Disclaimer: I own nothing. All material belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Author's Note: Ugh. Evidently, I can't write fluff without adding in a little angst. *Sigh. Ah, is where I say goodbye to those who are underage and those with weak stomachs. I tried to end this chapter on a note that will allow you to leave the story, as well. Adios, my friends! *Looks around and says, "Oh, shit. Where'd they all go?" Haha okay, moving on. Please, constructive criticism and even flames are begged for! :) Reviewers get a one-shot of Sam and his thoughts!

Chapter Sixteen: Heartbeats

Jake was waiting for me when I got back. I tucked the business card (Linda Worthimer) into the glove compartment and retrieved my peppermints. I'd run home and changed into a nicer-looking sweater (off the shoulders and red) and a less-ripped pair of jeans – brushing my teeth and pulling on a pair of socks.

I may or may not have added some lingerie.

Jake grinned at me, and I jumped out of the truck (wincing a little, but otherwise okay), and ran to him. I threw my arms around him and I felt a low rumble in his chest as he chuckled. I sighed and pulled myself closer as his arms wrapped around me, inhaling his scent.

I stepped away, still smiling like an idiot. Jacob looked… there was no other word for it… drop-dead sexy. And yet, he still managed to look boyish and cute. He was wearing a black shirt and dark jeans. Red and black, I mused.

He also noticed the quick appraisal. Smirking, he asked me if I'd seen anything that I liked.

I shrugged, ruining the effect with my smile. "Sure, it looks okay, but I've heard that the performance isn't anything to brag about." Jacob growled, pressing my lips to his.

I don't remember if I closed my eyes or not – though I'm pretty sure I did. It was probably an immediate, involuntary reaction to the fact that he was moving towards my face. Or maybe just because that's what you see in movies. Either way, I was so wrapped up in the feeling of touch that I didn't notice. It wasn't much – just a light pressure – but it meant so much.

He pulled away first. I bit my lip, hiding a smile. "I promise you," he growled. "My performance is more than up to even your high standards, Leah Clearwater."

What was it with people and my full name?

I nodded dumbly, not sure I had regained my ability to speak quite yet. Damn hormones.

Jacob chuckled, and picked up –

"That is the gayest thing I have ever seen in my entire life." He made to protest. "Nope. Sorry. The fact that it is not only pink but that it is covered in fuzzy unicorn stickers just ruined the entire day for me. No, it couldn't even be just unicorn stickers. It had to be fuzzy unicorn stickers dancing through rainbows."

I was doing my best not to burst out laughing. Jake looked down at the hideous backpack, a frown creasing his russet skin. "Shut up," he said, hiding a laugh or two himself. "It was Rachel's. I couldn't find anything else big enough."

"That's what she said."

"That's what you said. It's a bit of a walk – do you want to run or drive?"

I considered my recent driving expeditions with what I hoped was a fair and un-judgmental eye. "Running. Please and thank you. Where are we going?"

Jake grinned again, throwing the backpack over one arm, and putting the other around my shoulders. I looped my own around his waist. "If I told you…"

"Then it wouldn't be a surprise," I finished, somewhat tartly. "Sure, sure. I heard Billy got a new puppy?"

He smiled. "Yeah, her name's Maggie. And she's…" he made a 'crazy' motion – twirling his finger next to his head. I could think of a lot more productive things that finger could be doing. But I was horny enough as it was, and banished such thoughts from my head.

I laughed. "Uh-uh. Are you serious? Like, insane?"

He nodded. "She's on doggy-downers and everything." I giggled – a sound so unlike anything that I would ever do on purpose, I cut myself off and a shocked expression filled my face.

But it just made Jake laugh harder. I punched him in the arm, and we walked for a ways, before coming to a piece of the shoreline that I'd never visited before. The cliffs were far in the distance – and even further away was La Push. I'd never been this far past the cliffs, except on patrol.

Jake threw down the backpack and heaved a contented sigh. The sun beat down on us, though dark grey storm clouds threatened at every corner of the sky. The waves crashed in on the sand in perfect curves of aquamarine and sea foam. The water lapped at the sand – which was a beautiful grey-gold. The trees were a bit behind us, and were younger than those deeper in the forest. Dark green and tall, they seemed to look down at us loftily. Jake's spot – as I had no doubt that it was his – was located on the innermost point of a small inlet, and the only sounds besides our heartbeats and breathing were the waves, the birds, and the wind.

