Disclaimer: I do not own Sarek, Amanda, Spock or Nyota

ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE: so details don't always match Descartes Universe.

Unbeta'd - Read at your own risk.

Chapter 3

He had never been with a woman he had not bonded with. The urge to bond was a natural impulse, not overwhelming, but something he had to push aside...they weren't ready. Maybe they weren't ready for this either...

He stroked a hand across her temple and felt her want mingled with defiance...He didn't understand it precisely. But it was made his breathing deeper. Made him want her...to bite her and keep her.

Helping her out of her clothes he nipped gently along her jaw, down her neck and then her collar bone. As she helped him with his she pelted him with kisses. When his back was bare she dug her nails deep into his back and he felt heat rush to his core and the urge to bite her mount. But she wasn't really his...

Confining himself to nips and licks he pushed her back towards the bed.

He had limited experience with human women...only vast experience with one human woman. He wasn't sure what was human in Amanda's response, and what was just...Amanda.

Scissoring Nyota's nipples between his fingers he felt the warm liquid on his skin...and arousal and embarrassment in his mind.

Bending his head to lick away the milk he whispered "Shhhhh..." It was such a little thing, the taste was sweet, rich and not unpleasant...and it was not like it had not happened before. He'd been a father before...

But Nyota's hands on his back went slightly limp. This was all new to her...he was new...her body was new and changed from birth. Her hips would never be quite as narrow. Her muscle tone would return, but now her abdomen was surely a little looser than she would want, her thighs heavy with the extra energy stores needed to feed two growing bodies.

Sarek squeezed again, ran his tongue over her wet nipples and whispered in Vulcan, "You are beautiful."

She let out a soft cry...so human to vocalize during the act. He felt his ears go warm and renewed rush of blood to his core. The nails returned to thread through the hair at the nape of his neck as he worked his way down her body again.

She might hurt...and she might not even know that. There had been tearing during the delivery. He went slowly, nipping and licking between her thighs first, and then slowly bringing his tongue to her center. She tasted female and human and delicious.

Bucking her hips she teased his ears with her fingers in ways that made him go hot, made his pulse beat so hard he could feel it, a rumble started low in his chest, completely unconsciously.

"Get up here," she whispered.

Rubbing the side of his face against her thigh he grasped one of her hands with his, and slipped a finger from the other inside of her and gently caressed her walls. She gasped. Her body stiffened, and not entirely in pleasure. Through the link of their hands he could feel the sting she experienced along with her arousal. He kept his finger inside her, and caressed the bundle of nerves above her channel with his tongue.

Lifting his head he said softly, "You have scar tissue. It should get better with continued stretching...but you must tell me if you wish me to stop."

"I don't want you to stop," she gasped.

He brought his tongue back down to caress her inner lips. As her moisture increased he slipped in another finger...and as her body adjusted, another.

She climaxed with his head between her thighs, bucking eliciting ahhs and gasps that were different from Amanda's and similar. Her cries made his body go harder at the same time it made his heart ache.

She pulled at his shoulders and he rose along her body. He found her face wet with tears.

Rolling his forehead over hers he said, "We do not have to continue."

Grabbing the back of his neck with one cool hand and bringing the other to stroke his length she whispered, "Sarek I want you. Now."

She brought him just to her entrance. He could feel how wet she still was. Lifting her hips she teased him, just a little. Letting out a hiss he brought his fingers to her temples, felt her want, desire...and the defiance he could not understand, but that made him want.

He pushed into her with a slow shallow thrust, feeling the initial sting she felt as the scar tissue stretched with the new shape within her -- but pleasure as well. Release from thought.

As her ankles wrapped around his back he let go of his higher thoughts too. He concentrated on being slow, gentle, going deeper. As he buried himself in her he let her feel his desire through his thrusts and through his finger tips.

After time indeterminable, marked only by their ragged breaths, Nyota came around him, wet, alive, wonderful and moaning deliciously in his ear. He felt himself just on the edge, but unable to cross over. He could feel her pleasure begin to be overwhelmed by pain but before he could withdraw she whispered to him, "I know you need to mark me. Do it. Bite."

"I cannot. You are not mine..." This was fleeting pleasure only...they weren't bonded.

Her voice was soft, urgent. "I will always be part of your family, Sarek."

He ignited. She felt it, cried out, wrapped her legs around him more tightly and pulled him in. His head dipped forward on its own accord, and sinking his mouth into the soft skin of her neck he dug in with his teeth and pushed hard with his hips. Vision blackening he spilled into her -- something like love crossed from her through his fingers as he did.

x x x

"You don't kiss...not really..." Nyota said, her finger tips on his. He felt slight confusion and surprise through his fingertips, but no disappointment.

His body was hot. Hers cool. Their legs intertwined.

"I have it on good authority my kisses are as wooden as a totem pole's," Sarek said studying the outline of her cheekbones as she gazed on him, the contrast of their skin tones. Her eyes, alive, like Amanda's. He had gotten used to human eyes.

"Mmmmm..." she said sleepily.

Had Spock been able to kiss? It was something Sarek had never been able to master. In an oddly detached way he thought of how skillfully she grabbed his ears in the heat of passion, how she knew what held him back. She'd had experience with a Vulcan. With his son.

