part of an old one-shot series that was... well. way too old. and needed a refresher.

x riku-centric x

.jealous.

I hate the way you look at me sometimes.

How when we're sitting at the beach, just the two of us, with Kairi playing in the water somewhere out of our range of sight, and you'll glance up at me from under your bangs and just... give me this look. This adoring, trusting look. Like I'm fucking Jesus Christ. Like I'm your savior, like I'm worth being looked up to. Do you know how much that eats away at me? How much I can't stand it? It's not that I hate you. I could never hate you, even if you stabbed me through the heart and turned me into a Heartless. It's probably what I deserve anyway.

You were the one who swore we'd be friends forever, no matter what I did to you, or what I said to you. And me? I was the one who nearly destroyed our home. I was the one who sided with the darkness. I was the one who smashed our friendship in half and stepped all over it like it was broken glass. But you still cried for me. Me. Not Kairi. But me.

You told me once you wanted to be strong like me. I swear, I can't even listen to you sometimes because the words that come out of your mouth don't make sense. I can't remember a time when you were ever weaker than me. You're not just strong in body, but in heart and in mind. If I had been you, I probably would've given up long ago on my searches and my helping and my fighting... But you didn't. Not even when the person you were looking for was the one who had betrayed you. I could... I could never do that. Unless it was you. I would go to the ends of the earth searching for you and no one else.

I am nothing to be looked up to.

You once said that you're jealous of me. But why? I mean, look at you, for God's sake, Sora! You're the Keyblade master. You're the one who everyone likes. And you're the one who still has Kairi's love and trust. You still have a chance with someone. For fuck's sake, Sora, you have everything, and I have nothing. I might've overcome my darkness, but I will never be able to take back all the things that I've done. Hell, I still don't know if you've ever forgiven me, or if you ever will.

It's almost like a sickness, the way my mind strays and spirals me into a darker place when I have nothing to say. When we sit there and you just... look at me like that.

You say that you're jealous of me. But the truth is... I'm jealous of you.

x fin x