Originally wrote this as a quick birthday present for a friend, and to try to figure out how to make some sense out of what happened so I can watch series 3. I'm not sure it works, but it helped me. Hope folks enjoy it. :)

--

Alex hesitated. She hadn't seen or spoken to any of her colleagues in months. Other than Gene. She had seen him at the review board hearing about the shooting, but they hadn't exchanged any words. He hadn't even looked at her when she gave her statement. She remembered wondering why he had even bothered to show up, it wasn't necessary. By the time they'd scheduled the review it was only a formality anyway. She'd already told her superiors it had been an accident. She was almost certain it had been.

She held her breath and pushed through the doors.

It was still early. No one was in yet. Good, she thought. She took a slow look around the room; nothing had changed. The desks were in the same place, the posters, the personal items and desk decorations. Her desk, even, exactly the same. Oh, the top had been tidied, but her nameplate was still there. Her pencil cup. All the same. She shook her head. Maybe no one had been here at all. If she was gone were they gone as well? She wasn't sure she knew anymore.

Alex ran her fingertips along the edge of her desk as she walked around it and sat in her chair. Of course they all knew she was coming in. She'd got clearance from a long list of doctors and they had set the date. And she had insisted. CID. Fenchurch East. She had been offered a transfer, but she turned it down. Told them there was no reason – no reason to think there would be any problems. Even though everyone had known about the argument. It had been a stupid misunderstanding, she'd insisted to her superiors. She'd been insubordinate. It didn't matter. She wanted to be with her team. It only now struck her that maybe they hadn't wanted her – that he hadn't wanted her back. Well, she'd cross that bridge when she got there.

Of course, there was the other reason. The one she couldn't tell anyone.

Slowly the room filled up. Smiles and welcome backs filled the room. Shaz gave her a hug. It felt solid and she almost cried. She supposed if she couldn't really be home, she could be here. For as long as it took.

The minutes ticked by as she waited. What would she say? What could she say? Would he say anything to her? They'd have to work together, so they'd have to speak at some point. She was still contemplating the moment when the doors kicked open and there he was, all black coat and driving gloves. He was wearing too much aftershave and she tried not to laugh and cry at the same time as he walked past her desk without a look.

Alex was watching him walk to his office when he stopped in front of Shaz's desk and turned around.

"So Inspector, docs give you the all clear?" He'd caught her gaze and now she couldn't look away. And he didn't.

"Yeah, yes" she stuttered. "All clear." She forced a non-committal smile.

He sniffed and glanced away, finally. "Good." He paused a minute. "And I never did thank you for telling the review board that I didn't shoot you. On purpose. So, uh, thanks Bolls." But that was it. He turned and walked into his office, shutting the door behind him.

It was a minute before Alex realized everyone in the squad room had been watching them. She frowned but said nothing, and started opening her desk drawers for something to do. Maybe this would be harder than she thought.

–

The morning went by slowly, even after Ray had handed over a few open case files for her to look at. Though the team seemed perfectly happy to have her there, and she could sense them relax as she laughed at their jokes, Gene never left his office. She'd look up occasionally to see him on the phone, or playing darts, but he never looked out, never even opened the door.

She'd need to do it, damn him. She'd have to be the one who broke the ice, if they were ever going to be able to make this work. And she needed it to work. He was her lifeline in this world, she knew that now. And her only hope of getting home rested with him, she was sure of it. She still needed him. And she couldn't imagine being here without him.

Alex stood and looked into his office. On the phone, again. She took a few steps towards the office but as she did he came around his desk and opened the door.

Drake?" He seemed surprised to see her, and slightly nervous.

"Yes, Guv. I was wondering if you had a minute? I have some things I wanted to go over, you know, first day back and all."

