A/N: This is a one-shot meant to explore an alternate story-line between John and Morgan, the characters in my current story, Chance of a Lifetime. I do not own John Cena his brother Dan Cena or anyone or anything affiliated with WWE. I only own the OCs. Also, the character of Brad is loosely based on Brad Chase of Boston Legal. Awesome show, check it out if you haven't seen it. Anyways, let me know what you guys think about this and if you like it, maybe I'll do a few more that I've got rolling around… or maybe a sequel. *Wink*

What I Really Meant To Say

"I'm going back" she said quietly. "I don't belong here and I think we both know that" she finished.

Morgan hugged him and turned to walk away from the only man she ever loved. Her best friend for over two years and she'd never been able to tell him how she felt about him. She had told herself that their timing was always off, that there were other things in the way but the truth was, he was famous and she didn't belong in his world.

John Cena watched Morgan walk away from him and a silent tear rolled down his cheek. He didn't understand why she insisted she needed to leave, she did belong there, with him and he'd never thought otherwise. Ever since the day he'd met her after she won that stupid contest he knew his life had changed. She'd been there through it all, his divorce with Liz, when he lost the belt because he tore his pectoral muscle, the grueling physical therapy that followed, she was there always smiling and telling him he'd get through it and now… she was gone, just like that.

2 Years Later…

Boston, Massachusetts

Morgan sat in her office at the small law firm where she'd worked before leaving for the WWE's Corporate law department. She'd spoken with her former boss two years ago and they'd agreed to give her old job back to her as well as all her old clients who had stayed with the firm upon her departure. The photo of her and John that was taken at the airport when they had first parted after her initial month with him as part of the contest prize stood on the corner of her desk surrounded by pictures of her friends and family that she'd kept over the years. She picked it up and traced his image on the photo as a tear threatened to fall from her eyes.

Knock knock… Morgan discreetly wiped the tear from her eyes and looked up to see who was at the door.

"Hey Brad" she said. "What can I do for ya" she asked her friend.

Brad was a junior partner with the firm and one of Morgan's good friends since she had returned. He stood in the doorway, concern etched on his features.

"Lo-Lo" he said using the nickname he'd given her, "are you alright, you seem a little upset today, in fact you've been a little out of it all week" he asked.

"Sorry Brad, I'm just reminiscing I guess. It's that time of the year ya know" she told him referring to the fact that it was April 23rd. "It's just hard, I miss him but I bet he doesn't even remember me at all" she said. "Why did I ever leave" she said softly as more tears started to fall.

"Hey, don't cry" he said. He closed the door to her office and motioned for her to sit next to him on the couch. Morgan walked over and sat down tears still falling freely from her eyes.

"You did what you thought was best for you and for him, and I have no doubt he's remembers exactly who you are. You're unforgettable" Brad said as he wiped a tear from her cheek.

"Come on, let's get out of here. Let me buy you something to eat" he asked her.

Morgan sniffed and wiped her eyes with a tissue and smiled slightly. "Okay" she said.

John sat silently watching television in his hotel room remembering the best birthday he'd ever had. Morgan had shown up unexpectedly and told him she'd quit her job and gotten one with WWE so she could be around all the time. It was still the best birthday he'd had in years and he was lying when he said he never thought about Morgan because the truth was he thought about her every day.

He'd realized after she'd left that he was in love with her and he'd even tried to find her on occasion but it seemed she didn't want to be found. He'd come close once, he found out she was working for the firm she had left before in Boston but they said her information was strictly confidential for clients and colleagues only and they wouldn't give him anything over the phone.

Suddenly he had a thought and immediately called his brother Dan in West Newbury. He was a police officer and he knew if anyone could find the right information it would be Danny.

Daniel Cena's phone rang and he picked it up instantly when he saw it was John calling.

"Hey John what's up bro" he asked.

"Dan the man, I need a favor" he said. "You remember Morgan Barlow right" he asked his brother.

"Of course I remember Morgan, everyone does. Still haven't figured out how you let her get away" he said.

"That's not important Dan. I need to find her. I know she works for the same firm she worked for before she left to come on the road with WWE. They're based in Boston, and she works in the Boston office. I've called them but they won't give me any information because I'm not a client or a colleague or some crap like that. You're a police officer, if you ask, don't they have to give the information?" he asked his brother.

