What happened on Midwinter Night

It was late evening on Midwinter day in the Wizarding World. The war was over almost six months ago. Harry had vanquished Voldemort that summer with Voldemort's own killing curse and the Wizarding World was still picking up the pieces. The whole year, festivals were subdued remembering the loved ones lost in the Battle. In Grimmauld Place where Harry was at that moment, everyone was busy; the Weasleys, and the Order, what remained of them had come over to Grimmauld Place for Midwinter that year. Harry sprawled out on the couch, was not thinking of all that. He was thinking of Severus Snape. A man he needed to make his peace with, a man he wanted to both avoid and meet. To break the ice of seven years of enmity and hatred which lay between them. He now knew that Severus Snape harboured no enmity towards him, no hatred, but his feelings towards Snape were complicated and chaotic.

Harry shook his head violently as he thought of the memories Snape had given. He still did not know how to deal with them, with what he had seen in them. Harry also put off thinking about the hatred between Snape, and his father and Sirius; he had a desperate feeling he would blame his father and Sirius more and that was not loyal at all. Initially when Harry had seen the memories, he had only felt relief that Snape had been loyal to Dumbledore. He had really not thought in depth about Snape's love for his mother. He had even declared that love to Voldemort, taunted him with that love and had told his friends about what Snape showed him. Not fully though. Harry had still not been able to discuss what happened after his father's DADA exam and he never told Ron and Hermione about Snape's break up with his mother and his meeting with Dumbledore on the hill. Somehow, Harry could not bring himself to talk about those even to his best friends.

Once the war was over, the memories slowly sank into Harry, until he was thinking of them all the time. Snape had shown him his soul and Harry did not know how to deal with it; what to do with it. They went round and round his head confusing him so much, that, at one point, he decided to stop thinking about them altogether. He did not know what made him uncomfortable; whether it was because he kept comparing Snape's love for his mother to his father's or because he kept thinking about Snape, his father and Sirius; he had simply not been able to deal with any of them. He had put them away and had tried to get on with his life, deciding to keep the past to where it belonged. He had mostly succeeded until last month. A month ago Snape's portrait had appeared in Hogwarts, and from then on Harry had known no peace. The memories returned with greater force and clarity than ever before and Harry was once again lost in them.

Snape's portrait had not appeared the moment he died and Dumbledore had been furious. He had McGonagall and Ministry workers from the Department of Mysteries use their knowledge to demand Hogwarts to create a portrait of Snape. It had taken some time, but it had worked. As if to make up for her wrongness to this Headmaster who had done so much to keep her and her students safe during Voldemort's reign and the war, Hogwarts had given him an impressive portrait. It was simple enough to look at, a chair in front of a green background with two doors set in it. The rooms behind the doors could also rotate around to the front if Snape so wished. One door entered the Hogwarts Library and the other to a Potions lab fully equipped and magically replenishing as and when ingredients were used. And everyone was happy.

Except Harry. He sighed deeply. He knew Dumbledore was disappointed in him. Disappointed Harry had not come to meet Snape. The Order had of course gone to see him the moment his portrait appeared, and they spent hours with him, but he, Ron, and Hermione had yet to go. He knew Hermione was waiting for him to say yes, and he knew Ron did not care when they'd go. Snape was still a Slytherin to him. Harry sighed from the bottom of his heart and then slowly stood up, knowing he could not put away visiting him any longer, if only for his peace of mind. He saw Hermione at the other end of the room and walked to her.

'I am just going to check the candles, Harry.' She smiled. 'Coming?'

'Umm, Hermione ...' Harry faltered.

Hermione stopped smiling and looked anxiously at him. 'What is it Harry?' she asked him. 'Is your scar hurting you? You've not been yourself for some time now.'

'I am going to see Snape.' He said abruptly. 'Alone.' He added.

She stilled at his first words, and then she smiled happily at him. 'I was wondering when you would go.' She said. 'But, are you sure you want to go alone? You won't lose your temper and say something you'd regret later? We all owe him so much!' she stopped abruptly. 'Oh Harry, I didn't mean ...' she said looking horrified with what she'd said.

'I know, Hermione.' Harry broke in, before she could say more. 'I've pretty much said anything to Snape; but don't forget he's pretty much said anything to me, more than I have, you know very well, but surely you don't think I'd say stuff like that now?' he said defensively.

'Of course not Harry.' She hastened to reassure him. 'Only he might make a comment about your Dad or Sirius ...' she ran down. 'Or he might not.' She stammered trying to soothe him, and then stopped, realising she was doing more harm than good.

'I'll go then.' Harry said, not knowing how to answer her. He did not know what he would do, if Snape spoke about his dad or Sirius, in the manner as he usually did.

