
"Nessie Oh my god Leah is having the babies and I need you here for support like I am so stressed out!" Justin said in word vomit, he forgot to breath and I could tell he was stressed out and he needed me the most now.
"Ok Jay I will be there soon tell her to wait for me." I was trying to lighten things up, but it seemed to not work out at all. I could tell he was still stressing out.
I hung up the phone and sighed. Things were just not going in my favor today, I looked over and Jacob was still waiting for an answer. I looked at Taylor and said it loud enough for everyone there to hear me.
"Taylor I can't go to Vancouver with you." I wasn't going to say why in front of everyone else why I wouldn't go, I would be subtle about the situation.
"Why what happened?" he looked a bit discontent with my answer. I pulled him to the side so we could talk.
"Well honey my best friend needs me he is all stressed out because his girl is having their twins. I think it might be the best if we just stay friends, I don't want to lead you on anymore. I care about you a lot, I think you taking care of me and my baby would be me taking advantage of you and that isn't fair to you." I said the last sentence a bit lower than the others.
"Nessie you think I just felt bad for you, I have been thinking and I love you that's the only reason I did the things I did. I care about you, but if you feel that you only want to be friends then that's what we will be. You have to realize when you love someone so much you have to just let them go. I am willing to do that if it makes you happy." He was so sweet and I couldn't help myself but smile and I hugged him and popped my right foot.
It was friendly of course and I loved Taylor like a best friend. I think that was how it was always meant to be with me and him.
"So you are going to Washington?" He asked me as he let go.
"Yea I want to, I promised my best friend and his girl who is like a sister to me that I would be there. I might as well go with you to the airport and just switch the flight."
"Ok no problem." I kissed his cheek. He was such a sweetheart and very understanding about it.
I looked at the face of disappointment and I felt myself get pulled by my arm, it was Jacob. I could tell he was pissed at me. He pulled me about two houses down, away from hearing distance.
"Answer me this, you tell me you still love me yet you're still with this pretty boy. I don't fucking understand you Nessie." He looked real pissed and I didn't have the guts to look him in the face. "If you go with him, you can forget about me and I am serious about that Nessie." He gripped my chin and forced me to look at him.
I don't know why my decision was going to be something I would regret in the future, I was restraining myself from real love and that wasn't the best thing to do. I knew it would come back to bite me on the ass later.
"I have my reasons and maybe one day you will understand why I did it honey." I caressed his cheek and that left him being a bit confused.
"Why one day? What are you talking about Nessie?" He raised his eyebrow and I looked away. I had my reasons to not tell him. I know I shouldn't be this way, but I can't help it.
I am not so sure how his reaction will affect me I guess I am still afraid to be left alone on this and by not saying anything I will be left alone. I guess it is the only way for me to be able to do it since I still don't know what his reaction will be, I guess I don't really want to know because down in the pit of my stomach I know the answer.
"Nothing." I shrugged and proceeded to walk away. I never got the chance too he grabbed my wrist.
"So I am guessing your going with him?" Jacob's face dropped when I turned to look at him, I had no words to say I could only manage to nod my head.
I walked away and I knew the tears were well on the way. What had I just done? I forced the man I love away by telling him I am going with someone I don't even love. Not that I don't love Taylor, I just don't love him the way I am supposed to.
--
Everything else was a blur all I know is I saw his face and it was as he lost everything. I wish I didn't have to be this way I wish things could be a million times different. I lost him because I was scared to lose him. I feel like shit right now and I am feeling sick, I miss Jake. Can my life be anymore contradictory? Gosh I am fighting with myself for this and nothing is working.
When I arrived at the airport I gave Justin a quick call to let him know I was in Washington already, my mother came and got me at the airport she knew Jacob was in Los Angeles, but no one let my father know. As soon as I saw my mother she hugged me tight.
"Nessie you look a little different." My mother eyed me up and down. I was just hoping and praying she didn't find out just yet, call it a mother's intuition because she knew. "No!" she covered her mouth and pulled me into a hug. "How? When? Actually no who?" she pulled back and looked me straight in the eyes.
"By Jacob Black, mom promise me you won't say anything about this please. I don't want anyone to know just yet, I am not showing yet and I just want to hide it as much as I can please mom help me out here."