"John, I don't know man, I mean what am I supposed to say, that she's a suspect in a crime or something" he asked.

"I don't know Dan. Can't you just say you have some questions you need to ask her. Make something up, just say you need a lawyer and you heard she could probably help you. Please man, I've gotta find her" he said.

"Alright, I'll try. I'll call you back later and let you know if I find anything out" Dan said. He hung up the phone grabbed his car keys and headed for Boston.

Morgan and Brad returned from lunch and headed to her office where unbeknownst to them, Daniel Cena sat waiting on her couch holding the picture of her and John in his hands. Morgan was laughing at a joke Brad had told her and Brad had his hand on the small of her back when they walked in the office.

"Are you feeling any better yet" Brad asked her.

Morgan smiled and blushed slightly."Yeah a little" she said. "Thanks, I needed a friend" she said softly.

"Anytime" he told her and held out his arms .

Morgan smiled again and hugged Brad but jumped back when she heard someone clear their throat beside them.

"I wasn't interrupting anything was I" she heard the familiar voice say.

"Oh god, Brad please tell me it's not him" she said, her face buried in his chest.

Brad chuckled and said "no I don't think so, they do look similar though."

"I'll leave you two alone" Brad said. "If you need anything, you know where I am right" he asked Morgan.

"Yeah, thanks Brad" she said and turned to see Dan Cena sitting on the couch holding the picture of her and John.

"Danny?" she questioned. "What are you doing here" she asked surprised.

"Well, one I'm a cop and it's not hard for me to find someone and two, John was desperate to find you. He said he called the office and they wouldn't tell him anything and short of showing up himself I was his only other option… so here I am" he told her.

"Wha… who… I don't… Jo…John was…looking for me?" she stuttered out. "But, why…" she said.

"Morgan, you left without really giving him a reason. You said you didn't belong but you were wrong. I know what the problem really was and I can't say I don't understand because I do, I also know how John feels and I think you both owe it to yourselves to talk to each other. He's miserable without you and personally I'm sick of hearing him whine every time he visits" Dan told her chuckling a little.

"But… I…Dan I can't talk to him. Not now, you don't understand. Too much has happened" she said sadly.

"Is this about that Brian guy who was just in here" Dan asked a little annoyed.

"His name is Brad and no. He and I are just friends, I'm not interested in him or anyone for that matter. It's just that, I can't tell John how I feel, it wouldn't make a difference, he's probably furious at me for leaving the way I did and never calling at all…" she trailed off again, new tears spilling from her eyes.

"Danny, just leave okay. Please just go, tell John you couldn't find me or something I don't know I just can't see him again okay. Please try to understand" she asked him.

"Alright Morgan, but you should know, he loves you…very much. He's not the same as he used to be anymore. He misses you, he wanted me to tell you that. I'll go now and I won't tell him I found you, if that's really what you want" he said. He handed Morgan the picture of her and John and a small piece of paper with a phone number on it.

"That's his number. Just… promise me you'll think about what I said alright" he asked her.

Morgan took the paper and smiled lightly. "I promise Dan."

With that, he left the office and Morgan sunk onto the couch and let the tears fall one by one.

Dan kept his promise to Morgan and told John that she hadn't been available when he'd gotten to her office and that as a West Newbury police officer, he didn't have jurisdiction in Boston so the office only gave him her business card which had her name and office telephone number.

John was disappointed but at least he had an office number where he could reach her. It was late so he decided to call in the morning when he was sure she'd be in. John laid down on his hotel bed that night, feeling better than he had in two years. I don't know why I waited so long to do this… I should have just followed her that day. Why did I let her leave in the first place? If I had stopped her then maybe she'd be here with me right now… he thought as he drifted off to sleep.

Morgan woke up the next morning and headed to her office as usual but she knew today was different. She had a way to contact John, all she had to do was use it. Dan's words had resonated and stayed with her all night. She'd dreamt of John all night and more than once that morning someone had remarked that she seemed to be in a daze.

The knocking on her office door brought her out of her reverie and she smiled when she saw Brad standing there an amused smile on his face.

"So whoever that guy was, he seemed to cheer you up more than I did" Brad said lightly chuckling.

"That was one of John's brothers, his name is Dan" she told Brad. "He came to tell me, well, that John is looking for me" she said.

