So, I'm proud to finally say that the last chapter of Use Me is here. It may have taken me 5 months to get it to you -rubs back of neck sheepishly- but it's finally here.
Disclaimer: I do not own JR
Claimer: I do partially own Pen Adachi, Izanami Kurosaki, Danielle Auttumns, and Toru Kimura.
WARNING: Yaoi, smut, and OCs
Rated M: For sexual themes, language, and substance abuse
Bold/italics: Flashbacks
Chapter Six: How the Game is Played
"Toru…please…I'm scared." Pen whimpered falling to his knees at the brunettes feet.
Toru stood motionless; his world seemingly shattered only hours before, the wrecking ball that had crushed his hopes and dreams was lying there crumpled at his feet. Taking in the sight of the helpless college student, the brunette knelt down and roughly grabbed one of his shoulders. Hazel eyes meeting green, using a single and swift motion of his sculpted arm he hoisted a sobbing Pen over his right shoulder. Setting him down on the plush of one of the loveseats in his living room, Toru slowly walked into the kitchen. Reaching into the back of his fridge, he pulled out a large clear bottle of vodka. Then turning to the cupboard above the countertop, reaching into its wooden depths, he returned like a triumphed war solider with a little blue shot glass between his forefinger and thumb. Trailing back to the living room, Toru plopped down in a seat beside his former love interest. Pouring the shot glass half full with the smelly liquid he pushed it in Pen's direction.
"What is that shit?" Pen sniffled examining the little glass.
"Magic…so don't act all snobbish about it." Toru replied pushing the shot glass into his shaking hands. " Just drink up."
Bringing the little blue glass to his lips, Pen took a swig of the clear concoction. An instant burning sensation running down his esophagus as his eyes filled with tears, he screamed for a chaser to compliment the putrid liquid that claimed to be alcohol. Placing a hand on the boy's back as he sputtered and coughed, Toru reached for the bottle and poured himself a shot as well. Downing the toxins he clenched his eyes shut as the tears burned into his corneas. If anything could take away your pain, it was more pain. Physical pain could drown out the emotional pain. It could leave scars where as the other would only leave the user haunted by a memory. If The two of them were going to go down, this is the way it was going to be…to the bottom of the very bottom in a drunken alcohol splurged rage.
"Magic!" Pen sneered as his face continued to contort in different directions. "That tastes like horse piss!"
"Burns like a bitch doesn't it?" Toru smiled as he took another swig.
"No kidding…" Pen winced holding his throat as he reached over to pour himself another glass. "But…god…it took my mind off everything."
"That's why Everclear was invented." Toru coughed as his eyes leaked with burning moisture. "To make you forget about all the fucked up things in this pointless life."
"You really think life is all that fucked up…?" Pen questioned starring over at the brunette who was now leaning on his knees.
"And you don't?" Toru scowled looking him up and down. "Oh wait, I forget. You're in love with some sophisticated jack off so you're seeing the world through rose colored glasses."
"Usami-sama isn't a jack off." Pen muttered now lifting the entire bottle to his lips.
"Then what should I call him then?" Toru sneered throwing his hand up in a sarcastic gesture. "I honestly don't understand what you see in him."
"Usami-sama is a very kind hearted person." Pen replied placing the vodka back on the coffee table. "And what I did to deserve him is beyond me."
"You should be asking yourself what he did to deserve you." Toru sighed looking into the college boy's eyes. "Pen, for Christ's sake, you're possibly one of the most popular guys out there. Everybody wants you and it's plain to see why. You shouldn't think so lowly of yourself."
"If everybody wants me, then why can't I fucking keep the guy I want to be with?" Pen shouted rising to his feet as the effects of the alcohol start to come into play.
"What are you talking about?" Toru questions narrowing his eyes. "Aren't you still with that bastard?"
"I don't know…" Pen cries slumping back down into the chair; defeat written all over his facial expressions. "I came home after school today and the door was locked."
"So what." Toru shrugs touching his shoulder lightly. "Maybe the guy wasn't home."