I spun slowly around in one place, wanting to drink in the image with my eyes. I couldn't imagine a more gorgeous place. I also began to feel a little bit out of place, what with my bright red shirt. Funny as it sounds, it wasn't until I saw the tiny red flower poking its way up out of the ground near the trees that I could relax. You're not alone in this place color-wise, Leah… you've also gone off the deep end.

I had turned too hastily, however, and I landed flat on my ass in the sand with an, "Oof!"

Jake looked over at me and chuckled, before helping me to my feet. "Jesus Christ, Lee. Only you could do that and still look graceful."

"Glad to hear it." I shifted to glance at the backpack. "So… what's in the bag?" Please say lunch, or condoms. Yeah, either of those would work.

"Wanna come see?" Lunch! Maybe he brought a football, too!

I couldn't help it – I felt the childish rush of exuberance that I always felt around Jacob.

I walked over with him, and felt overjoyed as he took my hand. It should be illegal to be this appealing, I thought, raking over him with my eyes.

He unzipped the unsightly bag and with a grand flourish, revealed at least twenty medium-sized plastic containers of food. I swear to God, I was drooling. "Oh, yum!" I peered at the contents of one closely. "You didn't do this all by yourself, did you?"

He nodded. I put my hands on my hips, raising my eyebrows. "Well," Jake started, "Embry and Quil came over and helped a bit – but just a little bit!"

I laughed, then grabbed the blanket that had been stuffed into the front of the bag and spread it out on the ground. As we worked to make the picnic look nice, I told him all about the leech cop – Linda. Even he sniggered at her name.

But eventually, he frowned. "I wonder what she wants."

"And her creeper buddy," I added. "Okay, I have a question. So you're back – but you're the only member of your pack. At least for right now. And if Sam bows to you, he can't leave your pack, right? But you can't ever join his pack either. So how are you two planning on figuring this out?"

Jake opened a container of what looked like grilled peppers. The scent hit my nose and brain the same time it hit my stomach – which growled loudly and embarrassingly. I blushed, pressing my hands against my stomach, and he smiled, revealing perfect, pearl-white teeth. "We're going to have to split the pack in half. And work together."

"You don't sound overly pleased at this idea."

"Well… no. But now that we know that Paul and you can do the whole mind-connect thing, this could work out. And even better – we know where Claire is."

I dropped the chocolate chip cookies. "Where?" I demanded.

"Florida – with the baby leech." Jake looked disgusted. "It's their insurance. If we beat them, then there will probably be no way to keep the bloodsucker baby from biting Claire. So we're going to have to send one wolf down there to get her. We can't trust Quil to think with his head and not with his heart, and it obviously can't be me -"

"Me," I interrupted. "Why don't you just send me?"

"Because Sam is already going." My jaw dropped.

"Going? Like, right now? With no back up?" Okay, I hated the guy, but the vampires wouldn't just leave their only daughter – their pride and joy – unprotected. And I really didn't want to see Sam hurt or dead. Especially dead. Jacob looked concerned at my distressed tone.

"He hasn't left yet. Embry's going with him, and Quil's going, too – he's just going to hang back and stay at a hotel until Embry and Sam can get Claire back. They're going to kill -" his voice broke. "Renesmee."

Jake let go of whatever it was that he was holding in his hand – smelled like salmon – and whirled around to punch a tree behind us. The entire thing shook, and Jake pulled away his hand to reveal smudged blood all over his knuckles. "I shouldn't care!" he yelled. "I shouldn't care about what happens to her!" He looked at me savagely, and pulled me up to stand in front of him. My eyes were wide, and I felt shocked. Not angry, not hurt, not afraid. Just completely taken by surprise. "Why do I care?" he begged me, obsidian eyes filled with hurt and confusion.

I could feel his hands trembling against my waist. "Jake," I said carefully, though it burned my heart. "Feelings for someone don't just disappear – whether or not they were real," I added quickly, when I saw the indignation rising in his face.

