We Cannot Tarry Here

'Oh You Youths, Western Youths.'

Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man or it's affiliates, nor am I Walt Whitman, nor do I own Candy.

Warnings: Possible spoilers for Manga up to recent chapter. Light BL. Also,liberties taken with the timeline and with Lavi's past. It's pretty inconsequential and is only used to further the plot.

Pairings: LavixAllen

Summary: Past, Present, Future… time is an important part of life that is perceived differently by others. But one would think the hardships of eternity can't penetrate one's home.

Notes: Originally I had this as a short little fluffball of LaviAllen—now it's evolved into more and more and more... Definitely a bit more angsty then I originally set out to be. I still like the end result though. (ish. I never fully like my end product. Oh, the writer's curse.)

By the way, not all scenes occur right after the other. There will be 'time skips' of sorts, but I'll try to hint *hopefully* at how much time has passed between scenes. Well, let's get on with the show! ;]

Additional Notes: Haha wow. So, going over this after all this time, I've (laughing/horrified) at what I've written. I mean really, I got kindareally cliched. But yeah, for my (probably first) attempt at romance I'm guessing this isn't too bad. Haha I still like it. But yeah. Enjoy. :)

-x-

For we cannot tarry here,
We must march my darlings, we must bear the brunt of danger,
We, the youthful sinewy races, all the rest on us depend, Pioneers! O pioneers!

O you youths, western youths,
So impatient, full of action, full of manly pride and friendship,
Plain I see you, western youths, see you tramping with the foremost, Pioneers! O Pioneers!

-Walt Whitman, "Pioneers! O Pioneers!"
-x-

Home was a completely foreign concept to one Allen Walker. His origins were anything but humble; from the majority of his early childhood which was spent in rotation between different orphanages, or roaming the dirty alleys of an urban London. He could hardly call the constant glares and conspicuous mumblings of 'demon' and 'abomination' very welcoming. But despite his salvation at the age of seven, the teen couldn't say that his time with Mana resembled that of home-like nature.

If he really thought back to his years of playing a Pierrot with his "adoptive" father, Allen could vaguely recall his place in the traveling circus with a warm feeling—for the sole reason that he was with Mana. But when one is constantly in motion without a stable foundation, especially where he so obviously didn't belong, Allen couldn't find escape there. Mana was the closest thing to a father the teen would have, but part of the collection of so-called 'freaks' they had traveled with couldn't save him from the derision of the world. Especially if he was Red Arm.

The young exorcist had a hard time finding a place that could take him away from the pain and confusion caused by his complicated lifestyle. But as Allen observed the messy room from his spot at the writing desk, the exorcist couldn't find a more fitting word than simply home.

It wasn't as if the place was anything special.

From the dozens of rows of horizontally and vertically stacked books that leaned, tilted forward on their shelves, hastily replaced by the room's frequent stream of visitors: to the boxes stuffed into the corner of the room, overflowing with aging scrolls, carefully inked with maps, blueprints, and other essential information. The Black Order's library was as simple and cluttered as possible, but Allen felt at peace whenever he entered the flickering room, lit by dozens of gas-powered lanterns.

But when one's sanctuary is intruded upon by a welcomed and valued guest, how does one deal with the blows inflicted by the other's mere presence?

-x-

He pushed his way through the throng, feeling strangely apprehensive. No matter how reassuring he tried to turn his thoughts, the thick sense of danger didn't leave and his tenseness just seemed to increase—but why?

After all, he was just on a simple mission. Investigate rumors pertaining to the possibility of innocence in a small Transylvanian village before reporting back to the Order for further instructions. So what about this crowd was putting him at such odds?

He pulled his hood tighter against his head as he noticed the increasing amount of looks coming from the passer byes. That could be the cause of at least a small part of his reaction, he already had felt unease about his rather odd appearance, but usually he had other Exorcists to help steal some of the attention from his ostentatious hair and strange scar. His gloves clenched as a man brushed against his left shoulder.

Stop flipping. He thought idly, locking his jaw as he continued his journey. My curse isn't active… it's alright. Everything is alri—The sudden pressure on the back of his skull apparently disagreed with his assessment. The click was loud, and echoed softly in his mind. Red blossomed throughout his vision before everything went black.

-x-

"Allen, do you think that the future is real?"