"If Usami-sama wasn't home I'd know about it. We are living under the same roof you know." Pen sighs running his fingers through his hair. "Not only that but the key he usually leaves out for me…yeah, it was gone. There was no way I could have gotten in."
"Pen….I don't know what to say to you." Toru murmured swallowing hard.
"I don't know what to do, Toru." Pen replied covering his face with his hands. "I'm so scared."
"Pen…" Toru whispered scooting closer to him. "…you're going to figure this all out…I'm sure of it."
"How! How am I going to figure this all out?" Pen screamed aggravation seemingly radiating off of his skin. "Every time I try and take a step towards something good in my life, there's always a set back!"
Moving closer, in a swift and silent motion, Toru managed to wrap his arms around Pen's grievously shaking form. Pulling the brunette tight to his chest, the elder gently smoothed his downy locks in an attempt to silence the uncontrollable sobs erupting from his core. Rocking back and forth, cradling Pen in his arms like a small child, Toru looked down at him and smiled softly. Taking his forefinger and wiping away a tear traveling down the hazel eyed youth's cheek, Toru sat still for a moment. His heart racing at the speed of light, he opened his mouth to speak again. Words catching along the walls of his reddened airways, he managed to say a single phrase.
"Go to him, Adachi-kun." Toru whispered as he refrained from moving.
"What are you talking about, Toru-chan?" Pen questioned wiping at the biting tears. "I have no where to go to. I'm locked out."
"When the door is locked, create a new path." Toru replied turning to look at the youth.
"I don't get what you're saying…" Pen murmured starring down the brilliant shade of green in his friend's eyes. "You're not making any sense."
"Just because you can't get into his house doesn't mean Usami-sama is gone." Toru answered lightly touching his shoulder. "It's all a matter of searching for him."
"But…But what if he doesn't want to see me anymore?" Pen whimpered sticking out his lower lip in an attempt to hold back an impending sob.
"Whoever wouldn't take you back is a fool." Toru smiled ruffling his hair. "It'd be an awful loss for him…because I know a great deal of people who would just love to get their hands on your heart."
"You mean someone like you…?" Pen uttered holding Toru's big palm against his scalp for another moment.
"That doesn't matter now." Toru sighed resting his hand on the youth's cheek. "How I feel for you and how you feel for me are two completely different things."
"How long…Toru?" Pen questioned feeling the warm skin fade from his cheekbone.
"Like I said before…all that has no meaning now." Toru said almost as of to himself. "I need to step out for a bit."
Raw emotion building up from their core, the two college students took a final glance at each other. It'd be the last time in a long time that things would go so smooth between them. Unrequited love and love rivalry always led to conflict; something neither of the youths were ready to deal with. Reaching for his football jacket hanging up on the hook by the door, Toru reached for the wooden barrier that would set the distance between them. From this point on there would be no turning back.
"Toru-chan!" Pen suddenly cried as his body rose up off the sofa. "Wait!"
"It's okay." Toru whispered as a bitter tear ran down his cheek. "Just be happy with him, okay?"
"But…" Pen whimpered reaching out to the football player who now had his back turned.
"Don't wait to tell him that you love him." Toru smiled somberly wiping at the clear drops of moisture. "Don't you dare wait to tell him you love him. If you do…you're going to lose him."
"It's not fair!" Pen sobbed crashing to his knees against the hardwood flooring in his former roommate's living room.
"Most things in life aren't." Toru shrugged pulling open the front door. "But we learn to accept it."
"All this time though…" Pen chocked looking up from his moistened hands.
"Yeah…since I first met you." Toru nodded setting a foot outside the room. "I still am. I'm still crazy for you after all this time."
"BAKA!" Pen screamed breaking into another fit of sobs. "HOW CAN YOU JUST WALK AWAY!"
"Easy…" Toru sighed hanging his head against his chest. "There are other people in this world who love you just as much as I love you."
"But you'll just walk away…you'll just let me slip right through your fingers…" Pen murmured as a hiccup escaped his throat. "Even though I'm right within your reach…"
"All I want is for you to be happy." Toru swallowed shifting his weight to his left side. "And happy is with Usami-sama, not with me."
