January, 2009

Barney was finally going home today. He was leaving the hospital and returning to his own apartment for good, for the first time in nine months. Ted and Robin had offered to have him continue staying with them until he fully recovered but after what had happened he couldn't bear the thought of spending that much time with them. He wasn't sure if they wanted to either; it was likely that the offer was done more out of politeness than true sincerity. Instead James was going to be staying with him until his doctors decided he was well enough to live on his own. Barney told his friends that the reason he agreed to this plan was because James felt bad that he wasn't able to look after him when he'd first gotten sick.

So he was taken aback when Ted, Marshall, Lily and Robin all showed up at his hospital room at the time he was expecting James.

"After everything we've been through this year we had to be the ones to see you out, dude. It's symbolic. Besides James has to pick up a ton of stuff from the store since you've got so few things at your place," said Marshall.

"I hope you don't mind?" Ted asked awkwardly. It was clear that he was fully aware of the real reason Barney didn't want to stay with them.

"Sure," Barney said, trying his best to sound casual. "Can I not be taken out in that wheelchair you brought? It would be even more symbolic if I walked out."

"Whatever you want, Barney," Lily said gently.

They had all been tiptoeing around him and being exceedingly gentle with him for the last few weeks. He was now being treated as though he was just as fragile mentally as he had been physically. Maybe he was, but he certainly didn't want them thinking that.

"Guys? I-I know this whole things been pretty confusing," he said slowly "So, I'm going to let you ask me three questions about… you know. I can't guarantee I'll be able to answer them, but I'll do my best."

"Just three questions? And then that's all we'll get?" asked Marshall.

"I'm not sure," said Barney honestly.

"So… the story of how you transformed into awesome Barney you told us during game night?" asked Marshall.

"I more or less made it up."

"Then what about the tape of you singing the rainbow song?"

"That was a comedic video that I made with that Shannon chick and other theatrical people in Europe. I freaked out when Lily had the tape because of... other things that were on there."

"What else was on it?" asked Ted eagerly.

A manic grin spread across his face. "That is a story for another time, Theodore. I've answered two, you guys have one more."

"Why did you try to kill yourself all those years ago?" Ted burst out the question that was burning on everyone's minds.

"Dude!" Marshall hissed. Barney tried his best not to let it upset him. He told himself that it was just Ted being Ted, that sometimes he just couldn't help himself. He said nothing, but he stole a glance at Robin and she smiled at him reassuringly. He knew she'd keep his secret.

A deep and awkward silence followed this. It looked as though opening up the floor for questions was a bad idea.

"Come on sweetie, let's leave this place for good," said Lily, finally breaking the silence. She took him by the hand and led him out the door.

As they all walked out together Barney caught sight of himself in the mirror. He was wearing a sweater and jeans, but his hair was once again gelled and styled. This person looking back at him couldn't really be classified as Barney or Doogie. He didn't know who he was.

It was a struggle to get himself to take that last step out the door, knowing that while he came in as Barney Stinson he wasn't sure if he was leaving as him. Once he left the safe confines of the hospital and went into the real world there was no going back.

End