"He is?!" Brad asked in feigned surprise, a hand over his heart.

"Shut up" Morgan laughed. She smacked him in the chest lightly and he laughed again.

"So, in other news, the briefing is in twenty minutes. Think I can break you out of your daydream long enough to go to it" he asked jokingly.

Morgan smiled. "I'll be there in a few minutes. I just have to gather up a few more documents alright" she said.

"Sure thing. See ya then. Oh, one more thing, we still on for lunch today" Brad asked.

"You betcha, 1 o'clock as always" she replied. "See you in twenty" she called as he headed down the hallway towards the conference room.

John woke up that morning and showered, put on some fresh clothes and made sure he looked presentable before looking at himself in the bathroom mirror like he was crazy.

What the hell am I worried about how I look for, it's just a phone call for god's sake… He laughed at the stupidity of it and walked back to the bed and picked up his phone. He found the small slip of paper where he'd written the number Dan had given him and punched in the numbers.

John hesitated slightly before hitting the send button. What if she doesn't want to talk to me? He thought. Oh the hell with it, you only live once right… he said out loud and pressed send.

Morgan and Brad left the conference room at 12:30 and went back to their respective offices to finish up some details before lunch at one.

"Hey Tara, any calls" Morgan asked her secretary.

"Hey Morgan, yeah you got a call from someone named John. He said it was urgent that you call him back but he wouldn't say why. Hey didn't you used to know a guy named John a while ago" Tara replied.

Morgan froze and her skin turned white. John called…how did he get my number she thought. Then it hit her… Danny, you are sooo dead she thought to herself.

"Morgan are you alright" Tara asked.

"What oh yes I'm fine. You said someone named John, did he give a last name or a return phone number" Morgan asked her.

"Um, he didn't give a last name but he said he could be reached at 551-8925. He said it was a Boston area code so it wouldn't be long distance I guess. Do you need anything else" Tara replied.

"No, but thanks Tara. I'll be taking a lunch pretty soon so if you could hold my calls that would be great and I'll be leaving early today so if you'd like you can do the same" Morgan told her assistant.

"Oh Alright, thanks" Tara said. Morgan walked back to her office her face still slightly white from hearing that "someone named John" called her. She reached her desk and rifled through the papers looking for the number Dan had left with her. When she found it, she almost fainted. The number Dan had left was 551- 8925, it was John that had called. Dan had probably just given him her business card information other wise she was sure he would have called her cell or her house.

Brad knocked on her office door a minute later and was concerned when he saw the look on Morgan's face.

"What's wrong, you look like you've seen a ghost" he said. Morgan looked up and straightened her suit jacket, smoothed her skirt and smiled as best she could.

"Nothing's wrong. I'm good, are you ready for lunch now" she asked as cheerfully as she could muster.

Brad was skeptical but thought it better to leave it alone. If she wanted to talk about she would. "Sure, let's blow this joint" he said.

Morgan sat at home that evening twirling the phone in her hands arguing with herself about whether or not she should call him back. Finally she decided to go for it and dialed the numbers on the piece of paper.

The phone rang once, twice, three times before John's voicemail message kicked in.

Hey it's John. Can't take your call right now but if you leave me a number I'll call you back as soon as I can. Oh, and if this is Morgan, I miss you and I'm sorry I wasn't able to answer but I promise I'll call you back if you let me.

Morgan was shocked that he would mention her by name in an answering machine message. She barely heard the beep that signaled to begin talking. It's now or never… she thought.

Morgan sighed heavily and began.

"Hi. It's me, Morgan. Um…Tara said you called my office today" Morgan was having trouble keeping her thoughts clear but she pressed on. "I…um…" she sighed again, "I miss you too" she said, "more than you know" she finished. "I was so stupid, I shouldn't have left the way I did and for months I tried to convince myself that I'd see some sign that I was wrong, that you'd come after me, tell me I was crazy to leave or something and when you didn't I… well that's when I started to believe I really didn't belong. That I was right all along, that you didn't want me there, that you didn't need me and I was wasting my time so I just tried to move on with my life…and now I know that…I can't" she said. "I can't live without you, and I'm tired of trying to convince myself that I can. I love you John, I always have" Morgan sighed again, asked John to call her back and hung up.

She felt more drained after that message than she had in months of working and stressing out over ridiculous cases. Now I just have to wait… she said to herself.

