Hi everyone,

This is the third instalment of The Fellowship of the Facebook Statuses, which tells LOTR through the characters' facebook accounts. For the first two, see The Two Notifications and The Fellowship of the Friend Request.

Note: this doesn't start right at the beginning of the Return of the King, as the beginning of ROTK is told in The Two Notifications, I didn't realise it was time to start a new story, sorry!

I don't own Tolkien's work, nor Jackson's, nor Facebook, nor the Luggage.

Elrond: is feeling both depressed and doom-laden. Time to spread it around!

Gimli Sonofgloin: does not like these ghosts...

Awesome Merry: is off to war!

Aweosme Merry: is off to war all alone

Awesome Merry: misses his friends :(

Arwen changed her name to Arwen Undomiel

Arwen Undomiel changed her name to Arwen Evenstar

Arwen Evenstar found a lost warg cub wandering around. Adopt the warg cub! Play Arda Farms today!

Pippin Took: the pipweed Merry gave me has already run out! I've hardly had time to smoke! I suspect That Wizard have subtly meddled in my affairs

Pippin Took: LOL I spelt pipeweed Pipweed.

Awesome Merry: Oh no, Pip. I thought you'd grown out of that. Where?

Gandalf wrote on Pippin Took's wall: Now, Pippin... it may be better if you don't say anything at all when we visit him. Let me break the news..

Pippin Took wrote on Gandalf's wall. Do you mean Denethor? What news? Oooh you mean about Boromir dying? I won't say anything. Not a word. And I'll remember this time. I promise!

Denethor commented on Pippin Took's wall post: Interesting. Very interesting.

Pippin Took: oops

Pippin Took became the Steward of Gondor's Impertinent Hobbit and Singing Entertainment.

Faramir: crap, we lost Osgiliath.

Faramir: Osgiliath? This never would have happened if Boromir was still alive! I wish you were dead instead blah blah blah. Blah favourite son blah... tidy your room, blah blah blah why haven't you got a girlfriend blah blah just not Manly enough blah Osgiliath blah blah try harder...

Denethor: What are you talking about this time, you useless failure and wizard's pupil?

Faramir: just getting in first, dad.

Denethor: I always knew you were crazy.

Denethor wrote on JRR Tolkien's wall: Are you sure I'm in the right story? I sound like such a bastard.

JRR Tolkien: Look, take it up with that Jackson fellow. This is nothing to do with me.

Denethor: Can't I go back to Shakespeare now? Maybe one of his romantic comedies this time? But not A Midsummer Night's Dream. Elves called Mustard Seed? So unrealistic.

JRR Tolkien: Just.. just get on with it. Please.

Aragorn!: even the ghosts obey me! It's so awesome having Ancestors.

Aragorn! took the "Which King are YOU?" quiz.

With your wild looks, habit of singing, and Sense of Destiny, you are one archetypal King. You lost your parents at a young age, and grew up far from your true home in the company of people who you call family, but let's be honest, aren't even the same species as you. A wise old mentor, who uses his old man's staff to kick the bad guys' asses, counsels you to accept your Destiny. After some star gazing and a (vaguely incestual) love interest, you return to your home to rescue it from Dark Forces, in the company of a pair of mismatched companions who provide comic relief. You get rid of the usurper to your throne (who meets a fiery end), get the girl, and take your true place in the great Circle of Life. Congratulations! You are SIMBA from THE LION KING.

Gandalf: stubborn bloody line of bloody stubborn Ecthelion.

Boromir Ofgondor: is frustrated to be DEAD.

Faramir: well, can't you just come back to life, or something? We could use your help.

Boromir Ofgondor: Sorry, dude. Haven't killed enough Balrogs.

Boromir Ofgondor wrote on Faramir's wall: Oh, and take my advice. Don't ride out on some last desperate charge to Osgiliath. You're only doing it to prove some silly point to Dad, and you're not a teenager any more. Ignore the old grump. The horses look pretty, but it's really stupid. Anyway, think of the Minor Characters. You're endangering their lives with your whims!

Faramir: but the Minor Characters are so, well.. they're minor!

Faramir is attending Last Ride on Osgiliath.

Boromir Ofgondor: * sigh *

Dernhelm: is practising her sword fighting.

Dernhelm: is practising his sword fighting. His.

Gimli Sonofgloin: Boats. I hate boats. Almost as unnatural as horses.

Legolas Greenleaf: wtf, is that extra corsair Peter Jackson? I have a bone to pick with him... let's see how he likes being pretty

Gimli Sonofgloin: Don't worry. You're not that pretty.

Aragorn!: ha, not as pretty as Galadriel, for example?

Gimli Sonofgloin: *blushes *

Saruman: is off to sack the Shire! don't tell anyone.

Sam Gamgee: better go and rescue Mr Frodo... something will surely have happened to him by now...

Mister Frodo: maybe I shouldn't have sent Sam away... this cave gives me the creeps. Oh well, luckily I've got Sméagol with me!