Jake buried his face in my hair. I gently held my arms around him. "Jake. Jacob. You can't beat yourself up over this. It's okay. I don't blame you. I understand."

Jake pulled back to stare directly into my eyes. "Leah… how do you do that? How do you know exactly what I'm thinking?" I laughed quietly.

Moment over. I sat down, picking at my sleeve. "Hungry?"

He pulled out a bottle of champagne. "Thirsty?"

I lay down on my stomach, sighing in contentment. "You thought of everything. I can't imagine a more perfect date."

He chuckled and lay down next to me. "It wouldn't be perfect without you." I blushed.

"Yes – a date with yourself would be pretty damn pathetic." I stared determinedly at a small snail shell on the sand in front of my face, refusing to look at the virginal, too-damn-sexy-for-his-own-good teenager behind me.

We do not attack our dates the first time we go out with them. We do not attack our dates the first time we go out with them – even if they are an irresistible, hot, sweet, werewolf who understands you and who is probably a sex god.

"Let's not get too sappy, here, Lee. Someone might actually think you have a soul."

"Careful! Keep making comments like that and someone might actually think you have a sense of humor!" Jake lunged at me and began tickling my sides.

I screamed with laughter, trying to get away from him, but he wasn't budging. Instead, I brought my hand up and lightly pinched the skin in the crook of his neck. Jake let go of me, falling into hysterics. "I know your tickle spot," I said breathlessly. "Feel the burn."

Jake straightened, recovering from his momentary lapse. He grinned. "Yeah, you know my one tickle spot. Unfortunately for you, I know all of yours."

I wriggled away from him, laughing. "You know, you're mostly okay, Jake."

He grinned at me, reaching with big hands to grab my waist and pull me back to him. He ran a hand through his hair, spiking it. The fourteen-year-old girl inside of me screamed.

Jake groaned into the crook of my neck. I repressed a shiver. Ooh I wanted to hear that noise over and over.

"What is it with you girls and all of the conditional words? I'm 'kind of' beautiful, 'mostly' okay, and 'pretty' amazing."

"Your ass, not your attitude," I reminded him. I swatted his playfully, to emphasize my point. Before I could react, both of my arms were pinned on the sand above my head, and I was flipped onto my back. Jacob leaned over me - basically on top of me. I swallowed hard, feeling the rush of warmth and energy between us.

"Keep playing like that, Leah, and we're not going to take this slow," he said in a serious voice, his hot breath playing with the rational bit of my brain. My teeth unconsciously found my lower lip. An unfortunate habit that I, even more unfortunately, shared with Bella. Have to kick that habit.

I had the sudden urge to reach up and purge Bella from Jacob's lips – from his mind, from his heart. I followed the impulse and yanked his head down to mine, with a kiss that was hot and deep. Jesus Christ, I loved him, but he was such a teeth-banger.

"Maybe," I breathed, squirming a little bit about the added pressure on my body. "Maybe I don't want to go slow." I watched him take a shuddering breath that resonated through my whole body. Mmm. Damn this boy – if he doesn't get off his high horse and give his morals a rest, it's going to be me by myself tonight. Sexy, that.

My sarcastic commentary was designed to keep my mind off whatever situation I was in. I did my best to make it disappear – to enjoy where I was, and what I was doing.

You're on the beach, and you're about three seconds away from stripping off his clothes and attempting to hump like teenagers.

Maybe distraction would be a good thing.

Jake's chest lowered and pressed against mine. "Can we wait?" he asked in a low, husky voice that triggered my libido. "I want to do this right."

"You're not going to propose, right?" I asked suspiciously, trying to fold my arms across my chest, but only really succeeding in pushing my boobs further out of the low-cut sweater.

"Don't do that," Jake moaned, doing his best to look anywhere except for my chest. "Please, God, don't do that."

I smiled innocently, reached up, and pulled my shirt further down. Evidence of Jake's – er – interest was pressed up against my thigh.

He flipped us, so I was now straddling him, and I placed both hands flat on his chest. "I… just… want to wait… for the right… moment," he said slowly, making sure each word came out correctly. I bent over, giving him a nice show of my cleavage, and pressed my lips to his. It took every bit of my self-restraint to pull back after a second, but I did it.