"What'll you do…?" Pen whispered voice barely auditable anymore.
"Me? Well, I guess we'll just have to wait and find out." Toru muttered ready to leave. "I have a brother up state who will let me stay with him until I'm strong enough to stand again."
"Toru…please." Pen pleaded looking up from his own crumpled form.
"Don't worry about me so much." Toru whispered giving a small thumbs up. "Just worry about patching things up with Usami-sama."
"Don't…don't go." Pen begged as the door shut slowly behind his childhood friend.
"Hold onto my key for me, will ya? Lock up when you're finished, okay?" Toru replied lengthening the distance between them both with the shutting of the door.
The little brass key falling to the floor, Pen felt as though his heart had slipped away. Not only had he lost the single most important man in his life, but on top of that he had cut down his best friend. The one who had held compassion in his heart all these years was only ignored and eaten away by ignorance. The syndrome of unreciprocated love was a vicious one…in the end someone would always end up getting hurt. Losing to whoever made the first move and who was seemingly the better lover. Toru, he had lost his cards in a ruthless game of Russian Roulette . Akihiko Usami had walked away with a priceless artifact, a genuine article, an irreplaceable gem. While Toru Kimura would lie there with a bullet to the skull and a want that would never be fulfilled.
Walking along the crowded streets, the ebony locked college student made his way to the corner complex where the great novelist was rumored to be quartering. Stepping into the fairly large building, Toru stood outside the tall mahogany door. Little brass room numbers shimmering in the hall light, he gave a small knock. Footsteps sounding off from the very top of the staircase to unlatching the locks of the door, the great Usami-sama stood there wearing only but a silken robe and a scowl. Swallowing hard, Kimura withheld all of his fear and began to speak of the misconception that had gone on between the novelist and his lover.
"So, you're telling me that Pen never cheated on me with you?" Akihiko scowled leaning against the widened doorframe.
"Of course not!" Toru exclaimed before setting his gaze downcast.
"I find that hard to believe. You're an attractive enough guy. You must have all the little boys wrapped around your pinky finger." Akihiko sneered his voice seasoned by feelings of resentment.
"Say what you must, sir. But there was nothing that went on between Adachi-san and I." Toru replied scuffing his shoe against the carpeted hallway. "Adachi-san and I are only friends. Nothing more than that."
"How can I be so sure of that?" Akihiko giving a most heinous stink eye.
"Ask Adachi-san yourself." Toru shrugged starring up into the author's violet orbs. "I can only speak for myself, but not for him."
"J-Just….Just get out of here." Akihiko grumbled slamming the door in Kimura's face. "You're too big of an eyesore for me to handle right now."
"Listen to me, Usami-sama." Toru replied leaning against the door before parting his own way. "You ought to trust your lover. They're the ones who will tell you the truth when you are most in doubt."
Kimura's footsteps trailing away slowly, Akihiko could feel the urge building. What was with that guy? How could he have so much influence on someone he'd just barely met? Opening the door just a crack, the great novelist peered out into the darkened hallway. The college student's form fading in with the mesh background, Akihiko called out softly. Fading footsteps causing a dead silence as Kimura's form stopped its motion, the brunette turned his head slightly; emerald orbs seemingly penetrating through the elder man's hardened core. Opening his mouth to speak, Akihiko opened the door a bit wider beckoning for Kimura to come closer.
"It's against my better judgment to trust you." Akihiko began as he ushered the enemy into his private quarters.
"Then why trust me?" Toru questioned lowering himself onto one of the black leather pieces of interior.
"Maybe it's the resonance in your eyes…" Akihiko sighed sitting beside him breath exhaled out into the hush silence of the room. "You remind me of myself and it's sickening."
"Usami-sama…" Toru swallowed hard taking in the aged violet gaze.
