Author's Note: This fic is loosely inspired by Roxanne by Digimon Empress Yaten. I only recommend reading it if you want to be highly disturbed.

Roxas was curled up on his bed, trying very hard not to cry.

It was hard though. So hard. He'd finally gotten used to his problem, gotten used to the idea that he'd never have all the things other people had. Roxas had thought he was resigned to it. It wouldn't be the most fulfilling life, maybe, but he could find joy in other things. He could have a lot of friends, do charity work, all kinds of things.

Then a handsome redhead had entered his life and turned all those plans on their head.

Why? Why did this happen to me? Why did I have to be the one? Roxas choked back a sob. Why? It was an unanswerable question. And Roxas was glad that it hadn't been Sora. But why had it been him? Why had he caught that madman's eye?

"Roxas? Are you okay?" Sora. Roxas wiped away his tears and managed a shaky smile as his brother opened the door and looked inside, worry in his blue eyes.

"I'm fine." He managed to say and it almost sounded convincing. Of course, Sora wasn't fooled at all.

"What's wrong?" Sora stepped inside and shut the door behind him. They didn't share anything with their parents. Roxas' father had never treated him the same since the… incident. His father tried to ignore it but couldn't and ended up treating him stiffly. His mother had reacted completely the opposite, almost smothering him in attention and Roxas could see the guilt in her eyes. Both of them were perfectly normal with Sora and that was what hurt the worst. It really hadn't been their fault. Why couldn't they just treat him like Sora? But when he'd said that it had just flustered them both and hadn't helped at all. The only person he could really open up with now was Sora.

"It's… that new kid at the school." Sora's expression suddenly changed into something that was almost scary. Until his problem Roxas would have sworn Sora didn't have a dark side but after that summer Sora had gotten into several fights over his problem. He'd actually put one kid in the hospital and threatened to kill another. No one had thought he was joking. "Not like that! I – I don't think he even knows about that yet." Sora frowned, confused, but that vicious look left. Roxas was very glad of that. He loved Sora deeply but didn't like that dark side. It just wasn't right on sunny Sora. "You know we've been working together on that big science project?" Sora nodded. He'd actually been envying Roxas a bit. The redheaded kid was apparently a mechanical whiz and they'd decided to do a project on robots. "H – He's asked me to go to the movies with him."

"Oh. Oh gosh." Sora bit his lip. This was a problem he'd never even considered. If it had been any other kid in the school Roxas would have instantly rejected the offer and Sora would probably have gone to beat them up. Or they both would have, Roxas had recovered a bit and could take care of himself a bit better these days. But the new kid would have no clue. After what Sora had done no one even talked about what happened to Roxas. "What did you say?"

"I said I'd have to think about it." Roxas muttered and Sora just looked at him for a moment.

"You're going to say yes." Sora knew his twin better than anyone in the world and he was sure of it. Roxas winced and looked down at his hands.

"I really want to. But how can I? I'll be leading him on!" Roxas cried and Sora looked torn. He knew what Roxas meant and he really would be dating the kid under false pretenses. On the other hand…

"There's no reason you shouldn't have a normal life Roxy. And it's just the movies. Friends go to the movies all the time." Although that was fudging it a little. The redheaded kid was pretty open about his bisexuality. "Uh, what's his name again?" Sora honestly couldn't remember, although he remembered the boy himself very well. He'd already gotten into fights with a few of the more homophobic students and proved that only an idiot would want to pick a fight with him. Roxas sniffed, rubbing his eyes.

"Axel. He was dating Larxene but they broke up just last week." Sora smiled at that but only for a moment. Broke up was putting it mildly. That relationship had been doomed from the get go and the only one who hadn't known it was Axel. "So I'm sure… he wants…" Roxas put a hand over his face and Sora winced. He was sure Roxas was right.

"Roxas." Sora caught Roxas' hand and looked his twin in the face. "Maybe it's time for you to do something for yourself for once. And maybe… maybe he can accept this. Maybe you should give him a chance." Sora knew this was risky. His brother could easily get his heart broken and it wouldn't really be Axel's fault. If that happened it would be his fault for encouraging Roxas. Roxas looked despairing and shook his head. "It's your decision but I think you should." Something about that redhead made him think it was a good idea. Sora wasn't sure what but he trusted those feelings.