The white-haired teen glanced up through his eyelashes to look at the man next to him. The Bookman Junior didn't stop studying the red hardbound book resting on the table in front of him. His eyebrows scrunched together as he turned the page, concentrating on the miniscule text and inked drawings. Allen paused from writing his report, and opted to lift his face from the parchment to raise an eyebrow at the occupied teen.

"Um... Lavi, what exactly are do you mean by that question? Of course we all have a future. I mean, how do you figure we would exist without a sense of time beyond now? Wouldn't we just be stuck in time without any way of proceeding if we were without any expansion on the present?"

Lavi glanced at Allen, scowling slightly as his eye flicked briefly back at the book. A subconscious annoyance seemed to stem from him—Allen could only guess it was due to his attention being diverted from the text. His hand traveled to his head to rub his hair vigorously as he contemplated, red brows scrunched in thought. His bandana was pushed down from its usual nest to hang loosely around young adult's neck. After a few moments, he swung his chair around to straddle it, facing the white-haired boy. "I didn't mean it exactly like that Allen. The book I'm reading, it's about philosophy of time, and the Buddhist thought is that ultimately, the only thing that's real is the present moment in time. Everything in the past is unreal, everything in the future is unreal, and anything running through our heads two seconds ago, or something imagined or absent isn't real either."

Allen stared at him blankly.

The redhead sighed and pushed the book towards the younger male, who began to study the page before him. "Basically, they're saying that time can't be simultaneously past and present, and thus can't be extended into the future. But the really interesting thing is that this Saint went on about how even if that's true, God is outside of time, therefore present for all things, blahblah, which then brings up the term 'eternity'." He traced a tanned finger across the yellowed page, pointing out different key points in the text before the younger boy. "It's the idea of Presentism, and I just wondered how your views… coincided with either the modern or more aged view of life in general."

Allen tilted his head thoughtfully at Lavi, a slight bite of his lip—a tell that he was taking the subject seriously. After a few minutes, he just barked out a short laugh, shaking his head. "So we only live in the present? That the only part of life that's real is the millisecond we're currently abiding?" Allen returned the book to his friend and picked up his pen, continuing to summarize his most recent session with the young Timothy. "Mm'kay Lavi, that's interesting and all, but what's the point? I find the idea sketchy, unless you're into religion and all. Then, there might be some merit to be found. Saying that God is eternity would give him ability to control each millisecond, thus outweighing the need for a planned extension of time."

Lavi's face eased into a grin, his serious expression fading as a strange light entered his eye, illuminating the emerald iris. "Exactly. It really does skew the whole way one would look at their beliefs and such. Besides, the past is important isn't it? I mean, people are always using it as inspiration and as a focal point to keep from repeating mistakes. If it didn't technically exist, then I just wonder how would it affect the lives of those who dwell in what happened before." His uninhibited hair danced lightly across his face as he spoke as a soft breeze blew in through an open window, announcing the coming noon. Lavi blew at a strand of hair that had fallen in front of his glistening eye, pushing it over his covered right. "I know, I know, it's not important, but it makes one think; does it not?"

Allen "Hmm'd" in acknowledgment as he signed his name at the bottom of the parchment. The older teen just rolled his visible eye at Allen's fall of interest and returned his chair back to its original position. Again, he pushed the book towards his white-haired friend and grabbed a different novel from a stack he had grouped next to his spot at the desk; the pile of books rising from the floor to inches above the desk's surface. It was Allen's turn to roll his eyes as he placed the stopper into the ink before stretching his limbs, raising his arms above his head. As he settled back down onto the chair, he moved its position slightly so that he relaxed right under the caress of the warm summer rays filtering into the room. He then proceeded to open the large book to its first page.

The previous silence that had cloaked the two rewrapped itself around the pair as their minds left their conscious bodies and delved deeper into their reading materials. After an hour or so, the redhead shook himself out of his reading-induced state and instead opted to analyze the boy in front of him. A small smile graced his lips as the ivory-haired teen continued reading, oblivious to the scrutiny. Allen contemplated the philosophy in front of him, until after a few hours of studying—

GRROOOAARRRGGGG

—a rather loud rumbling was heard. A vivid red tinted the younger boy's pale cheeks as Lavi snickered.

"Your true master is calling out to you Allen. You shouldn't make him wait any longer."

