'So here you are.' A strong male voice said next to her.

Gillian looked up and saw Ben. She was too tired to smile so she nodded slightly at him. Her lips trembled for the slightest second before she masked it.

She had left as fast as her legs could carry her after Cal had put gambled with the one million of their money. On her way out of the casino she had run into a confused Ben who had come to look for her. She opened her mouth to explain, to talk but then found that no word could leave her lips, she was too confused, too panicked. Emotions were running through her like a whirlwind, thoughts were crushing her head and giving her a headache, anger was clenching her stomach in a tight grip. All she could do was look back at the casino table Cal was still standing behind and that told Ben enough. She saw something dawn on him.

'Sorry.' Had been her muffled reply to him as she touched his chest. 'I'm sorry, I can't… Can't go out tonight.' She managed to say with much trouble. She just wanted to disappear. Instantly. She needed to be alone, right now, to calm down.

She left the moment he nodded and she saw understanding in his dark eyes. She walked away and didn't even know where she was heading, she just wanted to be as far away as possible. She felt hurt, betrayed, angry, sad… It took her breath away, fogged up her mind. And she didn't know how to handle this right now. And that's why she had to be alone.

And now she was here. In the hotel bar. Staring at a glass of brandy. It warmed her belly, it made her numb. That's just what she needed this evening. Numbness, not thinking of anything, not feeling anything except for the misery she felt that wouldn't leave her no matter how much she drank.

'Give me what the lady's having.' She heard Ben ask the waiter as he climbed on the bar stool next to her.

'So, I saw Lightman.' Ben began slowly. He studied her. He didn't know Gillian that long, or very well, but he had never seen her like this. So numb and tired, she almost looked beaten. Her eyes looked foggy and watery. The usual energy and radiance she had around her was gone. He sighed inwardly. He didn't like seeing her like this.

'Then that makes two of us.' Gillian said as she raised her glass and clinked it with his. 'What shall we toast on? The downfall of our company?' She suggested sarcastically.

Sarcasm didn't become her, he thought. He shook his head sadly. 'I think he won.' Ben said as he watched Gillian take a few large gulps of the heavy alcohol.

'That's nice for him.' She said not sounding interested in the least.

Ben stared at his glass as he turned it around and around. 'I can understand that you're angry. One million is a lot… To gamble with.'

Gillian gave him a look and he noticed how a stray lock of her hair left her ear and covered her face. She looked ragged. He could have never imagined that Gillian could look ragged.

She seemed so strong otherwise, she was a smart woman who knew how to handle things. But somewhere he felt that Cal really had the power to make her like this. He got to her like others couldn't. And he sometimes hated Cal for that. He hated Cal for that right now. The man that was partying right now 'embracing Vegas' while she was here, obviously hurting by something he had done again.

'Well what can I say? Maybe I'm just too neat, too serious and boring? Maybe I don't know how to have a good time. Maybe I should embrace Vegas just like you said.' She put down her glass and turned towards him on her bar stool. 'What do you think Ben?' She asked as she eyed him with a glint of anger. 'Should I have embraced Vegas this time?' She challenged.

He shook his head softly. No, not like this. 'That's not what I meant with embracing Vegas.' Ben said softly.

'That's what I meant with embracing Vegas. Don't you think I've embraced Vegas before Ben? Do you really think I am that naïve? I tried to keep Cal away from all this..' She gestured around her. 'For a reason. Not just to smother or mother him like he so fondly accuses me off.' She snapped.

He saw something else in Gillian he'd never seen before, it was bitterness. Ben sighed.

'I'm sorry.' He felt for her, he really did. She obviously had a long history with Cal. She probably knew what she was talking about very well, even though she had drunk probably a lot already. He eyed her glass shortly.

She laughed shortly. 'For what? You have nothing to do with this. But somehow, I always find myself in the middle of something like this. And I feel things I don't want to feel.' She looked up at him again. O yes she had been fighting many feelings for a long time. Always when she was around Cal. That's what he did to her. Or as the psychiatrist she was: that was what she did to herself. And it weren't just good feelings she had to fight. No, it were the ugly ones, the painful ones that tore at her. That made her feel insecure, that made her doubt herself.

