Creatures of Habit by Heavenmetal

If Hatter was honest with himself, something was most definitely wrong. The problem with that being that he didn't really have a problem with it. That was the first sign.

"Oh, my God…" Alice gasped reaching a caring hand towards his injured face.

He didn't want her to worry so he brushed it off. "Cuts and bruises, it's nothing." Years running his tea shop had provided him with enough evidence that Wonderlanders are easily affected by human emotions and yet nothing had prepared him for this.

Alice had thrown her arms around him desperately as she sighed "I thought you were dead." Her relief and excitement at him being alive washed over him like a tsunami. Her trust and concern pulled him down in the undertow and drowned out the pain in his tortured body until he could only mumble a-half tipsy "Oh that feels good." From that moment, he was hopelessly addicted.

At least, at the time he had managed, with great effort, to disentangle himself from her embrace and focus on the business of rescuing them. Now, being in her world and surrounded by so many oysters on a day to day basis left him feeling half in the bag constantly and around his Alice… well he'd seen tea addicts sit for measureless periods of time, staring at empty teacups. He'd shake his head in pity, but now he finally understood the impulse because he could lose himself in her for hours and not mind one bit.

And if Hatter was honest with himself, something was most definitely wrong. The problem with that being that he didn't really have a problem with it. That was the first sign.

He was thinking in circles. Rethinking thoughts that he thought already was the second sign, he decided. He sat on the couch in her apartment, ruminating as he waited for her return. Carol had let him in before popping out for a bit. Hatter needed to speak with Alice… needed, well, her.

He knew that tea was powerful stuff and too much of it or partaking too often could be habit forming, to say the least. But never once had the thought that the real thing, the unfiltered essence straight from the honeycomb would be so overwhelming, so consuming… so damn good. If Ratty had known what a treasure he'd had, how fortune deemed to favor him when it brought the oyster to him, the stupid blighter would never have sold her.

Hatter heard the key in the lock and sat up expectantly. He clenched his right hand to stop the tremble of excitement the coursed its way up his spine.

Alice burst in like a beautiful storm. Her arms were loaded with packages from her shopping trip which she immediately deposited on a side table. Then she noticed him and her face lit up with a grin. "David! You'll never guess what I found today!"

He smiled. Her enthusiasm was seeping into him from across the room, caressing him lightly like tendrils of smoke beckoning him closer to the fire and its delicious burn. He cocked an eyebrow at her, urging her to continue, since she had just told him that guessing was futile. So she began in a rush, filling him in on all the shops she'd visited, people she'd seen and the bargains she had managed to attain all while digging through her bags to show off her treasures.

He tried to pay attention, tried to stay focused on what she was saying but her feelings were teasing him; curling around his chest to settle in his own heart like a Cheshire cat who got the cream. She was so happy and that feeling alone was coaxing him into a blissful, almost inebriated state of contentment. She had stopped talking and was staring at him, her eyes wide and expectant. Had she asked him a question?

"David?"

He meant to say "Beg pardon?" but it came out as a high pitched titter of laugher, which he rushed to stifle with a cough.

"Hatter?" Alice tried again, seeming to appraise him as she approached. "Are you drunk?"

"Now that's just silly," He retorted, rising unsteadily from the couch. "Drunk is the past tense of to drink and I can't very well be what's past or I'd still be it. And before you ask it, my precious bivalve, I am not drink neither." He smirked mischievously, "Do you want to drink me, Alice?"

She pointedly ignored his question, instead giving him a bemused look and leaned in, inhaling sharply as though trying to catch the smell of alcohol on his breath. "You're acting strange. Are you intoxicated?"

They were now so close, practically touching. Her worry was starting to sober him, turning his stomach slightly. Her question sunk in and Hatter brought a hand to his chin in thought. Turning away from her, he moved across the room to give himself some space before facing her again. "That, my sweet, could very well be."

Though as he expected, Alice would not allow him this bit of mercy and in her reckless concern, she quickly closed the gap between them again, stubbornly refusing the let him push her away.

"That's the same thing!" She countered.

"Not at all," Hatter replied in a lighthearted tone, "It's as different as the phrases 'I see what I eat' versus 'I eat what I see'."