A small tongue pushed out at the redhead as the whitehead quickly got up, stuffing the now closed book under his arm as he hurried from the room. "I'll see you later Lavi!" He called over his shoulder as the continued laughter of his friend followed him through the corridor.

-x-

"—thirty orders of your Mitarashi dango, a dozen of your Tempura shrimp alongside with the usual twenty of assorted Tempura vegetables—

When Lavi entered the dining hall, he wasn't at all surprised to see Kanda glaring at the 'Moyashi's' back with a fierce intensity, nor the anxious stares of the obviously fresh finders as their eyes were filled with a sort - of - horrified wonder. What did surprise the Bookman apprentice was Kanda's reaction to his presence.

—chicken penne with those mushroom meatballs you made last Wednesday, and some ham and tri-tip on French bread doused in mustard—

"Good," he stated gruffly. "The baka Usagi is here. I can finally get my damned food before the Moyashi"—his emphasis on the vowels of the Japanese term, Lavi noted absently, was completely unlike his usual steady rhythmic when reverting to his native tongue—"completely cleans out the fucking kitchen." The redhead didn't even have to feign surprise; his eyebrows shot up beyond his hairline completely on their own accord. Never before had he documented Yuu Kanda using anything synonymous with good in any sentence, let alone with his name being attached.

As he made his way to the table that Kanda was currently sharing with an exhausted looking Linali, he contemplated the exorcist's words. Somehow his presence made Allen eat less? Or order less? It didn't make any sense, but he wasn't about to admit his confusion. Instead he opted to bring the conversation back to more familiar territory.

"Yuu-chan finally appreciates my existence!" He sang happily as he danced over to the grumpy teen's side. "This must be the best day EVER~!" Despite the extreme health risk he knew he was implementing on himself, Lavi decided it was best to play up his more 'oblivious' trait than indulge his growing curiosity—and thus he attached himself rather firmly around Kanda's waist.

—add some pork chops and then I think I should be set—"

A smack to the face via Mugen's hilt was all Kanda needed to be released from Lavi's tight grip. "God damn the fucking rabbit with his fucking optimistic shit." The redhead smirked slightly as he picked himself off the floor, watching as Yuu made his way towards the ordering window. The Bookman Junior hastily took a seat next to the idle form of Linali, deciding to make use of small chance he had.

"Hey hey Lina-hime?" He asked softly while rubbing his tender face. He took her grunt as an acknowledgment. "What did Yuu mean about the Allen comment earlier? I mean, did you not hear the miracle that left his mouth?"

Linali lifted her tired eyes from the mug of coffee in front of her. She continued to stir the drink as she observed the redhead, who deliberately kept the curiosity from breaching his face, managing an oblivious smile during her appraisal. "He was just referring to the way you two seem to enthrall each other every time you sit together and talk. You two can't get enough of your theories and speculation and that sort of stuff. You both literally tune out the world around you just to discuss things. Kanda wants to take advantage of that to make sure he gets his Soba before his next mission."

Lavi tilted his head. "Really? We do that? Linali, how long has this been going on?"

The girl smiled as she brought her coffee to her lips and inhaled softly. "Mmmm. Its been like that since forever."

"Define 'forever.'"

As the caffeine rushed through her veins, Linali visibly perked—the lines of exhaustion leaving her previously rigid shoulders. "Since after the whole Ark fiasco," she lifted her eyes curiously at the redhead. "Why are you so interested in this Lavi?" The Bookman Apprentice definitely did not like the glint in her eyes.

Thank god he could get away with feigned ignorance. "I'm heir to the Bookman title Lina-hime. If I didn't thirst for information, there'd be something wrong with me." It was harder than anticipated to fight off the frown that wanted to mar his feature. Linali's attention waned as a bickering duo began to make their journey back to their table, but Lavi didn't spare them a glance.

It was to be expected. Really.

"It's fucking Breakfast Moyashi! Why the hell do need all of that shit already?"

"Not everyone can live off of Soba, BaKanda."

Linali had been fishing for details about him and Allen. And their relationship with one another? Had that been what she really wanted to know? Lavi rested his chin on both of his palms, his elbows propping him up against the table. His musings were cut short by the ivory haired boy that chose to sit across from him. The redheaded exorcist didn't make an effort to conceal the small smile that spread his lips as he watched the boy indignantly ignore the sputtering teenager next to him as he set all of his plates on the table.