She hugged him. 'Good luck, Harry!'

'Thanks.' He hugged her and went to the floo. It was connected to the Headmaster's office and with an audible gulp Harry stepped into the floo.

He fell out of the floo into an empty office. It was close to midnight and McGonagall had retired for the night. The portraits were awake though, talking and arguing amongst themselves. When Harry fell into the room, all of them turned and looked at the visitor who came unannounced.

'Well, well, if it's not the Boy-Who-Lived.' Phineas sneered. Harry ignored him and looked for Dumbledore.

Dumbledore's portrait was empty; but, Harry found him in the very next portrait, of a potions lab. He was dropping something into a huge cauldron, standing next to someone, who was stirring. He looked up and smiled with obvious pleasure. Harry smiled back nervously. He looked at the unfamiliar portrait Dumbledore was standing in and realised with a gulp it was Snape's and Snape had been the one who had been stirring. He had stopped at Phineas' words and was slowly turning towards him.

'What finally brings you here Mr. Potter?' asked Phineas. 'Since last month,' he added sarcastically, 'you've been avoiding this place like the plague.'

Harry went red, but did not answer him. He turned to Dumbledore rather desperately. 'Can I have a few moments with Professor Snape sir?' he risked a look at Snape who was now looking straight at him.

Dumbledore smiled widely. 'Of course Harry.' And, within a minute he led the others out of the Head's room. The room fell silent and Harry was totally unnerved. He was standing directly opposite Snape's portrait, though he was looking everywhere other than at Snape. Now that he had come here to meet Snape, he did not know what to say to him. He did not realise that he had not requested Snape's permission to talk to him and neither did he notice that Snape had not commented sarcastically or otherwise on that.

Harry risked another look and saw Snape sitting in his chair, just like the one he had used in Hogwarts instead of the potions lab. He was still staring at Harry. Harry went red with embarrassment. He cleared his throat a couple of times and then built up his courage. Surely he could do this. He had defeated Voldemort for Merlin's sake.

'I am sorry Sir.' He said at last, looking at his shoes.

Silence.

After a while Harry cleared his throat. 'I am sorry Sir.' He said again.

'I am not deaf Potter. I heard you the first time.' Snape said evenly and Harry started. He went red again.

'Yes Sir.' He muttered.

More silence.

Then a deep sigh from the portrait.

'What is it Potter? Why are you here? What are you apologising for?' he asked.

'For not coming to see you sooner.' Harry replied to the last question in a small voice.

Snape fell silent again. Harry rushed to speak, before Snape could say something sarcastic.

'I didn't know what to say to you Sir. Those memories ...' Harry's voice trailed off; he swallowed hard and stopped, and looked at his shoes again.

There was another silence. Then Snape cleared his throat.

'Potter!' he called out softly, and waited until Harry looked up.

'I wanted to show you those memories, Potter.' He said very softly, staring intently into Harry's face, his eyes glinting strangely. 'I do not regret it and,' Snape's voice firmed, 'I will not discuss them.'

Harry was stunned for a second as Snape's words sank into him. Then he laughed feeling the immense relief as the strain of the last few months lifted from him. 'I'm so glad Sir.' He said before he could stop himself. 'I didn't want to discuss them either. That's why I kept away.'

Snape sneered, though his black eyes softened. 'Is that all? Then leave now. You've disturbed me enough for tonight.' He said.

Harry grinned, strangely not affected by the brusque words. 'Can I come again?' he said.

'You'll stay away if I refuse?'

'Sir?' He asked, confused before he gaped. Snape was smiling; actually smiling; just a very small twist of his lips but still; Harry was utterly shocked. 'Sir –'

'Harry!' Ron's face appeared in the floo interrupting what Harry was about to say. 'Coming? It's almost midnight.' He saw the empty office and then saw Snape and he swallowed hard. 'Sir!' he stammered, and withdrew hastily without another word, when Snape glared at him.

Harry laughed again. He just could not help it. He looked at Snape. Snape was still glaring at the fire.

''Happy Midwinter, Professor! I have to go.' Harry looked at directly at him this time. 'May I come again Sir?' He asked again. 'I'd like to.'

'You may.' Snape said dryly. 'I'm sure I'll not be going anywhere soon.' Harry grinned.

'Go back Potter, before Weasley comes back with the Order claiming I am trying to kill you from my portrait!' Snape said with a sneer, his eyes flashing with amusement. Harry stepped towards the fire grinning madly and feeling very happy. Just before he was about to step into the fire, he turned back to Snape.

'Thank you Sir ... for everything!' Harry said very softly, his green eyes shining brightly. As he stepped into the fire he heard an equally soft voice wishing him, 'Happy Midwinter, Potter.'

End