I climbed off, and returned to a sitting up position. Jake turned and sat after me. "So," I said, in as nonchalant a tone as possible, "I'm not going to lie. It's weird that Isabella called you beautiful. I mean, seriously, you are a guy." I eyed him carefully. "You are a guy, right, Jake? Or is there something you need to tell me?"

"Oh, aren't you just so funny." He smirked at me and popped open a container of sandwiches, tossing me the top one.

"I'd like to think so. But thanks anyways, Jakey-poo." I grinned at him and tore a chunk out of the sandwich. Turkey and cheese. My second favorite, next to barbecue-chip-Nutella-peanut-butter-cream-cheese-cheddar-mustard-lettuce-pesto. Yum.

"If you call me that again, I will hurt you." My cheeks were beginning to ache from the excessive smiling – unlike the rest of my body, they hadn't been exercised in a long while.

"What, you don't like my pet names, sugar? Honey bunch? Love?"

Jake wrinkled his nose and kissed me on the lips softly. "No, no, and nope."

"Cowboy?"

"Absolutely not. You've been reading too many romance novels. Pass the root beer?"

"Little man?"

Jake glared at me. "That is so not funny." I laughed, but Jake pushing me over and pressing himself up against me again cut off the sound. My breath caught. "You want to see how 'little' I am?"

I pretended that I didn't have the urge to find out for myself and sat back up, pushing him off of me. "Slow, remember?"

"You are totally asking for it."

I licked my lips and reached for a strawberry, subtly tracing it around the outline of my mouth before slowly slipping my teeth into the flesh – parting seeds and juice alike. I sucked the extra residue from the very end of the berry. "Asking for what, Jacob? Because I can bet I know what you're asking for."

He blushed a deep, dark, red. Aha. Well, at least I wasn't alone, then. "And what would that be, you conniving little sex kitten?" Ooh! More blasé than I thought he would have been! Maybe I needed to try a little harder.

I scooted closer to him, resting my hand mid-way up his thigh. I leaned in towards him, letting the tendrils of my hair brush against his chest, and moving his hand to my upper thigh. "Mmm," I moaned carefully, testing the waters. "Well…" I let my voice trail off, dragging my fingers slowly up and down his leg. "Root beer." I dropped the can in his lap and moved to sit across from him, sampling some delicious pasta salad.

I risked a glance upwards, and hid a smirk at the gaping expression on Jacob's face – mouth and eyes wider than dinner plates. "What?" I asked innocently. "Isn't that what you wanted?" Conniving sex kitten? Yes, I think so.

"I think I need a swim," Jake muttered, glaring at me as he regained control of his facial muscles.

"But the water's going to be freez – oh. Hm. You know, a swim sounds good. I suppose you don't have any swimsuits in that stupid bag?"

"Who said we were going to use swimsuits?" Jake said, raising his eyebrows and grinning. I attempted to surreptitiously rub my thighs together to get some much-needed friction down there. "I mean, I have one for you." He blushed again.

My eyes widened. "You went through my underwear drawer to find a bathing suit?"

"No!" he blurted. "No! Well, I mean, I did – but I didn't look at anything!"

I folded my arms, trying to find it in me to be cross. "Oh, really? Nothing?"

He nodded quickly and adamantly, as if that were going to make me believe him. I sighed, but held my hand out for the suit. Jake tossed me the smallest, skimpiest bikini I owned. In fact, I thought it fit me when I was twelve – before I became a mutant weregirl.

"There is no way this is going to fit," I groaned, but decided to suck it up. I looked at Jacob expectantly.

He looked right on back. "What?"

I rolled my eyes. "Not going to turn around? And here I was thinking you were a gentleman, Jacob."

He waggled his eyebrows. "Do I have to?"

I punched him in the arm. "Loser. Turn around, you ass."

He turned on his heel, catching up a chocolate chip cookie as he went, and I heard him crunching on it as I carefully slid down my pants, never letting my eyes leave his back. Please don't turn around. Please, please do not turn around. Dear God, do not let Jacob turn around. Thank you.

I quickly pulled on the bottom half and tugged off my t-shirt, struggling with the ties. My hips dwarfed the bikini bottoms – it had been a long time since I was a pre-pubescent, pre-werewolf little girl. And the top… well, the top didn't even really deserve a mention, because it was pretty much non-existent.