He paused for a minute, frowning at her, then at his boots. Why did women always want to talk? Couldn't they just forget it ever happened? He didn't want to talk about it. He'd been wrong, and she'd been...he didn't know what she'd been. She'd been right, but he still couldn't make sense of how. Maybe she just had better instincts than he did. And the other things she'd said to him. Now that she was standing in front of him he didn't know what to think again. About any of it. He only knew he didn't want her to leave.

"Yeah, alright. Of course." He tried to smile but was sure he just pulled a face instead. "But can we do it later?" He shrugged on his coat. "Call just came in on a body floated up in the Millwall Docks. D'you want to come along? D'you think you're up for it?" He raised his eyebrows expectantly. He wanted her to be ready. To be with him.

"Yes. Great. I'm ready." Work was good. Get back to normal as quickly as possible. She moved quickly around her desk and grabbed her jacket, following Gene out through the doors. Chris and Ray trailed them down the corridor.

–

It was hours before they finished. Uniform had canvassed the area already and had turned up a few locals that needed interviewing, and Gene insisted on doing it at the station. With all the interviews and the paperwork no one left until after seven, and Alex hadn't had the heart to push Gene for a private conversation. She went for one drink at Luigi's but left without speaking to him.

It went on like that all week. Calls, interviews, case reviews. Gene managed to never have time to meet with her alone and she knew he was avoiding her. By the time Friday night came she'd run out of ways to cope, and the waiting for him was too much. She took a bottle of wine and a pizza up to her flat after work, alone.

Pizza, bad television, and most of the bottle made her decisive. Maybe he was right to ignore her, pretend it had never happened. Together they'd ruined whatever friendship they'd had, and together they would have to bear it. She needed him, and he wouldn't let her go. She refilled her wine glass, emptying the bottle. She had nowhere else to go anyway. If she was dead already she could waste away here, alone, just as well as anywhere. At least it wouldn't hurt anyone else.

"Make it quick," she toasted herself, raising the glass one more time.

–

Alex woke to a pounding on her door. Glancing at the clock she realized she had dozed off, but not for long. It wasn't even ten o'clock yet. She opened the door sleepily. It was Gene.

He stood in the doorway for a moment, looking like he hadn't expected to see her there. But she was the one who was surprised. It took her a moment to recover.

"What do you want?" It came out snappier than she'd have liked. The wine was already wearing off.

He frowned and looked over her shoulder into her flat. "Can I come in Bolls?"

She shrugged and stepped aside, letting him walk past her. Alex closed her eyes – he smelled like aftershave and whisky and cigarettes. She bit her lip as the memory of how that had once made her feel came rushing back.

"Can I get you something?" She gestured drunkenly to the kitchen counter. Half of an hours old pizza and an empty wine bottle sat in the semi-dark of the room.

He glanced at it. "Yeah, OK. Sure." He looked back at her. "It looks great. I haven't eaten anything all day."

Alex narrowed her eyes as she watched him move into the living room, but she slid a piece of dried out pizza onto a plate and followed.

"I'm, uh, sorry we haven't had a chance to talk. This week, I mean." He was twisting his driving gloves with both hands. He'd avoided her on the job for so many reasons, now, here, in her flat, he wanted them all to go away. Wanted everything to be like it was before. "You wanted to ask me something?"

"Ask you...?" Had she wanted to ask him something? Yes, right. "Yeah. Um. I suppose it doesn't matter now. I, uh, I just wanted to make sure you still wanted me on your team." She shrugged, it seemed so stupid now. "When they asked me, um, where I wanted to be – of course I wanted to come back." She looked at her hands. She was still holding the plate with the pizza. "But I didn't think...I thought later that maybe you don't want me. After everything...." She let it hang for a minute, looking everywhere but at him. "I was just going to ask if you wanted me to transfer out." She swallowed, weakly handing him the plate.

Gene stuffed his gloves in his coat pocket and took the plate from her outstretched hand. Staring at it as if he'd never seen one before. "No," he said. Still staring at the plate. "No. You're sure you want to stay?" He turned and set the plate down on her coffee table.

