She always stayed heavily guarded; it kept her safe, reinforcing the steel bolted doors, slowly heightening the concrete fortress protecting her heart. For her entire existence she avoided connection, the sting of rejection seeming too close, until the cruel terror of losing someone she loved began to rule her fears.

She had launched it within her control, right? Shutting out relationships she predicted to fail, and the ones she let happen never really had a chance. She would always follow her impulse, revealing a cold blade right before things got complicated, sharply severing all ties. It would cut them; she needed it that way. They had to not want her back, and like always, they did what she expected, never fighting for her. That was before she met Will, a partnership she felt was built on a matter of convenience. He was there when she needed calm in the storm, and it was so easy to be with him. He understood the career, he understood her, but he knew his limits. She liked that.

Time had soared in each other's company, with days quickly turning into weeks, and weeks into months. The relationship, in all of its glory, promised to last a lot longer than previous lovers. It was unfamiliar territory, learning what makes the other tick. Giving a piece of herself to another and trusting them with it, knowing, in the wrong hands it could be used as a potential weapon. It scared Kate, and she couldn't trust him completely, but in knowing it would hurt him, she never let it show. Thus she gave Will her hopes and dreams, but never her fears.

It was a night they had dinner plans that Will encountered her addiction. She had completely lost track of time, absorbed in the newest release. He had turned up to discover her in the bath, glass of wine in one hand, book in the other. It would have been okay if she hadn't have had the sizeable pile of the whole collection on the coffee table as well. She had taken the entire lot out of the box she kept safely hidden to find the one she wanted at the very bottom. With the evidence stacked up in her living room, she didn't bother denying. Her fixation? The storm novels, and though she mentally kicked herself for letting him know a weakness, Will quietly accepted it without contention, no questions asked.

She was always taken back a little by his readiness to go anywhere with her, of course under one condition, that people knew they were together. He always felt he had a claim on her, but he wasn't controlling, nor was he dominating, so she was okay with it, though it took some getting used to. She came to accept that provided for that one moment in time he would have the privilege of being hers, for everyone to see, he would go along. With an overly confident smile and a protective hand solidly resting on her lower back, he could prove to the world she was his. But she never belonged to anyone. Not entirely. Will loved her, and she may have felt a similar emotion, but she could never bring herself to relinquish control. He did and she admired that; how was he so uncomplicated? Even standing at a book signing for hours didn't bother him the least... As long as he had Sunday afternoons in the park.

She wasn't keen on them originally. They were merely distractions, picnics, chilli dogs and ice-creams, hand in hand strolls, all of it. It wasn't as though she didn't like public displays of affection; it just wasn't her thing, besides she never found the relationship where she fully enjoyed the quixotic couple activities. At least that's what she told herself, but when she found her mind frequently returning to work, he brought her back, every time. The minute he felt her fade from the present, he would pull her to focus, until she finally grew to welcome the break. Gradually she welcomed what he offered her, and he was more than capable of satisfying her needs. Everything fit, they worked, and for the first time, she didn't expect anything to fail.

From her view everything was clear. He was good for her, he kept her safe, he made her smile, she had even grown used to the sound of her own laughter, after so long it was so foreign, and yet he made it familiar. Maybe she did love him in a sense. But she was foolish to believe the perfect arrangement would hold. No good came of it because gazing at the skies failed her senses, and the tremors, the ones she had failed to detect silently building beneath her feet, suddenly gave free reign. Without warning the ground slid out from underneath her, threatening to destroy the foundations of everything she had built.

"Hey—" Kate jumped, startled out of her reverie. She focused on the man before her, sitting in a hospital bed after surgery, and he still looked as strong as ever, even handsome.

He stared intently at her, searching for a hint of her thoughts. "Kate? Are you even listening?"

God she hated when he did that! "Hmm? Sorry, what were you saying?" Sighing, she reached across and snatched a doughnut from the bed tray, flashing him a playful grin.

Will smiled, glancing at her as she took a bite. He had to be careful with this. "Castle...writer monkey."

She froze. "Wait, what?" A frown crept into her brow as she swallowed. "Writer monkey?"

"I was saying..." He drew a finger to her lips, silencing the mocking commentary. Kate tensed at the contact instantly, pulling pack a little while her frown deepened: a clear forewarning of his mistake. Will quickly recoiled, silently cursing himself for the slip up. "Sorry."

His last word lingered in the air as a whisper, a faint admission for all that was said and done. Sorry? What was he sorry for? Breaching her personal space, or all the pain he caused? Leaving her? She couldn't go down that road again, not with what was at stake, not with what he did. Every apology that existed under the sun was not going to fix anything between them. It hurt too much when he tore everything away, now all that was left was a blurred friendship, and a very breakable one at that. It was all she could give.

He had a feeling a simple sorry couldn't begin to cut it, and Kate falling into silence and shifting her gaze to the floor set those feelings into cold, hard facts. They both stilled, uncertain what to say, silently pleading for the tension to fade.

Will wondered if he had said it to her before, he didn't remember. He tilted his head, studying her carefully masked visage, all in the search, again, for the slightest hint to her thoughts. Anything that told him they were okay. But Kate kept her emotions under wraps and her eyes firmly fixed to the Lino flooring. He let out a sharp breath as she lifted her head and managed a brisk smile before returning to the sanctuary of avoiding the subject. Maybe it was what she needed to hear. Maybe, just maybe, they had a chance.

Will watched on in relief as she gradually relaxed, her features softening at his absence, until suddenly the heavy blow of realization hit him. His eyes widened with comprehension. Her reactions were a testament to his fears; she may or may not want Richard Castle, but she unquestionably did not want him. He had wounded her leaving, insulted her, when he expected her to drop everything key to her life. To leave the people important to her, the job that kept her centred, her father, her home. Was he crazy? He didn't have the audacity to treat her as first priority, either, and yet he expected it of her? He chose his job over the phenomenal Kate really was crazy. Why didn't he stay for her? If she was so important to him...

