Merry Christmas!! This year I bring you something completely original that no one has ever thought of doing before. Yes, that was sarcasm. If we count this as the 20th, then if I post one part a day, I should be done by Christmas. And I am going to finish this
One Piece's lovely characters belong to not me, and the story A Christmas Carol isn't mine either, that was written by Charles Dickens, but I don't think that matters because it was written before copyright laws. Please don't sue.
Sanji was dead. That is a fact. It may be morbid to start a story off this way, but it is necessary. In order to understand anything else that happens from this point onward, one fact must remain consistent:
Sanji was as dead as a doornail.
Zoro knew Sanji was dead. They were partners for who knows how long. He was one who paid for the damn funeral and was one of the only people who bothered to show up. For reasons unknown, he still kept both their names on the logo. Zoro, Sanji, it didn't matter whose name was where, for Zoro was a man of business, and that is what he did best.
Zoro was a serious man. He was a man of money wasn't the type of guy who would stop in the middle of the street and have a chat with an old friend. He was a cold man who wasn't the kind to care about peace on earth and good will towards men as long as it left him alone, and he certainly wasn't one to care about Christmas.
And here we find Zoro on Christmas Eve, him and one worker, a loyal man by the name of Usopp, slaving away with the heat on low (gas prices these days…) when all of a sudden an unexpected visitor decides to pop in.
"Yo! Cousin Zoro!" An eccentric man by the name of Franky, who did happen to be Zoro's cousin/only living relative, says. "I've unexpectedly decided to drop by! Isn't that super?"
"What do you want?" Zoro spits out without looking up.
"Merry Christmas!"
"Humbug!"
"Seriously? That's the best you could come up with?"
"It's not very original or creative." Usopp agrees.
"Do you want a pay cut long-nose!" Usopp shuts up and goes back to work.
"Dude, don't be so harsh on him. It's Christmas!"
Zoro merely looks up at his cousin and gives him a glare. "What's so great about Christmas? You're still poor."
"And you're still rich! Why so serious?"
"What's so great about Christmas? You still have bills to pay and no money to do it, and I'm not lending you any, if that's why you're here. You're still a year older and none the wiser, if the fact that you're wearing a damn Speedo in December says anything. Peace on earth? Ha! Good will towards men? Double ha! If I had my way, every idiot who went around shouting 'Merry Christmas' would end up boiled in oil or something equally horrendous."
"Cuz, you don't mean that!"
"Keep Christmas in your way and I'll keep it in mine!"
"But you don't do anything with it…" Franky mutters.
"So? What good has Christmas ever been to me or anyone?"
"Geeze man Christmas isn't about that stuff. It's about being good towards everyone; opening your heart for once instead of just stepping on all the little guys! I say Christmas has been super to me, and will continue to be super to me and God bless it for that!"
"Amen!" Usopp shouts at the end of his speech, only to receive a death glare from his boss.
"Don't be like that dude." Franky leans against Zoro's desk. "Come and eat Christmas dinner with Robin and me. It'll be SUPER!! You never stop by anymore."
"No thank you. Kindly get off my desk now. Some of us actually have work to do."
Franky obliges, but doesn't relent. "Even if it's just for a bit…"
"Go away."
"Ya can't just lock yourself away forever man…"
"Go away."
"Be that way. Merry Christmas to you, cuz."
"Go away!"
"And an even happier New Year!"
"GO AWAY!"
Franky leaves then, only stopping to exchange a quick 'Merry Christmas' with Usopp and sneak a wreath on the office door.
As he is leaving a man with a long, square nose and a baseball cap pulled over his face and a blonde woman wearing a short skirt despite the weather who was currently adjusting her glasses make their way into the office.
"Excuse me," the long-nosed man asks the long-nosed assistant, "I was told by the lady downstairs that Mr. Sanji's office was up here?"
"Mr. Sanji has been dead for years." Zoro says without bothering to look up.
"Then you must be Mr. Zoro?" He asks. Zoro merely grunts in response.
"We have no doubt his liberality is well represented in his surviving partner." the woman smiles. Zoro frowns and still doesn't look up.
"You see, Mr. Zoro," the man says, "at this time of the year, it is only naturally that the poor and destitute should want common necessities and comforts and-"
"Are there no prisons?" Zoro interrupts.
"Well, yes, but-"
"And the homeless shelters? They're still working?"
"To an extent." The woman replies.
"Oh good. I was wondering, for a moment, if they had ceased operations, but if they're still working…"
"Usually," the man went on, "during this time of year, people's giving spirits come forth and they are more likely to help out there fellows in greater need. What should I put you down for?"
"Nothing."
"You want to be anonymous?" The women asked.
"No. I want you to get the hell out of here and leave me alone!"
"But Mr. Zoro," the man insists, "without a donation these people might be dead by next morning."
"Then let them die and decrease the population. Besides you don't know for sure if they'll die."
"You don't know for sure they won't."
"Of course I do. Now get the hell out! And tell the women downstairs she's fired!" Under he's fierce words and fiercer scare, both intruders scamper out and a lightning speed.
Work continues, until, as it usually happens, closing time creeps up on the workers. Usopp hands in the days reports and lingers a moment longer in Zoro's office.
"I'm guessing you want the day off tomorrow…"
"If it's not too much trouble."
