As soon as he saw his father Syed smiled his first genuine smile for over 2 weeks. He had kept his pretence on his honeymoon so well that Amira hadn't noticed the change in him. But as soon as she was asleep Syed couldn't help himself. Sneaking outside to the balcony he wept uncontrollably for hours each night holding the only materialistic thing of Christian's he had. Pressing it close to his face he inhaled his scent and let it fill him up inside. He had shed so many tears on it that it no longer smelled of him. Syed cried even more at this.

By day he played the newly-wed husband perfectly. He spent every second with her, they took long walks together, hand in hand . Discussed their future together, their home, their children. Couples passed and awed at how in love they were.

But by night he felt his pretence wearing, his face hurt from the constant smile he felt he had to wear. His heart stung from not seeing him, not bringing himself to talk about him even in a friendly way. He and Amira had casually talked about everyone back home. Her father, his parent's, Tamwar, the business, even Shabnam appeared in a few conversations. But every time Amira mentioned his name Syed felt himself stiffen. Felt the feeling drop to the pit of his stomach, the bile rise inside of him for what he had done to him. How he had hurt, not just the only man, but the only person he had ever loved.

Night after night he had closed his eyes as he wept, unable to delete the image from his head. Christian bursting in, standing silently as Syed was moments away from becoming her husband. He just stood there, and stared. His eyes wide and full of hope, his lips still. No words were needed, Syed knew that. He knew why he was there and he was giving him the chance. The chance to choose him over her. The chance to make himself happy. Or to turn his back on him, on his own heart. That's when he knew Christian understood what he'd been going through. He could have stopped the wedding so easily and he knew it. All it would have taken was a few words from him and everyone would know. Everyone would look and realise that they were together, that Syed had deceived everyone. But he didn't do it. He wanted him to choose him, wanted it to be his choice. And it was. But it was the wrong one.

That final glance before he turned away almost killed Syed inside. The hope drain from him as realisation sunk in, the pain in his eyes as he understood. He'd lost. That look would haunt Syed until the day he died.

He could just about stand to see the look on Imam Ali's face as he realised who he was, realised that this was the man that had almost taken Syed away from his religion, from Allah. He barely manage to witness the look on his mother's face as she saw him burst through the door, petrified that he was about to destroy her family's reputation, her son's life. But he had to turn away from her as she smiled at his choice. Smiled as he turned away from him, smiled as he turned himself into a life he knew he'd never truly be happy in. She almost looked please that he was hurting.

And now they were home. The honey-moon was over and he would have to face seeing him again. At work, in the street, every single day for the rest of his life. He'd had no contact with Christian whatsoever since his wedding day. Every time he spoke to his mother he longed to ask after him but knew better than to mention his name to her.

Masood smiled as soon as he saw then and walked forward to greet them both.

Syed: Dad!

Syed embraced his father, a little to hard maybe, realising that he would soon be back on the square. Soon he might catch a glimpse of him, breathe the same air as him. He welcomed any from of closeness to the man he had missed so dearly.

Masood: Welcome home.

He let go of his son and hugged his new daughter-in-law.

Masood: How was the honeymoon?

He glance at them both with a suggestive look on his face that basically said 'how was the sex'

Amira almost squealed through her smile.

Amira: Amazing!

Both turned to look at Syed but all he could do was smile. All his nights with her combined didn't compare to a single moment he had spent with Christian. He tried not to think of it every time she shed her clothes and slid in to the bed next to him, her hand nonchalantly making its way over his chest. He tried not to think of him as he kissed her neck or nibbled her lip. But he couldn't help it. After every time with her, as she lay wrapped around his body, her head resting on him, he felt the overwhelming feeling of guilt hit him. What was he doing to her? He had found a beautiful woman who loved him unconditionally, who had almost been disowned by her father over her dedication to stay with him, who was so desperate to please him, make him happy, that she had changed her lifestyle, and herself, just to be with him. Gone was the spoilt Amira he had first met. The one who wouldn't have looked twice at a penniless man like him. She had changed her life for him. Found a job, supported herself, even helped out at the unit when he had asked her to. And all because of him. And how did he repay her? By falling in love with a man. By forcing himself through the most uncomfortable sex with her. By lying to her every single day since his first kiss with Christian, and he would continue lying to her until the day he died.

Amira: I can't wait to show you the photos!

Masood looked and laughed.

Amira: Naughty! Not those kind of photos.

She grabbed Syed's free hand as he and Masood carried their cases to the car. From the corner of his eyes he could see her still wearing the same smile that hadn't left her face since she first walked into the wedding ceremony.

