Ekoaleko- I want you to know that this seriously hurt my head, and I did my best to include most of the things in your multiple random lists. I left out a few characters, and of course the riddle- since my head was hurt so much by everything else you rambled off. I hope its not to disappointing for you, I did try hard. Huzzah for my first fic with…MM characters? Lol. Happy Festivus! W00t.

Enjoy your mixture of AU/Randomness and crack pairings.

I don't own HM.

I gritted my teeth and glared at sickingly sweet and happy emerald eyed blond behind the counter, eyes narrowing on her stupid little uniform- her little red vest and white blouse, black mini skirt and red stilettos. What the hell kind of an airport was this?

I let my eyes flicker to the smiling idiots name tag. Muffy. What kind of name was that?

"I'm sorry sir, but there a just no connecting flights to your destination that haven't been cancelled," she chirped, her large eyes shutting as she grinned at me. "If you like, I can assist you in finding a hotel for the next few days. The airport doesn't plan to arrange any more outgoing flights until the snow storm has passed."

At her words I cut my eyes open to the large glass windows, glaring out into the mixture of gray and white ice and slush, with the fresh specs coming down in a furry. I pushed my lavender bangs out of my eyes and let out a frustrated groan as the sound of clicking keyboard keys sped up furiously. I glanced over my shoulder, looking at my wife.

Tina stood there, her brown hair loose from her usual pigtails as she adjusted her large pink coat. She grinned at me, her tongue darting out to wet her chapped lips. I clinched my teeth together and spun back around so the woman couldn't see the flush that spread out across my cheeks.

Two weeks was too damn long.

A week with her family and then across the damn country for a week with mine.

And she wouldn't think about 'disrespecting' our families houses.

We were married damnit. And it shouldn't matter what we did in those guest rooms. And here it was on Christmas Eve and we couldn't even get back to our town.

"I'm sorry sir but all the local hotels seem to be booked up already," the young woman's voice interrupted my thoughts, with less pep of course. I snapped my violet eyes to her, pressing my lips together in a firm line.

"So you're telling me that there are no flights out of this hell hole, and that we can't even seek comfort in some rat infested motel?" The young woman quirked an eyebrow up at me, slowly nodding her head as if she wasn't sure there was a correct answer. I huffed and spun around, stalking over to my wife.

"What's the matter Jaime?" She said, her voice quiet and barely audible over the bustle in the airport. I could practically feel the tension and aggravation rising in the airport as more passengers were told of the dilemma.

"We're stuck here for the night, and probably all damn day tomorrow," I muttered out, plopping down in the oh-so-comfortable theater like chair.

"What do you mean there are no vacancies? I'm Lanna Dupre, you can't expect me to spend the night here."

"Lanna calm down," I snapped my head in the direction of the commotion, as did several other near by people. A young woman in a large green dress was glowering at a pale wormy looking guy behind the counter. Her counterpart- a scruffy looking tan guy, with curly hair tucked under a purple bandana was trying to bring her away from the counter while calming her down. "There isn't anything they can do?"

"They had better find us a hotel. There is no way in hell I'm staying the night here. I mean where am I supposed to sleep? On the floor?"

"Sure picked yourself a high maintenance one, huh cuz?" I snapped my head to an all to familiar voice, about the same time I felt Tina's hand gripping my sleeve.

"Look hunny, there is Dan over there! And Dia," I grimaced as my eyes drifted over the sulking woman, who was standing there with her arms crossed as she watched the premadonna have a mini tantrum. Tina and Dia had been somewhat friends before we got married, but for the life of me I just couldn't stand the self centered…

"Dan, man, how did you get here?" the first man, whom I presumed to be Dan's cousin asked. Dan smirked and brought the man into a large bear hug, as Dia looked at her nails, shaking her head and letting ebony locks brush over her shoulders.

"Our plane was supposed to connect here, but unfortunately it can't leave because of the storm."

