A/N: The first ever All Saints fic, though it sure was not my last! I will be submitting more of them! That is, if you like it! Please let me know what you think! Even if you hate it.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from All Saints. Nor will I ever, I'm afraid…

Chapter one

Von froze when she realized who the man in the bed was. No! It echoed through her head. She wanted to shout. She wanted to scream, she wanted to run away. But she couldn't make a sound. She could not move a muscle. She just stood there until the orderlies had wheeled the bed into the room. Then she fled to the break room.

She had to cling to the table to prevent her knees from giving in once she was inside. she felt the tears well up in her eyes, but she would not give him a chance to see them. Staying as far away as she possibly could from room six was her only option right now. She dried her eyes with a handkerchief to be sure no-one would notice she had been crying before leaving the room. If she acted normal, nobody would ever know something was wrong.

But today she was assigned rooms one and two, which meant there wasn't a lot of work to do for her. One of the two patients in room two was scheduled to go home later that morning. What would happen after he had left? She told herself not to think that far ahead; she would take that hurdle when she got there.

The rest of the morning was uneventful, and everything went smoothly. Mister Bale was discharged. His roommate was currently in theatre. So far it was an easy day. In better days Von would have said it was silence before the storm. Today it felt as extra torture that seemed to go on endlessly.

She was sitting on a bench in front of the hospital now, all alone. There was nobody else to be seen outside. And before she realized what was happening, her thought wondered back to the worst day of her live…

It was a sunny, summer's day. The hospital was full of injured and ill soldiers. Ironic, wasn't it, how the lives of these people were so very different that you would expect when you looked out of the window and saw the clear, blue sky.

Von walked on and off with bandages, swabs, water for patients and doctors. Her forehead was covered in sweat, and she could feel it on her back as well. She carried on non-the-less.

Suddenly there was a lot of commotion when the doors swung open. She hurried over there to help. But she clasped her hands over her mouth. She unsteadily took a step back. That was her husband! She wanted to run over, but she was already looking after too many patients as it was. She would have to let the others take care of him, even though she was married to him.

Her heart was pounding in her chest. What if… No, Von, do not think that! She sternly told herself. He is strong. He'll make it.

Deep down she knew she was lying to herself. His injuries were so severe… but it was only that lie that kept her going whilst he was being operated on. Combined with the people she was taking care of, who would take her mind off of things occasionally. She spend her breaks with her colleagues, so she wouldn't have to be alone.

"Von?" doctor Ling spoke all of a sudden.

Von nodded and swallowed. The other got up and excused themselves, telling her they had to go back to work. Mere moments later Von and the doctor were the only ones left in the room.

"I am so sorry, Von… but he didn't make it…. My condolences…"

Von jump up, pushed the doctor aside and ran towards the morgue. Patients, doctors and nurses all looked at her, but she didn't even notice. The only thing she wanted, was to be with John. One last time…

She pulled open the door. There, on a table, covered by a white blanket, she saw him. John. Her one and only love. All the way down here she had hoped it was just a mistake, a nightmare. Only now, seeing him like this, did she understand that she had lost him. Forever.

She lay her head on his chest and cried. Taking his hand in hers, her warm tears fell onto his cold chest.

Tears were trailing a path down her cheeks as she sat in the sun as well. When she heard Terry call out for her, she wiped them away. Yet it was too late.

"Are you crying? Why?"

"It's nothing, okay? Never mind."

Von made her way back inside and continued with today's work. Terry shook her head, amazed at just how stubborn Von could be. But there was nothing she could do about it. So she followed Von to the Ward and began completing the paperwork.

Von filled out mister Jordan's chart. His ops were good, except for the fact he had a bit of a rash on his back. In an hour, Luke would be coming in the check the wound, and she would tell him about the rash than. He would have to decide whether it was necessary to change his treatment. she attached the chart to the bed again. She slit her pen into her pocket and left the room.

She asked Regina to find her mister Jordan's files again. Von wanted to double check to make sure he wasn't allergic to any medicine, for example the antibiotics he was on to fight the inflammation of his right foot.

She was busy going over the files when the alarm went off. It came from room six.

"Cardiac arrest!"

Von was the closest. Torn between what was tight and what was easy, she finally ran in to help. She had to help him. She would never forgive herself if he died.

Luke stormed in as well.

"Give me one milligram of adrenaline, now!"

Von did as she was told and handed him the syringe containing the adrenaline. Bron, apart from Von and Luke the only one present, rolled in the arrest trolley.

"Charge to two hundred!"

Bron took over Von's role. She remained impassive as they began to shock him in order to get back an output.

After seven tries, Luke was ready to give up. The man's heart seemed to have stoped permanently.

"No!" Von yelled. She could not believe this. After everything that had happed he was leaving her? Just as he had done back then? How could he?!

She was so frustrated that she did the only thing she could think of. She hit his chest with her fist.

The machine started beeping again. He had regained an output. Confussed and scared, Von watched as he opened his eyes. He saw her.

"V… Von?"

She nodded.

"Yes, Ray. It's me."

"I… I'm…"

Von put a finger to his lips, effectively silencing him.

"Shh, I know. I'm sorry, too."

Luke and Bron silently left the room. In all those years they had known Von, they had never seen her getting this involved with a patient. There was something more going on, a deeper band than anyone could have seen or predicted.

They had one last look at the woman they had known for so long. She had pulled up a chair and was sitting next to Ray's bed.

What they failed to see, was how Von took Ray's hand in hers and felt his forehead with the other.