Syed: You sit in the front babe. I'm tired. I'll just close my eyes until we get home.

Amira: OK

She reached over and kissed him as he opened the car door for her, almost slamming it shut the second she was in. His anger at himself for what he was doing to everyone he loved was starting to rear its head. He was hurting everyone in his life. His father, so unaware of who his son was, would undoubtedly cast him out if he were to ever find out the truth. He would see his family ripped apart again at Syed's hands. His wife, so innocent in all of this, would be shunned, cast out, heartbroken. His mother, the one person he did not want to see. He dreaded to think of what she would say to him, face to face, alone for the first time since he admitted who he was, who he loved. She would never forgive him, he knew that, but her reaction when he got home scared him. And lastly Christian, the one person he never wanted to hurt was hurting the most, more than he himself. The only person who loved him for who he was, accepted him for who he was. The most important person in his entire life was breaking before his eyes and there was nothing he could do about it any more because he was the reason he was breaking. He was the reason his heart was shattered.

The drive home was quicker than Syed expected. He hadn't noticed the cars that passed him as he glanced absent-mindedly out of the car window, he hadn't noticed the conversation that flowed from the front seats, he blocked out everything, his mind filled with dread. as they pulled into Turpin Road, He hadn't noticed the people waving as the car slowly crawled it's way along. But he did notice the man standing in the door way. The tall muscular man, leaning back against the wall, another man pressed lightly against his body, whispering into his ear. And he noticed him catch his eye.

Syed: Stop the car!

Masood: What?

Syed tried the door handle but it wouldn't open. Bloody child locks he thought. He unwound the window and opened the door from the outside, his eyes never leaving the horrifying scene before him. He heard Amira call after him as he jumped from the slow moving vehicle, heard his father protest, but their words didn't register as he almost ran over towards him. Them.

Christian whispered into the stranger's ear and pulled his hands from his pockets. He was ready for this. For 2 weeks he had been coaching himself, perfecting the look he now wore on his face.

Syed had no idea what he would say to him. What could he say to him? Sorry? It was laughable. He approached them, his heart hammering in his chest, his stomach churning from the sight of him with another, the mental images of what they had been doing in his bed. Their bed. The bed Syed so often fell asleep in. The bed he dragged Christian into to show him how he loved him. He felt sick at the thought of another in that bed.f

Syed: I'm back.

Christian stared at him, no emotion on his face or his voice. It was as though he was talking to a stranger.

Christian: Enjoy yourselves?

That was it? That was all he had to say to him. He expected some kind of temper, some kind of anger. But this? It felt like he was ignoring everything that had happened between them.

Christian: Sorry, how rude of me. Andy, this is...

Syed: Is that it? Is that all you've got to say to me?

He was too afraid to blink. He could feel the tears well up inside his eyes. He knew the second he closed them they'd flow.

Christian: What do you want me to say Syed?

Syed? Syed?! When had he gone back to calling him Syed?

Andy looked between both men.

Andy: Syed?

He turned to face Christian, an awkward look on his face.

Andy: Look, babe, I'll leave you to it. I'll call you later.

Syed reacted before he thought. As he saw Andy lean in to kiss Christian's cheek he reached out with both hands and pushed him away from him, seeing him almost fall into the door behind him.

Christian: What the hell is the matter with you?!

Seeing him pull Andy away from the door by his hands Syed felt a fire burn inside of him. He had been jealous when he had seen Christian with James, but that was nothing compared to this. He didn't want this man anywhere near him. He didn't want him talking to him, touching him, kissing him.

Andy: I'm fine, honest. Call me later OK?

Christian: Of course.

Syed stared straight ahead as his competitor brushed past him. Only he wasn't his competitor he realised. Christian wasn't his any more, he could see who he wanted. But that didn't make it hurt less.

Syed: That was quick.

Christian: Excuse me?

Syed: Bet you didn't even wait until I was on the plane did you? Probably had them lined up around the corner, a different one every night.

Christian: And what's it got to do with you?

He turned to open the door but Syed grabbed his hand and spun him back around.

Syed: How could you? You said you loved me.

Christian: Don't you dare. Don't you dare make this out to be my fault. What do you want me to do? Mope around for months on end while you play happy families? It's not my style.

Syed: How could you get over me so quickly?

Christian: Me? No Syed, you beat me to that. You got over me so quickly you married a woman. Go home to your Wife, there's nothing here for you anymore.

Syed's face fell as the door closed behind him. He was suddenly aware of the people in the car looking at him, waiting for his explanation.