"Don't you mean drink all you see?" Alice retorted, her eyebrow delicately arched in challenge.

And there it was again. She was so close and he felt that less than subtle pull, the voice in his head telling him to stop talking and just feel. The impulse to take her in his arms and indulge in every emotion he could elicit from her was occupying every bit of his restraint. "Touché…" he murmured, hopelessly close to letting himself fall over the edge. He delicately brushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

She caught his hand with all the reflexes of her well-deserved black belt and her eyes pierced his, "And what happened that made you feel like you had to get smashed?"

Alice was worried. He could see that much in her face despite the slightly scolding tone of her voice which carried an undertone of mistrust for which he didn't much care. No, that was an understatement. It was like a punch to the gut watching her hard won trust start to slip through his fingers. Her brow was knitted as she searched his face for answers and he knew he would do anything to smooth those lines away… anything but lie.

The moment after her question began to stretch into an awkward silence. He didn't want to be deceitful but the truth was so terrible that he couldn't just blurt it out. What would he say? Alice I love you but I'm addicted to your emotions and I'm afraid of degenerating to a level where I can no longer function in your world. She would blame herself, he knew that, the same way she had blamed herself for Jack's disappearance when first they met.

He had come through the looking glass for her but it had been his decision. It was also his decision to come here tonight and inform her that he would handle this on his own. He stared into her face, her eyes starting to shine with unshed tears, and the bitter taste of her anxiety reminded him of that.

Bastard, he thought, you're making her cry…

"I think I should go…" he mumbled, eyes averted so he wouldn't have to see the hurt he could already feel drifting from her.

"But you just got here…" her voice was soft, yearning, and she adjusted her grip on his hand so she could lightly brush the back of his knuckles with her thumb. Hatter smiled at the innocent yet sensual touch even as an ache started to settle in his chest. If he left he would lose Alice, but if he stayed he would lose himself in sensation and then eventually lose Alice.

Hatter twined his fingers with hers. "I wish I could stay, luv. But-"

"But I'll see you tomorrow?" Alice cut him off, looking both hopeful and dejected at the same time.

Hatter sighed, shutting his eyes tight against the pain in his heart and shook his head, afraid his words would betray him. I don't want to leave. I have to.

Alice disentangled her hand from his and dropped it so quickly that you'd have thought it stung her. A blast of hot anger hit him before being replaced by an icy chill. He stared at her in wide eyed shock as her emotions washed over him, watching as she rebuilt the walls he had battled so hard to tear down. The walls that she had originally built because her father had left her ten year old self were now trying to protect her from his rejection. She took a step back, clearing a path to the doorway for him.

Not like this. Hatter tried to smooth out the mess he'd started to make and he reached for her. "Alice, I-"

"Good night." She retreated out of his reach, arms crossed over her chest.

Hatter cast a glance towards the door and decided that perhaps it was best to leave before he made things any worse. He nodded, keeping his face stoic even as he felt her heartbreak mingle with his own. His desire to escape this pain was only encouraging his hasty retreat but one look at her passive face hiding all the turbulent emotions that were clawing at him and he knew he couldn't leave things like this between them.

"You've a right to be angry," Hatter started, "Look, Alice, the truth is that I've got to go away for a while and I'm sorry I can't tell you more but I have to do this. I don't expect you to understand but I came here for a proper goodbye and most of all to tell you that I will come back to you."

"How long?" she asked, her quiet voice sounding so frail.

Hatter shrugged. "Not a minute longer than I have to be."

Alice bit her lip to stop the quivering, "When you come back you owe me one hell of an explanation for all this."

Needing no further prompting, Hatter took a few quick strides and enveloped her in his arms, inwardly rejoicing as her arms wrapped around his neck and drew him towards her. He passionately pressed his lips against hers, deepening the kiss as she allowed him and as his tongue danced with hers, his head reeled with the sweet, heady flavor that was her love. He used the last bit of his self control to end the kiss, giving her nose a quick peck, and then he rested his forehead against hers as he savored this moment.

"I wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently?" he whispered.

"I love you too, Hatter." She whispered back.

*****

To be continued…

Author note: Title inspired by the song "Creatures of Habit" by Pan..a. you can find an acoustic version of this song on youtube