PROLOGUE
The rectangular room was bathed in a warm, yellow light. Deep, comfortable lounges and recliners decorated the room, two of them occupied. The carpet was a soft cream colour, the walls painted an off-white. The slow, steady beat of the ceiling fan was the only thing to break the silence.
One figure lay on a lounge, an arm thrown over his tired face. The other sat in a recliner, a clipboard and pen in his hands as he finished making some notations. He glanced over at the other man.
"Alright Cloud, thankyou for coming. I'm glad that you feel comfortable enough now to be able to approach me whenever you feel the need, instead of just your scheduled appointments. Was there anything else you wanted to say?"
The figure on the lounge didn't move.
"How much longer is this gonna go on for?" he mumbled, pained stress in his voice. The other man sighed.
"It's hard to say, Cloud. It all depends on you. How determined you are. How strong your resolutions are. How supportive the people around you are."
"I've told you, no-one else knows about this. And I don't want them to know. It's just you and me, Doc."
"Then I'm afraid that you're only making the journey harder for yourself. But don't worry, Cloud. We'll get through this. We'll beat it. One day you'll be able to smile again."
"Huh." Slowly, the man on the lounge sat up, letting his arm fall, "I'm not so sure about that."
"You've got to believe in yourself Cloud. Otherwise you'll never change."
The doctor stood up, tucking the clipboard under one arm. Cloud dragged himself to his feet and walked out of the room. They exited the house, lingering for a moment on the front porch. The doctor's gaze fell on Cloud's large and powerful motorbike. Like he did every time after an appointment, the man wondered briefly if he should be letting Cloud ride such a machine in this state of mind.
Just like every time, he said nothing, knowing that his words would fall on deaf ears.
"Take care, Cloud. Drive safely."
"Yeah. Sure." Cloud descended the steps and trudged across the front yard to the bike. The engine roared to life a he turned to glance back at the doctor.
"I'll see you in a week!" the doctor called. As a reply, Cloud revved the engine, churned up dust and ripped off down the road, soon disappearing out of sight. The doctor stared after the dust cloud for a moment. This was proving to be his most difficult case so far. Yet what else should he expect from a traumatised ex-SOLDIER recruit, who no longer saw any point in living?
CHAPTER 1
It was mid-evening when the large bike pulled up outside Seventh Heaven, purring softly as Cloud opened the garage and wheeled the bike in, before cutting the engine. Taking deep breaths to steady himself and his resolve, Cloud walked up the steps from the garage, into the bar.
Tifa was behind the bar, serving drinks and collecting glasses while deflecting a drunk man's attempts to hit on her. Marlene and Denzel were working together, carefully balancing glasses on trays and carrying them to customers.
Cloud was surprised. It was quite busy tonight. Business had been slow for some time, now. Why had things picked up so suddenly?
An impatient customer called for his drink and Marlene hurried to walk faster. Her foot snagged on the leg of a chair and she stumbled.
Reflexively, Cloud snatched up the drink on the tray and put the other hand out to steady her.
"Easy, Marlene. Don't let the customers pressure you."
The young girl looked up at him, clutching the tray tightly. A smile broke out across her face. She flung herself forward and hugged his waist as tightly as she could.
"Cloud!"
"Hey, where's ma drink, eh? Thuh service 'ere! Pathetic!" the angry customer snarled. Resting one hand on Marlene's head, Cloud walked to the man and slammed the drink down. The man gasped as he watched a head form on the beer, flattening it and ruining the taste.
"If the service is not up to your standards, go somewhere else." Cloud's voice was dispassionate. He turned and walked towards the bar, Marlene still attached to his side.
"Cloud!"
Denzel bounded up, an empty tray held in his hands as a smile plastered his face. Cloud ruffled the boy's hair.
"Hey, Denzel. You looking after Tifa and Marlene for me?"
"Uhuh!"
"Good."
"Kids! C'mon! Two more trays are up!"
Obediently, Marlene and Denzel ran to take the new trays to waiting customers. Cloud slowly walked to the bar, sitting on a spare stool and leaning his elbows on the benchtop.
"Cloud! Where have you been?" Tifa asked as she served the man next to him.
"Out. That last run took me out past Midgar."
"That same guy again? He must really like your delivery service."
"Yeah. Guess so."
"Can I get you anything?"
"Yeah. Just a beer."
Tifa turned away, quickly getting the drink and setting it in front of Cloud. He stared at the malt-coloured drink for a while, before picking it up and taking a slow sip.
"The kids are working hard." He said, glancing over at where Marlene and Denzel were delivering drinks.
