A Misshapen Life

*~Bella~*

"Isabella...I need you to stay still for me, I know it is painful but I need you to try and stay relaxed...Can you do that for me?"

I nodded meekly with my eyes remaining closed...I had been told that I would have to go through these tests the minute I arrived but they never once said that it would be this painful...I tried desperately to fight back tears as I felt poking around in the most unwanted places...I exhaled deeply as the smell of chemicals and sweat filled the air around me.

I was in a hospital called Sandgrove, in the Pacific Northwest of the USA...I am British because I speak differently to everyone else around me. I can't remember what happened to me before I came here the last memory I have was of my mother telling me that I was going away for a while and that I would be okay...I never remember feeling sad but I had so much love for my mother and every moment I pictured her face the usual sting of tears threatened to fall from my exhausted eyes.

As I lay on the hospital bed I made an inner promise to myself that I would not cry in this strange and unusual place – Tears were a form of weakness...At least that's what the three men that took me from my mother said, I can't remember anything else that they said to me however as it all just seemed like a black hole unable to have any source of light ever again. I clutched tightly at my diary which was balanced on my chest, the doctor who was poking and prodding me had desperately attempted to take it from me – I never gave in...No one who entered my life now would never have the satisfaction of seeing those pages...They were my memories and my memories alone and I would never allow anyone to ever read it, even if I had to risk my own life to keep it with me.

"Okay, Isabella...I am finished. Tess will now show you back to your room and talk to you about what is going to happen next. I will be in for your round later tonight" The elderly Doctor explained...I couldn't for the life of me remember his name and I did not want to attempt to say a completely wrong name and then look silly so I simply nodded again...Crossed my legs and pulled myself off of the bed still clutching my diary...My descent went with some effort from Tess as she saw me shaking quite violently...My body felt so heavy and I couldn't find any immediate emotion in my mind, I was neither angry or sad...Just numb.

The corridors were dark and cold, and there weren't any other people walking the other way, it almost seemed deserted as if the people who occupied these rooms were now forgotten about and I was the latest member. Tess kept hold of me until we entered what would now be my room right at the very end of the corridor...The door squeaked as it opened and closed – I immediately thought that any chance I would have of escaping this place and trying to find my mother again would be slim. Tess let go of my arm as she gradually lowered me onto the bed grasping my shoulders... she then walked over and grabbed a chair from the corner of the room and placed it in front of me at the foot of the bed.

There was a silence before she spoke – I kept my focus on the floor not knowing what she would say to me next...I waited for what seemed like an eternity before she began to speak.

"My name is Tess, Isabella I am a staff nurse here in the hospital...This may seem like a very odd question for you but could you tell me a little bit about yourself?"

I shuddered away wanting so badly to wake up from this nightmare and into the arms of my mother once more, inhaling her scent of tobacco and peppermint as my salty tears soaked her clothes...I didn't want to speak to anyone I wanted to be alone.

"It's okay to be afraid Isabella, I won't hurt you...I am here to take care of you...I understand that you haven't spoken a word since you arrived here last night so I if you wouldn't mind...I will ask you a few questions and if you could just nod or shake your head for me in response that would be fantastic...Could you do that for me?"

There was something soothing about Tess's voice it started to make sense how she would take care of people in her job...I felt this sudden urge to tell her things...Not caring how much sense they made and so feeling slightly happier about being in Tess's company I nodded still keeping my focus on the floor.

"Thank you, Isabella. Now your full name is Isabella Marie Swan. Is that correct?"

Before I could even register anything I muttered simply "Bella".

"What was that sweetheart?" Tess replied after a pause.

"Bella...I like to be called Bella" I felt such a surge of relief when I heard my own voice once again.

"Oh I see, I understand. My name is Theresa but everyone calls me Tess. Your middle name is Marie and your surname Swan?"

I nodded again in response

"That's a very beautiful name and Bella means beautiful in Italian so I guess you're extremely lucky in that way" I didn't know what to say to that, I didn't know any other languages and I never thought of myself as being beautiful.

"Your mother's name is Renée Swan. Is that correct?"

I nodded again, feeling the sting in between my eyes at the mention of her name.

"Your birthday is September 13th?" I nodded again, feeling more tired as the questions went by.

"Right well that's all the details we have about you – Do you remember what happened before you came here, Bella?"

I shook my head...Feeling my eyes dropping at a high rate.

"I can see that you are exhausted I will explain only briefly what is going to happen during your time here and then I will let you get some rest...We are a hospital for psychiatric patients and seeing as you have no history of mental health or any symptoms right now we feel it only best to put your name on a list for the local adoption agency in Port Angeles because you are still a child by law. Earlier Dr Albertson ran a few tests just to ensure that you are healthy and fit for adoption and I am sorry if they felt uncomfortable but it is procedure I am afraid. We will keep you here under observation until we hear from the agency just to make sure that you are safe. Dr Albertson will be back around again later on this evening and he will have to wake you if you're asleep he will be accompanied by Dr Cullen who is our deputy head Doctor. Is that alright?"

"Yes" I mumbled meekly but Tess had heard me as she then nodded back at me. Then wasting no time she got up as quietly as she could and put the chair back in its original place and walked towards the door.

I threw myself backwards onto the bed with my diary in my hands and closed my eyes immediately...

"Sweet dreams beautiful Bella" A faded voice said before I fell into darkness.