'I just want to feel steady for a change. I don't want to be thrown from emotion to emotion anymore. I am sick of it. I really am.' She snapped angrily. 'I am not going to wallow here about it.' She slowly came off the bar stool as she fumbled with a jacket. 'This is between Cal and me. I don't want to bother you with it.' This wasn't his problem. And talking about Cal and her problems behind his back didn't feel right. He didn't deserve that, not even now. No, she would tell him her opinion very soon, he could count on that. He had pushed it over the limit this time. Way too far.

'Gillian, let me take you to your room.' Ben offered worried.

'I'm fine Ben.' Gillian said as she managed to smile. 'I'm a big girl.' She assured him as she put on her coat over her dress.

He raised an eyebrow. 'You sure? Cuz you're putting on my jacket.'

'Ow.' Gillian said as she looked down and recognised Ben's blazer. She had forgotten that she hadn't worn a jacket.

'At least I'm not undressing myself.' She said as she smiled slightly and took off his blazer. She had heard many stories of people who were drunk and began to undress themselves.

'No, thank god.' She heard Ben say relieved.

She looked up at him with raised eyebrows and surprise in her eyes.

'O, I don't mean that you're not- I mean you are attractive, but I meant that well, if you would go undressing yourself… I… Well, it-'

She put her hand on his arm. 'It's okay Ben. Sleep well.' She said with a warm smile.

She had this power to make him feel clumsy and stupid at the same time, and she probably didn't even know it. He thought as he noticed that the smile didn't reach her eyes. He nodded sadly. 'You too Gillian. You too.' He said as he watched her leave. She was walking slowly and she seemed very tired and not too well on her feet, but she wasn't that far off that he had to worry about her not finding her room again. He sighed as he rubbed his forehead. That damn Lightman!

Gillian got herself in the elevator and looked in her purse for her keys.

'Did you lose something?' A male voice asked.

Gillian looked up in surprise. She had drank a little too much and hadn't even been aware of another presence in the elevator. 'O, no.' She mumbled. The elevator was spinning a bit. She would be glad if she would be able to drop herself on her bed and then sleep right through the night. She fumbled through her bag. What was in there? She didn't even remember putting half of it in there. Why did these bags have to be so small and still if you had to find something they looked so immensely large?

'Can I help you?' The man asked.

Gillian looked up from her purse again. 'No, thanks, I have it right here.' She said as she showed him the key that she finally found. He smiled at her and she felt something in the pit of her stomach. It didn't feel right. She was too tired and tipsy to think further about this.

'No, I think I'd better help you mam, you don't look all too well.' The man insisted as he stepped towards her.

'I'm fine.' She assured him in slight surprise. Hadn't he just heard her?

He studied her eyes shortly. 'Yes you do seem fine.' He looked her up and down. 'Let's change that shall we?'

Before she could register the double meaning in his voice, the tones that registered in her brains before alarm bells could start ringing in the back of her mind something hard collided with her nose. She felt how her head slammed into the elevator wall as she began to register that he had just hit her. At the same time her knees buckled as she slid down the wall towards the ground. Pain began to ran through her head as her hand went to her nose to register the red colour of blood on her hands. Wetness under her nose, she could feel it on her skin. It felt so weird. She looked up with big eyes at the man. Why? How? He just hit me… Everything went so slow in her mind, it was like she wasn't here herself.

'It's okay mam. I'll help you.' The man said friendly as he pulled her up with no effort what so ever and threw her into the other wall. Her face collided with the hard metal again and she managed to stay on her feet and turn around to receive another blow to her face. She groaned in pain this time as she fell to the ground. Pain shot through her knees when her bare skin collided with the hard floor.

'You really should take better care of yourself. Didn't anyone ever tell you that? Here, here.' The friendly voice said as she got a white cloth in her face, it pushed against her wounded face. She wanted to breath but the moment she registered the foul and intense smell that was put on there she knew she shouldn't but it was too late. She wanted to struggle but her eyes began to close.

'Is she okay?' A worried woman asked when the elevator doors opened.

The man nodded and smiled friendly. 'Yes, she just had a little bit too much to drink. You know how it goes…' He said as he took her by her waist and put her arm around his shoulders and dragged her with him. His other hand still held the handkerchief in her face.

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Well I hope you liked it! It's totally different from my 'warmth' stories but I like other genres too! Please let me know what you think and if I should continue?