"There really is only so much one can put themselves through before they truly believe it's time to throw in the towel." Akihiko whispered taking out his cell and placing it on his lap. "When I found out or seemingly found out that Pen-chan was fooling around on me, I thought my heart was going to bust open right then and there. My whole world came crashing down all over again, and I'd never wanted a drink so bad in my entire life. Do you have any idea how hard it is to lose someone, even it's only for a moment?"
"Unfortunately…I've been put into the same position. It's a terrible feeling…" Toru answered chuckling softly at the realization that had impended like a hard hand against his softened cheek.
"And when I had gotten that text message. That photo of the two of you together…I thought I was going to explode." Akihiko murmured gripping onto the leather arms of the couch. "I've never killed a man before…but I thought about chopping the two of you up into little pieces…like you had done to me."
"Wait a second! Usami-sama, who did you get that text message from?" Toru exclaimed suddenly snatching up the phone lying still on Akihiko's thigh.
"Hey that's my phone-" Akihiko had began to protest while the younger searched through the elder's inbox.
"Quiet!" Toru hissed opening up a photo file from the inbox. "I think I know who sent this photo to you."
"Wait, are you saying that this is all a big joke? That someone's been fucking with me?" Akihiko questioned watching Toru pull up the picture and message.
"Yeah, this photo was taken before you and Adachi-san ever started seeing each other." Toru replied as a somber smile made its way across his lips. "It was taken by my sister."
"Your sister!" Akihiko growled clenching his fists.
"She's a really big fan of yours…and she must have figured out you were dating Adachi-san. They are in the same literature class, you know. I just never thought Danielle would ever stoop this low."
Body quivering as his core is wracked with the overwhelming feelings of both rage and guilt, Akihiko rose to his feet. Fists still clenched tightly against his thighs, he looked to Toru with hardened violet orbs. Nodding his head slightly, Toru told Akihiko about the conversation with Pen and how he wanted more than anything in the world to be with the great BL novelist. With a quick motion of his hand as if to say "thanks", Akihiko was out the door in a flash. His little red sports car revved up as it squealed against the sidewalk, Toru watched silently through the window as Usami-sama sped out of sight.
Looking up at the towering complex through darkened eyes, Pen held his breath as he approached the abode of the great writer Akihiko Usami for the second time that day. When the door is locked, create a new path, just what did Toru mean by that? Gripping onto his forehead to evade the ever growing feelings of doubt, Pen took a step towards the shiny glass doors into the complex. Inching step by step, his heart pumping sickly sweet oxygen to his brain, he finally made it to the elevator. Inching his way into the crowded box, he rode until the claustrophobic deathtrap came to a stop on the top floor. Exiting out of the crate of fear he walked with caution to the mahogany barrier where he had once been welcomed with open arms. Assorted plastic grocery bags, articles of clothing, and torn novels strewed the outside of Akihiko's apartment. Looking down at the mess, Pen could clearly make out his belongings. A sob welling up within his throat, he silently dropped to his knees upon a black trash bag filled with bedding. It was over nothing could change the fact that Akihiko no longer wanted anything to do with hi-
"Pen-chan!" Akihiko's voice belted out from the elevator's doors.
Looking up from the mess of strewed belongings, Pen could make out Usami-sama's form in the distance of the narrow hall. Struggling to get to his feet, Pen watched silently as the writer stalked forward in his direction. Muscular build coming to a complete halt, amethyst orbs set to destroy, the freshman clenched his eyes shut waiting for the blow of a life time. No bluster but instead open arms, Pen stood rigid like a deer in the headlights as Akihiko pulled back collar of his shirt and began kissing down the length of his throat. How was all this happening? Shouldn't I be considered dead to him?
"U-Usagi-san, I don't understand…" Pen stammered as velvet kisses continued to cover the length of his throat.
"Gomen. I'm so sorry, Pen." Akihiko whispered his voice wavering all the while. "I never should have doubted you."
"Usami-san, W-what are you t-talking about?" Pen shuddered as the violet eyed seme pulled him to the carpeting.
