Author's Note: Here's the first in a four part "Christmas Special" of a fanfiction. This chapter was sort of an experiment. I've never written anything in present first person, but it seemed to go well with the tone and Misaki's head is just so fun to get into, so I hope it was a success. Please enjoy and let me know what you think.

Pairings in this chapter: UsagixMisaki

Disclaimer: This is a fan made, non-profit work. I do not own any of Junjou Romantica.

My name is Misaki Takahashi, and this is the December of my 19th year. I've always enjoyed this time of year when the air gets colder and people tend to be a little bit happier, if not rushed by the need to buy gifts. But I like the energy, which is particularly chipper around Mitsuhashi University [1] in this time of year. You see, the University's founding was in the penultimate week of December [2], so every year they give all the faculty and students that week off as a way to 'celebrate.'

Of course, all the couples get really easy to identify as that time draws near because they get all lovey-dovey with each other since the break aligns perfectly with Christmas. [3] A lot of guys complain about them (I suspect they might be single) but I think it's kind of sweet.

Although, it leaves me with a personal dilemma.

You see, I'm sort of… I'm not sure if there's a word in the Japanese language for my particular situation, but for now let's call it… 'in a relationship' with someone. A man to be exact. An older man. A clingy, childish, perverted, old man who can be so damn annoying sometimes tha—

Ah— that is…

Living with him has certainly been an experience. His name that most know him by is Akihiko Usami, although I tend to just call him Usagi-san. Trust me, it fits.

But back to my dilemma. Usagi-san comes from a rather wealthy family and already has everything he could possibly want, as far as he is materially concerned. But I want to get him something special for Christmas. He may be an asshole a lot of the time, but Usagi-san is a very important person to me, and I want to be able to give him something to tell him that.

But as I walk from store to store, taking yet another new route home for the fifth time this week to check different areas of the city, I just can't think of anything he would want.

Well, I know one thing he would want without fail, but I'll be damned if I give him something like that for Christmas.

This isn't working. There isn't anything in this area but bakeries and flower shops. I know I'm going to find anything here, so I might as well head home. I'm just worried because tomorrow is the last day of school before the break. [4] If I don't find anything by then, I'm going to have to find an excuse to leave the house on my own, a task that'll probably be made difficult by the Great Lord Usagi-san.

"Hey! Misaki."

Holy crap! Usagi-san?! When did he get here?

"U-Usagi-san."

"What are you doing here."

"Oh, ah, you know, just… browsing?"

What's with the look? He's always giving me looks like that, like he's figuring out some big secret I don't even know.

"It's going to get dark soon. If you're done browsing, get in."

"Yeah, sure."

I guess I'll really have to figure something out tomorrow.

Once we're home I'm immediately met with the prominent sight of the Christmas tree in the main room. I know it's supposed to encourage "Christmas spirit" but right now it's just depressing me that I don't have anything to put under it.

Right away Usagi-san wants to know what's for diner. He's such a kid. But of course, what am I going to but get in the kitchen and make something for the two of us. Man, what's happened to my life?

"What are you making, Misaki?"

Whoa, how'd he get behind me? I mustn't turn around. It'll only encourage him.

"You're getting cabbage stir-fry, and I don't want to hear any complaining. I'm not in the mood for making anything fancy."

"Well, that doesn't sound very tasty."

"Is that right? Well what does sound good to you?"

His arms are wrapping around my waist. Oh no, what did I just set myself up for?

The next thing I know, I'm face down on the kitchen floor and Usagi-san is on top of me nibbling on my neck.

"Usagi-san, what are you doing?"

"I'm hungry."

"Well the food isn't going to cook any faster with me down here!"

"The only thing I need to satisfy me is right here."

I should have been ready for what he did next, but I still end up letting out a surprised gasp as his cold hands slip under my shirt and he flips me onto my back.

"C-come on, Usagi-san, not here…" But it's getting harder and harder to protest the way his hands move down…

His mouth covers mine just as his hand moves into my pants, and a moan resonates between us, but I'm not sure who it came from. I can't fight him off anymore, but I guess its okay just this one time. It's nearly Christmas after all.

Today is my last chance to go shopping, and I'm not at all prepared. I don't know what I want to get him. I don't know what I can get him. And now that my last lecture has ended, the walk through the school to the exit is unsettling with that knowledge. What can I do?

