Bugging Me

A Pokemon Fanfiction by Kayley Laskitt

Disclaimer: Of all the things I own, Pokemon is not one of them. Learn to deal with it.

Authors Notes: It's a Monday night, about 1.55am (okay, Tuesday morning technically) and I'm awake, dosed up on sugar and feeling a rare bout of inspiration. Enjoy it while it lasts. (That sounds obnoxious, doesn't it?) Written in about twenty minutes.

This is egoshippy! Egoshippy, or, if you prefer, GAMR (Gary x Misty/Shigeru x Kasumi) Before flaming me, please check to see if you're doing it because you have a very small mind. Thank you!

Probably doesn't really earn its categorisation as humour, but then it's 1.55. So I don't really care.

Dedications: Dedicated to the spiders that are currently lurking in my house. I've killed your friends. I've killed your family. I bought a can of Mortein especially for you all. Can't you guys take a hint? Be afraid, damn you! (Note to self: I think the spiders would be afraid of me . . . until they realised they were spiders, and remembered that they weren't capable of emotions.)

Also dedicated to Melissa Rae, because she's special, even if she does bug me occasionally. Love you lots.

Reviews most welcome ^_^

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The thing you need to know if you want to be friends with Kasumi is that she has the lung-power of a banshee. When she screams, she really lets it rip. Last time she screamed - because Satoshi accidentally put his red socks in the wash with her brand-new, sparkling white Kinki Gerlinki shirt - the neighbours had come over to see if everything was all right.

Kasumi tears down the hallway, screaming her lungs out and jumping up and down with either excitement or horror - I can't tell which. I watch, amused, as she throws herself onto the couch and shields herself with a cushion, her screams dying down into whimpers.

"What's wrong?" I ask her, unable to resist the bait she's dangling in front of me. The girl has some deep-seated attention-seeking problems.

She throws the cushion across the living room in a fit and shudders. "Spiders!" she wails, her head falling back dramatically. "Spiders in my bedroom!" Still recovering from her spider encounter, she jumps up suddenly and bounces, brushing her hands against her jeans as if she's just touched something grubby.

"Spiders?" I echo, amused. "Or spider? As in singular?"

She makes a face at me. "Okay, so I only saw one. But it was horrible, Geru-kun!"

She squirms, looking about six years old.

"What did you do with it?" I ask reasonably.

Kasumi shudders delicately. "I locked it in my room!"

I stare at her in disbelief as she casts fearful glances into the corners of the ceiling. She has no need to worry - the combined efforts of Hiroshi and Takeshi keep the house spotless.

"Let me get this straight," I say, standing up and looking down at her. "You locked a spider in your room? Kasumi, it's like one-thousandth of your size."

She looks mortally wounded and punches me in the arm. It takes effort to look as though that didn't hurt. "I am not that big!"

She sounds so serious that I blink. "How big is this spider?"

"It's huge," she insists, eyes wide and guileless. "I swear, if your car ever breaks down, you could ride it to work."

I snort a little at the mental image.

"Hey, Geru-kun." It's Satoshi, peering around the doorway that leads to the kitchen, phone in hand. "The woman next door wants to know why Kasumi's screaming again. What should I tell her?"

I ponder this. "That Kasumi found a spider the size of a bicycle in her bedroom," I inform him solemnly, hoping this will help Kasumi see the ridiculousness of the situation.

Satoshi shrugs, accepts this at face value and disappears back into the kitchen. I turn back to face Kasumi, who is staring up at me through her lashes, a becoming pout on her pink-glossed lips.

Having known her for as long as I have, I know that look like Takeshi knows the cutlery drawer.

"Let me guess," I say dryly. "You want me to kill it?"

She bats her eyelashes. "Would you?"

I grin smugly and fold my arms over my chest, over the khaki shirt Kasumi bought me from her work. "Why should I?"

Irritatingly, Kasumi looks more exasperated than desperate. "Because you're a guy," she says, as if it were obvious - which, to her, it apparently is. "It's in your job description, along with outdoor cooking and buying power tools you don't actually need." She wraps her fingers around my wrist and tugs. "Let's go!"

Reluctantly, I let her lead me down the hall to the atrocity she calls her bedroom. I step inside and suppress a groan. The small space is so . . . Kasumi. Posters, letters, postcards and photos are plastered all over the wall. Her bedspread is covered in bright polka dots, and a matching beanbag is lying carelessly on the floor. Nothing colour-coordinates - her curtains are pink, her rug yellow, her shelves blue - yet it all seems to mesh so well.

It would be charming if it wasn't such a mess.

Kasumi doesn't notice my appalled expression at the state of her room, being too busy cowering behind me. She points to her beanbag.

"That's where I saw it last." She says so in a whisper, as if she's afraid the spider might overhear her. I suppress the urge to laugh and move towards the beanbag, Kasumi still cowering behind me.