"Tell me about it," Lanna said haughtily, pushing her long ash blonde hair over her shoulder in frustration. "There isn't even a place to stay within twenty miles of the airport. They're all booked up."

I couldn't help but to snicker at the look of brief horror and utter disgust that came across the young woman's pale features. Her eyes scanned the immediate area, lingering on me and my wife for a moment before she angrily stalked towards us.

"Tell me you two have a hotel room."

"If we did, do you think we would be hanging out here?" I drawled out irritably, glancing past her to see Dan and his cousin heading this way, a muttering woman behind them. "Who's that?"

"Dan's cousin Denny, and his wife Lanna. She's a former pop star, you know," she offered smugly, and I smirked some, snickering up at the woman.

"Makes her higher up on the food chain than you then, doesn't it?" Dia's face contorted into a mixture of anger and distaste, her nose wrinkling.

"Are you guys heading home too?" Tina's soft voice interrupted the growing argument, and I simply sighed, crossing my arms and slumping in my chair.

"No. We're on our way to see Dan's family." Dia muttered, her voice just so enthused

"Well, what a small world," Dan's voice bellowed as he reached us, snatching my wife up into a hug. I simply glowered at him, seeing as how I conveniently had left my scythe at home.

Dan was such a damn ass. Why doesn't he go drink himself into a ditch?

"Dan, Tina has become quite partial to oxygen you know," Dia drawled out, looking at her nails boredly. I watched as she looked up, her gaze meeting that of the other woman, and they simply glared at each other.

Dan released my wife from his death hug and she stumbled back, conveniently landing on my lap. I groaned under my breath as she went to stand, arms circling around her waist and head pressing against her back.

"Why the hell can't we just get a ride home?" I muttered, thoughts drifting to other things- like how I would lock ourselves up in our house when we returned home.

"This isn't a very Merry Christmas if you ask me," Lanna chimed in, scowling at the lot of us and huffing. "Christmas eve in a stupid filthy airport filled with strangers isn't the perfect old fashioned Christmas you promised me, Denny," her amber eyes cut over to her male counterpart, and he adjusted his bandana before fiddling with the sleeves of his purple flannel shirt.

"It's not like he can control the weather," Tina said optimistically, her finger wagging at Lanna playfully. The pop stat pouted some, glaring at my wife, who in typical Tina fashion was oblivious to all negative emotion.

"Well looked what the snow storm stranded here," a loud cheerful male voice called, and I winced some at the sound of a hand smacking rather roughly against two backs, though seeing the two cousins lurch forward at the impact had me smirking. There was some type of justice after all it seemed.

"K-Kai man, whats up?" Dan chuckled, rolling his shoulders back as if to shake off the sting from the impact. Dia wrinkled her nose up again at seeing the companion trailing behind the new addition to the group, yet another purple bandana wearing fruitcake.

What the hell was up with this family and purple? I mean I know my hair is on that side, but that was just some messed up genetics on my part...

The woman approaching our group, trailing just behind Kai was a dirty blonde, wearing a purple vest over a white long john top and some jeans. She looked like another high maintenance chick, and I wondered how it was these guys managed to snag these seemingly well off and slightly spoiled girls.

"Just heading back home. I was disappointed to know I wouldn't get there in time, but who knew my two little cousins would be here, stranded just like me?" He laughed loudly, his right arm snaking around the waist of the blonde next to him. "Karen and I were really looking forward to Granny's dinner, but it will be ok. It will just have to be cold when we make it."

"It's what we all get for waiting till the last minute to head home to see our families," Karen said matter of factly, her eyes falling on Tina and myself.

"Don't be looking at us. We've already gotten that holiday family crap out of the way," I muttered, feeling Tina's nimble fingers caressing over my hands soothingly. "We're just trying to get back to the house, and we're stuck here for the night, and possibly tomorrow."

"We were looking forward to Christmas together. That's why we planned the trip before hand to be back in our house for Christmas. It was going to be our first Christmas alone. The last few years we've shifted between Jaime's family and mine," Tina explained quietly, patting my hand. I sighed at the gesture, releasing my grip on her and letting her return to her seat next to me.

