Hi! I'm back lol. You'd probably like to vent your frustrations in the most Victoria-ish way at the ridiculously long time I took to update. I'm kinda hoping the chapter makes up for it! I write to absolve my sins ;)

THANKS to my reviewers and subscribers! please note that I haven't in fact forgotten you guys. It's just that my life has been nothing short of crazy these past months with law exams and court practice. Honestly, it's a miracle I even managed to update at all...so I'm really ecstatic that I once again found the time and the muse to do so!

That being said, Eclipse was by far the best out of the three movies! I loved it as well as its soundtrack.

Down to business. Please tell me what you think...love it, hate it, bored you to hell...I wanna know!

Disclaimer: I am obviously not Stephenie Meyer

It would be easy to assume that being a vampire with infinite time on your hands would guarantee you alone time as often as you would require. But if you were to have a rudimentary understanding of how my life, if you could call it that, progressed, you would come to understand that in fact such precious time is quite difficult to come by. Being a doctor in the ER and leader of a coven takes up the entirety of my time.

So it would be moments like these, these rare instances, unexpected slots in my busy schedule, which I would welcome and revel in as I seek to collect my thoughts which seemed to be rather mixed up lately.

The other coven members, who I consider my family, are off on an early morning hunt, and Bella is upstairs, still asleep from their night out yesterday. So I find myself alone, on the balcony just off the conservatory, having not denied myself the pleasure of stepping into a pool of sunshine. Something I have not done for a long time.

The warmth of early sunshine coupled with a fresh breeze seemed soothing on my marble skin, which despite its firmness was capable of high sensitivity to the surroundings… much like us vampires were for that matter. And for a moment I felt at peace with the world and with what it had to offer, glad once again, that I was blessed enough or indeed, damned, to be enjoying such simple pleasures; and it was at that moment that I delved into the unexpected turns my life, our lives, were taking and this even when we were living with someone who could predict the future.

I never imagined that I would be without Edward, when he has been the oldest member of my family.

And if you had told me I would lose my wife, I would never have believed you.

The one solid, dependable thing in my life was snatched away from me. I wasn't even prepared for it.

But it is not to say that I have not moved on from their loss. After all, I'm the one looked up to. I'm the constant in their lives. If I had to cease to be, it would be the end of this coven. And at this point I wonder, if they would resume our philosophy if they had to branch out in their own separate lifestyles. Would they give in to their bloodlust? Twisted by curiosity? I'm inclined to believe that they will hold true to our beliefs.

More than that, in the three years Bella has been living with us, she hasn't once mentioned to me her desire to become one of us.

By that I mean, an immortal. I do not wish it on her by any means, and God forbid she would take it into her head to start compelling me to take her life.

But I guess, Bella has changed over the past 3 years, which is the only clue we have to how much time has really passed from Esme and Edward's deaths. I had almost forgotten how much a human can change over such a short space of time.

The Bella I knew in Forks as compared to the Bella I came to know are two different persons. I'd say not completely, but different. In a good way.

Her stubbornness, though still there, has matured into intelligence. And she has grown sort of diplomatic. She has always been responsible, but now it seems like it has bloomed out of her, giving her the grace of a woman, not a young teenage girl. She is someone, though still bereaved from the loss of her love, seems to want to try her hand at life and see where it takes her. The once, straightforward yet somewhat insecure girl from Forks, had now matured into a lady with a deep character and level headed judgement. And I would describe her as shrouded in mystery, if I had not been living with her.

She seems more comfortable with who she is and how she looks like. Indeed, I might say she is more mature than the others.

It was all this which gives her, her appeal.

It was what made her an attractive, sophisticated young woman.

And it was precisely the reason why I seemed to dwell on her rather often these days.

I stirred my aching limbs as sunrays peeped through clouds and fell across my face, as I emerged out of the daze of sleep. The light was too bright for my tired and slightly stinging eyes, so I rolled over dragging the pillow next to me and burying my head as deep as it would allow without suffocating. Groaning, I tried to summon back the peaceful darkness I had been slumbering in like a few minutes ago, and hating the fact that it was already morning. But it seemed that a hangover had set in, and a dull headache was pounding my head vengefully, paying me back for all the alcohol I had consumed the other night.

