Minors step away from the keyboard. Language fun and foul, and naughty sexy time await you. You've been warned. Leave now, or forever hold your piece. Heh.

The blonde I'd been making a respectable effort to chat up had wandered away. Something about freshening up. Drinks or herself, I didn't know. Or particularly care. I was actually… relieved? Huh.

I'd picked her because she was the hottest thing in the room. Long blonde hair, mile high heels, and a perfect pair of DDs nestled in something red and shiny held on with not enough string. It really didn't deserve to be called a shirt. I'd always liked having the toy the other boys wanted, and it showed, in the cars I drove and the women on my arm.

I wonder if she's coming back? A glance at my watch had the magic 8 ball in my head coming up 'does not look likely'. And I really couldn't even give a shit. Wow. When did that happen?

I flagged down a waitress for a refill, and her pouting red lips and unnaturally rounded cleavage just spun me farther down into my own sullen pit of dissatisfaction. Has everything always been this fake? I was fucking sick of groping bony hips and plastic tits! What the fuck was the world coming to? Was it me? Was I just waking up to this, fucking growing up or some shit? Or was the human race really crashing and burning into a pile of silicon and hair gel?

I was shocked out of my contemplative reverie by a panicked squeal and a hand flailing in front of my face followed immediately by a lap full of girl joining me in my seat.

"Oof!"

I wrapped my arms around her to keep her from continuing onto the floor, one high and one low. She was so soft. I ended up with one hand gripping her thigh, and one wrapped around her shoulders.

"Oh no! I'm- I'm so sorry..."

I darted my eyes up to hers, realizing I had been distracted watching my hands on her body, and my vision was filled with huge brown eyes, so close. So close I could feel her breath on my lips. But her eyes... They were so dark I couldn't find the edge of her pupil, almost black, they were amazing. She giggled and I realized that not only had I been staring I hadn't said a damn thing yet.

"It's... it's no problem. Are you alright? What, uh, what happened?" She was so soft, she had a dress on, or at least a skirt, and it was this grey-blue slinky material that I had to force myself not to just pet. And her shoulders were so warm and... I guess I need to learn more words for soft. And fuck did she smell amazing!

She ducked her head and blushed. "I'm kind of klutzy at the best of times, and then my friend Alice insisted I wear these crazy shoes tonight, and well..."

She continued talking but I had stopped listening. Because at the mention of the shoes she had elevated the foot wear in question to illustrate her point and my gaze had swiftly followed. Over the silver straps and tiny opal toenails, up the curving calf, over a knee crossed with a few thin white scars I wanted to kiss, and on to her sumptuous thigh that I realized I still had a firm hold of. I wanted to do so many things in that moment, and wished ferverently that we were somewhere other than a busy nightclub. Like my bed.

I looked up at her again, and realized she had stopped talking, and I was silently staring at her again. Not good.

"So you're all right then?" "Mmmhhmm."

She bit her lip as she nodded and it made me think of about 47 other naughty things I'd really like to do to her. Well Emmett, if you're going to get to do any of those things you should probably do more conversing and less leering. Yeah, ugh... Hmmm...

"I'm Emmett." Names are good. I flashed her the dimples for good measure and she looked suitably dazed.

"Bella." She whispered shyly. "Nice to meet you."

"Oh the pleasure's all mine, I assure you." I squeezed the thigh still snug in my hand to emphasize my point and she giggled again and smiled at me.

I was distracted by a flash of red in the corner of my eye. Rose had tuned out the poor schmuck next to her who had obviously picked up where I left off as far as her bar tab was concerned, and was glaring at me. No, not at me I realized as she began to stalk across the room, at what was perched on my lap. What the fuck? She's the one that walked away from me to go chat up another guy! Without even being polite enough to say so! But now that someone else has my attention, of course she wants it back. So fucking childish, and… entitled! Ugh. I buried my face in Bella's hair ostrich style, hoping the trouble would just go away.

"Emmett." Damn, no such luck.

I was pretty surprised she even remembered my name. She had spent most of our 20 minutes of history enthusiastically talking about herself. A favorite subject for her I gathered.

I finally bit the bullet and chanced a glance up and saw a very pissed off Rose glaring at me and my lovely little lap warmer. Wow, if she crossed her arms any tighter she might burst an implant, she should probably stop that. My lap full of soft and warm squirmed uncomfortably at the situation, possibly trying to get free, but I was having none of that.

