This is my very first attempt at writing fan-fiction and I appreciate any advice and critique. I'm also a Johnny (or Joanne XD) Foreigner, so please feel free to correct my English.

So yeah ,lesbian pairing, if that for some reason disgusts you, don't bother to read. Maybe someone's getting the few references to ingame phrases that annoyed me after a while :D

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To forget. She wanted to forget. That was all she wanted – but couldn't.

Last night, in the Dark Hour, Mitsuru had witnessed her father's death. It had happened right in front of her eyes, yet there was nothing she could do. She had been tied to a cross, ready to be sacrificed. Hanging there, already in despair, she saw the ultimate mission of hers fail – to protect her father. He alone had been bearing the responsibility for the mistakes his own father had committed. And that although he had not been involved; he had not done anything bad. Still, he took all blame for what happened back then. Mitsuru had always admired her father for his braveness and responsibility. Although he was a rather distanced man, she really loved her father – so much, in fact, that it had led to the awakening of her persona. Her love for her father was what had started S.E.E.S. in the first place.

But now, after what had happened last night, Mitsuru had fallen into a deep, deep hole. A hole filled with sadness and despair, with reproach and aimless anger. She couldn't understand it – how did she fail at what was most important to her? Her very reason to fight – it was gone. There was no reason to carry on, no mission to be fulfilled. Defeating the twelve shadows, what she had believed to be the right mission, had not led to the extinction of the Dark Hour. Moreover, it had led to her father's death.

There was not one moment in which there weren't any horrible memories, terrible pictures or self-accusations chasing Mitsuru. Nothing, absolutely nothing could distract her. She hadn't slept a minute and was suffering from fatigue, yet she was unable to find enough mental peace to rest. Mitsuru, the ever-so-perfect student council president, was in a bad condition – eyes as red as her hair from crying, her hair a mess, deep rings under the half-closed eyes. She knew there were many things to take care of, now that she was practically the head of the Kirijo group. The next days, she would have meetings with the board of managers, who she intended to make the leaders of the group as long as she was still attending school. She was absolutely not in the mood for meeting them – in her state of mournfulness, she'd rather see nobody at all. However, things had to be done and she was going to just get through with it.

Mitsuru bent over the bathroom sink and splashed some cold water into her face to cool down. After a moment of shock from the cold, she looked at herself in the mirror above the sink. Water was running down her forehead, gathered in her eyebrows, and eventually ran down her face like a tear. With an expression between serious and almost disturbingly neutral, she traced the water down her face. "If I was to hold the meeting in pouring rain, no one would be able to recognize I was crying", she thought. A blink of an eye later, she had dismissed the thought as utterly stupid. All it would take her was self-control – and that was something she truly did possess. With a sigh, she dried her face in a towel and went on to fix her hair. She was determined to make a perfect appearance, both visually and emotionally. After checking herself in the mirror once more, Mitsuru grabbed her travel bag and left for the Kirijo group headquarters.

A week of exhausting work had passed. Many things had been taken care of, appearances made, statements published. The Kirijo group was being stabilized by now, ready to run without Mitsuru's father as head. The deceased president's daughter was lying on her hotel bed. The room was big and of modern interior, yet emitted a subtle feeling of luxury. With empty eyes, Mitsuru stared at the ceiling, lost in thought. She had no idea how long she had been lying there. After the last meeting, she had gone straight to her room and had fallen onto the bed, without getting changed. Since then, she hadn't moved an inch. Her body had begun to feel numb after a while, she didn't care. Never in her life had she felt this lonely. Although she was an only child and her mother had died early in her childhood, there was always her father around to watch her; though in his distant and reserved manner. Then, there were the other student council members. The other fencing club members. The other S.E.E.S. members. But now, she felt as if there was no one to turn to, no one to share her pain with, no one who'd understand her feelings. Hopelessness and sadness seemed to suffocate her. Or were it just tears that had been collected but not led out? Mitsuru remembered that she hadn't been crying at all in the past week. She had not felt as if she was able to. Even now that she was alone, the tears were there but wouldn't flow. She wondered what could be causing this condition of hers. Was she restricting herself? There was no reason to do so, she was alone in her room. It felt as if there was a knot inside her that shut her throat and didn't allow her to cry – or really talk to anyone about how she felt. Not talk to anyone … Had she spoken with any of her friends about the tragic event? She hadn't. Why, yes, it was the real cause of her feeling of loneliness – that she did not open up to anyone about it. Mitsuru sighed at her own realization: opening up to others really was not her strength. But it was no use – if she kept to herself like this, she would probably explode. She sighed as she set up on her bed. And now? She had decided to open up to someone, but was in the middle of a lifeless hotel room, without anyone she really knew nearby. Upon trying to move her leg, Mitsuru noticed something uncomfortably edgy touching her thigh. It was her mobile phone, which had been there all the time, causing her leg to fall asleep. She took it out of her pocket and looked at the screen. There was a text message from Takeba: "We hope that you'll be fine and look forward to you return. Greetings from the SEES-Team!" Mitsuru smiled half a smile. It was really kind of S.E.E.S. to think of her like that. Once more, this convinced her she would not be left alone with her problems. Over the various problems and dangers they had overcome, the S.E.E.S. members had grown really close to each other. Mitsuru looked at her phone again. The message from Takeba was still opened. Her phoned offered her the option of directly calling Takeba. She hesitated. Would it be okay to bother the younger S.E.E.S. member with her problems? Wasn't it better to call Akihiko? Then again, he was probably training at this time. And after Shinjiro's death, Akihiko had developed a "Just move on, this is how he would have wanted it."-attitude which Mitsuru found admirable – but it really was not what she needed right now. Takeba's sensibility seemed more suited for the situation. Mitsuru Kirijo plucked up her courage and chose call.