"Out of my seat moyashi." Allen scowled at the older tee.

"What makes this your seat BaKanda. I got here first. And besides, if you are willing to move all of these dishes—"he gestured to the heaping piles of plates in front of him"—then by all means, go ahead. I will not stop you."

"Come on you two; please just get along for one day." Linali said softly to the pair as she sipped her coffee. "I'm leaving for a mission soon, so fight all you want after I leave." Lavi did not miss her quick glance in his direction.

"Tche."

"I am sorry Linali," She just waved away his meek apology as Kanda moved to sit next to her.

"It's fine Allen." She swept her dark hair over her shoulder as she studied the boy in front of her. "Are you well? It looks as if you're tired." The white-haired exorcist smiled gently at her astute assessment.

"I'm fine. Sleep has been kind of scarce lately. I am sure that a new mission will help ease my mind, but thank you for caring Linali." The girl just laughed as he began to fill his face with more food.

A smile lit her face. "I'm supposed to care Allen, you're a friend." She drained the last of her coffee and stood. "Well, I'm off for a couple days with Miranda. You three don't have too much fun without me!"

She laughed again as Allen looked at her aghast. "Fun? With BaKanda here? You must be out of your mind Linali. Please grab another cup of coffee to wake yourself up!"

Before Kanda could produce an antagonistic reply to the boy, Lavi intentionally stole the young teen's attention. "So Allen, how are you liking your dog's shiny new leash?"

"Stupid Lavi!" The redhead admired the hue of Allen's cheeks as he flushed in embarrassment. "You shouldn't speak so rudely about Link-san! Although I do enjoy the freedom that I have without him beside me every second…"

Lavi laughed and continued to prod, his senses bathed in the sights, smell, even sound of the ivory-haired boy in front of him.

So this is how it feels to be enthralled by someone. Hm. Who would have thought?

-x-

The absence of color overwhelmed his senses. The only break of the monotonous white was the ebony keys of a grand piano resting in the center of the spacious room. White gloved hands reached out as if to touch the magnificent instrument, only to stop millimeters from porcelain keys. An unexplainable dread filled the boy, cautioning him away from the ivory beauty. But the teen's curiosity won out over the caution and he rested himself gently on a white wooden bench. His hands once again gravitated to the keys of the piano before him and ever so softly, he pressed down of a sharp B. The instrument seemed to pulse repeatedly beneath his fingertips, as if the single note had awakened it.

Then, as if they had a mind of their own, his fingers danced across ebony and ivory and a mournful tune floated throughout the stiff air of the white-washed room. Pain pricked at his fingertips, but the boy paid no attention as he continued to sway in his seat, moving to his eerie tune. His closed eyes didn't notice the sudden scarlet staining the keys, nor did he heed the pain intensifying in his hands, which was now slowly spreading through his arms. Dread clenched in the teen's chest as his melody reached its climax—a frightening crescendo. Only once the final note had ceased its lingering echo throughout the still room did he dare open his glistening gray orbs to observe the product of his enchantment.

There was red everywhere—staining the scene around him. It was even more overwhelming then the now absent white, even worse, for the red had been a part of him. So much red… he thought absently. So much red—

-x-

"Why did you choose 'Lavi'?"

The redhead froze momentarily before continuing writing a report with a fleeting look at the boy standing across the room from him. "Eh?" was the best response he could convey at the moment.

"Well, did you chose the name, or did Bookman, or maybe even the Vatican had the final decision? Or is there some special underground organization that no one ever's heard of that you report to. It's just something I've wondering about it." The tone was nonchalant as he continued searching the shelves for an insignificant book, but Lavi noticed the taunt muscle in the younger teen's jaw, a glaring indicator of his tenseness and nervousness. Really, this child was so easy to read.

"I chose it." Allen immediately was flooded with a variety of emotion, the strongest being that of relief. He wasn't expecting an answer from the Bookman apprentice, and it humbled him to have that amount of trust from the other exorcist. Usually anything related to Lavi's Bookman-ship or the time before he joined the Order was off-limits in their discussions.

The redhead leaned back against his chair and set his pen down, staring at the white-haired exorcist with an unreadable expression. "My 48th alias was Deak. I based the name off of a Hungarian statesman Ferenc Deák who was a politican since the 1830's. He was a noble man, who sought compromise and when that couldn't be reached, he still stuck to his morals. He became very popular for his knowledge and compassion, earning him the title 'Wise Man of the Nation.'"