"You want me to hide this from your father huh? Renesmee let's talk about this when we get in the car I don't want people to stare." I complied and we went to her car and she didn't start the car right away.
"Mom are you mad I am pregnant?" I know that was a stupid question, but it made me feel like such a child I was so vulnerable. I looked down and started playing with the edge of my blouse.
"I was afraid this might have happened. I am not happy that this happened, but what can I do it did happen. If your mother doesn't support you who do you have to support you." She smiled and caressed my cheek. For the first time in my life she felt like a mother to me.
"Thanks mom." A tear almost escaped my eyes I was happy to know I had my mom's support.
"I didn't have much support when I was pregnant with you, I couldn't do that to you knowing you need me." She was glowing and I loved it.
Jacob
I couldn't believe she did what she did to me. Isn't love supposed to conquer all? I want to know why she isn't the same; something is really off on her. I just want my mama back. This is so horrible. I feel like shit, I never knew my heart could ache so badly. I was experiencing my first heartbreak. I swear I thought I was doing my all just to get her back again. I never knew I could love one person so much to the point it hurt. I think I am going insane.
I was alone and that's all I wanted at this point. My chest hurt so badly and I guess I wanted to cry but tears wouldn't come. I had to admit I loved her with all my heart and I would do anything for her, I guess I wasn't enough for her and it killed me.
I was sitting in my room in the dark with all the curtains closed enveloping me with complete darkness and that's what I wanted. I just didn't know how I was going to continue and she pissed me off knowing she didn't want to be with me and I am starting to think someone was forcing her not to be with me. I could feel the pain of the tone of her voice when she spoke to me.
There was a knock on my door and I didn't want any company. I knew I couldn't avoid any of the visitors if I was going to continue to live with my mother. Maybe I should just go back to La Push and crawl into my room and never show my face maybe no one will notice it.
The knocking became lighter maybe they were just going to give up on it. "Jacob it's me Melanie can we talk?" my little sister I can tell she cares about me and we haven't known each other for a long time. She is a real good kid; I just hope she isn't a heartbreaker like some other girls I know. I rolled my eyes.
Melanie came in I didn't need her to say anything you could feel the hard cold emotions in the room. I was crushed come on, someone you love so much is neglecting you when the only thing you want to give is your love, maybe she went with pretty boy because he has a lot of money. Maybe she was just interested anyway.
"Jake you can't be like this the rest of your life she is just a girl." She said as she sat next to me on my bed. Everything about this room felt cold, I still felt like I couldn't breathe it was a horrible feeling.
"Mel's she isn't just a girl she is the one person I fell in love with, I won't be able to forget her easily and that's what's killing me at this point. I have this fresh wound that is tearing at me. I just need to be alone for a while." My voice was hard and hoarse; I was still very hurt to the point in where I was thinking things that should have never crossed my mind.
Maybe Mel's was right she is just a girl, the most amazing girl I have ever wanted. I don't know why I was starting to feel a little sick at this point. I got up from my bed and threw up in the bathroom; I didn't make the toilet so I threw up all over the bathroom floor. Melanie ran after me and rubbed my back.
"Are you ok? Are you feeling sick? Maybe mom can take you to a doctor?" Melanie showed so much concern and it warmed me up a little.
"Nah I am good, probably something I ate." I couldn't explain the mood swings and the nausea.
"You know did you put on a little weight you look a little chunky?" Melanie looked at me strangely as she grabbed some of the new grown flab from my previously flat stomach.
"I have no clue, can you go get the mop." I asked nicely. She went and got the mop and I cleaned up the bathroom. I was left alone in my room again. I ran to the bathroom and barfed in the toilet. I hated this nauseas feeling, is it possible to be so depressed that I am getting sick.
I looked myself in the mirror a couple times and washed my face. My heart was racing and I wasn't so sure why, I was getting the strangest feeling of déjà vu. Something bad was going to happen and I didn't like the way my arm hair was sticking on ends.
In that very moment my cell phone rang and I swear I wish I never picked up that call.