"Give him something from the heart."

Huh? What? Oh, they're not talking to me. Is that Assistant Professor Demon Kamijou?

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Kamijou said.

"You don't have to spend a lot. In fact it could be the most meaningful with the least you spend."

"That's awfully mushy."

"Look, why is it you want to give him something? What do you want your gift to say? If you know that, the gift part should be easy."

I keep on walking past for risk of being caught eavesdropping. But that's an idea. Maybe…

I pick up a card on the way home. It isn't anything fancy, just a snow-scape image and blank space inside, but it'll work for my purposes. Usagi-san isn't home yet, which is good, because I'm going to have to focus. I've never done something like this.

What do I want to say with my gift? I might ass well just write it down and give it to him. He's a writer. Writers appreciate stuff like that, right?

Wow, it's late. Have I really been writing this long? I guess I should end this.

But now I'm reading it and it just sounds so damn cheesy. Like something out of a trashy romance novel. Ugh, as if I want to go there. Mr. Romance Novelist himself will probably just see it as some staged words to cover up my lack of originality in gifts. But… that's not true. They are my real feelings. I really…

…

Arghhh! How could something so mushy possibly come out of me!?

But, I guess it'll have to be enough. I'll put it under the tree.

Usagi-san said he wanted to pick out and decorate a Christmas tree since he never got the chance to when he was a kid. Yes, his family did celebrate Christmas, but they always used a set of fake trees with built in lights, and the butler and other house staff got to do all the decorating. And I'll admit it was a fun, although all the home made paper ornaments and paper chains Usagi-san insisted on making together does have that extra fire hazard drawback.

I'm really happy I have something to put under it for him.

"Misaki."

"Ah! Usagi-san, you're home. Welcome back." Geez, he scared me. How does he keep doing that? Envelope now hiding behind my back. I hope he doesn't notice.

"What are you doing?" He sure knows how to get to the point.

"Oh, ah, you know. Just scoping out the old Christmas tree, finding the right spot to put your gift. You know, when I get it that is, if I get the chance to go shopping so… haha."

What am I doing? I should just put the stupid card under the tree and let him see it. I don't have anything to hide.

Except this dumb letter behind my back if I want to run with the bluff now. What's that they say about digging your own grave?

"You don't have to buy me anything," he says.

"Oh, being modest, Usagi-san? That doesn't suit you. I'm sure you're used to really elaborate gifts around this time, right? Little old me is going to have a hard time shopping for you."

Ah, I'm such an idiot. What am I doing, getting his expectations up like this? All I've got is this lousy note.

"You don't have to trouble yourself. I don't want anything."

"Well, yeah, I mean, I know I can't get you anything fancy but I still feel like I should--"

"Forget it. I don't want anything from you."

"But I—"

"I said it is fine."

He won't even let me finish. What's going on? And now he's walking away. Does he really not want anything from me? Not even… No, of course he wouldn't. He doesn't need anything from me. To try and give him something is foolish.

My hands… they're shaking. What's with this? Why do I suddenly feel so lonely? It… it's this stupid room; it's just so big. I still can't imagine what Usagi needs with such a big living space. I'll just go into my own room. It'll be cozy on a cold night like this.

Yeah, it's much better in here. But this… what am I supposed to do with this? It seems like a shame to throw it away after I spent so much time--.

No. Come on, what am I thinking? It was a stupid idea from the start. I understand that now. Yes, I understand it perfectly as I tear the card in half and throw it into the trash.

つづく。。。

[1] In the manga, the University is only refered to "M University" and is actually based off the real life Mejiro University. A friend (and yaoi fangirl) I have in Japan attends there and showed me a bunch of comparison pictures of the university to screencaps from the show. If I ever come to Japan, she says she'll take me to the library where the wonderful scene between Hiroki and Nowaki took place. xD

But I digress. I'm using the anime version for the sake of having an actual name.

[2] Now this one I just made up for plot sake in future chapters.

[3] Christmas in Japan does not usually warrant the break it does in other countries, and school is usually in session. But it is seen as a special occasion for couples and festive cakes tend to be in the picture. =3

[4] For anyone doing math, the typical school week in Japan is 6 days, not 5.