FarDareisMai2,

I thank my lucky stars that I stumbled onto the Wiki and met you! I will never forget how you accepted me without question and made me feel at home. I will also never forget how you offered to beta some of the first o/s I ever wrote! Your openness and honesty really helped me through a lot. I love you hard, goddess! Thank you for continuing to be a source of inspiration and support!

¡Feliz Cumpleaños!

*besos*

Meads

Boob spelled backwards is booB

By

s. meadows

Prompts: bikini,Robert Herrick, nipple, poetry, bite, parka

In the living room of our perfect little cottage, I was sitting on the couch with Renesmee watching Jeopardy and marveling over the fact that she was getting all the answers right even though she was only six weeks old. In the back of my mind, I was composing another stunning piano composition when I heard something rather disturbing.

"What the fuck?!" Bella shouted from our bedroom.

I quickly put my hands over Renesmee's ears, sighing over the fact that the make shift ear-muffs were becoming a common necessity in our household because of Bella's recent affixation with expletives. "What is it, love?" I called out to Bella using my 'concerned' voice while rolling my eyes.

She stormed into the living room completely topless; in fact, the only thing she wore was a pair of white cotton, bikini panties. Instantly, I was shocked and aroused as I buried my daughter's head into my chest to hide her innocent eyes; sure Renesemee was developing quickly, but she still didn't have breasts, and I didn't want her to be exposed to nudity just yet. "Bella, what are you doing?" I asked, baffled.

Bella stomped her foot, causing her beautiful breasts to bounce and our cottage to shake. I gulped at the sight, and with vampire speed, I cradled Renesmee in my arms, sprinted over to the main house, dropped her off with my mom, and then returned to Bella before she was even able to blink. As soon as I got back, I immediately started to strip off my clothes. Hey, I may be a rare vampire dad who loved to hang with his kid, but I was also a virgin for 107 years, I had a lot of making up to do.

"Edward, look at my boobs. Ugh!" Bella cried.

I looked up from pulling down my jeans and stumbled forward, almost falling, but then I gracefully managed to stand erect…in more ways than one. As I took in her slender form, venom began to pool in my mouth at the same time my lips went dry. Somehow, I managed to choke out, "Yes, my love, they look great."

Again, using the very handy vampire speed, I lifted her up, carried her back to the bedroom, and tossed her on the bed in record time. Yes Caster, male hormones really do make a difference, and mine were raging (God, I was a smug bastard). I crawled up the bed, making my way up her body, and just as I was about to take one of her boobs into my mouth and enjoy my Sunday treat, Bella stopped me by scooting out from beneath me and sitting up against the headboard.

What the fuck? Bella was always eager to…well, fuck!

"Edward, stop. I need you to examine my boobs and tell me what you notice about them," Bella demanded, as she pouted out her bottom lip, causing my dick to spit a little. Shit, another stain that would never come out!

I sat back on my haunches, and my rock hard cock twitched as I studied her bare chest. Her nipples were pebbled and yearning to be touched and licked and squeezed, and I just wanted to fuck her until it stopped raining in Forks (oh, the cleverness of me). Unable to control my normally controlled self, I began stroking my length, hoping to entice Bella. But as soon as I looked back up to her face, I knew I made a fatal mistake. She looked absolutely disgusted with me, so I stopped playing with myself, since she was sucking all the fun out of it anyway…and not in a good way.

Knowing that she wanted a specific answer, and having absolutely no idea what it could be, I pinched the bridge of my nose, frustrated. I could hardly understand Bella lately, and the more she hung out with Rosalie, the more I began to worry about her.

"Bella, they are a perfect size. Really. I'm not one of those 'cup runneth over' guys. Besides, they might not be as big as Rosie's but they are definitely bigger than Alice's."

Jasper was actually the one who helped me sort through breast size. His philosophy was, 'if it is more than a handful, then it is a waste.' And from the very few times I had caught Alice topless, I understood perfectly why he had to tell himself that. Poor dude; he was practically fucking a guy with as small as Alice's boobs were, and come to think of it…

Bella threw a pillow at my face and shouted, "Assward! I don't mean that, I mean, do you notice a difference between my tits?"

She sat up on her knees and heaved out her breasts, and I fought back the urge to put my face between them and nuzzle the shit out of them. Finally, it dawned on me, maybe Bella had some sort of medical concern. Well, I was a doctor, so no time like the present to put my multiple degrees to work. I prepared my heads, yes, both of them. Putting on my thinking cap, and letting my parka slide back into place (different era, don't judge), I reached my hands out and cupped Bella's breast. Taking on the persona of a medical professional, I weighted them, pinched them, and squeezed them, but I couldn't really see what she had been hinting at.