Before Jake could see the humiliating outfit, I dropped my dry clothes and sprinted for the water, not pausing until I was treading. Jacob looked at me indecisively – and I instantly wondered what he was thinking about. "Need some help putting on your shorts?" Damn, I fail hard-core at the coy voice.

"You wanna come help out? I'm having a little trouble getting the junk in the trunk, if you know what I mean. You're licensed to do that, right? You worked as a mechanic for a little while, there?"

"Um, yeah. Something… something like that," I mumbled, proving that not a moment of education had been lost on me.

"Yeah, I remember that. You used to work under me."

Enough of the sexual innuendoes. I ducked under the water.

I had always loved being underwater. The feel of cold pressure all around me – making me weightless, and gliding easy. I dug my toes into the mushy sand and pushed off, raising my arms in front of me and kicking my legs in an approximation of the breast stroke… or, as we had learned it as kids, the froggy stroke.

I'll bet Jacob could bring new meaning to the 'breast stroke'.

I swam harder, attempting to remove Jacob from my thoughts entirely. I didn't even know what we were; let alone whether or not we were in a relationship like that.

Though, if our previous actions were anything to go by…

Swim, Leah. And shut up.

Air. That sounded really nice right about now.

I kicked up to the surface, gasping like a retarded fish. There was only water in front of me – I whipped around, purely for the entertainment of feeling the waves break around me as I spun.

Oh, Jesus. Farther than I'd thought. I dunked once again to get my hair out of my face, and then began swimming toward shore in earnest. I opened my eyes underwater and watched as schools of fish darted away from me. I stretched out my fingers experimentally, and another swarm exploded out from underneath a bit of rock in their haste to get away.

I looked around me, feeling as my air supply ran out. And… froze.

Holy shit!

Harbor seals! There were at least four below the surface – playing, squealing, dancing, and swirling. Their skin was a mottled grey, and their eyes were deep and inquisitive. I watched as one swam right up to me, and opened its maw and bobbed its head up and down, as if it were laughing at me. I giggled, reaching out and stroking his smooth side before he swam back to his friends.

Out of air.

I found my way to the surface, the silky water brushing past me on its way to see the seals, too. I broke the skin of the water and panted, a grin pasted on my face.

Just as I was wondering about the possibility of one of the sharks that occasionally inhabited the surrounding area finding me appealing and deciding to take a nibble, something grabbed me by the waist and pulled me under.

I fought back a scream, and turned to punch the shark in the nose. I'd heard that that had worked for someone somewhere. I think.

Jacob was doubled over with laughter with his hands on my hips. I stifled a sigh of relief, and worked my way back up to the surface. He followed me up.

"You should have seen the look on your face!"

"You should have seen the harbor seals!" I said, still smiling. "Let's go see if they're still there."

I grabbed his hand and tugged him under.

And came face-to-face with a blunt nose.

A blunt nose sixgill shark is an interesting animal. It really hasn't evolved all that much since the Triassic period. It's big and heavy – sometimes growing up to eighteen feet long. I'd never seen one, though they and basking sharks and dogfish, and occasionally even great whites, haunted the Sound.

These sharks are fans of lamprey and salmon – there's never been a reported human death-by-sixgill, even despite their large size. Nevertheless, there's a first time for everything.

Jacob turned to look at me slowly with a look that just screamed, 'No-sudden-movements-or-I-will-shoot-you'.

I silently drifted a little bit closer to the monster. I had no doubt that if she felt threatened, she would take a chunk out of me – regardless of what the hand guides said. However, this big girl (she was close to 16 feet long, and therefore probably female, as they are larger than the males) was paying no mind to the human who was a mere foot and a half from her flank.

Hey, when you live in the pacific north-west, you learn these things.

In a shiver of grey-silver flesh, she had moved on and was languidly disappearing into the depths as quickly and quietly as she'd come.

I was caught by the sudden need for that beautiful thing – O₂.

I wiped the water from my eyes and began treading once again, reveling in the loose feeling of my muscles. Jacob looked at me with concerned dark eyes, but evidently knew better than to say anything. "I'll name her Joan," I said decisively.