Allen looked at him with a raised brow, so he continued, "My goal is to end all of these meaningless wars that humankind reap. When under that Alias, I watched closely both the Boxer Rebellion in China and the start of the Second Boer War. As noble as Ferenc's values were, his methods wouldn't work in society today. So I chose another alias that was more; 'symbolic,' I guess would be the word."

"So, you chose 'Lavi'?"

"'Lavi' is Hebrew for lion, which has some biblical roots that I won't get into." He smirked, his eyes glinting. "I chose 'Lavi' because it means a leader—or organizer—whose approach frustrates humanitarian enthusiasts. It means a desire for independence and success, without emotions to sway you." He stood from his table and walked across the room, stopping in front of the younger teen. "As you know, emotional attachment has been my problem, so I'd say that this alias isn't going in the direction I'd originally hoped."

"What do you mean its been your—"he cut off, eyes wide as Lavi gently took hold of his left hand and brought it up to his face for inspection. The dark skin of the malformed hand glowed a deep scarlet in the room's light.

"The Ark incident probably the best example." The red head continued in a detached tone. "None of that conflict would have happened if I hadn't become more involved in the Order than I should have." Both fell into an uneasy silence as Lavi gently traced the rough skin, fascination shining in his eyes. Allen's shoulders remained stiff, his eyes wide at the attention to his left hand.

As Allen reviewed the information Lavi had given him, his heart clenched, but he didn't understand why. It was becoming almost routine for him to feel so utterly confused by the red-haired teen, and it wasn't something that the younger boy liked.

And the question was out of his mouth before he could stop it.

"Do you regret these 'emotional attachments'?" He quickly schooled his features into a look of indifference. Lavi's face had become hard as he lowered the hand, but didn't release it from his grasp. Instead, he gently laced their fingers together.

"I can't answer that Allen."

The white-haired exorcist wasn't even sure he wanted an answer.

-x-

Pain blossomed throughout his chest as he felt a hand clench around his pulsating organ. Grey eyes were wide as they flickered in an effort to view the form that had snuck up behind him, but he knew who his captor was—the voice was undeniable.

"You need to learn how to die boy," a stream of smoke clogged his senses. "I guess I'll just have to teach you." The appendage invading his body quickly jerked out of his chest, a sharp gasp left bloodied lips.

Faint laughter sung quietly behind him

The boy felt himself fall backwards, landing—roughly? He couldn't tell—onto the muddied ground. He gasped repeatedly, his chest quivering painfully, asking for some sort of salvation. Shouldn't I be dead by now? His thoughts strayed away from the numbness spreading throughout his body, instead focusing on the scene above him. The trees were a strange scarlet color—hadn't they been green minutes before?—and their beautiful leaves drifted down, covering his prone form. Emerald light filtered throughout the clearing, cast by a single green orb floating against the black backdrop sky.

Is it the moon? He wondered. No, it wasn't a natural occurrence, yet the floating orb was familiar to his drowsy mind.

The trees seemed to light up in flames as heat rushed over his body, his vision tunneling into black as he slowly sunk into the unknown…

-x-

Lavi noticed Allen staring at him. He didn't look up from the novel he was reading, but he still had the attentiveness to read Allen's features. He wondered briefly if it was unusual to have the urge to smooth the younger boy's wrinkled brow—to wrap his arms around the smaller form and inquire what was bothering him. Of course, the redhead quelled the urges and pushed them aside for later contemplation. Despite that, he still wanted to know what troubled the boy so much that he had dropped his usual pretenses and opted to just blatantly stare at the older exorcist. Allen usually had much more tact. Lavi decided it best to also drop his partial charade; he actually was quite enjoying the multitasking, but the book would have to wait. He met the troubled grey eyes with a mild sense of confusion.

"Allen?"

"I dream about you." The blunt answer caught him off guard. He stared at the boy in front of him incredulously before reigning in his expression. He opted to waggle his eyebrows suggestively.

"Ooh, you do? I'm sure—"

"Not today Lavi. I'm not in the mood for your pathetic attempts at humor." Allen immediately winced and sunk to the ground, his head resting against his knees.

The Bookman apprentice was torn. He could go comfort the boy and indulge his growing need to become more involved with him or he could simply leave Allen in his anguish, leaving it easier for both to cope with their emotions.