With that thought, memories of the night before came flooding in and I groaned unwittingly. Last night had been nothing short of crazy. After I saw Jake off, Rosalie and Alice descended on me like a couple of wild vampires that they were and insisted on a night on the town which we hadn't done in quite a long time now. It was precisely the reason why I accepted, not wanting to be a party pooper. We hit the town in the Porsche and Rosalie's red convertible BMW and went bar hopping, Emmett making sure we entered every pub and nightclub in existence. It was fun, I admit when I thought back of the reluctance I felt as Alice basically dolled me up until I looked satisfactory in her eyes. Honestly, I no longer bothered to protest. I did this a number of times with them in the past couple of years, but not as frequently as to render it something of a custom; and every-time we went out, it was fun and I was endlessly amused by the antics of Jasper and Emmett as they did the most outrageous moves on the dance-floor, entirely stealing the scene. And this not to mention the frenetic driving through the town which easily made us the centre of attraction anywhere we went. In all honesty, I have no idea how they never end up being chased by cops for over speeding.

I invariably got exasperated, when either of them decided I should try out some Vodka shooters or some sordid alcoholic cocktail. Apparently they got a kick out of watching me drink until I started to talk nonsense. Emmett insists that I talk in the most obscene language when I'm intoxicated. Something, which I'm not sure I believe. Perhaps I only went along with it because I was a bit curious to see what it meant to drunk. Now that I know, I'm not planning to do so again anytime soon. I guess we returned home soon after, vaguely remembering myself tottering upstairs carrying my shoes and purse like a zombie.

After a night like that, I usually didn't get up till late morning, and this was one of those mornings. In truth it was only 9.30, but considering the fact that I was used to getting up at six thirty, I considered this a late hour. My head still felt heavy despite my rest, and not to mention my feet were aching, having endured an entire evening in ultra high stilettos, and the pain seemed to stretch on to my calves, shins and the back of my knees.

Making a mental note to hide those pair of killer shoes first chance I got, I yawned and stretched, thankful that I had a day off before me, in which I could do what I liked. Perhaps I'll get down to some studying in the evening, though. This weekend had passed without me so much as touching a text book. But then, I couldn't really bring myself to regret it. I hadn't had such a good weekend in a long time.

As I made my way downstairs to the kitchen, which held the promise of strong black coffee, I froze like a deer in headlights as my eyes fell on the veranda just off the conservatory. A shirtless Carlisle, wearing only a pair of charcoal dress pants stood out there with his back to me leaning slightly on the railings, apparently lost in thought. It was one of those moments, when you would feel your very skin erupt in goose bumps, slight anxiety would constrict in your chest and you would feel wrong-footed, exactly like the feeling I used to get when I was little and did something wrong which I didn't want Mom to know about. Instinct took over and I started wondering where the hell everyone was this morning. It was that feeling, where you want to run away as fast as possible, but at the same time you're rooted to the spot, totally transfixed.

My eyes however refused to look at anything else, but at the vision of a perfect chiseled ivory torso, the very image of an ideal male anatomy structure, standing in a ray of sunshine. The dress pants he was wearing hung on his lean waist perfectly, most probably specifically tailored for him. His shoulders were broad, exactly within proportion to his height. His jewel-encrusted skin, something I have never seen with such detail on Carlisle, was giving off tiny flecks of gold light. It was literally, a heavenly sight, like I was seeing an angel floating out there on the veranda.

You might think that I would have gotten used to it by now.

After all, it's not like I've never seen a shirtless male before. The truth was, that while I had seen both Edward and Jacob shirtless, something about Carlisle was somehow different;perhaps it was because he was a male who was physically fully developed.

Ok just keep going! Move!

But my feet seemed to be firmly planted in the ground. My mind was urging me to just move away from where I was, the very least to give the man some privacy. But some alien, instinct kept me rooted to the very spot.

To my horror, Carlisle turned around, seemingly having sensed my presence, and his face seemed to light up as he smiled.

Great. Now he knows you were drooling shamelessly just because he was shirtless.

"Bella," he turned around completely and walked inside.

"Hey," I answered, my voice still thick from lack of use and hoarse after all that drinking. "Morning."

I felt somewhat disconcerted as he walked inside rather slowly, and reached for his pale blue shirt hanging at the back of a chair within arm's reach. His eyes seemed to never leave my face as he slowly put on his shirt, buttoned it up and rolled up his sleeves.