I watched Rose carefully shift her expression to something that looked like it was trying to be a playful pout. "Emmy, I was looking all over for you!" Ick, little baby voice. Long red nails trailed up my arm, and I think Bella could feel my shudder. "Come play with me! We can pick up where we left off…" I watched her eye Bella to see if her goad hit a nerve. When it obviously didn't, some more of the façade slipped away. "Before we were so rudely interrupted." Which she punctuated by digging those vulture talons in. Fuckin A'! Those things should have been confiscated by security at the door, nobody else gets to bring in weapons!

Full pink lips cozied up to my ear and I shivered as Bella stage whispered "Is that your date?" loud enough that Rose clearly heard her, and increased her glare proportionately. I realized that between the bold question and all the giggles, my girl was a little tipsy. I suppressed my smirk. Barely.

I looked Rose in the eye as I leaned into Bella and stage whispered back. "Nope." Popping the P. "She's nobody important."

I couldn't hold back my chuckle when Rose's nostrils flared, and Bella laughed too, before she took a breath and visibly composed herself. Possibly more than just tipsy.

She turned in my arms, holding her head up and with the tiniest of smirks and the barest hint of a raised eyebrow, looked Rose straight in the face. "I'm sorry, but Emmett's a little busy right now. Can I take a message for you?"

Me-ow, that was hot! Like she was my personal naughty secretary. Rose finally took the hint and snarled out a "Whatever." before stomping off and looking for fresh meat elsewhere. Wow, why did I waste 20 minutes of my life with her? Oh well, at least they're over and in the process of being forgotten.

"Was that... ok?" She looked so unsure now.

"Perfect!"

"Oh good!"

I needed something to distract me from staring at her. Or at least put it in a socially acceptable context. "Would you like to dance?"

"No."

"Oh." I couldn't help but feel disappointed; maybe she'd had enough of being stared at. Maybe she was plotting her exit as we speak.

"I'm a terrible dancer. I can barely walk for Christ sake! As you've seen first hand. Besides, I'm quite happy right where I am." And with that she blushed again and buried her face in my neck.

I had to work harder than I should have to crush the very girly squeal of glee that was trying to fight its way free of my mouth. She didn't want to leave! She didn't even want to get out of my lap and claim a chair of her own! She was happy here. Win!

I felt a tentative little hand slip around my side, and another came up by her face and toyed nervously with one of the buttons on my shirt. "Emmett?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I like you." I almost didn't hear her because it was such a timid little whisper. How cute is that? Like we're kids on the playground. I wonder how drunk she really is...

"I like you too Bella." I kissed the top of her head, burying my face in her soft brown curls, all smelling of flowers and yum and girl.

Wow. Not that 'like' was a major declaration or anything, but how long had I known this girl? I was so lost in her it felt like hours, but really it was probably only a few minutes. Fuck it, I didn't want to stop touching her and she flat out told me she didn't want me to stop, so quit worrying about it asshole!

"Mmm, Emmett you smell sooo good..." and with that muffled declaration I felt her mouth on my neck, nuzzling and kissing, and then- oh dear lord, was that her tongue? I shivered at the sensation and pulled her closer, the hand on her thigh creeping higher. Then she bit me. Fuck! Right between my neck and shoulder. Her hot little tongue soothing away the hurt. But what a good hurt. I needed her mouth. Now.

I shifted her to face me and captured her lips in a searing kiss. The hand on her back slid up into those soft shiny curls, and the one on her thigh went straight for her ass as soon as our lips touched. I wasn't sure I even had control of them anymore, all my attention on the kiss, but fuck I liked what they were doing. Her ass was amazing, all soft and round and so nice and full. God, I wanted to see it. I wanted to see it all, just take a step back and eyeball the whole picture. We'd been so close I realized I hadn't ever gotten a good look, and boy did I want one. A long one.

Her lips parted and her hot little tongue swept across the edge of my lip, and then it was all open mouths, and tongues, and ungh. Fuckhot. Then some asshole slammed into the back of my chair, and suddenly the world was back. Loud music, pulsing lights, and oh yeah, people all around us.

Forget that!

"Wanna go to my place?"

Oh shit. Verbal filter gone. Like she's ever going to agree to-

"Ok."

Woah.!

Fucking awesome! I had to stomp the shit out of the giddiness trying to escape in the form of some kind of victory dance, or fist pump, or possibly just turning to the nearest person with a Y chromosome for a high five. She said yes! Wow. I settled for a shit eating grin, which she shyly returned. Score!