He'd have liked to've kissed Nadeshiko

Hello... :D

It's a long boring story as to how I came up with this idea, so I won't bother filling up the page with my awesome ramble. It's my first one-shot, and it's gonna be in two or three parts depending. Oh, and the intro might confuse ya a bit. Roll with it. ;) Warning of language and, well, possibly mature themed? naah.

PART I -

When Souma Kukai got to Seiyo Elementary that morning, he had been curious as to what Tadase had meant when he said "There's a surprise for you." Slightly concerning but as it had been Tadase who said it, he decided to play along and meet him.

So when he got there and had the fright of his life.

Because she had been there, Fujisaki Nadeshiko, the beautiful bright eyed purple head. Kukai couldn't even begin to describe how happy he had been to see her. They had been great friends, the times when she was fun to tease, fun to joke with... and she was really beautiful. A challenging active girl. Just as Kukai liked them. True, most people associated her with Tadase, but on the rare occasions people claimed her to "have a thing" with the Jacks chair- well, Kukai had blushed at the meer thought. Well why not? Kukai was a sportsman, they liked competition and being a good team player- Nadeshiko was simply a girl who could do both. Why wouldn't he "have a thing" for her? No, to others they were polite companions, especially as Kukai was always warmer to Yaya loving her childish attitude like he would a little sister, but behind closed doors, he told Nadeshiko his thoughts, his problems and she sympathized with him, she made him feel better- usually with cookies.

Damn those cookies. Kukai thought.

And, when she left, it wasn't as if Kukai had been heartbroken. Much. They were just good friends. His minor crush at most. He would miss her and always look for the day when she would return. Except... when she did return... would things be the same for them? Could Kukai count on her after Gym to talk about that pesky new "I know how to play- you don't, captain" player or to get help studying with in the Royal Gardens for the Math paper? Would she be interested in him? Would anything happen between them? It did seem so unlikely that when she returned that she may ever "have a thing" for him, and yes the thought did make him disappointed, let down, conscious of his appearance.

Oh, face it Kukai, you like her.

So he did... a little. Who couldn't like Nadeshiko a little? Before Hinamori came along, Nadeshiko was number one on the boys Charts. Childish, immature, yes, but Kukai had secretly agreed. No way was he a man to express such feelings, but he, along with many others, would have liked to have kissed Nadeshiko.

She looked so pretty standing there proud and confident yet so humble. Their eyes met in a gaze which seemed to scream attraction at each other. Kukai was ready to hug her, but kept himself composed. There had never been a clear thing between them. To make a scene would confuse them both. Hang on... weren't girls interested in being swept off their feet in a romantic gesture? Maybe not all, but feminine Nadeshiko might. Kukai wasn't at all sure what possessed his brain to start thinking and acting as he did, but he did. Putting on a slightly cocky attitude with his normal bemused grin, he nearly said, 'Now your back, wanna date?' before Tadase broke the mood by suggesting she change.

And it took five minutes, less than that, and emerging from behind a closet door, to discover that Nadeshiko was, in fact, a boy.

Now, Souma Kukai of-the-many-brothers, was not a boy with anything against other boys who liked boys, but a boy who defended the rights of said boys. Likewise with the cross-dressers; he wasn't one but he would stick up for the ones who where. So to find his friend was actually a cross-dressing boy wasn't something he would normal find so hard to deal with if it wasn't for the fact he had a blooming great crush on her- him, oh great, now it was a him. Kukai was bitter with the whole affair, hoping beyond hope it was a nasty joke. Kukai wasn't gay, yet he had been attracted to another boy for a good couple of years. It didn't make a whole lot of sense to him.

But it wasn't just that- he felt like he had lost a friend. Nadeshiko never existed, instead there was a complete stranger who knew all his secrets, private life and dreams- stuff that isn't repeated to other friends. To stress it again- no one else knew of Kukais secrets, but in the sparkling hazel eyes belonging to Fujisaki, those secrets lurked. He hadn't told Nadeshiko, who's confidence and discretion he had trusted, but Nagihiko to whom he knew nothing about and trusted even less now. He couldn't bring himself to blame deceiving Nadeshiko; Kukai hated this new Jack for completely unfair reasons, and the hate remained.

Why. Why Nadeshiko? Why couldn't Hinamori or Mashiro be a boy instead? Why her?

"Souma-kun, are you still coming around mine tonight?" Tadase asked. Snapping Kukai back to reality, he realized he had agreed to spend the night over at a friends, as had all the many Souma brothers, as Big-Souma-Brother-Number-One had invited a girl over.

