I disclaim: All characters, settings and so on that are recognizable belong to the amazing J.K. Rowling and Stephenie Meyer respectively. My inspiration for the title of this story comes from the awesome Mayday Parade song Miserable at Best which I also do not own.

A/N This story was written as a gift for my lovely friend MidnightsDream, which is why yaoi (slash) is featured prominently. If you don't enjoy that sort of thing, you probably shouldn't read this, it's rated M for a reason.

Miserable At Best

By Redbookbluebook

Chapter 1

Jacob was running through the forest in his wolf form. He didn't know how long he'd been running for; all he knew was that the longer he ran, the less he'd have to think about her. Bella. Even her name made him cringe, so he pushed it aside and just kept going. The endless blur of trees helped to numb his mind from the ferocious pain that accompanied his thoughts.

A sudden noise made him stop in his tracks, his auburn fur standing on end. His ears pricked up and he turned around, finding himself face to pincers with a humongous spider. This wasn't just any gigantic spider because in his wolf form Jacob considered himself to be pretty big. No. This spider was freaking huge! It was bigger than his house on La Push! It's pincers gleamed and snapped menacingly at him. Jacob did the only reasonable thing he could think of at the time…He bolted.

Trees blended into one another as he sped past them and he was pretty sure one flew over his head. When Jacob spied a giant arm through the foliage, he decided not to look back but to keep hightailing it out of there. Finally he broke the edge of the forest, ran a safe distance away from it, and collapsed, brutally exhausted.

Draco Malfoy sighed, taking one last look at his reflection before making his way down the lawn to that filthy half-breed's hut. It was his seventh year and he was still being forced to take that wretched class. At least this year it wasn't with the Gryffindorks, although the Hufflesnuffs weren't much better in Draco's opinion. Although they were much easier to intimidate… Draco smirked, eyeing himself in the mirror. His jet-black robes only enhanced the look of his blonde hair and porcelain skin.

He had almost reached Care of Magical Creatures when a crowd of students huddled around something caught his eye.

"Oi! Make way, Head Boy coming through." Draco pushed aside the wretched students, good lord they were dim. You'd think they were first years. In their midst was a person with darkened skin. His black hair, a little longer than Draco's own, fell in his closed eyes. He was also naked. Bloody Hufflepuffs.

"Did none of you think to get a teacher?" Draco thundered at the gawking crowd. They scattered faster than students running from Filch. "Hey," he nudged the sleeping boy. "Hey wake up."

Jacob heard a voice break through the fog in his mind and he opened his eyes, feeling that his short rest had done nothing to lessen his fatigue.

Brown eyes met silver and something clicked, though Jacob was too bewildered to make sense of it.

"Where the hell am I?" He burst out.

Oh good he speaks English, Draco thought thankfully.

"You're at Hogwarts, though how you managed to get through the magical barriers is beyond me."

"That really doesn't answer my question you know. Where is Hogwarts?"

"In England," Draco answered as though it was obvious. Then a horrifying thought struck him, what if he's a muggle? "What is taking those ruddy Hufflepuffs so long?"

"What the hell is a Hufflepuff?" Jacob mumbled before falling into exhaustion once more. Ah screw it, Draco thought, and pulled off his robes. As he wrapped the boy in it he noticed that there was a pair of pants tied to his leg, (though he knew there was no way he'd be able to get them on the limp boy anyway.) That's odd, Draco thought bemused. He picked up the unidentified male, thankful for the muscles that Quidditch had helped develop. This kid was really heavy. Of course Draco has seen his arms and abs and it was obvious the kid was in shape, but never in his life was he so relieved to see the half-giant's hut.

"Oi! Hagrid." He yelled. "Bloody oaf," he muttered under his breath.

"Malfoy," Hagrid said gruffly, then he noticed the unconscious body in Draco's straining arms. "Blimey, what 'appened to 'im?" Draco got straight to the point,

"I found him on the lawn over there and he woke before passing out again. He doesn't seem to be from around here though." He added, omitting that the boy seemed to a muggle. For some reason it didn't feel right to give him away like that.

Soon a tiny wizard approached them and with a quick, "Mobilicorpus," hovered him down to the hospital wing. Draco trailed along mainly out of curiosity but under the guise of caring what happened to the boy so he could get out of class.

"Ennervate," Madam Pomfrey said brusquely, while Flitwick summoned Dumbledore.

"What's wrong with him?" Draco asked airily, though a hint of concern shone through.

"He's just overexerted himself. A good night's sleep and some pepper up potion should take care of that pretty quickly."

* * *

"Hello there." Jacob snapped his head up and gazed blearily at a pair of bright blue eyes that looked at him in both curiosity and concern.

"Who are you?"

"I am Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster here at Hogwarts." Headmaster…so I guess this is some kind of school then, Jacob realized. "If you don't mind my asking, how did you break through the magical barriers?"

"Magical barriers?" He echoed, remembering the blonde boy saying something about them earlier, "What are you talking about? I was just running through the forest minding my own business, when this freaking huge spider came out of nowhere! And I'm pretty sure there was a giant or something in there too!"

"Funny, the centaurs didn't mention seeing anyone running," Dumbledore mused to himself. "Ah yes," he said to Jacob, "That was an acromantula. One of the late Aragog's innumerable descendants."

"Uh huh," he said sarcastically, for this meant absolutely nothing to him. "What about the giant then?"

"Oh him. That's just Grawp, our gamekeeper's half-brother. He's practically harmless."

"Half-brother?" Jacob stammered. "Where the hell am I?"

"Hogwarts." Dumbledore repeated calmly.

"Yeah, I got that," he snapped irritated. "I mean this is a school right, but what kind of school has giant spiders and real live giants on the grounds?!"

"Why Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry of course!" He answered cheerily. Maybe Bella was right, Jacob thought fleetingly. Maybe Angela was a witch. He began to seriously start wondering whether he was hallucinating or not because this was getting way too surreal for him. All of the information he was absorbing proved to be too much for him and he promptly fainted.

(I mean, passed out. That's much more manly.)