Alex nodded, mumbling. "What choice do I have? I need to be near you."

"Me?" His eyes snapped to attention, drilling into her for the first time. "You need to be near me?"

She nodded. "Yes. I don't know how or why, but somehow you are the key to me getting back home. To Molly."

He was stunned. He couldn't believe she was doing this.

When he spoke again after a minute it was a quiet rumble. "You know, Alex, the doctors told me you were alright to come back to work. But if you're not, if you still need help..."

Alex shook her head. "I am not mad, Gene." She looked up at him for the first time, begging him to believe her again.

"So you're going to insist on it. Being from the future." He wasn't angry anymore, but he had to admit she didn't seem completely insane. But it couldn't be possible.

"I don't belong here, and neither did Sam. Sam Tyler – so it had to be you, Gene. You're the connection. But I have no idea how I got here or how to get home. I don't even know where here is, if you're even real..." This was all a huge mistake. Why couldn't she just wake up? Or die? Or something to get her out of here?

"If I'm real? For God's sake Alex!" He took a step towards her and stopped.

"You're right, Gene. I should never have told you. But I just couldn't bear it. Lying to you. I couldn't do it anymore." Tears were coming, again, and she couldn't stop them. "I needed you to believe me, because I didn't even know if I could believe me anymore. Nothing made any sense - "

"Well you got that right."

"But I needed you to believe me, Gene, and you couldn't. Of course you couldn't. It was wrong, I should never have made you have to deal with that." She wiped tears out of her eyes with her fingers. "To deal with me. I'm sorry. Please don't send me away." She threw her hands in the air. "I haven't anywhere else to go."

She couldn't look at him anymore, but she heard him breathe before he spoke.

"What difference does it make? What difference does it make what I know or what I have to deal with if I'm not real, Alex? If none of this is real?" He was angry. He needed her too much for this to go on. "If you're imagining me Alex, I'd think you would imagine that I'd believe you." She nodded, tears streaming down her face.

She didn't blame him. She never blamed him. "I don't know, Gene, I don't know how it works. I can't control what happens. It just happens." Her hands tightened into fists as she brought them to her face, covering her sobs as she went on.. "But it does matter - what you think, what you know. It matters to me, Gene. All of it matters. I just don't know how or why or what's the reason or why I can't wake up or where I am." She could still hear him breathing, panting, but he said nothing. "Is it you, Gene? Are you keeping me here?"

"What are you talking about? Am I keeping you here? What the hell does that mean?"

She swallowed, calming herself. "Is that why you shot me? So I couldn't leave?" It wasn't possible...was it?

"That's enough Drake. I'm not listening to anymore of this." He pushed past her, moving quickly toward her door. "If you want out and away from me so badly put your transfer papers on my desk in the morning. I'll sign them and you can be someone else's headache from now on." He slammed the door behind him without looking at her again.

–

Gene stopped on the landing. It wasn't supposed to go that way. He closed his eyes and cursed. He needed her back. Why couldn't he just believe her? It would certainly explain some things. A lot of things. Things he'd not yet been able to make any sense out of.

He could hear her crying through the thin walls, their last chance gone. And if he left now that would be it. Because he couldn't trust her, couldn't hear what she was saying. Her, of all people. Gene sighed and made a decision. He hoped he wouldn't regret it.

–

When Gene left Alex burst into tears, her body shaking with sobs until she thought she'd stop breathing. Even if she had a choice she didn't want it. She wouldn't do it without him.

Pulling on her shoes and grabbing her keys Alex flung the door open, prepared to chase Gene as far as it took. She didn't expect to see him on the landing, leaning heavily against the wall. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, his head resting on the wall. His eyes were closed.

"Gene?"

He didn't move or open his eyes. "The cop, that I shot – the other cop, his dabs came back I.D.'d as Martin Summers." He shifted and opened his eyes, looking at her, questioning. "But then you knew they would, didn't you?"