I can't live without you, and I'm tired of trying to convince myself that I can. I love you John, I always have…

John listened to the end of the message and despite the smile on his face, he cried. He hadn't thought she would call him back, or that even if she did, she would say the things she'd said in the message. The truth was, he thought she'd ignore his calls or worse, change her number or tell him to stay away from her but Dan had been right again.

Dan had told John that Morgan would call, that somehow he knew she loved him and she wouldn't be able to deny it forever and John just needed to be patient with her.

John knew Morgan had been through quite a bit in her life and that sometimes, her heart just shut down emotionally. She'd be cold and distant and almost impossible to reach because she tried to protect her heart from more hurt. Despite this, she'd been able to tell him what she felt. He couldn't ignore that or she'd never forgive him. He needed to call her back and even though he knew it was after midnight in Boston, he had to call her right then, he couldn't wait.

Morgan was startled when she heard her phone ring at 1am and hesitated for a second before picking it up and looking at the caller ID… 551-8925. Oh god, he called back. Okay get a grip Morgan, just answer the phone and talk to him, what harm could it possibly do… she said to herself.

Morgan took a deep breath and pressed the button on her cell phone to answer the call.

"Hello" she said quietly.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you" she heard him ask.

Morgan inhaled sharply at the sound of his voice and almost started crying. Then she remembered he was waiting for her to answer.

"No, I was still up" she said. "Did you really have to call at 1 am though" she said, adding a small yawn for dramatic effect.

"Sorry, I couldn't wait" he said. Morgan heard him laugh and she felt as though she might die inside.

God it feels good to hear his laugh again… okay get it together girl, come on.

"Morgan? Are you still there" he asked.

"I'm here John, I'm just stuck in my own head I guess" she said.

"I thought I'd lost ya there for a second" he said, "I got your message" he told her.

Morgan exhaled sharply. "Oh, yeah that…um…I…I'm sorry I don't know what I was thinking I just…" she trailed off when John spoke.

"It's alright. I understand now. I know why you had to leave, I don't like it and I think you're crazy for thinking you had to but I get why. I'm sorry that I made you feel like you didn't belong here because that's the furthest thing from the truth I've ever heard. God, you have no idea how much I've missed you the last two years. I tried to find you, but your firm wouldn't tell me anything and I know you spoke to Danny, he didn't say it, but I could tell he was lying when he told me he couldn't get in to see you." John took a moment to catch his breath and continued. "Morgan, I'm going crazy without you. I need to see you, I just, you said you loved me and I need to see for myself that its true and if you still don't want to see me after that or, if you can't, then I'll walk away and you won't hear from me again if you don't want to. Please let me come and see you, one more time" he asked softly.

Morgan sat quietly letting John's words sink in. She was conflicted, on the one hand, she loved John very much and seeing him again was worth all the money in the world. On the other hand however, the pain she knew would be there afterwards, she wasn't so sure she could live with anymore.

She debated with herself for a few more seconds trying to decide what would be best.

"Okay" she said. One simple word, but when he heard it, John felt like he might fly.

"We're coming to Boston for a couple shows next week. I'll meet you at your office around lunchtime on Wednesday, is that alright" he asked her.

"Sure, that sounds nice. I'll see you then" she said. "Goodnight John" she told him and hung up the phone.

One Week Later- Wednesday

Morgan had paced nervously for over an hour that morning before Brad had come down to her office at the request of Tara.

"Hey Morgan, are you alright" Brad said as he slowly approached her. He put a hand on her shoulder and she jumped suddenly.

"Relax Morgan, it's gonna be fine, trust me" he told her reassuringly.

"But what if he…I mean, what if I… oh why did I agree to do this" she said nervously.

"Okay girl, come on" Brad said. "You need to sit down and breathe and remember that this is John you're talking about. I don't know him but from what you've told me he isn't the kind of man who would ask to see you just to tell he hates your guts so just relax" Brad sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulder and rubbed her back soothingly for a minute until she was breathing normally again.

Morgan wiped a few stray tears from her face and laughed at herself for getting so worked up.

"Thanks Brad, I needed a level head" she said smiling.

"Anytime kid, anytime" he told her. "Now, go fix yourself up because I see someone special coming this way" he said as he motioned towards Tara's desk where John had stopped for a moment.