"Bella, my love, I promise, there is nothing to worry about. They're great!" I tried to assure her.

She pulled away from my hands and sat on her hinged legs. "No, they are not great. My right breast is bigger than my left one."

I laughed, "Bella that's completely normal for all women. Trust me, I'm a doctor."

"Agh! Edward! It's not normal. It's completely abnormal. I saw Rosalie's boobs this morning, and they were both perfectly shaped the same size. And now I'm some kind of freako with a slightly larger right boob for the rest of eternity, and I can't even cry about it," Bella dry heaved, and her head feel into her hands.

Wait. Did Bella just say she was naked with Rosalie? Just to hint at something like that and my parka abandoned me by pulling back as my dick began stretching out like Pinocchio's nose. Damn it, there would be no way to cover him back up now.

Now I was downright determined to get this situation under control so I could submerge myself into the warm abyss that was my wife's portal. Okay, so maybe poetry was a forte of mine, but obviously not erotic poetry.

"Tears are the noble language of the eye, Bella. Do not fret," I cooed, not really understanding what I was saying, but it always seemed like a good idea to quote geniuses at times like this, and Robert Herrick was that.

"Gah, stop being such a Twatward! This is some heavy shit I'm dealing with," she barked back. Jeez, so much for trying to consol her.

"Well this is some heavy shit I'm dealing with Bella," I replied as I motioned down to my torrid erection. "I'm in pain! Is there any way I could at least make like a vampire and suck?"

"How would you like for me to make like a vampire and bite it right off?" she asked in an ice-cold voice, and I knew she was serious. "Don't worry, it would grow back…eventually." With that, she jumped off the bed and stood in front of the mirror.

I double sighed, pinched the bridge of my nose again, and got up to stand behind Bella. Resting my chin on her shoulder, I snaked my hands around her chest and cupped her breasts, then I smiled.

Tightening an arm around her, I pulled her closer to me and began to nip at her earlobe as I let my free hand slide down her flat tummy. I traced the small scars around her abdomen. The ones left behind when Renesemee broke free. "It is your imperfections that make you perfect…to me," I said sincerely.

Too fast for even my eyes to see, she spun around, drop kicked me to the ground, and then pounced on top of me. Yes! Finally.

Pinning my wrists above my head, and giving me a perfect view of the delicate swells of her breasts hovering above me, she said, "No! It's not fair! My husband is perfect, my daughter is perfect; I want to be perfect too! I wonder if Carlisle would be able to give me some implants."

"Bella! You can't be serious!" I exclaimed in disbelief.

"Why not?" she asked.

So, okay, maybe one was a tiny bit smaller than the other, but you couldn't really tell unless someone pointed it out. Oh great! She pointed it out. I knew then that I would always now notice it. There was only one thing left to do, make her laugh.

"Bella, I think you should know something about me, something I have never told anyone."

Her eyes went wide and her mouth hung open for a bit before she said, "What Edward, what is it?"

I closed my eyes tight and said in one breath, "Ioncegavemyselfablowjob."

After a moment of silence, Bella began laughing hysterically; her lithe body rocking on top of me. And with that, my restraint was done for; in one swift motion, I was finally inside her. Score! She moaned out loud as my hands worked her hips up and down my cock.

"You know, love, boob spelled backwards is still boob," I groaned as I sat up to mouth the soft flesh of her slightly smaller boob; yeah sometimes it was smart to quote geniuses, but sometimes it was smart to quote idiots too, and that was a gold mine quote I had heard Mike Newton think one day when he was bored in Biology class over a year ago. I had been anxiously waiting to use it ever since then. "And this little one still feels good against my lips," I grinned wickedly.

She finally caught on to my playful mood and a small smile crept onto the corner of her face. "And I used to think you were something brilliant," she said teasingly.

Five hours of fucking later, we were getting dressed to go pick up Renesmee for our evening hunt.

"Edward, you weren't serious about the blowjob thing, right?" Bella asked timidly.

Again, I rolled my eyes before I said, "Of course not honey." And after she kissed my cheek and passed in front of me, I let out a small sigh of relief.

Well played Cullen, I told myself. Well played

A/N: Many thanks to my lovely vampster, KCP for her beta eyes!