Time for another Maximum Ride Christmas Parody! I'm usually just a romance writer, but I need a good laugh, so let's see how funny-or non funny- this parody can get! (P.S. flames are welcome, and I'm really glad that there's no way you guys can throw fruit at me for my horrible attempt at humor…) Oh, and it's going to start off really random, and follow as random, so brace yourselves.
Disclaimer: I own nothing that follows!!!
3rd Person(ish) POV
Total: (AN: Yes, we're going like this throughout) On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, an Angel in a pear tree!
Max: *Grumbling* Stupid singing dog. *Kicks Total*
Total: *Whimpers*
Dr. Martinez: Morning Max!
Max: *Growls *
Dr. Martinez: A morning person I see. *Non sarcastically*… Awkward pause… How about some hot chocolate?
Max: *Takes drink and spits out*
Dr. Martinez: Too hot?
Max: Too cold! What'd you do, stick it in the freezer?
Dr. Martinez: Gazzy thought it would be cool do freeze all of the hot chocolate, then eat it frozen.
Max: Did it work?
Iggy randomly enters: No, it stuck to his tongue, so he's by the fire I made in the den, trying to melt it.
Max: O.o
Dr. Martinez: I'd better go make sure he doesn't… *BOOM* do that. Max, look for the fruitcake please.
Max: *Salutes and turns to Iggy* Why not just put it under hot water?
Iggy: Why not make him do it the long way?
Max: *Nods* Touché.
Iggy: *Mumbling while leaving* Speaking French like she's all that. She never did bring me a French girl.
~Later~
Max: *Looking in freezer for fruitcake as last resort* Is this it?
Dr. Martinez: Let me see. *takes 20 pound fruitcake ish thing* No, this is definitely not fruit cake.
Max: Well it's heavy, it stinks, and it has fruit in it. It's an honest mistake.
Dr. Martinez: I think it's a meatloaf…
Max: I made meatloaf for the flock that one time that both you and Iggy were gone. But they ate it before I got back with the special sauce… *suspicious*
Iggy: Why did you put fruit in a meatloaf? Scratch that, why did they let you cook?
Max: *Ignoring Iggy* FLOCK! GET YOUR TAN BEHINDS IN HERE!
Flock: *Looking innocent*Yes Max?
Max: *Holds out meatloaf* Care to explain why it was in the freezer?
Nudge: It smelled like death; we weren't going to eat it. But it wouldn't fit in the dang garbage…
Angel: And there wasn't enough time to throw it out the window…
Total: So Fang threw it in the freezer… Where is Fang?
Invisible Fang: *Takes meatloaf while no one is looking and throws it out the nearest window.*
Random: *Crash*
Flock: Fang!
Fang: *Shrug* It had to be done.
(P.S. The meatloaf thawed 2 days later. One squirrel was stupid enough to take a nibble. It died instantly.)
~Later~
Total: On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me; 12 Valencias drumming, 11 Brigids piping, 10 Jebs a leaping, 9 ter Borchts a dancing, 8 Maxs a milking, 7 Fangs a swimming, 6 Iggys a laying, 5 golden Nudges, 4 calling Ellas, 3 French Gasmans, 2 Ari doves, and an Angel in a pear tree!
Gazzy: You call that the twelve days of Christmas?
Total: No, it's the twelve days of the flock.
Gazzy: *Whispers* You want to hear Max's version?
Total: This should be interesting.
Gazzy imitating Max: On the 12th day of Christmas my true love, Fang, gave to me; 12 of Mom's cookies, 11 chances to strangle Brigid, 10 Jebs leaping off a cliff, 9 nightmares of ter Borcht dancing, 8 maids to clean the house, 7 of Fang's kisses *swoon*, 6 pictures of Iggy laying an egg, 5 golden rolls of duct tape *looks at Nudge*, 4 calls from Ella, 3 French…
Max: Gazzy!
Gazzy: *in a haste* 2 Ari dogs and an Angel in a peace tree! Gotta go! *Runs for life while being chased by a very angry Max with a club*
Max: *Chasing Gazzy with a club* What was that 7th thing, huh? Care to explain?
Gazzy imitating the Wicked Witch of the West: No, no! I'm melting, I'm melting!
Max: Serves you right.
~Meanwhile~
Angel: Is there even a pear tree? Or a peace tree?
Nudge: IDK, but let's go get a Christmas tree!
~Later~
Angel: This one is perfect!
Max: Let's cut it down!
Fang: On it!
~Later~
Nudge: Now all we need is the Angel on top!