Alex nodded. "Yes."

He pouted, nodding. "'Course." He looked away. "And you tried to tell me."

She nodded "It was too late, by then."

He nodded. "Hmm." He looked at his boots. Neither of them spoke as they stood there, at a loss for what to do next. Gene cleared his throat. "Uh, Bolls, d'you think that pizza's still good?"

"Definitely not." Relief washed over her. "But you're welcome to it. Please."

He followed her in, taking off his coat this time and folding it over a chair. Alex brought him a knife and fork as he sat on her sofa.

"Do you, uh, want something to drink?" She was eager to put things right. Move on. He might never believe her, but maybe he wouldn't leave her on her own. It would have to be enough. It would be enough.

"OK," he said thorough a muffled bite, waving at her with his fork. "Whatever you've got open is fine."

She returned with two glasses and half a bottle of scotch. "Will this do?" He looked up.

He'd finished eating the pizza in the brief time she was gone, and now he was looking at her in that way that made her feel like he could see right into her. Alex wasn't sure he even saw the bottle.

"That'll do nicely," he said, as she filled both glasses.

Alex raised her glass before drinking. She didn't know what to say. They still had so far to go, but it seemed they'd somehow agreed to go there. She hoped it wasn't too late.

He clinked his glass against hers and they drank awkwardly, without a toast. He hadn't known what to say either. Alex curled up at one end of the sofa, Gene sat far away on the other.

"I am sorry about what happened Bolls. Whatever you might think, I know you were right about the blag. And I was wrong...about a lot of things. I let...things get in my way."

"It wasn't your fault Gene."

"Maybe not. But I didn't help myself much. Let the wrong woman in, I think."

"You don't owe me any explanation about that." But she had to admit it had hurt her to see him with another woman. "You're a grown man, Gene. You're life is your business."

He shrugged. "Maybe. But still. I let her play me, and it cost...." He left it unfinished, looking at her with a mixture of loss and longing that made her ache inside. "I should have known better."

Alex nodded, smiling. "OK. I'll give you that one."

Alex wondered if they could ever get anywhere near what they'd had before. She would settle for that, even if nothing else was possible. Just let them be friends, for as long as she had with him.

"I do hope, Gene, that you'll be able to trust me again." He looked at her. "It's important to me, that you do."

He laughed sourly. "Yeah. It's important to me that you think I'm real. D'you think you can do that?" He looked at her and she could see he was confused. Sad, even.

Alex felt her eyes fill with tears again and she turned her head away. "Gene," she said quietly, "I don't even know if I'm real anymore."

She could feel him shift closer on the sofa, felt his hand cover hers.

"You feel pretty real to me, Bolls."

Alex turned to look at him, her eyes still filled with tears. Raising her hand, she trailed her fingers across his cheek. He flinched, but didn't pull away. She tried to smile. "So do you."

He curled his fingers through hers. "See? Both real."

She didn't know how long they sat there, only seconds probably, before either of them moved. For a moment she thought he would do it, kiss her, let her know for certain. He stood up instead.

"I should go." He stepped away and snatched his coat off the chair.

She followed him to the door. "Gene..."

He turned. "I have to go, Alex."

She shook her head, pleading. "Why?"

He had his hand on the door handle. He should just leave. He turned around instead.

"Why, Alex? Why?" He didn't shout, "You tell me you need me, so that you can leave. To go back to the future!! You ask me to trust you and you tell me you don't know if I'm real. Christ you think you're not real. What am I supposed to think?"

Alex hugged herself. She wanted him to stop.

"I don't want to leave, I'll admit that, alright. But what am I supposed to do Alex?"

Alex reached out to touch him, but she couldn't. She didn't have a response.

