Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice. It's too great to be mine.

hey everyone! this is my first one shot and I hope you all like it! this one's dedicated to my beloved best friend for she was the one who thought about it. Pardon my grammar lapses and poor vocabulary. Anyways, on with the story!

Was it possible to love someone you knew would just cause you pain and regret? She was someone who was never meant for him. No matter how long he'd been yearning for her touch and attention, he knew it was futile. She was human, and he was not.

The physical world seemed to thwart all of his thoughts, words and feelings for she had flesh and blood and he was just a spirit, a spirit destined to be her sentinel.

He was made to be her guardian angel, and that was what he'd forever be.

He knew what he had been feeling was wrong. But how could this mistake made him feel like it was the reason he had been there, in the first place?

"Mikan!" he heard her name called upon by this blonde young man who was rushing to her side. She turned around, making her long auburn hair dance because of the sudden movement.

"Hi, Ruka," she flashed him a smile.

A smile he had long wanted to be for him.

"I brought you your favorite vanilla ice cream." He watched as the young man pull out the ice cream from the grocery bag.

"Thank you," she answered sweetly though there was a tiny hint of awkwardness in her voice that the blonde guy failed to notice.

But he didn't.

Though he approved so much of her boyfriend, he still couldn't help but picture himself in his position. He always imagined himself doing the things the blonde was doing, except for doing it right. God knew how many times he'd pictured himself giving her strawberry-flavored ice creams. He knew it was her favorite, not vanillas.

He sat quietly as they talked like normal couples did. He had been there since they had become official. He watched her said 'yes' to him, watched as they went on their first date and watched as they had their first kiss. It hurt to see them act like this, hurt to see her in his arms, but what can he do? He can only watch.

It was getting dark and thanks to the night, the couple had parted. He walked right next to her as she headed to her room. She had always been a clumsy person so seeing her trip right now wasn't much of a surprise. Though he wasn't shocked, it doesn't mean he didn't get worried.

For the many times he had watched her injure herself, he couldn't get used to it. It only made him blame his state more. He had long wanted to catch her falling figure, saving her from all the unnecessary injuries and pain. He'd have given his life to protect every single inch of her body.

But he knew he couldn't give what he never had. Life.

Like what he always did, he watched her stand up by herself and limp all the way to her room.

He watched her as she cleaned her wounds then settled for bed, praying to God before finally giving up to her exhaustion. But before she could finally doze off, her mobile phone rang.

"Hello?" she answered softly, hinting the caller that she was tired.

"Mikan?" the voice on the other line said.

"Hotaru?! Is it really you?" she suddenly sounded alarmed and happy. He felt very grateful to the caller, seeing her ecstatic was not a scene he witness everyday.

"Yes it's me Mikan, sorry for not calling for a long time. I had been busy," the caller sounded stoic but she knew her best friend. She knew she was actually apologetic.

His crimson eyes stayed on her face, watched as her angelic face turn red and streams of tears flow through her eyes.

"I missed you so much Hotaru," she choked out the words.

"I missed you too," the voice paused first then continued, "I told you a thousand times Mikan, crying makes you ugly. Stop crying."

She tried to do what she was ordered but it was really hard for her. Talking to her best friend after 6 long months made her heart pump rapidly of excitement. She yearned for her companionship, her rare smiles and constant ridicule. She needed her best friend.

"I'm sorry Hotaru, it's just that I missed you so much," she hiccupped then continued trying to sound better for her best friend. "Are you going back anytime soon?"

"Yes, I'll be back in a month so you better be in one piece by that time. Seriously Mikan, take care of yourself! You trip over nothing."

She looked at her newly injured knee and replied, "I do not trip over nothing! And please, I'm not clumsy. I can take care of myself very well," She ended with a smug.

"Yeah right, I have to hang up now. I'm still working."

"Oh," she did her best to hide the tone of disappointment in her voice then continued, "But do call again if you have the time, ok? I have so many things to tell you!"

"Sure sure. Bye now. Good night, idiot."

"Good night Hotaru," she uttered then pressed the end button.