Jake rolled his eyes. "Okay. It kind of looks like it's going to rain, though. And while I'm sure that Joan's food will be okay, ours is going to be ruined if we don't eat it fast."

All that food going to waste?

I dipped back into the water, refusing to despair over the distance to shore. I felt the vibrations as Jacob slipped in after me, and I accelerated – I had to prove that I was faster on land, and in the water.

He caught onto my mindset quickly, and kicked after me. I briefly surfaced for air, barely inhaling before crashing back to the rapidly chilling water. Yeah – it was definitely going to rain. As if the storm clouds didn't give us enough warning.

I don't understand why or how you do that.

Really, Paul? Of all the days to take a peek inside my head?

Yeah, there's some interesting stuff in here, Lee, he chuckled. What have you and Jake been doing?

I squealed audibly and moved faster through the water as I moved even more promptly to hide all of my memories of a mere fifteen minutes ago.

What I mean is, I don't know how you bounced back from the fucking brink of death, only to hit up every dangerous situation you can find right afterwards.

Hey! I have not!

You just got within three feet of a shark. You continuously run into random vampires. Oh, and by-the-fucking-way, you pretty much died, ya fuck-tard.

Just when things were getting good, there was… Paul. Get out of my head, you nosy bastard.

Fine, fine. Whatever. I'm not going to push you, okay?

Uh-huh. Sure. Okay. Goodbye.

I hauled myself up onto the shore, breathing heavily and with a slightly bemused smile on my face. Then I felt the first raindrop. "God damn it."

Jake was already standing up, shaking the water out of his hair like a puppy. A large puppy. A large puppy with amazing abs. I gave him a look that was as cursorily as I could manage.

I didn't stare for too long, I swear.

I jumped up, feeling a little sore, but otherwise amazing, and leaped to help Jake pack up the food. The amazing food that you didn't even get a chance to eat. I glared moodily up at the sky.

Jacob looked at me for a long moment, and I wondered if I had mascara streaming down my cheeks, or a booger (yes, even hot goddesses like myself are human… well, mostly, anyways), or something in my teeth. Just as I was about to excuse myself to go check, he smiled and held up a green bag.

"Interested?"

I nodded excitedly, too stunned to actually speak. I helped him pull out the poles and the filmy fabric, and was put in charge of, as he put it, 'figuring out what the hell all of this is for', while he put in the stakes.

Men.

Finally, we had our own little piece of – well, heaven would not be the correct word to describe our masterpiece. The tent was off-center and tilting dangerously. The poles seemed to stick out at odd angles – but at least it was far enough up shore that the waves couldn't reach it, and the stakes were drilled in tightly.

I unzipped the front door, and stared around the living area with utter dismay. Jacob noted my expression, and knelt beside me. "I'm sorry," he stuttered. "I just thought you might want to get out of the rain. I didn't" and here he looked absolutely horrified "I didn't mean anything. I'm not trying to – you know – push this."

Yes, but that's exactly the problem, Jacob. How the fuck am I supposed to control myself when you have to sit this close to me?

I rolled my eyes and smiled at him before pushing him into the tent. "It's perfect. Now scoot over."

I yanked my wet hair into a ponytail, and immediately remembered what we were both wearing. Yeah. That would totally help my self-control. Not. "Never mind," I said quickly, tossing him the horrendous pink backpack. "Change, and then I'll go."

He didn't waste time or words by arguing with me or insisting that I go first. He also didn't waste time zipping up the tent door before he stripped, so it hung open limply as he grasped the waist band of his shorts.

Oh my God.

I twirled around and sat myself down on the ground, using all of my will power to not turn around and ogle him as he pulled on his jeans and shirt. Jake was out in no time, and I hurriedly grabbed my clothes and pulled them on, double checking to make sure my fly wasn't down and that my bra was on straight.

Jacob climbed in after me, and now it was my turn to make room. There wasn't much of it, and I ended up almost in his lap before I turned (probably poking his eye out with my ass) and sat so that my legs were between his. There. Less temptation.

"So, are we going to spend the night here, or is it just for the rain?" I asked.

Jake shrugged. "Either one. It's up to you, Leah." I nodded – not quite sure which would be better at the moment, and settled in.

"Will you show me your scar?"