"Maybe. I'll have to think about it." Roxas muttered but deep in his heart he knew what he was going to do.

He was going to say yes.

Six months later.

Roxas looked up into warm green eyes and a kind smile and felt so – so loved. Axel had proved to be a bit nutty, really funny and very kind. He was like a mad scientist with his machines and Roxas had gotten to be his helper several times, fetching him tools and coffee. He found it fascinating, watching Axel mumble to himself as he worked on the insides of a car or built some odd little gizmo.

Roxas knew there were all kinds of filthy rumors floating around the school about what he and Axel were doing. Very, very quiet rumors that no one was daring to utter around Sora but they were still there. Larxene, jealous and angry was doing quite a bit of the spreading. The rumors were actually completely inaccurate. Roxas had made it clear to Axel that he didn't want casual sex and Axel had respected that.

But things were reaching the point where that couldn't continue. Axel was nuzzling him now, gently mouthing the skin of his neck and Roxas gasped, half closing his eyes and leaning into the attention. The redhead's hands were beginning to roam over him, finding sensitive skin and tugging on his pants –

"No, Axel, stop." Roxas said sharply. Axel paused in his ministrations and lifted his head to look into Roxas' face. Roxas swallowed at the tenderness and concern there.

"Why?" Axel asked simply and Roxas fumbled for an answer. "You know you want to Roxas, and we've been together for six months. Isn't it time?" Axel didn't mind waiting for someone he really cared about but these things had a kind of rhythm to them, and he thought they'd reached the point of actually being together in the most intimate way. Roxas took a deep, shuddering breath and tears pricked his eyes. "Roxas?" Axel pulled the blonde closer, really concerned as Roxas started to sob. "What's wrong?"

"It's… you're… you're right." Roxas choked out. "And I'm so sorry I've tricked you I've been leading you on. I'm sorry." Axel just looked confused at that and cupped Roxas cheek, lifting his face so he could meet tear-filled blue eyes.

"Sorry about what? How could you be leading me on? You're not really a girl under there, are you?" Axel joked but Roxas couldn't smile.

"It would be better if I were." He whispered and suddenly pulled away. "I'll show you." Not letting himself think about it, not letting himself hesitate he yanked down his pants and then his underwear. He heard Axel's sharp intake of breath and lifted his head to look at the redhead challengingly. Axel's eyes were fixed on what had been revealed and it wasn't a pretty sight.

"My god Roxas. What happened to you?" To Axel's stunned eyes it looked like a horribly botched circumcision. But no, that didn't explain why… everything was gone. Scrotum and testes were missing and Roxas' penis was a mutilated stump. There was nothing but horrible scars. Roxas quickly yanked his pants back up and Axel was galvanized into movement, surging up and gripping Roxas' shoulders before pulling him into a warm, comforting hug. Roxas was startled and almost pulled away before looking into Axel's eyes and seeing the horror and concern there. Axel cared for him. Roxas sniffed and let the redhead bring him back to the couch, holding him tightly.

"It was summer camp. Four years ago." Roxas managed to choke out and began telling Axel the story. The summer camp lasted for a week and he and his friends had gone there every summer since he was nine. Sora and Riku had been there, Tidus and Wakka, Seifer and Hayner and Pence. They had all been there. But one of the camp councilors had been new that year. He'd been odd and more than a little creepy. Not even Seifer had cared for him but after the first few days they'd written him off as a harmless loony. He spent all his time watching birds through binoculars.

They hadn't realized he wasn't just watching the birds. He was watching Roxas obsessively and had decided Roxas was actually his daughter, stolen away from him when she was five. In actuality she had died in a car accident along with his wife but he had refused to acknowledge that and had built an elaborate fantasy world where his wife and daughter were alive. A fantasy Roxas had unwittingly entered into.