Nessie
Breathe it's almost over breathe, breathe, breathe. I couldn't help it my heart was racing I never expected for this to happen for the exact same thing to happen twice. I was afraid of a presence to come. I felt like a scared child who just got in trouble for the first time. I never thought it was going to happen like this. When my mother told me my Father was coming to Forks with Laycie and Samantha I found that very odd that he would even consider doing so.
I had the opportunity to see my god children Jonathan and Jayden. They look so much like Justin when I held one of them I felt at home. I actually opened up to the idea of having a child and I would be the best mother I could be to my child even if he didn't have a father to watch after him. He would have so much more; if it was a girl I would as well love her.
Now back to what I was dreading the arrival of my father. I was pacing even more then I should have. So far my mother has kept my secret and I loved her for it. My stomach was beginning to stick out a bit more. I was biting my finger nails as to how nervous I was.
"Renesmee honey please don't be so nervous, you will give yourself away by doing what you are doing." Mom eyed me knowingly and I knew she was right, mother knows best right?
"I know." I sat down and began to breathe evenly to control my nervous behavior. I was having the worst pain in my chest and a serious case of bad déjà vu. It felt horrible, I could sense something bad about to occur and I didn't like it.
--
Finally the hour of horror came and my father stepped into my house, I didn't understand what he was coming to Forks for if he hadn't been her in years. His excuse was some business. Seems like the Cullen's want to start some businesses in Forks. Put their input in the city. Grandpa and Grandma were moving back to Forks that was a good thing they were buying back the old house they lived in all those years ago.
I exhaled when I heard that I was seriously thinking my father found out and he was going to take my baby and then send me to a convent. I was shitting bricks up until that point.
"So honey I see you came to see Justin and his new addition to his family. I am proud of that boy for taking responsibility for his actions." My father looked proud of Justin, So it was ok for Justin to have a kid, but if I were near a five mile radius of another boy that was so horrible.
"Yea nice boy." I rolled my eyes and looked at the floor.
"Princess why don't we go for a drive and get some ice cream I really missed you." His eyes were a bit apologetic. He was still trying to apologize for the whole Jacob incident, I still blame him for it. He was so lucky I was craving some Phish food ice cream.
"Sure Ben and Jerry's Edward." I was still a little mad and I wouldn't call him daddy for a long time. Hey maybe if he accepts his real grandchild I will call him daddy again.
We got in the car and were driving to get some Phish food ice cream. He pulled into the store and I got out getting my ice cream. He paid for it and sent me a warm apologetic smile. I couldn't forgive him for being such a hypocrite and a horrible person to brake me up with Jacob the person I love. I just feel bad that I am not with him now.
We got back in the car and I attacked my ice cream. My father looked amazed as I began to eat the ice cream.
"Really Ren, by the way you were putting that ice cream away I would believe your pregnant." I dropped the spoon and my jaw dropped, my mom told him.
"She told you!" I got defensive; I was a little pissed to believe my mom would tell me.
My dad looked my way as he was driving. "You're what!" he screamed at the top of his lungs that he left me momentarily death for a few minutes. The events of the next thing that happened were too much of a blur to me so I vaguely remember them.
My father was yelling at me and then he swerved when he realized he almost hit a truck we rolled off the road because of the slippery roads, dads rental car didn't have good tires. I rolled all over the car as it was rolling down a hilly side way. I wasn't wearing a seat belt so I took many blows all over my body I could easily feel shards of glass hitting me when the car lost control; gladly the next thing I accepted was a shining bright white light.
Jacob
"She is what!?" I screamed anxiously into the phone. "Why should I care!?" I replied again in that same harsh tone. "Seth are you sure?" I asked a bit more collected now. "Ok fine I am coming back to La Push now."
I hung up the phone and grabbed a bag and stuffed it with some stuff I didn't even know I wanted to take. I was in such a hurry at that point. Seth had told me that my sister Rachel was a bit sick and I wasn't so sure why he made it sound so dire. I felt bad I loved my sister Rachel she was my mother figure for so many years I do care a lot about her.
I hurried myself down the stairs and I explained the situation to Sarah and she understood and set up for the private jet she had to leave in about half an hour, in about two hours I would be in La Push and able to see my sister.