I didn't act shocked. I didn't act surprised. I didn't flip out, or let my mouth hang open to make a house for flies, and I didn't let him know that I knew which scar he was talking about.

"Huh?" God, could I sound any more like a blonde bimbo? I sounded so stupidly dull at that moment that I blinked, confused.

"The one that Gideon LeFontane gave you," Jake said steadily. I glared at him. How dare he try to break down the walls of protection that I had set up around myself?

"No, I will not." I glowered darkly. Moreover, if he could read my body language, he'd be getting a big 'FUCK YOU."

"Jesus, Leah. Have you even looked at it?"

I thought about that for a moment. Had I?

"Yes," I said uncertainly. "Of course I have."

He shook his head. "Don't lie to me, Leah, I know you haven't." Before I could stop him, he leaned forward and grabbed a hold of my wrist, bringing it up to where we could both see it. I closed my eyes.

"Holy fuck! That's how you do it!" he yelled. I covered my ears, and pulled my hand back, still glaring. "I was wondering how you just got up from something like that, and didn't even have any repercussions! It's because you block it out. You don't let anything inside. You're in denial."

"I am not!" Reflex reaction, I knew I was. I was not in denial that I was in denial.

"Yes, you are," Jacob said firmly. "Look at your hand, Leah." I folded my arms across my chest, and had one of those brain-blast! moments. I leaned forward and shoved my tongue into Jake's mouth, crawling on top of him and massaging his chest with my hands. I writhed against him, though my heart and head weren't into it.

Your lady-parts are, though.

Jake moaned from beneath me, snapping me back to reality. I removed myself quickly and huddled into the corner, clasping my arms around my knees and burying my face into the empty cavity between my chest and my legs.

I felt like a slut. A cheap slut. Shit, what was I thinking?

"Okay, that was… amazing. But you're not going to change the subject. Look. At. Your. Hand." Jacob's voice was husky and low with a demanding edge. He knew what I had been attempting to do.

It wasn't that hard to figure out – you couldn't have been more obvious if you wore a sign.

"Fuck you."

"You're a coward." I jolted upright, staring at him with wide, puzzled eyes. His face was grim and tight, without a hint of humor.

"No, I am not," I said slowly. "I've faced death and I've faced vampires. I've faced heartbreak, and I've faced the deaths of the ones I've loved. I am a bitch, and a slut, and a lot of other things, too. But I am not a coward."

"Sure, sure. You can do all of that and more. But you can't face the reality of it all. You hide yourself away so that you don't get hurt." He grabbed my un-scarred hand, then. "But, Lee, you're choking off your other emotions, too. That's why you haven't seen Christine for years."

I yanked my hand away angrily. "Don't talk about Christine. You don't even understand what happened."

"And now you're refusing to even look at your own hand. You're going to have to do it eventually."

Sure, sure. But I had planned on doing it in the confines of my own bathroom, with the faucet running so that nobody could hear me when I broke down.

"Coward."

I bit my lip hard enough to draw blood, and brought my hand up in front of me, staring at the mangled flesh.

Gideon's teeth had left a perfectly circular, raised line of skin just above my thumb. I moved the digit experimentally, though it moved with no problem whatsoever. His venomous fangs would be forever imprinted into my skin. I would never be free of Gideon LeFontane, and what he stood for.

The supernatural.

My own infertility.

My inability to move on without hiding things from myself.

And I sobbed. I cried like the little girl that I really was inside, and because I was a bitch, I wrapped my arms around Jacob, hiding my face in his chest and letting the tears pour down my face.

His long, warm arms were around me, then, and he gently pulled me into his lap. "You're okay, Leah. C'mon, Leah, buck up. You're not a bitch. You're not a slut. And you're especially not a coward."

Slowly, my strangled, choking sobs turned into a quiet drumming, and were eventually drowned out by the rain. I felt exhausted, and like I really needed a toothbrush.

And even though I knew it was shallow to use Jake like a human tissue, I felt at peace. Happy. As if, now that I had gotten my initial resistance out of the way, I could be a better person.

I smiled, snuggled closer to him, and fell asleep.

Author's Note: Goodbye, my amazing reviewers and favoriters and story alerters who aren't ready for tragedy and horror! Muah! Love you all!