"Oh no, he's early. Brad I can't do this…" he put a finger to her lips and pushed her towards the bathroom in her office and shut the door just as John reached the office himself.

"Hi, I'm John Cena. I'm looking for Morgan Barlow, this is her office right" John asked the man standing behind the desk.

"Hello John. I'm Brad. Morgan's in the restroom right now but she'll be out in a minute" Brad told him.

"Alright. Thanks, Brad" said John. "I guess I'll just wait here then" he said as he sat on the couch in her office.

John noticed the photo on her desk and picked it up smiling as he did so.

"How long has she had this picture in her office" he asked Brad.

"The entire time she's been here as far as I know" Brad replied. "She speaks very highly of you, I've never heard her say a bad thing about you in fact" he told John. "But I'll tell you this, she's my closest friend and she's like family to me so you better not mess with her head because wrestler or not I will beat your ass if you hurt her" Brad told him.

John laughed a little. "Well it's a good thing I'd never want to hurt her then" he said.

Just as he spoke those words the bathroom door cracked open and Morgan stepped out in her charcoal gray skirt suit, baby blue blouse and black pump heels. Her hair had grown long and was a darker brown than John remembered. He stood up slowly and smiled as she walked toward her desk for her purse.

"Thanks for everything Brad" she said. She leaned in to hug her friend and whispered softly "don't be too hard on him alright."

Brad smiled softly. "Well, I guess I'll leave you two alone, nice meeting you John. I'll see you later Morgan" he called as he walked quietly out of the room.

John hadn't taken his eyes off Morgan since she exited the bathroom, and now he was face to face with her for the first time in two years. His heart felt like it might beat out of his chest.

Morgan stood silently, her eyes locked on the photo in John's hand. She slowly walked over to him, took the picture and placed it back in its rightful spot, right in the middle of all the others.

"Well, should we get going then" she said suddenly. "I made us reservations at that Italian place we both like. I hope you don't mind" she told him.

"No, not at all. Will you be ordering for me too" he joked.

"Shut up Cena" she said as she lightly smacked him in the forehead. He laughed and pulled her in close for a hug. "I forgot how much I miss your sarcasm" he said laughing.

Later that afternoon, after their lunch, John walked Morgan back to her office. They stood quietly behind the closed door of her office and neither said a word for a good five minutes.

Finally, it was John who spoke. "I miss you Morgan, you know that right." He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and placed a finger under her chin forcing her to look at him.

John saw tears in her eyes and he knew he had done the right thing by going there. Somehow he knew that even though she was crying, she was happier than she'd been in a long time. Finally, she spoke.

"I miss you too…" she managed to choke out. "You have to go don't you" she stated more than asked.

John looked at her, sadness in his own eyes and smiled a little. "Yeah, I do. I have to leave for Pittsburg first thing tomorrow morning. Randy and I are driving up so it takes a little longer. I'm sorry, I wish I could stay longer" he said.

"It's alright" she said. "I sort of expected this to happen anyhow" she told him.

"Can I see you again" he asked her, already knowing her answer.

Morgan sighed heavily. "I don't think that's a good idea John. I can't keep watching you leave after every visit, not knowing when you'll be back. It's not fair to either of us" she said in her lawyer tone, the one John knew meant business only.

He sighed and cracked a small smile. "If that's really what you want I won't try to convince you otherwise" he told her. "But I will say this, I'm staying at the Hilton, if you change your mind, I'm in Room 221, don't hesitate" he said softly.

Morgan smiled a little and wrung her hands together. "I'll remember" she said. "Goodbye John."

"Goodbye Morgan" John said, his smile faltering. John leant down and kissed Morgan's cheek and held her close knowing it would be for the last time. He knew her well enough to know that when she'd made up her mind, she didn't change it. "I'll never forget you" he whispered, "don't forget me."

With that, John walked out of her office, got into his car and drove away towards the hotel. Morgan watched him go, never once looking back, and she cried.

John walked into his hotel room at The Hilton and sat down on his bed his eyes red and puffy from the tears he'd shed in the car.

Randy had been watching TV when John had come in, but seeing his best friend in this state was enough to make any television show instantly unwatchable.

"I take it things didn't go as well as you'd hoped" Randy asked quietly.

John looked up startled. "Oh…yeah" was all he managed to choke out.