"Yeah, they're good helpers. You know I wouldn't normally ask them to do this. I don't like them being exposed to this kind of environment too much. But tonight... we're just so busy! I needed the extra hands." Tifa explained. Cloud said nothing, just took another sip.
Tifa watched him closely, waiting for him to say something else. When he didn't, she sighed and took an empty glass off the bar.
Abruptly, Cloud stood up and walked towards the stairs. Tifa stared at him in surprise.
"Cloud?"
"I'm wiped out, Tifa. Just... don't work those kids too late."
He disappeared up to the next level. Tifa sighed, frustration beginning to set in. They never had a chance to talk anymore. Cloud was always so busy with his delivery service now. Not to mention that at least once a week, sometimes more often, that 'special customer' would place an order with Cloud. Thus, he would have to travel for half the day to get there and back. It tired him out and placed more strain on their relationship.
Tifa glanced over to Marlene and Denzel. They hardly got to see Cloud anymore. She did not like to think that he was avoiding them, but Tifa sometimes found it hard to believe that Cloud couldn't even make time to give the kids some attention.
Things were just different now than they used to be. So much had changed in such a short space of time. The fall of Shinra, Sephiroth's reign of terror. Zack's death, closely followed by Aerith's death.
Cloud had taken it hard, Tifa knew. Yet, sometimes, she couldn't help but feel that he was hiding something from her. Something that she wanted to find out about, so she could help him overcome it.
But Cloud didn't let people close enough to help him anymore. After all, too many things had changed. Just like him.
He did not know what had woken him.
The room was almost pitch black, only a thin line of light coming in from under the door. Outside, a harsh wind buffeted the glass panes, causing them to rattle. Perhaps that was what had woken him.
He turned on his side and tried to will himself back to sleep.
"Cloud!"
Sitting bolt upright, he looked around the room. Where had that come from?
"Hello?"
"Cloud."
The voice was somewhat familiar. His heart squeezed.
"Who are you?"
"Cloud?"
"Where are you? What do you want?"
An eerie laugh filled the room, echoing through Cloud's stunned ears. His fingers curled tightly around his bedsheets. No. Not him. This could not be happening!
"Where do you think I am, Cloud?"
A panic beginning to grab hold of him, Cloud found himself pushing the covers back, standing up and pacing the room as he searched for the monster that plagued him.
"Get out of here. Leave me alone!"
"Turn around, Cloud."
He spun, shallow breaths throwing his chest up and down. He was met with a mirror. Cloud stared. All he could see was himself.
"What-"
"Go closer, Cloud. Look carefully."
Nervously, he took two steps, frowning at the dim reflection. The image frowned back. Wait! There! Cloud stopped breathing, staring at the ever-growing picture as his eyes widened. A thin sheen of sweat covered his forehead. His hands started to shake.
"Zack?"
"Hello, Cloud." The man in the mirror laughed, the voice different to what it should be. This voice was darker, more sinister. More nightmarish. Identical to the man that Cloud had fought and killed, not so long ago.
"What's happening?" Cloud whispered, his voice hoarse.
The figure turned, extending a hand towards Cloud. Closer and closer. Unable to move, Cloud could only stand and watch. Blood roared loud in his ears.
"Cloud?"
He gasped and spun around to face the new voice.
The bedroom door was ajar, one small head peering around and staring in at him. Taking deep breaths to steady himself, Cloud allowed himself a small sigh of relief.
"Denzel. What is it?"
"Who were you talking to?" the young boy asked.
"Oh, just..." Cloud glanced back at the mirror. Zack was gone. "Thinking out loud. That's all."
"Oh."
Denzel entered the room, shutting the door and climbing onto Cloud's bed. Cloud raised an eyebrow and walked over.
"What's this?" he asked as Denzel buried himself under the covers.
"You're never home anymore. We never get to play. You always seem sad, Cloud. Tifa said you used to smile. Why don't you do that anymore?" The boy's innocent brown eyes questioned him.
"I just... a lot of things have changed, Denzel. Everything's different now. I'm trying to make a living. That means I just don't have time for some things anymore."
"We miss you." Denzel pulled the covers over his head, muffling his voice.
Cloud stood there for a moment, staring down at the young boy with masked affection. Making a decision, Cloud pulled the covers back and got in beside Denzel.
"Alright. I'll try to be here more often." he spoke softly, laying a hand on the boy's head. Denzel snuggled up against him, closed his eyes and quickly drifted off to sleep. Lying there in the dark, with no protection but a sick nine year old boy, he felt strangely safe.