I literally wasn't sure where I was supposed to look, as I witnessed him dressing up. To my embarrassment, a part of me still was incredibly drawn to his torso, but a more rational part incited me to look up and meet his eyes.

Which was altogether a bad idea, since that infamous twinkle of his in his golden eyes always made me nervous.

So I settled the matter by looking sideways and smoothing my hair back, a gesture I had picked up from Jake when he was under pressure. I felt very self conscious as I glanced at my shorts and T-shirt PJs and my bare legs.

"Good morning," he grinned as he proceeded forward. "I gather last night was fun, to put it mildly?"

I gave him an incredulous look in response and he chuckled.

"I feel like I haven't slept in weeks," I protested. "It was ok though, you should have come with us."

"Ah Bella, I think you know that I share your taste in partying and not the others'."

"Which gives you the luxury of being able to choose…. I don't," I groaned as I remembered how Alice practically dragged me about yesterday, completely deaf to my remonstrations.

He winked at me and indicated I follow him to the kitchen.

He guided me to the breakfast table and pulled out a chair for me.

"Hey where are the others?" I began.

"They're off on an early morning hunt. Emmett insists that deer taste that much better when hunted for in the wee hours of the day." Carlisle was answering as he breezed around the kitchen, sometimes his outline blurring as he rushed to fix me a cup of much desired coffee.

"I thought Alice and Jasper already hunted though?" I replied, remembering yesterday while I was out with Jake.

"Yeah, but they decided to join Rose and Emmett," he replied. "What say you I'd prepare you breakfast? I know the remedy for hangovers."

He smiled my favourite smile, dazzling me again.

Honestly, sometimes I think he does it on purpose to see me ogle him like an idiot.

"Yeah I'm sure you do," I replied with a smile. "Thanks."

Coffee was ready in a heartbeat. Somehow he just knew exactly what I needed: black, strong with loads of sugar.

He settled opposite me on the other side of the breakfast table.

"I don't even remember changing and getting into bed," I admitted with a chuckle. "I'm certainly not drinking again, that's for sure."

But Carlisle gave me a twisted grin.

"all I can say is, I'm glad you're choosing a career in law and not as a country singer," he answered.

I gave him a weird look.

"How do y-…. No way!" I exclaimed in horror, as my mind processed the implications of what he was saying.

"Yes, you were particularly loud in your Johnny Cash rendition, and somewhat off-key, I might add."

Carlisle laughed softly at my stricken face.

I probably went beet red, when I recollected that the last venue for the night had been at a Country and Western Pub, at Jasper's insistence. His infectious mood had probably influenced me more due to my inebriated state and I vaguely remembered him and me singing along, or rather, bawling country songs of his choice.

"So that's probably why he sneaked off hunting this morning… Coward! Well, he's not getting off that easily."

I shook my head, torn between amusement and mortification.

A silence fell between us as our eyes met. The golden depths of his pupils seemed bottomless and full with a variety of emotions, which if I'd try to interpret it would probably take days.

Sometimes I couldn't understand why his gaze penetrated me so deeply.

It was one of those instances of silent communication, which before this whole Alice vision dilemma I used to enjoy intensely, since it signified that we understood each other, and that we were on common turf. United together by tragedy.

Now I was not so sure anymore.

I looked down to my half-finished coffee-cup, to disguise my guilty look.

"You know," he began, "Why don't you take a shower whilst I prepare you something to eat? It'll be a while before I finish."

"I probably smell awful," I said sheepishly, suddenly self conscious again, recalling his acute sense of smell.

"Well aside from the cigarette smoke particles in your hair which are decidedly strong smelling, you smell fine," he answered "I merely observe that you still look rather tired and a refreshing wash would make you feel better, trust me."

I met his eyes again.

"Yeah," I answered, simply. I actually was looking forward to a bath, I felt rather messy next to him.

We both stood up simultaneously, and at that moment a weird sensation gripped me as instinct seemed to take over in the strangest of way: for at that moment I pictured myself leaning over the counter and kissing him intimately on his lips to show appreciation.

I almost whacked myself on the head.

You seriously need to get a grip.

But doing so just seemed so natural.

I shook my head in confusion and made my way out of the kitchen, before I could embarrass myself.