"It is trouble. Closing business for a day…it's ridiculous."
"Very," Usopp agreed, "but Christmas is only once a year. And everyone else is closed too anyway."
"Fine then, you and the other minions can have the day off tomorrow, but I want you in here early on the 26th, got it?"
"Yes sir, of course!" Usopp manages to keep his inner celebrations to himself until he's far far away from the building.
Zoro leaves sometime afterwards (the girl at the front desk seems to have left on her own) and heads straight back to his lonely mansion just outside of the city. He makes it home without too much of a hassle, until he approaches the front door.
The front door of Zoro's mansion is not very impressive, just a really expensive piece of wood, a door knob, and a knocker, mostly for show since if anyone were to actually call on Zoro, the door bell would be more appropriate. Yet, as Zoro approached the door, he couldn't help to find himself startled. For one thing, the air contained the peculiar stench of tobacco. Zoro didn't smoke, and he didn't have any neighbors at all. In fact, the only person he knew who did smoke was his late partner. This was rather peculiar, but what probably startled him more was that said partner's face had now appeared on the door knocker.
Zoro takes a few troubled steps back and blinks, not quite believing that Sanji's face has appeared on his front door, and sure enough, it and the smell are gone just as soon as they appeared. He mutters something about a trick of the light, despite the fact that light has nothing to do with random smells, and continues into his house.
His night continues as per norm. Zoro eats his meal alone in the dark (electric bills these days…) before heading upstairs to get ready for bed. Just as he's about to change though, the clock in the hallway strikes twelve and the bedroom door, which was definitely shut, flies open as if a gust of wind suddenly burst through the house. Zoro quickly runs over to shut it, but as he does so, the same tobacco smell that assaulted his nose outside returns and he hears what sounds like chains shuffling behind him in the room. Slowly, Zoro shuts the door and turns around to face…
"Yo, Marimo. Long time no see." His dead business partner, Sanji, standing there in the suit he used to wear, smoking the cigarette he used to smoke, cover with the chains he used to wear all over his body. Actually the chains were never there, and his overall appearance was rather…ghostly.
"You…wha…you're dead!" Zoro points and shouts.
"No shit. Glad you're still around to clear these things up." Sanji takes a drag from his cigarette, smoke disappearing as soon as it leaves his mouth, and shuffles over to one of the two armchairs in the room, chains rattling the whole way. "Sit down shithead; I need to talk to you."
"You…you're not real."
Sanji cockily raises an eyebrow. "Really now? Well, you can see me right? Can hear what I'm saying? Can smell my smoke?" He exhales again to make his point.
"Things can easily mess with your senses. For all I know you could be a piece of moldy cheese or something."
"You would eat that crap now that I'm dead. Can't even take care of yourself…"
"Well at least I'm still alive Mr. Let's-keep-smoking-after-getting-diagnosed-with-lung-cancer-and-hope-that-cures-everything!"
"Touché. You still think I'm not real?"
Zoro nods his head. Sanji responds by standing up and kicking out his foot, somehow managing to wrap is ghostly chains around his friend's stomach. When he puts his foot down to reel him in close, Sanji proceeds to get right up in Zoro's face, close enough for the man to feel his cold breath, and says, "What about now? Still think I'm a figment of whatever shit you've eaten?" He shakes his head.
"Good." Sanji releases the chains and sits back down. "Now sit down. I still need to talk to you."
Shakily, Zoro lowers himself into the other armchair. "What's up with those things anyway?"
"You like?" He holds the chains up for Zoro's inspection. "I created them you know. With all of the sins I committed while I was alive. Now I'm forced to carry them with me as I wander the earth until the end of times."
"Can't you just go to heaven or hell or wherever and leave us living folks alone?"
"I wish I could, Marimo, but I refused to see anything of the world outside my office while I was part of the living, I must do so now that I'm dead."
"You didn't need to do that, you were a man of business and you were good at what you did."
"That's a coward's excuse. I could have done something for the world." Sanji sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, looking far wearier then he ever had in life. "I haven't been able to rest since my death…"
"That sucks." Zoro says bluntly before adding as an afterthought, "I'm sorry."
"Don't be, Marimo." He chuckles a low chuckle that thoroughly creeps Zoro out. "For you see, your chain is much heavier than mine."
Zoro shoots out of his chair and stumbles back a few steps. "What do you want with me?"
Sanji stands and approaches his friend. "I'm here to warn you, to spare you my fate, because I'm a nice guy like that."
"Yeah, that's why you have those chains…"
"Tonight," Sanji goes on, ignoring him, "you will be visited by three spirits. If you wish to repent, then take their lessons to heart!"
"Are you one of these spirits?"
"You're not getting out of this that easy, shithead. I'm just a messenger." Sanji saunters over to the window before opening it and taking one final drag of his cigarette. "My time here is almost up. Except the first spirit when the clock strikes one. And Marimo," he forces his former partner to make eye contact, "don't waste this chance." With that, he steps onto the window sill and vanishes.
Zoro stares at the empty window for a bit before getting his senses together. He mutters something about 'moronic ghosts that can't stay dead' and 'stupid illusions' before finally settling himself down to sleep the night away.
Oh hey, I actually managed to kill off Sanji. What do you know...