Lavi was never one who opted for the easy way out.

"Allen, come on, talk to me. What's wrong?" He knelt on the side of the ivory-haired teen, gently laying his hand on his back. He felt a flash of accomplishment that the younger didn't react negatively to his touch. But when the younger didn't respond, he decided to forget being 'safe.' His vivid need to console the boy was incomprehensible, but Lavi also knew why it was so. He just didn't want to admit it to himself—to do so would be like acknowledging failure.

The red-head reached out to Allen, pushing his legs down from their bent position and climbed over the smaller boy, straddling his waist and forcing them to be face-to-face. "Okay, so you have dreams, what of them?" Wide silver eyes stared at him blankly. So maybe intimacy wasn't such a good idea…

"You affect me more than you realize Lavi. I don't like it. Every time I close my eyes you're there. And my dreams aren't pleasant Lavi. They've never been."

"Okay, so now you're scared about what that means and you want to what? Push me away?" He just laughed at Allen's flustered look. "You do the same to me bean sprout. You dominate my thoughts and my feelings… when I shouldn't even be having emotions. Do you realize how horrifying that thought is?"

Pained grey eyes sought his emerald orb. "What happened Lavi? I was perfectly fine on my own, but now there's the unclassifiable need to be away from you yet be with you at all times." The red head leaned forward, resting his forehead against the smaller boy's.

"I don't know Allen. I've never had to deal with a situation like this before. I haven't a clue of how to handle this. Do we run away from it or is it fate that we'll be drawn closer?"

A snort left the younger boy's mouth.

"Don't start talking about fate Lavi, that's ridiculous." A grin stretched across the older exorcist's face and he slowly got up from his position over the boy. He reached out a hand and the younger allowed himself to be pulled up from the ground. As soon as he was on his feet, Lavi tugged the white-haired teen into a tight embrace.

"We'll get through this Allen."

Allen clenched his arms tighter around the taller boy. "I don't know Lavi, I just don't know."

-x-

"Pitiful akuma, may your soul reach salvation."

The whisper rode the warm summer wind throughout the dark clearing. Moonlight filtered through a canopy of trees, shedding light onto a pale, cursed face. Ivory hair whipped softly to the side as the teen raised his face to the sky—a familiar voice interrupted the tranquil scene.

"Well done, Allen. Now, let's get back home to the Order." Opening his eyes in surprise, the boy turned around quickly, finding himself staring at a friend. Red hair stood unnaturally still despite the warm, continuous summer breeze. The white-haired exorcist tilted his head at his friend, a cautious smile gracing his lips.

The older teen held out a hand to the younger, who gladly stepped forward to take it—only to freeze as he was splashed by a warm, thick liquid. His nose quivered as the overwhelming stench of iron pervaded his senses, numbing his mind. Dumbly, he looked questioningly up at Lavi, who hadn't changed his position, an eerie smile etched onto the redhead's face. The younger opened his mouth to speak but quickly repealed the notion with a gasp as his friend collapsed onto his back. Allen quickly knelt at Lavi's side, placing a hand to his chest. Silence wrapped its immobile embrace around the clearing.

The white-haired exorcist sat frozen, staring at the still form of his friend. Only his voice worked, as he began repeating the one word floating throughout his head. In a rising crescendo he mourned: "Lavi… Lavi… LAvi…LAVi….LAVI—"Just as he had been about to reach his volume's limit, a shrill scream interrupted his cry.

"MAAAANNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" It was a younger version of his own voice. Allen turned to find him face to face with a metal skeleton, Mana etched in scarlet onto the monstrosity's forehead. His left eye reacted with out preamble, forcing him to grab at his face in pain.

"Allen, you turned me into an Akuma. How could you Allen?" Blood dripped down the exorcist's face as he stood, frozen due to shock. The voice… it wasn't how he'd remembered it. Instead, the skeleton's voice was warmer, more familiar, much more like—he didn't finish his thought as the letters upon the monstrosity's face changed, a scarlet Lavi taking Mana's place. As the machine's piercing arm rose to thrust a killing blow, the boy couldn't move, his body refusing to respond. He just closed his eyes in a sorrowful acceptance—

Allen sat up with a gasp. Quickly, he made his way out of his room and down the hall to the men's washroom. There, he stood in front of the sink, eyes closed as he splashed his face repeatedly with the cold water. His dream had him spooked, for more reasons than he wanted to acknowledge.

