This isn't actually my first List Of things Emmett Can't do, I lost the written copy of the first, but when I find it I'll post it as the second one!!
-Emmett'sMunkeyGurl

Disclaimer: As you all know I don't own Twilight

Things Emmett Cullen Can't do

1. Declare that Lestat is 50 times cooler than Edward will ever be... sparklepire
2. Run around telling 4th graders that he is the real Harry Potter
3. Attempt to commit suicide by burring himself with 50,000 pounds of marshmallows
4. Take over "Sealand"
5. Play with "ordinary house-hold liquid nitrogen", no matter how many times Bill Nye does
6. Annoy the crap out of Edward by singing the "Bill Nye the Science Guy" theme song in his head over and over
7. Become a rock star
8. Play "Operation" with a real person
9. Go anywhere near Carlisle's doctor stuff
10. Attemp to sharpen his teeth with a pencil sharpener so he can have "real fangs"
11. Become a Vampirate
12. Call himself Jack Sparrow
13. Get a Pirates of the Carribean compass from McDonald's and go around saying "I'm Johnny Pepp, and I'm gonna be Captain of the Pink Pearl! Yeah!"
14. Get a "My name is..." sticker and put "Captain Random the Pirate" on it
15. Get a whole bunch of Moon Sand so he can "bake it and keep it forever!"
16. Break into people's locker's and leave Purple top hats
17. Try to "Death By Tray" Bella... no matter how fun it looks
18. Declare that he is "CHUCKLES THE EVIL PIGGY!"
19. Go to New Moon and (loudly) point out all the mistakes
20. Give Mike Bell's lunch box so he can add it to his shrine
21. Blow up a polluted river and blame it on Bella
22. Use a pineriser (Emmett: What the heck is a pineriser?!?!DX Me: You will never know!!XD)
23. Join the mafia
24. Become a ganster (the lame kind)
25. Go on a quest to find (and kill) Voldemort
26. Flick people repeatedly
27. Flick pencils at people repeatedly
28. Poke people insesently
29. Go to a crowded public place, scribble people's names into a black notebook and yell "I will be the god of the new world!" *insert demented laughter here*
30. Sing show tunes while slitting people's throats
31. Declare that he is no longer a vampire, he is an elf and his name is Buddy
32. Go on a quest to destroy the one ring
33. go around acting like Galom
34. Declare that he is the king of all Wal-Marts
35. Declare that he controls all the erasers in the world
36. Tell random people that he likes purple butterflies 37. Tell everyone that El Nino kills "LOS PECES ANARANJADOS!!"
38. Hide in the bushes by a swing set and jump out yelling "WITCH!" whenever a little girl jumps off the swings (Snape:*Jumps out of the bushes after Emmett* Hey that's MY thing)
39. Go to a crowded public place, fake a heart atttack, and when everyone starts coming to see if he's okay jump up and say "FALSE ALARM!!!"
40. Try out for "Are you smarter than a 5th grader?"
41. Make inderect innuendos about comments that teachers make
42. Declare that anyone he doesn't like has to wear the "Cone of Shame" (Mike: I do not like the cone of shame)
43. Sing and dance to "We're all in this together" in the middle of lunch
44. Sing and Dance to "Single ladies"... ever
45. Run across the roof of someone's house with bell's all over his clothes
46. Give Bella an Atomic Fireball and tell her it's a cherry gumball
47. Go to a shrink and cry about how he and Jasper (or Edward, for that matter) aren't ready to be parents
48. Act out the surgery video from iQuit iCarly with Bella as the patient
49. Call a pizza place, tell them he wants a large pepperoni, mushroom, sausage, and bacon (putting extra emphasis on the pepperoni) pizza, and right before he hangs up saying "And rember NO pepperoni!"
50. Try out for the cheerleading squad and when they tell him he didn't make it run off the school campus crying

"That's all of them!" Alice said taping the list on the wall where Emmett couldn't pretend that he didn't see it.
"Did he really try to kill himself with 50,000 pounds of marshmallows?" I asked Rosalie
"Yup, after a while he got bored of just sitting under a pile of marshmallows so he made a 'warm igloo' as he calls it." She replied rolling her eyes.
"AUGHHHHHHHHHH! RUN AWAY!!! DOGGIES ON FIRE! RUN AWAY!!!!" Emmett bellowed running from the kitchen.
Alice sighed and went back to the list.

51. Roast hot dogs with a blow torch