My mind was still too sluggish to comprehend my actions, and I didn't feel like entering into a labyrinthine maze of thoughts that concerned my supposed future relationship with Carlisle. So I settled with a nice shower, taking care to lather my hair thoroughly to be rid of the pungent cigarette smell, which I had picked up last night from the pubs and clubs.

By the time I was ready from putting on a pair of jeans and blouse and combing my damp hair, having descended back to the kitchen, Carlisle was just about ready.

I froze at the kitchen entrance, as I scanned the continental breakfast on the table: a plate containing butter-egg on toast, blueberry muffins, orange juice, tea and cinnamon biscuits and a fruit platter.

"Whoa, Carlisle, I know you can cook, but I think you might have forgotten how to calculate a portion for one!"

He insisted I eat everything however, suddenly going into doctor mode in expressing concern that I seemed malnourished.

As I ate slowly, I recounted Jake's visit. He seemed very interested in what was happening with the pack and expressed relief when I told him that Forks hasn't been safer in a long time.

Our conversation was cut short when the others called us from the entrance, to signify their return from their hunt. Alice and Rosalie came into the kitchen first, engaged in an animated discussion apparently concerning clothes.

"Hey Bella," Alice greeted me as she and Rosalie sat at my either side on the kitchen table.

I soon learnt from them that they were planning on going to see the Phantom of the Opera at the theatre that evening. I guess it wasn't so bad, being a lover of music and opera myself.

Carlisle had also agreed to come with us.

In fact without knowing, I realized he was going to escort me, since the two of us were the only ones without dates.

I wasn't sure whether I should be suspicious of Alice on this matter. It just seemed too contrived all of a sudden. Mind you, I was glad she didn't think of me as some kind of pervert for being attracted to Carlisle, but I didn't account for the other extreme really. I mean, I never would have imagined her being so enthusiastic over the matter. Not that any of this was her doing of course. Carlisle and I just somehow grew closer to each other over the time I've been living with them.

I realised with some shock however that Rose and Emmett had no clue about the whole situation. A feeling of dread seeped through my stomach as I sat at my desk later that day sifting through some notes. What if this negatively affects my relationship with them? Alice and Jasper might approve of it, but if I am to understand correctly, Rose and Emmett were still in the dark. What if I jeopardise my somewhat of a flimsy friendship with Rosalie? Her and me were getting along well; not as close as I was with Alice, but nonetheless, a much better relationship than we had back in Forks while I was with Edward. It seemed that the fact that I had not mentioned the issue of my transformation to them again, had softened Rosalie toward me, not to mention the sympathy she had offered me for my loss.

So what happens now?

Bella, you're thinking too much again. There is NOTHING between you and Carlisle, so this isn't even an issue.

The day breezed past before I could get a grip on it, and it was time to get ready for the Opera.

Perhaps it was because I didn't argue about going, or perhaps it was because she wanted to make sure I don't chicken out, but Alice did not pester me too much over clothing. She seemed content with letting me select a simple black evening gown on my own. She dealt with hair and makeup in the quickest time possible and soon had me ready.

Still, I couldn't deny she did a great job as I observed myself in a full length mirror. It was really amazing what a stylish black dress could do. There wasn't even any need to put on jewellery.

Alice and Rosalie looked stunning. No surprises there. Alice with her champagne off the shoulder dress made of floaty material and Rosalie in a spectacular bronze-coloured dress which ended just above her knee.

I had been saying over and over to myself in a mantra that being Carlisle's date meant absolutely nothing at all. But I may as well have addressed the wall for all the effect it had. So I found myself descending the stairs to the foyer to meet the boys following Alice and Rose, my hands sweaty as I gripped my clutch bag, my heart doing a nervous drum roll in my chest.

How I manage to get myself pulled into these situations I'll never know.

All three of them looked very handsome in their tuxedos. But I really only had eyes for one. Jasper and Emmett were debating something, but Carlisle seemed to be in the process of fixing his cuff-links in the full length mirror in the hallway.

Nevertheless all three turned to greet us as we approached them.

"Ah why is it that men spend half their lives waiting for women?" began Emmett, as he greeted Rosalie.

"Well that's because you just can't live without us!" quipped Rosalie as she pecked Emmett on the cheek and turned to inspect herself in the mirror.