"Give her some time, she'll come around. She's got a lot to think about you know. You can't honestly tell me you expected her to leap into your arms and you two would ride off into the sunset, fairy tale style can you" Randy asked his friend.

"No, but I thought that after what she said on the phone, after what we'd both said, that she'd at least let me visit her when we were in town" he said sadly. "She told me it would be too hard to watch me leave all the time, never knowing when I'd be back. Said it was unfair to both of us" he told Randy.

"Well can you blame her" Randy replied. "Look, if you're this upset why don't you just go back down to her office, barge in there and tell her you love her and you're not leaving without her" he said seriously.

"Randy, you and I both know I can't do that" John said. "It would be unfair of me to ask her to leave her job behind again after everything she's already been through" he said.

"Yeah I know" said Randy. "What are you gonna do then" he asked.

"I have no idea" said John. "I guess I'm just gonna pack up and move on to the next city" he said.

Later that evening after Morgan had already left the office and gone home for the night she was lying on the couch, tears streaming down her face, berating herself for being so stupid as to let John walk away from her. She'd wanted to run after him, leap into his arms and go with him wherever he went but she hadn't. Loyalty to her job, fear of getting hurt, whatever it was had stopped her from doing the one thing she wanted to do. The one thing she knew was right. It was then, lying there in the silence that she realized what she needed to do.

Morgan jumped off the couch, grabbed her car keys and ran through the pouring rain to her car parked on the street.

John and Randy had each finished packing up their things so they could be ready to check out first thing in the morning.

"Hey, I'm gonna get something to eat downstairs, you wanna come" Randy asked.

"Nah, you go ahead, I don't have much of an appetite" John replied.

"Alright man. See ya in a few I guess" Randy said as he moved to the door.

Just as he was about to open it, they heard the sound of urgent knocking on the other side.

John and Randy looked at each other confused. "Were you expecting someone" they asked in unison. Both men shook their heads and chuckled a little. Randy reached for the handle. "Probably just one of the guys wanting to train or something" he said.

He opened the door and was shocked at who was on the other side. "Um…John I think it's for you" he said smiling. "Tell whoever it is that I'm not up for any weights or anything tonight okay" John replied.

"I think maybe you ought to tell them yourself" Randy said. He turned to look at John and was grinning like a fool.

"Dude, why are grinning like that. It's freaking creepy. Who the hell is it" he asked him.

Randy smiled and stepped aside so John could see who was at the door.

John's heart nearly leapt out of his chest for the second time that day. Standing in the doorway, soaked to the core from the rain, there she was.

"Morgan!" he asked shocked. "What are you, I mean, how did you, but I thought…" John trailed off when he realized she was shivering from the cold.

He walked over to her, took her hand and led her to the bathroom.

"Here, take these" he said, handing her one of his t-shirts and a towel.

"Thanks" she said quietly. Morgan quickly pulled off her wet clothes and pulled his t-shirt over her head. She stopped for a moment when she inhaled his scent from the fabric and smiled. Morgan dried her hair and hung her wet clothes up to dry over the shower curtain and stepped out of the bathroom.

John looked up when he heard the door open and fought to keep his jaw from hitting the floor. Hair soaking wet and wearing a shirt two sizes too big, John still thought she was absolutely beautiful.

"Hey" she said quietly. "Hey" he replied.

Morgan sat down on the opposite bed and curled her legs underneath her.

"Are you cold" John asked her.

"A little" she said softly. "Here, get under the covers" he said. John lifted the blankets and Morgan slid her legs underneath.

"Thanks" she said. John sat down on the bed next to her and ran his hand through his hair.

"I'm surprised you're here. I didn't really think you'd show up" he said.

"To be honest, I wasn't so sure I would either. I must have looked like a crazy person pacing around in front of the hotel for the last hour" she said.

John smiled and chuckled nervously. "Yeah, I bet you did" he said.

"So…you're here now" he started to say. "What does that mean" he asked cautiously.

Morgan sighed and moved closer to John, resting her head on his shoulder.

"I don't really know, I guess it means that I don't want to lose you again" she said.

John looked at her strangely. "You never lost me Morgan, why would you think that" he questioned.