He shook his head, dismissing the unanswered questions that haunted him. No amount of apologies could fix it. He made a promise to look after her, and he broke it. There were no second chances with Kate. The great Richard Castle was better for her, the writer was completely infatuated, he could tell. The arrogant son of a gun could give her everything she deserved, and probably even more. He felt a sharp pang in his heart, a pain that had little to do with the hole in his chest or the lack of painkillers coursing through his system. He had to let her go. Asking her to take him back was like an assault on her. They were in two different places. As much as he loved her, loved every single thing about her, he would leave again, and she couldn't. But if Castle made her happy...

He smiled. "I think you like him?"

Kate looked up. "And what gives you that idea?" she challenged, a small smirk playing at her lips.

He chewed over her words for a moment, studying her amused expression. Not a chance was she going to win that challenge. "Well," he started, choosing his next words to break the lingering friction. "You do know he wants to hook you, you know, reel you in—"

"Wh-at!" she choked, coughing to dislodge the mouthful she had almost swallowed. "Excuse me?"

Will laughed, mission accomplished.

Her eyes grew wide, a vision of confusion and shock, soaring to horror. "That better not... have come from Castle."

He chuckled. "No it didn't, but he obviously likes you, Kate... tailing you everywhere?"

"Ah—you're thinking of all the finest detectives in the New York City Police Department, he chose me?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Well, yeah." He replied.

"I actually sought him out first."

Maybe he underestimated her link to Castle, Will thought. Kate did not make the first move. Just how big of a fan was she? "The all-access pass. You used it...to meet Castle?" He paused, watching her brow furrow in confusion "Your badge," he corrected. "Really Kate, I knew you were a fan, but stalking—"

She shook her head. "I'll have you know there was no stalking involved, not on my part. He was a source for an investigation, helped close the case. Then used his connections to—" she took another bite, "Somehow I became the inspiration for his next novel."

"Ah... Nikki Heat, right?"

Kate stared at him, her eyes wide. "How did you—?"

"Montgomery." He interrupted. "So how exactly does one become the inspiration for a character called Nikki...Heat?"

Kate shot him a quizzical look. On any other day, in any other case, she would have thumped the person that said a comment like that, but she was exhausted, completely and utterly emotionally drained. Instead of hitting the ex over the head, she settled for letting herself relax and caught his grin while she struggled to stifle her amusement, failing miserably as they both burst into a fit of laughter.

Castle made every single day infuriatingly drawn out...but interesting, sometimes even fun. Okay, she had grown used to him, close. She didn't even think twice about calling him as soon as she got the call out, and he was on her speed dial. Wait a minute, Will was never...

"Stop making me laugh!" Will exclaimed, holding his side.

Grinning, she noted the fleeting expression of pain cross his face, shaking the thoughts of Castle from her mind. "Oh, come on! It's not like you've bin shot or something!" Her face lit up as she stifled another spell of laughter.

He glanced at her hands. "I thought you were over sprinkles."

Her grin widened. "Maybe not."

They sat smiling for a few moments, attempting to recover serenity, while their eyes glittered with silent laughter. A light tap echoed through the room, causing the duo to look up as Castle appeared, interrupting their unspoken conversation. Kate frowned, roughly swallowing as she absorbed the man before her. He stood firmly against the door, his entire body reflecting caution. Something wasn't right. He had never looked this serious, ever. They had just cracked the case, and she had seen him less than an hour ago, his usual cheerful self. What could be wrong?

"It's the writer monkey!" Will exclaimed, shifting his attention to Kate, a childish smile still plastered on his face. "What is he still doing here?" He focused on Castle. "Haven't you finished your book yet?"

Kate reached over to return her doughnut to the tray. She had a feeling he wasn't here to see Will. Dusting her fingers off, she turned to face the form in the doorway. Her eyes locked with Castles, and every cell in her body screamed alarm. His eyes, those eyes, always dancing with captivating charm and quick wit, were disturbingly blank. She couldn't see a glimmer of Castle's humour, and barely heard Wills remark as it grew faint to her ears.

Castle stood stern, facing Will "Last chapter," he replied. He shifted his gaze to Kate. "Do you have a sec?"

"Yeah," she responded, trying to shake the feeling of dread. She was certain whatever Castle had to say, it wasn't going to be good, and worse, somehow it involved her. She managed a smile at Will as she stood, stopping in her tracks while he spoke.

"Honestly Kate... He likes you."

Kate held her smile as she stepped forward to Castle, meeting his gaze. "You'll have to forgive him, he's heavily medicated." She searched for a hint of laughter as he stepped aside to let her through the door, finding nothing.

Past the door, she spun, raising her eyebrows at Will for a second, then moved into the corridor. Castle closed the door, falling in step beside her. Her eyes dropped to the floor as she spoke. "You look awfully serious." Her gaze flicked across Castle "Is everything ok?"

He walked alongside, stopping in front of a chair. "Take a seat," he replied, motioning behind her.

Kate shot a glance at the chair, laughing nervously as she focused on Castle. "What?"

"Sit down."

"Castle, what's going on?"

Did it have something to do with the case? Was there another mob hit? What if something had happened to Lanie? No, Ryan or Esposito would be here, not Castle. What if it was Martha, or worse, Alexis?

Kate's mind flooded with a torrent of scenarios, each one worse than the other. She wasn't sure she wanted to know, but nothing could have prepared her for his next words.

"It's about your mother..."