"He was completely c – crazy." Roxas couldn't help but stammer as he explained. "He took me to the log cabin and told me he was going to do something to me for my own good. I tried to get away but he t – tied me up and did this. I was screaming and the other councilors broke down the door to find us." Roxas remembered the agonizing pain and the cries and the strangely bewildered way the man had acted. Like he couldn't understand why everyone was upset. "I almost died from the blood loss and sometimes I wish I had." Trying to cope with his mutilation wasn't easy. His parents had no insurance and no money for the impossibly expensive reconstructive operations. It was an open question how much reconstruction could do for him anyway. There was a good chance it wouldn't help at all. "I'm sorry Axel. I should have told you right away but I wanted someone to care about me. To love me. I'm so sorry." Roxas really felt horrible about that. He'd tricked Axel. He should have ended this months ago. He should have –

Roxas blinked as he felt Axel's hands around his face, lifting him up for a deep and passionate kiss. Roxas moaned softly as he felt things stirring. He still had a libido, even after what that man had done and Axel could always turn it on. But what was he doing? Surely Axel couldn't want him now.

"Roxas, that's the worst story I've heard in my life." Axel was breathing heavily as he pulled away and Roxas stared at him, speechless. "And I admit, I'm a bit ticked you didn't tell me earlier. But I'm not going to turn away from you because of it." Roxas drew a deep, shaking breath as Axel smiled ruefully and gently stroked back a bit of his soft golden hair. "You're still the wonderful kid I've gotten to know these past six months. You're still the one I love." Roxas burst into tears and hugged Axel tightly as the redhead tried to sooth him.

"Thank you. Thank you." Roxas whispered, his eyes tightly closed as he buried his face in Axel's shirt. He couldn't believe this was happening. Was Axel really accepting him? Could this really be happening or was it all a dream? Axel's soft chuckle made him look up and Axel smiled, wiping away the tears.

"Hey, I'm an engineering type Roxy. We look at it in a Tab A Slot B fashion. Speaking of which, this poses a few practical problems." Roxas blushed at that. "First off, you won't be able to top." Axel sounded regretful and Roxas almost choked at the bluntness. "And the question is, how much can you feel? Because I don't want to hurt you." Axel supposed he might be able to accept it if orgasm was simply impossible for Roxas although he very much hoped that wasn't the case. He wanted Roxas to be happy with him as a lover, not just satisfying his needs. But most of all he didn't want to hurt the blonde. Roxas hesitated. Was Axel really suggesting they…?

"You still want me?" Even if Axel was able to accept the mutilation Roxas hadn't anticipated that he'd want a real relationship. Axel looked a bit surprised.

"Of course. How could I not?" Roxas smiled weakly as Axel cuddled him. "You're beautiful Roxy." Roxas looked into Axel's face and saw only sincerity there.

"You're amazing." Roxas nuzzled Axel for a moment before returning his bluntness. "I have a lot of feeling in what I have left. It looks really weird though." His erection was not a pretty sight. "My sex drive isn't very high though." That was a bit shameful to admit but it was just the truth. Roxas knew that Sora was capable of a lot more than he was. "It's the hormones." The loss of his testicles had done a number on that. Axel nodded. He'd never read up on that sort of thing but he could see why it would be the case.

"Well, we'll just make do." He murmured and began exploring Roxas' neck again. And for the first time, Roxas really let himself relax into it, enjoying the pleasure that was being offered without worrying about how Axel would react. "You know, I think hormone replacement therapy is available. Couldn't afford it?"

"No." Roxas murmured, returning Axel's affections and pulling him into a deep kiss. His family was comfortable but it was the kind of comfort that left no money to spare. He knew his parents were constantly clipping coupons and just didn't have the money for anything unnecessary. He'd considered asking them anyway but the subject was just too painful. "Maybe when we're on our own." Axel made a small sound of agreement as he slowly pulled off Roxas' shirt and began exploring his chest. Roxas gasped as he found a nipple and gently tweaked it then groaned as Axel's hot mouth closed over the other one, giving him a gentle suck. Roxas fumbled for a moment then began to work off Axel's shirt. The redhead helped and soon the fabric was puddle on the floor. Axel pressed him back and Roxas gasped as he looked into green eyes and a warm smile. He could feel Axel's erection now, pressing through his pants and against his stomach.