I was in such a shock mode I was so nervous this felt so much more serious then I thought it would be. When I arrived to Forks I called Seth and he told me to go to Forks hospital, I found that a bit strange since we don't really go to the main hospital in Forks because we have traditions in where we have a tribal medicine man. I found this all odd and things didn't really add up. I took a cab to the hospital. The day was horrible it was raining to a point where you couldn't see anything.
When I got to the hospital Seth was in the main doorway and I was relieved to see his face, it was a bit distressed and next to him was Samantha and she was crying. I felt lied to at this point, because why would she be crying over my sister she hardly knew her. Then I knew who it was.
"I don't know why you lied to me I don't even want to see her right now. Why would you do that Seth!" I practically screamed at my best friend I was beyond pissed right now.
"Jake you have to listen to me, Nessie needs you right now. We all found out why she was avoiding you." His voice was trying to be strong but he was having a loss of words and I didn't understand why.
"Jacob listen to me, I love Nessie with my heart she is like my sister. She was just in a car crash with her father, Jacob Nessie was pregnant." I felt my knees give out and I fell to the floor in the middle of the waiting room, my jaw was dropped. She lied to me she told me she didn't have sex with that Taylor dude and she was going to give him a child.
I think everyone caught my emotions; I was even more heartbroken if that were possible. I definitely lost her completely just now. I lost her and I might have lost her completely, like I will never have her again.
"Jake are you ok?" Seth asked me. I blanked everyone out at this point. Their voices were all blurry and I could barely comprehend a word they were saying. I made a mental note to tune them out completely.
"Jacob sweetie, Nessie was three months pregnant." I heard my sisters voice from somewhere in the room and I was pretty sure everyone was now around me.
I don't know why I think I started to actually cry; the first time I cried my genuine tears. I haven't cried in so long and I was crying now because I could actually lose her.
"I think he went into complete shock." I heard Emily's voice now.
"Can someone just tell him Nessie was pregnant with his kid because I don't think he has figured that out yet." I heard Paul's obnoxious voice now.
I put the pieces together she was pregnant with my kid. So why did she hide it from me? I got up from the floor and rushed myself into the ICU section. I spotted a crying Bella in the arms of an Edward Cullen crying their eyes out together. Edward had a couple scratches and scuffs on his face but he looked hardly damaged.
"Where is she?" I demanded to know I had to see her. If this was really happening I wanted to be with her.
"Jacob she isn't fine, she lost the baby." Bella said in between sobs. Bella knew? "This is all your fault Edward, my baby is seriously hurt because of you." She banged against his chest three times and he pulled her closer and shushed her. I could tell they were having a serious moment at that point, but I really wanted to see her.
I pieced some pieces together from before, the nausea, the weight gains. Is it possible for guys to be affected by a pregnancy? I think it was possible and now I understood what her words meant the last time I saw her. She was afraid to tell me, I don't understand why? I love her so much and I would do anything for her. I felt myself collapse again as Bella's words sank and burned into my brain. Our baby had died and the monster that split us up in the first place is to blame for it as well.
I felt completely and utterly useless at that point in my life and all I wanted to do was see her right now.
--
Two days had passed and I didn't leave her room not once, she hadn't waked up yet. The doctor said she induced herself in a comma due to her body reacting to the impact inflicted. I just wouldn't leave her side knowing that all I wanted was to be with her. We found out that the child we were going to have was a baby boy. I was going to wait for her to wake up so she would know what to do. It was just a fetus but she was way on her way of hitting four months and the baby had most of its body parts enough to give us some details.
I felt horrible as to why she would feel I would leave her if she told me she was pregnant. We could have avoided all this pain if she would have just told me. I would take care of us, I was more than capable of doing so. I admired her beauty as her body slept. I don't know why the fairytale of sleeping beauty kept on replaying in my mind. Like if I kissed her she would wake up and I would have her again and we could live happily ever after.
The thing is this is the real world and they're no happily ever after. I doubt I would even get a happily ever after. I told her if she left she would never see me again. I felt regretful and all those words hit me like a ton of bricks. I should have never said them and maybe she would have stayed with me and we would be that happy couple again.