A few steps from the beanbag, the spider in question scuttles out from under the beanbag, speeds across the rug and hides under her hat stand, which has pretty much everything but hats hanging from it.

Kasumi screams and jumps on my back. Her legs are around my waist, arms around my neck choking me. She's still screaming.

"Kill it!" she wails, resting her cheek on top of my head. "Please, Geru-kun, kill it for me!"

"Ack," I choke out.

Kasumi loosens her grip, but doesn't apologise or make any move to get down from her lofty position.

With some difficulty, I empty a cup holding coins, grab a piece of cardboard and crouch down beside the hat stand, Kasumi still on my back. Carefully, I clap the cup over the spider, slide the cardboard underneath and trap it. Kasumi squeals.

I stand up - again with some difficulty - and move across the floor towards the large window on the other side of her room.

Halfway there, I trip on a pair of Le Freak sandals lying on the floor. I drop the cup and the spider scurries under her desk.

Kasumi screams again and tightens her grip on me. She shifts, trying to get even higher on my back, but the sudden shift in weight throws me off and I stumble, trip over her Le Freaks again and tumble to the floor.

We land in a complicated Kasumi-and-Shigeru pretzel.

"Ooh, it's gonna get me," Kasumi whimpers, trying to untangle herself from me. She twists, shifts, pulls slightly and then she's lying on top of me, face inches from mine.

God, she's cute.

I want her. I want her, I want her, I want her.

She kisses me. Not the other way around. She lowers her head and touches her lips to mine and it's so different from kissing other girls because she's in charge and I know it. What's more, I actually enjoy not being in control.

After a few seconds, we part and I let my eyes flicker open. When they do, I notice something black and fast scoot across the floor towards us.

"Uh, Kasumi?" I say, as she presses slowly seductive kisses down my throat.

"Hmm?" she asks, sounding distracted.

"There's a spider on your leg."

The words are barely said before she screams, jumps off me and flicks the spider off her jeans, still screaming. The spider lands on my chest. I let out a yell, jump up and shake my shirt in a vain attempt to get it off me. Its legs detach from my shirt and it falls back on the carpet, scurrying towards our feet.

Kasumi screams again and leaps up on her bed, making no sign of stopping her screams. Caught up in her hysteria, I jump on the bed too.

"Oh my god!" she wails, as she leans up against the wall - not before checking to make sure there are no spiders on it.

"Calm down," I advise, peering over the edge of the bed. The spider is exactly where we left it - it almost looks like it's watching us, biding its time.

Kasumi's paranoia is rubbing off on me.

It moves towards the bed and Kasumi lets out another ear-splitting shriek, pressing herself against the wall like she thinks if she does it for long enough she'll be able to get through it.

"What the hell is going on?"

Satoshi appears at the doorway, not looking at all amused. Kasumi stops screaming.

He storms into the room, around to the side of the bed and stands facing us, hands on his hips, looking, alarmingly, a little like his mother.

"I've been getting calls left and right asking if someone's being murdered over here!" he informs us crisply. "What is your problem?"

Kasumi points a shaky hand to where the spider last stood, watching us.

Satoshi casts a cursory look down, then looks up, not looking amused. "What? Your rug giving you troubles?" he asks sarcastically.

Kasumi looks confused. I peer over the edge of the bed again. Funny . . . Satoshi is standing in almost the exact same place that the spider was . . .

Kasumi follows my gaze and lets out a small snort of laughter, which she quickly stifles. "No problem, Satoshi," she said with a reassuring smile. "It's not important."

Satoshi rolls his eyes, used to Kasumi's antics, and strides out of the room. I turn to face Kasumi, grinning. "Well, that's one problem out of the way," I observe.

Kasumi grins impishly. "Two if you count the spider."

I flex my left arm. "Well, I think I fulfilled my male duties satisfactorily," I say with mock bravado.

Kasumi smirks. "There is one more problem I'd like you to take care of . . . "

I lift an eyebrow in questioning. She smirks again.

"I really want you to kiss me."

I pretend to ponder this, tapping my index finger against my chin. "I think I can handle that," I say gallantly.

Kasumi rolls her aqua eyes. "My hero," she says sarcastically.

I smirk at her comment and obey her wish, kissing her gently. I'm in control this time, but it's no less exhilarating.

Suddenly she pushes me away, her pretty eyes wide. "Oh my god, Shigeru," she breathes, staring at something behind me. "That spider is staring at us . . ."

That's it.

I jump off her bed, grab her hand and pull her with me. "That's it," I say decisively, tugging her along. "We're going to my room."

Kasumi nods. Halfway down the hall, she stops and turns back to close her bedroom door, trapping spider number two inside. At my questioning look, she shrugs, grins a little. "Just to be safe."

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End!