Cloud sat in his office, going through paperwork for his delivery service. He was becoming more and more popular in this job. Every so often, he would consider hiring someone to work with him and help ease the strain. Yet Cloud knew that the money he and Tifa earnt was barely enough to make a living for themselves and the kids. He could not afford to hire anyone.
Three days had passed since that unsettling night. Cloud had pushed all thoughts of it to the back of his mind; it was not important and therefore nothing to be mulled over. He must have been dreaming.
Grabbing the package on the edge of the desk, Cloud put his newly-organised paperwork aside for the moment and headed for the door. He paused, his gaze landing on a white bottle, once hidden by the mountain of paper, now exposed for all to see.
His gut clenched and twisted. Cloud spun around, strode to it and snatched the bottle up, furtively looking around for any witnesses. He opened the lid, letting two small white pills fall out onto his open palm.
Cloud hesitated. Today wasn't such a bad day. Perhaps he didn't need them today after all.
Footsteps sounded on the stairs. Giving no further thought to his actions, Cloud dropped the pills back in the bottle, screwed the lid shut and stowed the bottle in another hiding place. Marlene skipped into his office, smiling up at him.
"Hey Cloud!" Her smile faded as she saw the parcel. "You're not going out, are you?"
"Sorry Marlene. Work to do." He dropped a hand to her head briefly as he walked past. "Tell Tifa I'll be back some time tonight."
Somewhat dejected, the young girl watched him leave once more, the question she had been intending to ask him gone from her mind.
Cloud spent the rest of the day making deliveries and pickups. His bike took quite a beating, fuel wise, and Cloud was glad to finally push it back into the garage, heading upstairs and through the busy bar. Not even acknowledging Tifa or the kids, he went straight to his room, shut the door and fell face-down on his bed.
He lay like that for some time, before discomfort in his position forced him to move. Rolling onto his back, Cloud sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.
A dull headache throbbed behind his eyes. It was very familiar. Cloud knew why it was there. He wished it would leave. Yet he knew he had no right to complain. After all, it was his own fault that the pain was there.
He hadn't taken the pills...
Forcing his mind elsewhere, Cloud let the day's events run through his mind. Eventually, his thoughts found their way back to Marlene. Her sad expression. He had let her down.
Guilt gripped Cloud so tightly that he had to gasp. He shoved his fingers against his eyes now, fighting back the sudden and unexpected tears that welled up and threatened to spill over. Threatened to break his stronghold.
"I'm better than this." he muttered to himself, trying to remember what the doctor had told him, "I'm better than this!"
"Are you really, Cloud?"
He dropped his hand, eyes staring around the room as fear replaced guilt. That voice... not again!
"I don't think you are, Cloud. After all, you could do so much more for Marlene. But you don't. That's why she's sad, Cloud. You made her that way!"
"Stop it." Cloud muttered.
"Why do you always do this to the ones you love? Perhaps you don't love them after all! You only want to hurt them. Oh, how can you know? How can you tell, what is love and what is hate?"
The words resonated through him, seeming to spill forth from inside his very soul. Cloud gritted his teeth.
"I love them. I know I do! I care about them."
"Cloud?"
He looked over at the edge of his bed, then sat up, shocked.
"Have you seen Aerith? She's my girlfriend. Do you know where she is? I can't find her anywhere."
Cloud began to tremble, unable to comprehend what was happening.
"What?"
"Hey buddy, what's the matter with you? You look like you've seen a ghost!" The man on the edge of the bed laughed lightly, before the worry came back into his expression. "But seriously Cloud, have you seen Aerith? I need to know."
"You're dead." Cloud whispered.
"What?"
"I watched you die."
"Cloud, I don't know what you're on about. We got out of Shinra and made it to Midgar. We split up. You went to find Tifa, I went to find Aerith. Why are you so freaked out?"
Cloud stood up, pacing suddenly.
"This isn't happening. This can't be happening! You're dead!"
"Cloud, I'm not dead!"
"Yes you are, Zack! I watched you die! You saved my life! But I couldn't save you! And now... this isn't real!"
"Cloud." Zack stood and walked towards him, concern on the usually-carefree face. "I don't understand what you're saying, but we'll get you some help. Okay? Everything will be alright."
"No. Just, leave me alone!"
Spinning, he wrenched the door open and bolted out, stopping himself at the top of the stairs. His fingers dug painfully into the banister as he stared into nothing. No voice chased him. No memory haunted his footsteps.
With a shudder, Cloud turned around and stared back at his room, the door still swinging on its hinges. What was happening to him? Perhaps he should talk to the doctor. This couldn't be real. He needed help. More than what he'd already been getting.