The only consolation at all was the faint blush on my wife's face. Even the off the wall thought that maybe she had been as disappointed in our situation as I was, was very comforting.

"I know that look," Kai snickered, plopping down beside me and clasping my shoulder. He leaned in, a teasing smirk playing on his face. "You're just dying to get her home, aren't you?"He whispered lowly.

I looked down to my lap, feeling my shaggy bangs fall and cover my face. I was thankful since I could feel the blood rushing to my face, all the way to my ears.

"I don't know what," I began to protest, but I stopped as soon as the man's long tan fingers began to ruffle my bangs playfully.

What the hell?

"No need to be modest. I know what its like," he offered before returning his attention back to the group.

As I found myself coming to the full conclusion that Dan and everyone in his family- and all those that would willingly wear a purple bandana – were simply a few sandwiches short of a full picnic basket, Dan pulled out a few decks of cards from his cargo pants, waving them about.

"Well seeing as how this is to public a place for strip poker- is anyone up for a game of canasta?"

Tina slumped in her seat, smiling meekly as the cousins all agreed to play a card game- being the men against the women. I leaned over to my wife, eyes narrowed.

"What the hell are they doing?"

"Occupying themselves."

"Denny?" A slightly feminine voice called out, and the whole group turned to see a short blond haired man…yet another freak in purple if you ask me.

"Tina, remind me to get some hair dye," I muttered. I refused to be lumped together with these people.

"Pierre? What are you doing here?" Denny called cheerfully, beckoning the short man over. The child like man approached, lugging a suitcase on wheels along with a small cooler on top of it.

"I went to the city in search of a special blend of nutmeg for my holiday eggnog," Pierre began to explain, opting to sit cross legged on the floor with the majority of the group. I let out a sigh and stared up at the ceiling, realizing that there was a large bit of the roof tile missing, revealing what appeared to be ancient piping and other crap that probably needed to be replaced.

Figures that this crappy airport was crappily made.

I stood up from the commotion, seeing my wife give me a worried look as I rushed over to the dwindling line, standing once again in front of Ms. Muffy.

"There has to be some place that my wife and I can go for the night," I pleaded through gritted teeth.

"I'm sorry sir, but unless you want to travel to the next town, there is no vacancy in any hotel. I do however have some good news. This storm is supposed to clear out late tonight, so hopefully by mid morning we can get you a flight out to your next connection."

I returned wearily back to the group of misfits and miscreants that had gathered around my personal space, slipping my long fingers into my wife's tiny hand. I marveled at how her skin could remain so soft despite the fact that she did the same work I did, and rested my head tiredly on her shoulder as Dan explained the rules.

"You know, it's not the worst company in the world. And Christmas is about spending time with family and friends," Tina whispered, that ever optimistic grin on her face. I raised an eyebrow incredulously at her and shrugged my shoulders.

"So when is the holiday for us?" She shrugged her shoulders in response.

"Valentine's Day in the city…back home, I guess it's Starry Night," she trailed off thoughtfully, winking at me after a moment. "Hopefully we will be back home by then, eh?"

"Goddess willing," I muttered, opting to slump into the floor and sit between Tina's legs as I was pestered into the game.

Maybe Tina was right. Spending the holidays with friends could be tolerable- even possibly fun.

I held my eleven cards in my hands, arranging them in value as I heard a zipper. I narrowed my eyes, glancing over my cards to see Pierre unzipping a smaller cooler that he had pulled from his larger cooler, and pulling out of all things…

A banana split.

"Dude, you seriously just carry crap like that around with you?" Dan asked with an astonished look on his face. Pierre shrugged and glanced over his shoulder when Kai began rummaging through his bag.

"For Goddess sake there is a cooked turkey in here," he shouted, rummaging deeper. "At least we won't miss Christmas dinner totally."