"Because to me this is real." He took a step closer. "I'm real Alex." He towered over her. "You are real to me, Alex." This time he didn't stop, kissing her roughly as he moved his body closer to hers. Alex gasped as he slowed, as his hands moved to her waist, around her back, pulling her closer as he pressed his body hard against hers. When he stopped he didn't move away, and she could feel his lips across her cheek, his breath in her ear. "I don't know about you, but that was real to me, Alex."

She nodded against his cheek, parting her lips against his to welcome his tongue against hers. Her hands tangled into his hair, pulling him tighter. Gene wrapped her in his arms, lifting her the few inches off the ground needed to carry her the few steps to the bedroom.

Once inside he stopped kissing her long enough to pull her sweatshirt over her head. Alex pushed his jacket off of his shoulders. She could feel him staring at her as she loosened his tie, unbuttoned his shirt, her hands shaking so much she could barely manage. She felt his breath on her face as he raised his hands to hers, holding them still as he brushed his lips across hers, sucking her upper lip gently as his tongue slipped teasingly into her mouth. Alex sighed, pulling her hands from his and smoothing them along his now bare chest, causing him to groan, kiss her harder as her hands reached his belt.

He wasn't rushing her, but he didn't waste any time as he slid his hands over hers, unhooking his belt and unfastening his trousers. He let Alex slide down the zip, moaning as her fingers traced the bulge straining against his pants. Gene quickly dropped his trousers on the floor as she slid out of her sweatpants, and Alex heard him take a sharp breath as she dropped to the bed wearing only her bra and knickers. He sat next to her, removing boots and socks and kicking the trousers off of his ankles before turning back to her, kissing her down to the mattress. He stared eagerly at her chest as his long fingers moved up her back, unhooked her bra. Slowly he slipped the loosened straps over one shoulder, then the other as she moved to give him better access. He sunk his mouth to her throat, sucking and nipping her flesh while he cupped one bare breast, thumb teasing her taut nipple without mercy until he offered relief with his tongue, lapping at each aching bud in turn until she writhed underneath him, hand fisted in his hair.

Alex wanted to touch him, needed to. Pushing him gently away she ran her hands over his chest, around his back, beneath the elastic of his boxers until she slid them down over his waist. There was no stopping now. She gripped his length, hard and hot in her hand as she pulled him back into a kiss, mouths and hands working together. He broke their kiss "Alex" he murmured. The first word he'd spoken since they'd started. Gene pushed her hand out of the way, tugging at her knickers until they were down around her ankles and she could kick them off. He paused then, his eyes taking in her entire body for just a moment before he rolled between her legs, spreading her thighs with his as he positioned himself over her. They locked eyes for a moment as Alex wrapped one leg around him, her thigh caressing the outside of his leg, then his hip as she slid beneath him, the head of his cock teasing gently against her clit. Gene lowered himself, his breath warm on her face, pushing inside her with a grunt as she gasped, clung to him. Alex wrapped her legs around his waist as they began to move, hips and arms and legs locked together as they slowly rebuilt everything they'd lost – groaning, grunting, whispering to each other in the dark. He held on as she cried out underneath him, as she shuddered against his body, until finally, muscles aching, heart pounding in his chest, thrusting hard and fast and long as she came again, he followed, knowing he always would.

Gene collapsed to the bed, pulling her close. He could feel fresh tears streaming down her cheeks and rubbed them away with a thumb. "I hope that was real enough, Alex," he whispered in her ear. "But if this is you dreaming, I wish you'd have told me sooner." He kissed her forehead, the tears still falling from her eyes. "Cause I've been having the same dream."

Alex choked out a small laugh. "Yes," she whispered back, taking his offered kiss. "very real, Gene."

"It's been a long time since I made a woman cry in bed, Bolly." He really hoped she didn't regret it. "You OK?"

She nodded, her face tucked into his shoulder. He rolled onto his back, pulling her tightly into his arms.

"Good," he mumbled, sleep and exhaustion making his voice thick.

"Yes," she whispered again, "good." But this could hardly be the end. It would still take time, and she had no idea anymore where she was supposed to be.