Slowly, he dried off his face with a towel and looked at his reflection in the mirror, not entirely surprised to see the shadow of the Fourteenth looming restlessly over his shoulder. Allen clenched his fists and resisted the urge to lash out at the apparition. He left the room with haste.

-x-

Allen didn't register the passing of time, and was surprised to find himself at a familiar door, located many corridors away from his original location. He didn't even realize he had knocked on said door until a head covered in wild, red tresses poked around the door to see who had awoken him. An exhausted eye immediately perked up, emerald glittering as he studied the figure doused in shadows.

"Allen, what are you doing here? It's one O'clo—"Lavi's voice—thick with sleep—trailed off, eyes widening. "Oh damn. I forgot. How the hell did I forget?" The younger boy watched with an odd detachment as the red haired exorcist hurried around his room, slipping on socks and a pair of boots over his baggy black sweats, all the while letting loose a stream of curses under his breath. He pulled a red sweater over his head and quickly made his way out of the door to join Allen. He grabbed the boy's left hand—Allen winced at his gloveless left hand met Lavi's soft skin—and led him towards a familiar set of doors. He pushed his way past the writing tables set up in the library's main foyer to grab a gas lantern before dragging Allen to a far corner in the back of the large hall.

He set the lantern on top of a stack of books and settled onto the ground, leaning against the large bookshelf. Allen wasted no time in joining him on the uncomfortable copper carpet. Lavi pulled him from the hard ground onto his lap, Allen's head resting against his chest as his two hands clenched Lavi's shirt tightly.

After an unidentifiable amount of time passed in silence while they stayed in their embrace, Lavi whispered, "What was it Allen? Was it another dream?"

Silver eyes lifted from its closed position against the exorcist's chest and took in Lavi's features which were flickering in the dim lamplight, creating the illusion of actual fire resting atop the apprentice's head.

"Lavi… it's not easy. At all." Despite the vagueness of answer, the red head's eyes lit in understanding. "I don't know if I can accept—"

"Whether or not you verbally accept it isn't the problem anymore Allen." Lavi cut him off, gripping the younger boy's chin gently. "That's the reason it's bothering you, right? It's already too real?" The pale face contorted as if in pain as he tried to look away from the older teen, but Lavi's grip held firm. His other hand settled softly in ivory hair before slowly tracing down the contours of Allen's face. "I'm here Allen, for you. Just let me help—"

"It's not right!" Allen hissed softly his eyes shut as he leaned into Lavi's palm. "You're going to have to give up a lot Lavi and they're consequences for this that neither of us even fully understand yet!"

The red head frowned as he watched the younger's face. "So what would you rather us do? Avoid each other like a plague until we somehow overcome our emotions?"

"It might be worth—"

"Don't." Allen immediately shut his mouth at the harshness in the other's tone. "I swear Allen, if you complete that sentence, so help me…" Lavi leaned forward to press his mouth softly to Allen's lower lip. "It's not easy for me either Allen, but I'm not going to run away from this. I know that you're hurt and that it's not easy for you to love, but please I'm just asking you to try."

"I'm not—"

"God damn it Allen! I can't help it if I'm in lo—" Lavi's voice faltered as Allen stopped him mid-sentence by a placing his left hand gently against his lips. Pain flashed in his emerald orb and he gently kissed the other's deformed hand.

"I know." Allen carefully leaned forward, tentatively replacing his hand with soft lips, resting against the redhead's while mouthing a silent I do too—as if he were surrendering. Lavi shut his eyes and gripped ivory hair tightly. Allen wrapped his mismatched arms loosely around the older teen's waist, drawing him closer. Lavi rested his forehead against Allen's, overcome by emotion.

"I know," Allen repeated softly, "but not yet. Please."

"Not yet." Lavi agreed.. He blinked deftly as he realized the true amount of time that had passed. Allen shivered slightly as the breeze the two had previously been ignoring made itself known and Lavi wrapped himself tighter against the smaller figure. "Happy birthday Allen."

"Merry Christmas Lavi."

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We'd found the secret glue that held all things together. In a perfect place, where the noise did not intrude, our world was so very complete.

-Candy, 2006

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-fin-

-Word Count: 6,271-

-Updated Feb. 26, 2011-

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