He looked at her as she stared at the mobile phone she just used. He saw her smile for the last time tonight then curled her tiny body into the blanket and finally started dreaming.

Seeing her cry a while ago made him remember the times she had dried her eyes out. And those memories were not as light as what he saw a while ago, for she had shed tears of sadness, and not those of joy.

The first time he saw her cry was when her first boyfriend broke up with her. She cried almost everyday because it was her first love, and the guy was just too playful to be committed to only one. Seeing her eyes became so puffy and red made him think of vicious thoughts. He wanted to rip the bastard's body, making sure he was bound to stay in a wheel chair for the rest of his pathetic life. He had so many plans of murder in his mind but then it all went down to reality.

He wanted to protect her but he never could. He was just there to watch her fall then stand up. Never interfering, never noticed.

He floated to her bed and looked at her intently, wishing to caress her rosy cheeks and pull away the loose hair strand on her face. Time seemed to flow very fast when he was doing this, for when he was breaking free from his trance, it was already morning.

"Mikan, I see you let your hair down today," her boyfriend, Ruka, said with a mocking tone. "Is it because of our 2nd-year anniversary today?"

"Not really, I just woke up late and didn't had the time to tie them in pigtails," she answered.

"Ouch… Haha! You know Mikan, you should really put your hair down, it looks good on you," her boyfriend complimented as he took a bundle of her hair and placed it close to him. She blushed lightly by what he said.

The crimson-eyed guy became jealous.

No matter how many times he had said that he liked her auburn hair and eyes, his words and praises will forever be inaudible to her ears.

"T-thanks," she stuttered.

"Anyways, have you memorized your part in the play?" the blonde started a different topic.

"Nope, not yet. I haven't got enough time. Maybe I'll try to memorize it later," she replied.

"I see… do you want to practice with me? Just wait for me here after my soccer practice," her boyfriend offered.

"If it's ok with you, then alright!" he watched her smile as she agreed.

He did what he was made to do, observe her as she lived her everyday life. But today was different, seeing her with her boyfriend made him feel insignificant. The fact that his boyfriend loved her so much wasn't helping at all. Though he wanted her to be happy, he just can't control his selfishness. Sometimes he wished that the guy was unfaithful to her so that he'd still have a chance. He knew it was never going to happen but it was the only hope that kept him here all this time.

He suddenly realized that he had just blinded himself from the truth, from reality. The cruel reality that his love would never reach her for his love was never meant to be. He had been ignoring everything for a long time now, wishing that one day, what he was feeling would come across everything. But now that the blindfold suddenly came off, he saw everything. All at the same time. The fact that she was happy without him made him lose the remaining spark of hope he had.

He knew it was time to give up. Leave all this feeling behind and only do what he was made to do: To guard her.

It was time to say goodbye.

Goodbye to her.

Goodbye to his long unrequited feelings.

The sound of the bell marked the end of the class and she was still waiting there for her boyfriend who was still in soccer practice.

He watched her read some lines and decided to float near her, to look at her for one last time.

He observed her gestures, her hair, her eyes and every detail of her body. He stared at the lady he had loved for a very long time then whispered…

"Goodbye, Mikan."

He was about to fly away but then her hazel eyes met his crimson ones. It had happen many times before but this was the first time he felt nervous. He was shocked by his own emotions and decided to conclude that it was because of his sudden farewell.

"Hey, how do you do that?" he heard her ask while her eyes were still locked on his.

He looked at her quizzically, wondering what she was talking about.

'Is she practicing for the play?' He mentally asked himself. He searched through the room looking if her boyfriend was in the vicinity but there was not a single trace of him.

"Hey! I'm talking to you! How come you're floating?" He heard her ask again with a big smile of amusement plastered on her face.

'What is she talking about? There was no way a human could flo—'

That was when it hit him.

She was talking to him.

He became too tensed to answer. His mind was filled with different emotions flowing all at the same time. He didn't know what to do but he knew he was happy.

Like how his hope was shattered easily, she glued them all back without difficulty.

Though he had so many questions on his mind right now, he only knew of one thing.

Mikan Sakura finally smiled for him.