He could have told Nadeshiko that, and they would have laughed, and Kukai would have listened to how beautifully the laughter left her lips...

"Oh, um, yeah." he replied eventually, trying to hide his disappointment but failing. Nagihiko looked down at the ground, and then mumbled something about needing to speak to Tsukasa.

Once Nagihiko had closed the door behind him carefully, Tadase looked at Kukai sit against the desk, worriedly.

"Souma-kun?" Tadase asked.

"Hm?" Kukai asked, staring at the floor because if he looked up the lights were bound to make his eyes water.

"... you're the first person Fujisaki-kun agreed to tell."

"Yeah." Kukai responded absentmindedly.

"Mashiro-san... Yuiki-san... Hinamori-san... they don't know yet."

Kukai felt like scowling. All right Tadase, you made your point, Nadeshiko's a fucking boy, I GET IT.

"He's really worried about telling Hinamori-san, so-"

Kukai stood up, looking at his friend angrily. He had always been Tadase's friend, and adviser, sometimes going as far as calling him a mini-brother of sorts, but the thing which never went the other way was comprehending each other. How could Tadase... just expect him to deal with this? His old crush was an illusion, avatar, a lie... he had just lost someone so dear to him in a way Tadase could never understand.

Once he met the blonds eyes with his own stinging ones, Kukai smiled. Tadase was young, he wouldn't get it, so Kukai had to control himself and solve his own problems. He had a reputation to keep going, a reputation as the Guardians Big Brother, the stead-fast student, the one they all looked up to.

"It'll be fine." Kukai grinned, "a new Jack... it'll be fine. Heh... isn't it always the exchange students?"

"The what?" Tadase asked, tilting his head to the side confused.

"The exchange students," Kukai repeated, smiling even wider but slightly freakish now, "you know... first Hinamori came and got the unique roll of joker... then Mashiro and Sanjo come, and now... him..." Kukai was appalled to hear his voice cracking, and had to run now.

He flew at the door, yelling the first thing that came to mind, "Crud, the stove! See you later, Tadase!" before bolting out the door and down the corridor, closing his eyes tightly but unable to stop the tears. He didn't need to see where he was going; he knew Seiyo Elementary like the back of his hand from the days when he used to walk around with Nadeshiko...

A classroom door was slightly ajar, and Nagihiko was peering out of the daring inch crack, watching his old friend spin around a corner out of sight. It seemed his friends weren't taking it well. Were they his friends? No, they were Nadeshikos friends, and he shouldn't have told them who he was until he became their friend.

Way to go and make it awkward, Nagihiko. he scolded himself.

Souma had always had a soft spot for Nadeshiko, he had known that, hence why he never played along and was always grateful when Kukai didn't take the hidden turn downs as punches to their friendship. Heck, he doubted whenever Kukai even realized he did it.

But... he had looked so sad... and so hurt...

Tadase had invited them both over at his house tonight, and Nagihiko knew it was an attempt to try and get them to act normal. It wasn't even like he would have to see Kukai everyday anymore- he had made especially sure to leave when Kukai did and return as himself for this reason- so why couldn't Tadase invite Yuiki-san, or the other two over-? Oh yeah... girls.

He was distracted, remembering the time he invited Amu over his house to sleep over, and she had been none the wiser. Her face if he ever told her... he almost chuckled, until he remembered Kukai's horrified, yes horrified, expression. Then he let out a painful sigh, for this was the sacrifice that he had never really been prepared to make.

Kukai was lying face down on his bed, head stuffed deep into his pillow in attempts to block out reality, Daichi sitting beside him kicking his little legs. The stove had never been on, but Kukai had let out quiet sobs for the last half hour since he arrived home. It was never shameful to cry as Kukai knew and frequently told others, but he had never been the one crying himself before. And if his brothers saw...
His fist thumped the pillow hard, Daichi just avoiding the fist.

"Hey!" Daichi protested. Kukai ignored him. Daichi was good for sport, but not for dealing with this. "Kukai?" He put his hand on Kukai's shoulder gently and asked softly, "Kukai, what's wrong?"

After what seemed like eternity but was really just a long breath, Kukai whispered and howled, "I loved her, Daichi!"

End of PART I -

It's a little off score if I do say so myself.. :s and I'm not best at getting Kukais' character right, espech as I haven't watched S.C in some time. I still want to know any thoughts on this, so please R&R. (Btw- I know neither are gay. Cute if they were, no? No. Okay. Well if there's Kukai X Ikuto fics there's gonna be a damn Kukai X Nagi (hinted) fic. Though I do support Rimahiko!)

Thanks for Reading!