Angel: Got it covered. *Sits on top of tree* Whoa! *Tree tilts and crashes*
Random person from under tree: *Groan!*
Flock: Ari!
Fang: On it! *Lifts axe*
Max: No! Wait, why'd we let you hold the axe?
Fang: Because I'm awesome! *Re lifts axe*
Max: *Takes axe* This is a valuable life lesson. Never let Fang hold the axe around small murderous children. *Throws axe across the room and hits random elf*
Fang: Poor elf.
Flock: Yeah. *Hang their heads in shame*
~Later~
Angel: Iggy, Nudge is under the mistletoe with the Gasman!
Iggy: What? NO!! *Runs dramatically*
Angel: Oh, Max and Fang are under a different Mistletoe!
Max: You put up 2 mistletoes?
Angel: Yep, now you and Fang have to…
Max: I know what we have to do. *Hits Fang upside the head with a club*
Angel: Why'd you do that?
Max: So that I wouldn't have to kiss him.
Angel: But you kiss your Fang plushy every night! What's the difference?
Iggy: *Stops in the middle of dramatic run* You have a Fang plushy?
Max: Hey, I'm not the one who has a life-size cutout of Taylor Lautner hidden in my room.
Iggy: *Turns red* I can explain!
Ella: So you're the one holding him for ransom! You, you, bird boy, you! *Storms upstairs to rescue Taylor*
Iggy: No! You can't take him back! I still have him kidnapped for ransom!
Angel: Um, Iggy, weren't you going to stop something?
Iggy: Huh? Oh, yeah! *Runs dramatically*
Angel: Pick up the pace, would ya?
Iggy: Right. *Runs normally*
Nudge and Gazzy: What the…?
Iggy: *Pushes Nudge out of the way by mistake and kisses Gazzy*
Nudge: I didn't know you like Gazzy in that sort of way, Iggy.
Iggy: What? *Feels the Gasman's face* NO! *Turns red*
Fang after gaining consciousness: Hey look, its Iggy the red Faced mutant!
Flock: Iggy the red face mutant, mutant, had a very shiny face… like a light bulb! And if you ever saw it, saw it, you would keep your space… like outer space! All of the other flock members, flock members, used to laugh and call him names… like lobster face! They never let poor Igster, Igster, join in any flock member games… like karaoke night!
Max: Then one Fangy Christmas Eve, Santa came to say…
Fang: Yo yo yo! Iggy with your face so bright, won't you fly my sleigh tonight? Then all the flock members loved him, loved him, as they shouted out with glee…
Nudge: YEHAW!
Flock: Iggy the red faced mutant, mutant, you'll go down in history… like some ancient dude! *End in cheesy poses*
~Later~
Fang as Santa Clause: *Enters from front door* Yo Yo Yo, Merry Christmas!
Iggy as Rudolph: Yeah yeah, Merry Christmas, blah blah blah.
'Santa': Rudolph you need to be more cheery!
'Rudolph': I'm a blind reindeer! How am I supposed to act cheery?
'Santa': I'm an emo Santa with a screwed up life, but I can still act cheery!
'Rudolph': You want cheery? Here's a little holiday cheer from me to you! *Punches 'Santa'*
'Santa': It's on! *Kicks in the stomach*
'Rudolph': You think that hurt? Try this! *Kicks where the sun don't shine*
Fang: *Whimpers from ball on the ground*
Max: He may never be able to have kids now. So thanks a lot, Iggy!
Iggy: Like we need mini Fax children running around anyways.
Max: *Growls* Come here.
Iggy: I'd rather not.
Max: Too bad. *has Nudge kick him where the sun don't shine with her high heels on*
Angel: Gazzy's our only hope now. *Shudders*
~Later, when both boys can walk~
Flock: SNOW!
Ella: In Arizona?
Flock: Yep
Ella: But it's 64 degrees outside!
Flock: SO? *Runs outside to play in snow*
~Later~
Angel: Let's build a snowman!
Nudge: Yeah! Then maybe he'll come to life!
Gazzy: We should build wings on him!
Iggy: I'll get the red bull.
~Later~
Max: Our snowman with wings is done.
Fang: Hold on. *Places top hat on snowman*
Snowman: *Comes to life and flies upwards* So long friends! *Hits glass* What the… ##)*%)#&#?
Angel: We're in a snow globe!
Flock: Really?
Giant eye appears: She's right. *Shakes snow globe*
Tiny flock voices: NO! RUN FROM THE EYE!
Giant eye: Well, I thought it was a cute deal. *Turns snow globe that reads "Tis the season to be featherly"*
Merry Christmas!
(Or 2 days until Christmas…)
~Faxisthegreatest123~