For a long time they just kissed and petted, enjoying the feel of each other. Roxas felt more desire than he ever had in his life and when Axel brought out the tube of lube and condom he knew what the redhead wanted to do. But when Axel started easing away his pants Roxas shook his head.

"Not like this…" Axel looked about to protest but held back as Roxas sat up in front of him then turned around so he was on his hands and knees. "I – I don't want you to see it." From behind he looked almost normal. Axel's voice had laughter in it as he replied.

"Roxas, I can't say I've ever stared at someone's cock when we made love." Roxas blushed but shook his head. "And I wanted to see your face. But we can do it anyway you like." Axel could understand why Roxas would be self-conscious. Axel gently started to open him up and paused as Roxas gasped.

"It's okay. Keep going." He managed and Axel's fingers resumed their work. It felt weird and it hurt a bit but Roxas had been expecting that. He tried hard to relax as Axel carefully eased one finger in, then a second and then finally a third. That hurt again but then Axel found something inside him that made him gasp and tremble. Axel kept working him with his fingers until Roxas was just dying to feel something else instead. "Axel, please, I'm ready." He was extremely ready. Axel laughed softly at the need in Roxas voice and the blonde swallowed as he heard the crinkle of the condom being unwrapped. Then he felt the tip of Axel's cock at his entrance, spreading him out further and wider than even three fingers could have. "Ah!" Roxas shifted just as Axel thrust smoothly in and gasped in a mixture of pain and pleasure at the feeling of being filled.

Axel had to work hard to find sensitive spots on Roxas without upsetting the blonde. He couldn't directly touch the blonde's cock or any of the scars. Instead, he found the sensitive skin on Roxas' thighs and ran his fingers over that as he held himself up with one hand. He also found that the back of Roxas' neck was sensitive and kissed it, gently mouthing the skin and caressing it with his tongue as he speeded the pace. He knew he'd hit Roxas' prostate when the boy writhed under him and released a throaty moan. Axel angled for that spot, hoping the combination of sensations would be enough to bring Roxas to orgasm. His own release was getting closer, Roxas was so hot and tight and perfect under him. Axel nuzzled Roxas cheek from behind and felt himself getting closer as Roxas rolled his hips back, deepening the connection between them. But he had to hold back, had to get Roxas there first.

Roxas finally stiffened under him with a cry and Axel's eyes widened as the blonde tightened around him sharply. Axel followed a moment later, a moment of shared bliss that had no equal. The two boys were left panting, sweaty and half-stunned by the intensity of it. Axel smiled and nuzzled the back of Roxas' neck one last time before he pulled away and out of his new lover. Roxas mumbled a small protest at the loss then looked down at the sofa. The cushions were stained by his release, which was smaller than it should have been if he'd been normal but definitely there.

"Need to clean this up, or mom and dad are going to ask about it." Roxas was sure his mom and dad could recognize the signs of sex. He'd walked in on something very peculiar in the kitchen when he was five. Axel just nodded as Roxas stood to get a box of kleenex's. Axel watched his naked lover with a smile, glad that Roxas trusted him enough not to pull on his pants right away. "Want to go to my bedroom?" Axel hesitated a moment.

"Will your parents mind if I stay the night?" He asked softly. He did want to, but not if it would get Roxas in trouble. Roxas shook his head. His parents were out to a movie with Sora but they'd all be back soon.

"They won't say anything." He was sure of that. His parents wouldn't comment about his sex life to him, not after what had happened. Axel smiled and stood, hugging him for a moment before planting a kiss on his cheek.

"Then I'd love to stay." There was nothing he wanted more than to stay with Roxas. Although… "You face me in bed, okay?" He wanted to see Roxas' cute face. Roxas smiled and hugged him for a moment and Axel returned the affection.

"Sure." Roxas hesitated a moment then whispered. "I love you." He was sure of it now. Axel was just amazing. Axel cuddled him close, laying a kiss on his temple.

"I love you too." Axel was just as sure of that as Roxas. He'd lost his heart to the little blonde months ago.

It was a good start to the rest of their lives.