Alice and Jasper squeezed each other, Jasper with an adoring look on his face.

Which left me feeling so awkward, I wasn't sure how to act.

Carlisle however seemed unaffected as he offered me his arm in greeting.

"Very pretty," was all he said, with that heartbreaking smile of his.

But the strength of our communication as always, seemed to lie in the eyes and not speech. It seemed we lingered at each other's faces longer than was strictly necessary, but I recovered first as I led him to the front door, all too aware of four sets of eyes observing us.

I caught a certain look on Alice and Jasper's face, which did nothing to strengthen my resolve.

I rode with Carlisle in his Mercedes, Alice and Jasper seated at the back. Rose and Emmett had taken Rose's car.

I soon settled down my nerves the moment we sat down at the theatre as the Opera began. The rich velvety music echoed acoustically around the hall, sending shivers down my spine. It was at that moment I felt extremely fulfilled in my life, being accompanied with the people I held dear. And Carlisle's presence despite it invariably being nerve-wracking was soothing at that point. Like nothing bad can ever happen again in my life.

Christine and Raoul chose that moment to begin the opening notes to All I Ask of You:

No more talk
of darkness,
Forget these
wide-eyed fears.
I'm here,
nothing can harm you -
my words will
warm and calm you.

Raoul's words seemed to reach straight into my heart.

Let me be
your freedom,
let daylight
dry -your tears.
I'm here,
with you, beside you,
to guard you
and to guide you .

How was it that sometimes a song seemed to be written to echo what your heart was feeling? Or is it just the mind which conjures the likeness? However, the chorus of "love me…..that's all I ask of you…" seemed to evoke a sense of intense emotion in me. I suddenly felt aware of my surroundings and that I was sitting just too close to Carlisle.

You're being stupid. Childish and stupid.

The Opera seemed to drag along far longer than I was expecting. My mind was swirling with all kinds of thoughts. I was claimed again with a feeling of trepidation, and profound guilt during out car ride back to our house.

In all honestly, I didn't know why I was putting myself through all of this. The guilt I could understand though. Carlisle was a gentleman with excellent manners. I should not misinterpret his courteous gestures as ones of interest. I chided myself over this, feeling quite pathetic at the fact that I couldn't even distinguish his motivations.

The point was that it seemed like I was falling in too deep and way too fast.

There was also the undeniable guilt which took the shape of Edward's face just after I kissed Jacob that day on the mountain. A burst of pain shot through my heart.

What the hell is the matter with you? How could you do this to Edward?

Once again, I barely remembered how I got upstairs, into my room and out of the evening gown, but tonight it was for very different reasons than last night. I managed to pass off my sober look as one of exhaustion and excused myself before they could ask any further.

The room seemed to slowly revolve around me as I lay face up in bed. I was aware of a stinging sensation at the corner of my eyes which often signalled the presence of tears. But I was slowly losing consciousness, the depths of the abyss of sleep calling me down….

…..The anticipation was palpable in the air. It was as if, you were expecting the world to prepare for its final curtain call, in a dramatic fade out. This, complete with a drum roll, reverberating in my chest as I watched intently as Edward fought Victoria with every inch of his ability. i could barely make out their moves as they attacked and defended at vampire speed; so much so, that it was almost like witnessing some sort of tornado, the colors blurred together as one.

Seth had just disposed of what remained of the newborn, she had put mercilessly to her use; and was looking pleased with himself. However, I could not tear my eyes away from the death dance taking place a few yards away from where I was standing. My eyes, were getting used to the blurs, and I was avidly watching, as if by doing so, I was strengthening Edward, giving hi more protection from the lethal monster who was intent at getting her back at us. It was as if, if I looked away, Edward would lose concentration. And I felt, It was of vital importance to follow each and every movement , because as long as I was watching no harm could come to him. Hope radiated out of me as I looked on, barely realizing that I was holding myself in a way which was not quite so different with how I used to, when I felt that huge hole in my chest.

The pain of parting.

I was confident, that Edward was on top. He had Victoria well and truly cornered. She had no hope of winning.

So his sudden shout of "Seth, take Bella and run!" didn't quite fit in with what I was expecting out of the battle. I merely stared blankly as he continued to weave, skillfully dodging Victoria, with ever ounce of energy he possessed.