Without another word to be spoken, Akihiko quickly kidnapped all the doubts and insanities to be spoken with his velvet kiss. Working from rouge lips to the buttoned collar of Pen's shirt, no inch of skin was left without a salivated impression. Climbing on top of the quivering adult, the silver haired aficionado pushed apart Pen's legs with his knee. Climbing in between them, blood pulsating to the tip of his growing erection, Akihiko thrusts his hips forward as his bulge collides with his lovers. A yearn filled moan escaping the brunette's mouth, the seme smiled down at his uke with hungry eyes; it'd seemed like forever and a day since he had last sampled the sweetest tastes of sweat and skin adorned with the seasonings of ripened cum. Grinding against his lover's leg, Pen could feel the hardness of Akihiko's cock even though it was still trapped within his pants; it made a big outline which caused his hazel eyes to desire the well wrapped package even more. Moving his hands to the zipper of his jeans, Akihiko pulled out Pen's bulging erection. Taking it into the soft palms of his hands and he gave it an elongated squeeze sending a shock of pleasure coursing throughout the younger's veins. Steadying his shaft and opening his mouth into a widened oval shape, Akihiko brought his lips down on the bulbous head. Tongue darting across the tiny slit, Pen clenched the bed sheets as his legs began to shake. Entire mouth consuming the erect penis, Akihiko moaned loudly as the girth inside his moist cavern thrusts into the back of his throat. Bobbing his head up and down Pen's throbbing erection, Akihiko moistened the shaft until tremors could be felt from his lover's core. In a swift movement, the novelist is once again straddled his prey with lust filled eyes. Boxers cast before the door as pre-cum slowly dripped off his head, Usami-sama quickly entered up into his victim. Paralyzed with pleasure, Pen moaned loudly upon contact. The soft and hardened thrusts heightening his senses, the freshman in college closed his hazel orbs as ecstasy sent him over the edge. Coming hard and coming fast, it wasn't long before the two collapsed in a heated mess. Cum covering Akihiko's chiseled chest and semen dripping from Pen's loaded entrance, the two starred up into each other's faces. Breath caught in their throats…depleted oxygen seemed long forgotten in the overwhelming feelings of lust.
"Usagi-san…" Pen whispered softly looking up into the set of violet orbs.
"Gomenasai." Akihiko chocked out quickly before tightening his hold on his lover.
"Usagi-san…I don't really understand what's going on." Pen stuttered face crushed against the milk white skin.
"I don't want you to go… I was so angry… I thought I was going to lose you." Akihiko rambled feeling tears bite at his hardened orbs.
"Lose me? Usagi-san, I thought you didn't want me in your life anymore. I thought you wanted me to disappear." Pen murmured against the chiseled chest his voice barely auditable against Akihiko's strangled sobs.
"I could I ever wish for you to disappear…you mean everything to me." Akihiko replied heavy droplets of moisture cascading down his heightened cheekbones.
"But…the door and-" Pen spoke before he was quickly interrupted with a set of quivering lips.
"I love you! I love you so much, damn it!" Akihiko sobbed against Pen's parted appendages. "I love you…I love you…I love you!"
Sitting there in the hall, unclothed and completely oblivious to the rest of the world bustling around them, the two lovers wrapped themselves up in the silent sobs of the echoing complex.
"I really wouldn't have cared, if in the beginning, you had just been using me." Pen whispers softly into the tender lobes. "I would have done anything just to get next to you. To be at your side. I think ever since that first time I saw you…heard your voice…touched your hand…that I've been madly in love with you. Nothing else has mattered to me. I've only wanted to be at your side."
"And now..?" Akihiko murmured against the hollow of the young man's neck.
"My feelings remain unchanged." Pen whimpered as his features are consumed by the overflowing cascade of moisture. "Use me…abuse me…I don't care what you do to me. Just don't push me away from you. I don't want you to have to feel lonely anymore. Let me hold you when you're feeling like the weight of the world is falling on your shoulders. Please… for the love of god…please just let me love you."
"I…I don't know what to say…" Akihiko stuttered gazing up as violet and hazel collided from what seemed to be the millionth time that day.
"…you don't have to say a word…let your body answer for you…" Pen answered clenching his cheeks.