A/N: This is crack. Pure, unadulterated crack. Born from involuntarily listening to "Christmas Tree" by Lady GaGa in the car at least ten times, I bring you…whatever this is. I swear I'll post a Christmas one-shot you guys can actually take seriously in the weeks to follow. But for now…yeah. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I own a very large nothing.

My Newbie's New Christmas Carol

"Light me up, put me on top, let's fa la la la la, la la la la!"

Dr. Cox, who had just tucked Jack in for the night under the assumption that the rest of their evening would be free of caroling, rubbed his temples on the couch as Newbie continued to sing whatever it was he was singing.

"The only place you wanna be is underneath my Christmas tree!"

At least Jack had been singing songs that he actually knew: Rudolph, Frosty, that kid with the drum… But as to what JD was singing? No idea.

"Light me up, put me on top, let's fa la la la la, la la la –"

"NEWBIE!"

Dr. Cox was getting ready to regret his outburst when he turned around just in time to see JD almost stumble off of the small ladder, but the minute he caught his balance, glass star still in hand, Perry went back to sounding annoyed. "What in the hell are you singing over there, Carol!?"

JD smiled cheerfully, ignoring his boyfriend's anger and enjoying that the older man was actually curious enough to ask. "It's called 'Christmas Tree,' by Lady GaGa!"

"Lady who?"

"Lady GaGa! You know!"

Dr. Cox stared at him, eyebrow quirked, before finally shaking his head. "Actually, Newbie, I don't." Aiming to turn around, the Irishman was stopped half way when his protégé's voice pulled him back into the conversation.

"Oh c'mon, Perry, you have to! She's for gay rights and everything!"

Dr. Cox immediately pinched the bridge of his nose, unable to believe that he was actually having this conversation. Inhaling slowly before turning back around, the older man drew his hand away from his on-coming migraine to answer the brunet's latest comment. "First of all, I ra-heely don't care about whatever new pop star is in and whatever beliefs they hold, even if they coincide with my own. Second of all, I'm not gay. I'm Newbie-sexual."

JD just rolled his eyes as he put the star on top of the tree, slowly climbing down the ladder and walking over to the couch. "Oh c'mon, Per, she's not that –"

"No. Now I put up with Jack's singing because I'm not going to tell a kid – let alone my son – that I can't stand caroling. But you, Holly, are old enough to hear what it is I'm about to tell you: Those songs drive me insane. If you really must sing something, at least make it a song that I actually know, but enough with that Christmas Tree whatever-the-hell, because it is by far one of thee most obnoxious carols I have ever heard."

He had expected puppy dog eyes and a pout, so Dr. Cox was admittedly surprised when JD's face adapted a mischievous little smirk. "Okay, Dr. Cox. It's in my head though, so if I start singing it again, you just tell me to stop and I will, alright?"

Perry felt his eyebrows come together in curiosity, but he nodded, satisfied enough with JD's answer and assuming it was Christmas Eve that had the brunet acting the way he was.

He turned back around, trying to find where it was he left off in the book he was reading, when a sudden weight on the couch next to him caught his attention.

JD, in all of his holiday sweater wearing glory, was fiddling with one of the Christmas cookies he and Jack had made together. This particular one was shaped like a Christmas tree. Different color frosting decorated its front under the guise of ornaments, while white frosting surrounded its sides. Not really fazed that JD was craving more sweets, Perry turned back to his book. Until, that is, a sound that he could ne-hever ignore brought him to attention.

"Mmm…"

Dr. Cox peered at JD from the corner of his eye, watching as the brunet sucked on his finger; eyes closed and content. The Irishman did his best to focus in on the cookie, noticing instantly that one of the ornaments was gone – a mere smudge from where JD had just dipped the tip of his finger.

Perry rolled his neck, ignoring the kid and his love for sweets in order to return to his novel. Of course, he didn't last very long; not when JD randomly decided to sing his favorite new song again.

"Oh, oh, a Christmas! My Christmas tree's delicious!"

Dr. Cox turned back to him, ready to yell, but was stopped from doing so when he noticed the brunet's shirt was off. The Irishman bit the inside of his cheek – hard – as a half naked Newbie licked the side of that damn cookie, the lyrics that next came out of his mouth sounding a lot less cheery than they had when he was decorating their tree. Not that he sounded sad, oh no. He just sounded very, very –

"Ho, ho, ho – under the mistletoe. Yes everybody knows we will take off our clothes. Yes, if you want us to we will. Oh, oh, a Christmas. My Christmas tree's delicious."

Dr. Cox thought the slight moan he gave was all in his head, but when JD turned to face him, he swallowed, pulling himself together long enough to glare in his usual, accusatory way.

The brunet looked at him casually, a simple shrug of the shoulders accompanying his innocently spoken response. "What? It's hot in here."

Dr. Cox went to tell him that it wasn't, until he realized that it actually was. Damn it. Deciding it was better to just grunt and say no more, the older man once again turned back to his book. Of course, seconds later…

"Light you up with you on top, let's fa la la la la, la la la la…"

Dr. Cox swallowed, ignoring the sudden heat between his legs as he went about reading the same sentence for at least the third time in a row.

"Light you up with you on top, let's fa la la la la, la la la la…"

Oh, God…

A sudden snicker caught his attention, but Perry just pretended that he was too engrossed in his novel to give it much thought. He assumed JD had been giggling since he was getting away with singing that ridiculous song again. Of course, he was proven wrong when the brunet moved in a little closer, leaning in and pointing at something he was sure he hadn't noticed.

"Is that my Christmas present?" the brunet whispered playfully, his finger waving a little as it pointed to the place between Perry's legs.

Dr. Cox was only turning red because, like JD had said just moments ago, it was hot. It was hot in the room and that was all. He wouldn't even acknowledge the doctor that was now turning back to his spot on the couch, hands still playing with his half eaten cookie. Not when he was acting like an all purpose –

"The only place you wanna be is underneath my Christmas tree," he sang teasingly.

Okay, that was it!

Perry turned back to JD in a rush, taking his lips and pressing them against his own. The two were up from their spots in mere seconds, stumbling as they walked this way and that, their mouths never once breaking apart.

It was only moments later when he found himself under the Christmas tree; JD smiling up at him in nothing short of delight. "That was a hell of a stunt you pulled there, Noel."

The brunet giggled. "I know, I'm sorry. But see, Per? GaGa's not so bad."

Dr. Cox rolled his eyes. Maybe it was the spirit of the holiday finally catching up to him, or maybe it was just because the person he was in love with was currently laid out underneath him and smiling. He didn't really know, but he didn't feel that nauseated when he finally decided to give in, if only just a little. "She has some good ideas. I'll give her that."

JD's eyes were practically dancing as the older man combed through his hair; fingers interlacing with chocolate locks before leaning back in for a kiss. "Merry Christmas Eve, Perry."

"Merry Christmas Eve there, Newbie. Now how about we –"

"Fa la la la la?"

"Exactly."

A/N: Whenever I find out what it is I'm on, I'll let you guys know. Until next time!