I swear I would pay anything just to change the past. Maybe I should have never accepted her invite to New York City. I would have stayed in La Push and she would have came back two weeks later and we would still be that happy couple. We would still have our son because I seriously think our son was conceived in the back of Bella's truck.
I would have still used Sarah for money and start up my own car company get some serious profit from it and Nessie would never have to work. Our kid would be the most spoiled kid ever and we would have that picture perfect family that you see on TV and movies. Seriously that sounds so much better than my screwed up life I have now.
I would do anything just so she would wake up right now. I got up gently from the very uncomfortable chair I had been sleeping in for the last past two days. I walked over to the side of her bed and leaned down over her. I was so wishing this fairytale BS really works. I brushed my lips lightly against hers at first. I then placed them passionately against her soft pink lips. Her lips were so warm and inviting. I pulled back a little and I felt a tear escape my eye.
I would do anything just so she could wake up again, I hate to see her like this so vulnerable. I wanted my Nessie back even if it meant I won't really even have the chance to even have her. My tear hit her cheek and I felt her hand move on the side of the bed near where my hand was and it warmed me up to know she was reacting. I didn't move from where I was and I saw her eyes flutter open.
This made a instant smile appear on my face. I knew she was reacting. It made me happier to know that I was the one to cause her reaction.
"Jacob?" she said in a low voice. I knew she was trying to force herself to talk. I shushed her and brushed her hair.
""Yea mama I'm here relax please don't strain yourself." Nessie had hurt herself pretty bad in where she broke her arm and had plenty of bruises on her body. Thankfully she didn't get anymore blows because I could have lost her and my son.
She instantly went and held her hand to her stomach. She knew something was wrong and she didn't like it very much. She pointed to the little pink hospital pitcher and I knew she wanted some water.
I handed her the cup full of water and she drank it. She then ran her free hand down the side of my face and was caressing my cheek. I could sense she was a bit nervous and still very fragile.
"I lost it huh?" she asked me in her soft voice again. The only thing I did was nod my head. She started to tear up and tears fell from her eyes. She was crying now and I don't understand so much as to why. "Can you get my mom… Jake… Please." Her voice was all broken now from the tears now.
I did as she told me and went to go get Bella. Bella went into the room as fast as she could without anyone stopping her from it.
Nessie
When I realized I had just lost my child, Jake was in my room with me and he knew. I didn't deserve to have him I seriously didn't deserve to have him. So why was I depressed now?
The lost of my baby triggered something in me and I didn't know how I was going to move on. I needed my mom to know how she dealt with her depression all those years ago. How could I cope with this lost?
I have never had something so difficult to deal with before. I felt like I lost my world and I wasn't going to be able to function correctly again,
"Mom how do I deal with this pain?" I asked her as I place my left hand on my chest.
"Sweetie, different kinds of wounds take different amounts of time to heal. Some wounds never heal." She looked away from me as she was remembering something horrible. My mom is one of the strongest people I know. How she dealt with a depression, a divorce, and my father's many infidelities still shocks me. Not many women are strong enough to do that, but my mom survived it all.
I just wasn't sure if I would be able to survive the loss of my first child and with Jacob. Things couldn't have been more stressful for me.
"Mom I want this wound to heal, I just don't know what I am going to do it hurts." My tears fell more freely now. I couldn't control them they just kept on falling. My mother hugged me and held me close and I think that was the best thing she could have done, I needed her so much right now I never noticed how good it felt to have her.
"Don't worry honey we will figure something out." I sobbed into her shoulder now. My tear wouldn't stop it hurt so much to know the baby didn't have a chance to live and get to know his mom or dad. It was truly something sad and I didn't know how I was going to deal with it.
My life was officially fucked up and for that I don't deserve to have anything that people offer to me. I spent the next couple of days in solitude. I didn't want anyone around me at all. When they let me go home Jacob made sure he stuck around all that time. That made me feel even worse about myself he was too good for me. I didn't deserve him not one ounce.
The words that left my mouth the next day I would regret the rest of my life. How could I be so stupid and naïve about this?
"Why are you still sticking around? Didn't you get it through to you that I don't want you!" I practically screamed at him. I was seriously having some mood swings and they were killing me.
"Nessie how can you say that to me?" he sounded soft and I could tell he was trying to brush it off like he normally does at my insults.
