A/N - Post series, anime and manga canon-esque. You'll see.
Doubt has cost him everything.
Mikami Teru sinned against his God, and now God has abandoned him.
He sits on the cardboard-thin mattress in his cell, eyes unfocused and perhaps too glassy with tears he hasn't enough self-pity to shed. He should rend his clothes, dress in sackcloth, fast, and rub ashes in his hair and on his face. Is that not how sinners used to atone for their sins?
God's vessel died because Teru was too weak to act. In the moment that truly mattered, he doubted God's power and he doubted his own ability. He spewed blasphemy when he claimed that Light was not God and cursed His name in front of witnesses.
It was a test of his faith, and Teru failed. It might have been him writing down Light's name.
Teru sobs and weeps and pleads for forgiveness now, but his doubt called God a liar. Now his zealous dedication and faithfulness means nothing.
Some believe in a god of mercy and forgiveness, but Teru suspects that his is not that god. His prayers for purpose and redemption go unanswered, and all he receives in return is guilt, self-hatred, and nightmares.
If God gives him another chance, Teru will obey no matter the cost.
He hasn't eaten or moved in three days. What is he, catatonic?
No, we think he's praying.
How do you know when he doesn't talk?
He asked to speak to God when he first got here. Hasn't said anything coherent since.
Teru's tongue is stuck to the roof of his mouth and the growling of his stomach borders on frantic.
It's alright. He knows how long he can survive without water and anyway, the guards won't let him take the easy way out.
God won't let him die either. That's what Teru is waiting for, for God to show up and stop him.
"I'm sorry," he mouths for the thousandth time.
"I know."
It takes him a moment to realize that He has spoken. Teru bolts upright and almost immediately blacks out, his body too weak from dehydration.
Just before darkness falls, he sees Him standing inside the cell.
He's… well, he was moving.
Get the doctor to give him an IV if he won't feed himself.
Wait, he's awake again. He's talking to himself… and crying.
That means he's about to start raving. Just have Doc sedate him first.
"God?" Teru asks, reeling from dizziness as he props himself on one trembling arm. His eyes are slow to focus.
"I'm here." It's Light's body again, that archetype of male beauty and refinement, so perfect that Teru knows he looks boorish beside Him.
God walks forward to sit on the edge of the bed beside Teru. Teru inches back to give Him more room even when all he wants to do is throw himself on the floor. He deserves no second chances.
"I failed you. I'm so s-"
"Shh." Light's mouth smiles as he lays a finger across Teru's lips, and the motion sends paroxysms of mad, unthinking lust ripping through him.
God touched him. His nerves are on fire and if he had anything left in him, he would break into a cold sweat.
"Forgive me, Lord." Teru is too ashamed to admit why he needs to beg forgiveness at this moment. Carnal desire has no place in worship, and he is only speaking because it lets him feel God's touch shift against his mouth.
"I know what you want, Teru."
You have no idea. Teru flinches at the blasphemous thought. As if God wouldn't know the filthy human cravings raging against his willpower.
"You can change everything." Light is speaking again, and Teru tears himself from half-formed fantasies and listens. If he fails God again, there will be no redemption.
"You have one more chance to serve me, and it will be your last."
"Tell me." Teru begs God for purpose. His life is nothing.
"Let me take you back to when you made your mistake." Light's other hand touches his face, lingering for a moment before brushing his eyes closed. "You know when, in the warehouse. Think back to when I asked you to help me..."
He's fighting, Get another guard in there with some restraints.
Yes, sir.
And be careful. He could use that syringe as a weapon.
It's no use.
God still looks helpless, lying in His own blood on a dirty floor. It brings tears to Teru's eyes to see Him brought so low.
His gaze darts to Near, who not only has the fake Death Note that he planted in Teru's locker but the real notebook inside his shirt.
His guards are too close for him to be able to run to Near and snatch the notebooks away. The handcuffs would keep him from being able to maneuver easily.
One of Light's final pleas for help rings in his ears. God would not send him back without reason; there is a way for Teru to atone for his mistakes. He just doesn't see it right now.
Wait. The pen.
He can feel it in his pocket, a very heavy, ornate stylus that was a welcome gift from his law firm. He used it daily to carry out God's justice, just as he did several minutes ago in a futile attempt to kill the enemies of God.
It is the perfect tool to atone for his mistakes.
All eyes are on Light's form, and it takes him only a moment to pull the pen from his pocket. His guards' grip has slackened since he is making no move to escape.
Not only will it take the attention away from God's escape, it will also let Teru regain his honor, his standing in God's eyes. He knows the punishment for sin.
"Thank you," he whispers.
The pen is sharp, and the calligraphy tip cuts through coat and skin alike, finding the hollow between his ribs and piercing his heart. It is painful, but it is also quick.
God is merciful this time.
There is shouting all around him and hands try to pull the pen out, but he bats them away with a few swings of his handcuffed wrists as he stumbles backward. The stylus is still stuck in his chest, draining his heart of blood, but he pulls it out and stabs again, puncturing a lung this time.
As he collapses, he sees God push open the door across the room, unbeknownst to everyone else. The sliver of sunlight nearly blinds him.
He smiles.
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A/N - This was written for the prompt "hallucination". Other than that, very little thought went into this. I resisted posting it due to sub-par writing, but oh well.