It was soon to be over….right?

So why was he ordering me away?

"Seth….NOW, please," came his tortured voice.

"no," I muttered, so confused , I was starting to believe this was all just a dream. "Edward, I'm staying here, it will all be over soon…"

I wasn't sure if it was him or myself, I was consoling.

All that mattered is that I remained watching him, till the very end. Till his triumphant exclamation at finally having rid us of her.

But apparently it was not to be.

Seth was about to pick me up.

"NO," I repeated defiantly, as I attempted to fight him off.

But the werewolf had apparently a better sense of what Edward had in mind, and my strongest effort against him practically useless, he threw me over his back in less than a heartbeat. Which was saying something, given that the drum-roll in my chest had now reached the peak. Before I could even open my mouth to argue, Seth had set off out of the clearing and into the trees.

A panicked frenzy suddenly overtook. I desperately wanted to see him, desperately wanted him to give me his crooked smile, showing amusement at my stupid anxiety. Giving me that look, which was enough to melt all my troubles away.

I felt so out of touch with reality, I barely felt the werewolf's powerful body beneath mine as he surged through the forest at breakneck speed.

"Seth…is it over?"

I was pleading. I was trying with all my might to understand why we were running like bats out of hell, through the forest and presumably toward the place where the others were battling with an army of newborns.

But Seth didn't seem to see it fit to even nod his head.

Stupid wolves.

Upon arriving, it was a scene of complete chaos. Here and there were various pyres; acrid smoke ensuing from them, with a heavy scent of incense. The battle was still taking place, but as far as I could see, all the Cullens were confident in what they were doing, as were the pack.

I could see Rosalie deftly battling two young women single-handedly; Emmett manhandling three male newborns at once, Alice barely visible as she breezed here and there, leaving a trace of vampire body parts in her wake; Jasper whose expert style of fighting, made him a very intimidating opponent; Carlisle and Esme seemed to be fighting defensively rather than attacking like the rest.

The pack were finishing what remained of the newborns, and victory was in sight.

Jacob had instantly appeared at my side, his wolf eyes an unfathomable expression in them. This stirred within me a sense of despair.

Why wasn't anyone rejoicing?

I was soon answered.

Everyone was too distracted with their respective battles to notice a pair of gleaming red eyes emerge from the blackness of the forest.

At first they seemed disembodied, as they watched the progress before them.

My first conscious thoughts struck fear in me, thinking of the Volturi.

But in my hearts of hearts, I knew it wasn't them.

For the pair of eyes were looking hungrily in my direction, showing a look of deep satisfaction.

They came forward, and as the body materialized into the light, revealing a cruelly smug feline face, framed by a mass of fiery orange hair which seemed to crackle with an electric triumph; I felt my stomach clench with nausea.

For her presence here could only mean one thing.

Seth and Jacob growled, their hackles rising. But remained at my side.

Everything seemed to be happening in a dream-like state. The fire from the various pyres, smoked on in slow-motion, as nameless shadows flitted around the clearing. I didn't care ifr they were friend or foe.

All I cared about was the tall figure, still partially shrouded in darkness, just opposite.

My head refused to believe the implications.

My eyes refused to register the column of smoke which was visible over the tree tops at a distance, from where Seth and I had come earlier.

I didn't even mind the pain which was like a stab of a dagger right through my heart.

I wasn't even aware that my knees were shaking so violently they were barely able to hold me upright.

What I could register, was Esme's stricken face, as she took in the same sight I was beholding. I knew that she had arrived at the same unavoidable conclusion. What came next I will never forget for the rest of my life.

The momentary lapse in Esme's concentration catered enough time for her opponents to deal her a fatal blow.

It was over before I even realized what happened.

With a furious roar, Jacob leapt forward, him, Paul and Leah rounding on Victoria, before she could react. Victoria was there and then a mass of white stone parts on the ground.

Sam finished the few newborns which still remained.

The bloody moon shone down on the deserted battle field littered with bodies; a putrid smell of incense shrouding everything.

The vampires and the werewolves roamed about like lost souls.

In my haze and the excruciation, I could register Carlisle who had descended on his knees, his face portraying pure torture, which confirmed what I had been suppressing n my depths.

It was the last straw.

My world darkened into nothingness.