"How by telling you I don't want you, it's your entire fault everything is your fault. I showed just jump off a building and kill myself and no one would think about me. It would be quick."
"Nessie you're talking crazy right now, just get some rest and you will be fine again." He was being sweet and I hated him for it.
"No! Get out I don't want to see your face again! You think I am going to forget I know this is all a cover up because you feel bad for me. I don't want to see you Jacob I am serious, maybe it's for the best if we don't see each other again. I can't get over this at all!" I screamed again. I swear this wasn't me and the words left my mouth like acid.
"Nessie you're sick right now, you are in a depression all these things will pass I can help with you healing from this. Mama it's all in your brain as in impact from the loss and the accident.
"No! I made my decision you will be better off without me. You can meet another girl and make her happy. I can't be happy again Jake." I sighed now I was starting to give up and I knew what I was doing would only hurt me again.
"You don't want that." He said a bit defeated as he sat at the edge of my bed.
"I do want that, I just don't want to hurt you again Jake. We shouldn't be together I will just hurt you again and I don't want that." Those were the last words I spoke to him. The last time I saw him in five years. The last time he showed he cared for me.
--
Still to this day I know what I did was wrong. If he were to ask me do you think of me? The only thing I could answer to him was yea I always think of you. So how has my life gone after that? I will admit things at first were horrible, my depression was only bad with time it lasted a total of six months and I should have never let him go, I regret it and I miss him like heck. No one can love me like he can, no one can do any of the things he can, I will admit and forever say I will always love him. He is the first and last person I would ever love. If I were to ever get married to someone else I will not love them like I love him, I don't think I can love anyone the way I loved him.
THE END!
Well I know you hate Nessie blah blah! don't hate her she was young and in a depression she wasn't thinking straight you can't blame her completely. Well now I want to talk about the Sequel a little bit, this story does have a second part just so you know. I was going to do the Original Sequel that follows this story which takes place 5 years after, That sequel is called Love Or Desire and I have already written Two chapters for it.
Okay awesome readers, I need a little advice and I want your opinions. I came up with two different ideas to end this story and two different sequel options. I just want to know which one you like better. I would be gladly to write both different versions. I just want to know your opinion on it. I will provide both endings, one in where Nessie didn't get in the car with Edward and he didn't crash causing her to lose the baby. So she ends up with Jacob as her baby daddy instead of them splitting. So this is the idea of the alternate ending.
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Idea number one:
Nessie stays in LA with Rose and Emmett. She gives birth to her son Jacob Anthony Cullen. He has her name instead of Jacob's last name. She raises the baby on her own for three years. Everything goes the same she goes into her modeling career like she wanted to. Now the twist comes in after three years of hiding her son from everybody. She and her boyfriend Josue move to Seattle. Nessie is already in her relationship with Josue the French photographer she met while doing a shoot with him. When Nessie goes and see Bella, Rachel is there and she automatically knows that Nessie's baby is Jacob's since the baby looks just like Jake. Nessie tries to hide it more. She doesn't want to be with Jake because she is afraid to get hurt again.
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Idea number two: Love Or Desire
Nessie gets in the car with Edward and the car crashes causing her to lose the baby. She goes into a deep depression pushing everyone away from her and she becomes so involved into her modeling career she forgets to even get in contact with her family and friends. So five years pass and she meets Josue in a photo shoot he does for her. They start dating and Josue proposes to her. Jake comes back into her life and she can't help but commit a lot of mistakes. She has an affair with Jacob during her relationship with Josue and Jacob crashes on her wedding day.
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Ok so now you decide which one I should use. If you are interested in both I could do both. I just need an opinion. The first book is done so I need you guys to help me out with the sequel options. Both of them I promise are going to be quite interesting. So just help me out here. Well I love you guys. Leave me a PM or a review telling me what you think. Leave something simple like idea one or idea two. I have a poll about this so go to my profile and choose. Whichever choice gets the most votes I will post. Again if you like both ideas I am more than willing in writing both sequels as alternates. I am so excited so get the clicking and let me know. Both sequels already have two chapters written for each. Just let me know and leave your love and support and awesome opinions ok lovelies. Muahz I love ya.
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