Morgan looked up at him and took a sharp ragged breath to keep the tears she were knew were coming at bay. "I just…I guess I thought because you didn't try to make me stay that…well that it meant I was never supposed to be there and you didn't care whether or not I was, so I left" she began. "I figured it was best for both of us, you could focus on your career and life after Liz and I wouldn't…" Morgan trailed off before she could finish and stared at a spot on the floor intently.

"Morgan, hey look at me" he said. John lifted her chin with his finger and the tears falling from her eyes. He frowned. "Why are you crying, what were you going to say" he asked.

Morgan sniffled and wiped her tears away.

"John, you have no idea how hard it was for me to…I mean…the reason I left was…" she paused and frowned trying to find the right words. John sat and listened intently.

"We were best friends John, but it wasn't enough for me" she said. "I needed something from you that I didn't think you could ever give me, I loved you and I wanted you to love me. You told me on the phone that you needed to see if was true when I told you I loved you, I don't know how to tell you that it is, I think it's something you need to see for yourself" she wiped away a stray tear and continued, "today, in my office, I didn't say what I wanted to, I said what I thought I should say and I was wrong. What I wanted to say is that I love you, that I've loved you from the moment I met you. I've tried to live without you, believing that just knowing you were out there alive somewhere doing what you love was enough but it wasn't. I need you, I feel like I'm slowly going insane without you and I swear that if it's not love, then I must really be delusional because I don't ever want to leave you again. I don't think I can bear watching you walk away again like you did today."

Morgan finished speaking and new tears started to fall. John was silent and had been since she started talking. He slowly stood up, walked to the bathroom and brought Morgan a glass of water before sitting down next to her again.

She drank the water and managed a small "thanks" in return.

John watched her carefully as she sat beside him, her shoulders heaving from the tears, her breath ragged and sharp. It must have really taken a lot for her to say all that he thought to himself.

"John…" he heard her calling him and looked down at her tear streaked face and smiled.

He pulled her close in a tight hug and she clung to him as if she might die if she let go.

"Shhh" he said. "It's alright, just relax" he told her. Finally the tension and rigidness in her body fell away and she let go long enough to stand and put a small amount of space between them.

John stood with his hands on Morgan's waist not wanting to let go. Her eyes searched his looking for the answers she needed. John placed a hand on her face and wiped a tear away with his thumb.

He sighed heavily and took one of Morgan's hands in his own.

"Morgan, why would you think I didn't or couldn't love you" he asked. "Did I do something to make you think you didn't belong, because all I wanted to do was show you that you did" he said. "You do belong there, with me. It doesn't matter what I do for a living, wherever I am, that's where you should be" he told her. "I think you know that, and you're scared. Scared to get hurt, scared to be happy, maybe you're afraid that if you ever feel happy, something horrible will happen to take that happiness away. I can't promise you that everything will be perfect, I can't promise I won't hurt you because those are promises impossible to keep, but I can promise that I will do everything in my power to keep you happy, to show you that you belong right here with me and no where else" he paused to catch his breath and gather his thoughts.

"Morgan, I love you. I don't want to do anything to hurt you or push you away or make you feel unhappy. I shouldn't have given up so easily, you were right about one thing, I should have followed you the day you left, I never should have let you run away but I'm not about to make the same mistake twice" he finished.

John watched her face for a sign that he'd said the right thing. Slowly, he saw a light smile form and heaved a sigh of relief.

Morgan closed the small gap between them and threw her arms around his neck burying her face in his chest. John smiled and wrapped her arms around her, one hand resting on her head. They stood that way for a good five minutes before Morgan lifted her head and looked up at John. She found him smiling down at her, arms still wrapped tightly around her waist, small tears rolling down his face.

"John, are you crying" she asked surprised.

He smiled and nodded. "Yeah I guess I am" he said. "God I've missed you" he told her.

Morgan smiled. "I missed you too, I'm never leaving you again" she replied.

"Good, because it's not like I'd let you anyways" he said chuckling.

She was about to tell him to shut up when he pulled her close and kissed her with all the strength he had inside. It was a surprise at first, but for Morgan, no surprise had ever been better. She kissed him back and he felt all the sadness and anger and frustration she'd felt for the past two years just melting away. Finally, he pulled away and took her hands in his again.

They looked into each other's eyes and no words were necessary. In that moment, John knew that she was it for him. He would never love another woman as much as he loved Morgan and he'd never want to.