Vulcans were territorial creatures. Much more so than humans. Once he had begun pursuing Amanda he had become uncomfortable with the effort of suppressing his emotions any time she so much as mentioned a potential suitor she'd had coffee with.

He found he did not feel this way this time. He only felt sadness at having missed so much of Spock's life.

He wanted to reclaim some of that missing life back.

"If you permit," Sarek said softly, "I would meld with you."

It was an incredibly intimate thing to ask for. But...they had been through a lot together...and now that they lay naked together, bodies slightly damp from perspiration it didn't feel too out of line to ask.

Her eyes opened. Through his fingers he felt hesitation.

She swallowed. "There is still a lot of Spock floating around in there." Averting her eyes she said, "I never got proficient at shielding my thoughts."

"I would only explore those thoughts and memories you wished to share." He brought their joined hands to press against her cheek. "But I find I am not...disturbed by thoughts of you and Spock." He closed his eyes. "I would know my son through you."

He heard her take a long slow breath. He felt comprehension and sadness through their linked hands.

Opening his eyes he said, "And of course, you are welcome to explore any of my thoughts and memories..."

Slipping her hand from beneath his and giving him access to her psi points she she whispered, "Yes."

x x x

He saw Nyota. He suddenly understood the defiance...for Nyota their coupling had been an act of desire, affection and a rebellion against death itself.

Illogical I know, Sarek.

Human. I do not regret our rebellion, Nyota. Wasn't that what he was doing now? Trying to reclaim a lost life?

He felt her gratitude. For being with her through her pregnancy. For his warm body near hers. For being here now.

He felt how lost she was -- Spock gone, the life she envisioned vanished...

And felt her not wanting to think about these things. You came to my mind to see Spock, Sarek.

She let him see Spock through her eyes. Handsome, blindingly intelligent, honest and fair...but more than these things Spock made her feel loved. Even though he never said he loved her.

Sarek saw Amanda too. He saw Nyota chatting with his wife over subspace as Spock cooked in the background. The two women laughing together as Spock alternately ignored them and jumped in to point out how highly illogical they were being.

And Sarek saw himself, from memories of Nyota had acquired when Spock bonded to her. Spock's disappointment and frustration at being unable to live up to what he believed Sarek's expectations to be. That disappointment and frustration that turned to anger and bitterness.

He remembered Nyota's first real words to him on arrival. "We were not irresponsible..."

How had Nyota even deigned to be near him?

She heard the question in his mind. Amanda told me that Spock did not understand...

Amanda always understood. In ways her death hurt less...

It is always harder to lose a child...I've heard that...I believe that now that I have my own...Nyota whispered in his mind.

But it wasn't just that. Amanda had died knowing he loved her...Spock...

Sarek pulled out of the meld gasping. He could not look at Nyota...When he told Spock he loved Amanda, had Spock understood he loved him too?

"Sarek," Nyota whispered, pulling his hand back to her face. "I think there is one more thing you should see."

And suddenly he was in her mind again...in a memory. Everything looked too large...and Sarek realized it was a memory from Spock's childhood...in Spock's small child hands was a chocolate Easter bunny. He was at his human grandparents' house on Earth. It was a simple innocent thing...Spock took a bite...

Spock was spinning, or the room was spinning. He was jumping up and down on the living room couch...there was a creaking sound...he fell to the ground. Dimly he was aware of shattered lamps, a broken chair in the background...

Sarek remembered the incident. Five year old Spock had completely demolished his grandparents' living room...

Stay with me Sarek, Nyota's mind whispered to him...

Spock's next memory was of his stomach beginning to convulse as he lay on the floor, he was suddenly too weak to even roll over...

I remember, Nyota...We told them not to give him chocolate, but they did not listen and did not understand.

Sarek's own stomach started to drop at the memory.

You do not remember this, Sarek...

Spock woke up in a strange room. It was too cold. Too white. The bed was narrow with bars, he had a needles in his arm. Machines whirred above his head. His mother crying, and there was his father...

Sarek saw himself through Spock's eyes. Cold and distant. And he felt Spock's shame...

Spock saw his mother and father and remembered the broken furniture. He had been illogical...violent...His mother was crying, at his misbehavior no doubt...

It was not because he had misbehaved, Nyota, he could not have known what the chocolate would do to him...

Shhhh...I know...Sarek...watch the memory...

Amanda put her hands on Spock's face; she was weeping. Spock felt too overwhelmed by his own humiliation to read her thoughts. And then Sarek approached. Perfect. Face a mask. Spock steeled himself ready for his father's reprimand...

Instead Sarek reached out with his large fingers and touched Spock's own. Spock felt his father's relief burn through him as though he'd been hit by a lightening bolt...More effecting than even his mother's tears...obliterating all his shame and humiliation. It almost hurt...

They almost killed him, Nyota...my beautiful boy...

Gently pulling his hand away from her face, Nyota bent forward and put a soft kiss on his forehead. "Beautiful like his father," she whispered.

A/N:
I think the original prompt is filled. And I'm thinking Sarek feels a bit better right now. I'm not sure if they'll bond and live happily ever after...but I think they will help each other.

For happier Spock/Uhura pls read just about any other of my fics. I've got a WIP called "The Native" for Sarek Amanda origins.